Deception (22 page)

“Thank you,” I whisper. “And sorry,” I add, referring to his swollen jaw.

“You’re not the one who punched me Roxi, don’t apologize for his actions. He’s his own person and you’re not responsible for what he does,” he quietly stresses, before narrowing his eyes and adding, “any of it.” I’m well aware he’s talking about so much more than just this morning.

After the ordeal Ricky just went through, it’s not long before exhaustion creeps in and he falls asleep on my lap. I put him into bed and come back out to find out from Luke what happened with the police. He’s putting the peas back in the freezer as I enter the kitchen and I go up on tip toes, gently kissing beside the bruise on his face. “Thank you.”

He brushes off my praise, “Anyone would have done the same, Roxi.”

Shaking my head, I tell him, “Most people would’ve looked the other way.” I can’t quite look at him as I say, “I feel like white trash getting into domestic disputes on the street. I’m the one everyone wants to ignore, because I make the neighbourhood look bad by airing my dirty laundry.”

He places his hands on either side of my face and tilts my head to look at him. “Whatever you’re thinking, Roxi, stop it. Don’t ever think of yourself like that. He’s the trash here, not you. Don’t ever let anyone make you feel less about yourself. You’ve overcome so much. You’re nothing less than incredible.”

The praise sends unexpected warmth through me. It’s not something I’m used to. It gives me the urge to wrap my arms around him and kiss him, to show him everything I feel, but can’t think of the right words to say. However, I’m not sure if we’re at a stage where I can do that. I have no idea what last night meant to him, or even exactly how much it meant to me. All I know is that whatever it means, it feels amazing and I want more.

While I battle with the impulse to kiss him, he starts to inform me of what happened outside and the moment is lost. He tells me that because it was his friend Harry who was on duty, he was able to convince him to let Ricky and me go into the station tomorrow, once we’ve settled down, to write a statement. We have to call in the morning with a time so that they can organize a child psychologist to be present for Ricky. I’m glad all the drama can wait another day, I just want to close my eyes a while and forget.

“I can’t thank you enough Luke, I’m really not up to it today. I’m actually going to go have a nap with Ricky, if you don’t mind?”

He steps closer to me and runs his hand over my face, lingering near my forehead. I close my eyes and sigh at the comfort he brings me. “Wait. Let me clean up your cut first.”

My cut?
I place my fingers on my head, moving them gently across my forehead, and gasp at the stinging sensation it causes. He lifts me up at the waist and places me up on the counter, then goes about tenderly cleaning me up. Even though it hurts, I don’t mind, because I want his hands on me, need his hands on me, they make me feel safe.

*****

O
ver the next few days, things slowly get back to normal. We go to the station and write our statements and an officer takes photos of our injuries. I’m informed that Joseph has a trial date set for one month’s time, and was denied bail, to which I breathe a huge sigh of relief. It’ll be good to be able to go outside the house, without being paranoid.

I have a meeting with Ricky’s teacher and let her know what’s been going on. She’s actually really great. Extremely sympathetic and makes me feel at ease. I had no need to worry about her thinking any less of Ricky or me, in fact, it’s quite the opposite. She has nothing but encouragement and offers of help to give us. She even gives us a spare uniform.

I agree it would be best to get Ricky started back up at school the next day, that the normalcy will help him. Sue, the school psychologist, will see him twice a week to monitor how he’s progressing. Neither Sue, nor his teacher, Gail, are concerned he’ll have any issues though. They’d both previously noticed that he’s a little behind in his school work and slightly anxious at times, but now that his father is out of his life, with a little love and support, he’ll have no trouble catching up and becoming less agitated.

I’m looking forward to getting back into a routine. To running again, to being free, truly free. To getting a part time job, something for me, so I won’t just be Roxi, the stay-at-home-mum, I’ll have a purpose. Mind you, it might only be waitressing at a local café until I find a career, but I’ll have the opportunity to study, to be whatever I want to be. I have no idea what that is yet, but nothing will hold me back from finding out. Most importantly of all, I can be Roxi, the socializing mum, the mum that takes her kid on play dates and all the other fun things a child should get to participate in.

For the first time in a long while, things are looking up.

*****

W
hen I drop Ricky at school on Tuesday morning, all the kids are excited to see him back. It makes my heart swell that the school I’d chosen for him is such a small, accepting community. Ricky isn’t at all distressed, like I feared he might’ve been, merely happy to act like a child with his friends, to worry about nothing more than if they should build a race track with the wooden blocks, or a tower. I kiss him on the check before leaving and ask the teacher to give me a call if he becomes upset through the day.

I walk in the door and Luke grins up at me from the couch. “So, you wanna go for a run?”

This is just what I need, easy, uncomplicated, completely the opposite at what the past week or so has thrown at me. “You bet,” I smile back at him. “Only, I’m going to go fast, I’m not sure if you’ll be able to keep up with me,” I say in jest, remembering back to the first time we met.

He rises to his feet and challenges, “I’ll be prepared this time, bring it on.”

I take in the way his muscles ripple as he moves and revaluate; maybe I’ll let him win this time, so I can appreciate the view from behind.
Nah
, I want the rush, the wind in my face and to feel like I’m flying, like nothing can catch me - not my worries of what the future will bring, not my past hurts; nothing.
Although...
I’d let Luke catch me if he wanted to. Happy endorphins are humming through me at the mere thought, exhilaration building before we even start to run.

I’m still in the skirt and top I wore to drop Ricky off and need to get changed before we get going. “I won’t be a minute, just let me get ready,” I say, as I walk towards my room. Pulling up the teeny tiny running shorts I bought, just to stick it to Joseph now that I can, I twirl in front of the mirror in satisfaction, giving my ass that’s half hanging out – not really, but that’s what Joseph used to say – a shimmy and a shake.

A low groan sounds from the doorway and I flush. “What are you doing in here? I’m getting changed.”

“Sorry I was on my way to the bath room. The door was open and I couldn’t help but notice you shaking your sexy ass around. Don’t be embarrassed, I’ve seen a lot more than that, remember?” he winks.

My gaze drops to his mouth and heat flashes through my body, jolts straight to my core as I recall exactly what he’s seen.

“Okay, if you don’t stop looking at me like that, we aren’t leaving this room, and it’d be a damn shame not to see you running in those shorts. So I’m gonna go to the bathroom and I’ll meet you in the lounge room in a minute.”

I shake my head, already a little breathless before I step foot outside the door. I quickly put on a more suitable shirt and then swap my flip flops for joggers, before going out to wait on the couch.

Luke enters only a minute later. “Let’s go.” He motions for me to go ahead of him and I feel his eyes on my shorts, or more accurately, my ass. He doesn’t make me feel cheap like Joseph did though, doesn’t slap or grope me as though it’s his right. I sense the way he admires me, the way I turn him on, and he still doesn’t do anything about it without me giving him the go ahead. He makes me feel desirable and confident.

We fall into a comfortable rhythm and everything else disappears, it’s just us, the sounds of our feet hitting the pavement, our steady breaths, the sunshine warming me – I feel it, smell it, allow it to radiate through me and lift my spirits. I concentrate on the here and now, on one step at a time. Running is like a parallel to everything life should be. It clears the mind and brings perspective.

It ends all too soon and we slow down as we approach the house. Endorphins make me feel as though I’m floating, lighter, they buzz through me, a blissful energy filling me. I follow Luke out back to where his boxing gym is set up and stretch out, enjoying the slow burn through my muscles as I extend them.

Calloused hands wrap around my ankles, helping to push my leg back towards me. Luke gazes down at me, eyes unblinking and filled with desire, causing my heart to accelerate; I feel my pulse through my whole body.

His fingers glide down the sweat that covers my legs and as he presses into my tightly wound muscles I groan in pleasure. When he moves lower, my back arches up off the ground, wanting more, needing more. My leg drops around his waist as he massages my inner thigh, all the while our eyes locked, my breath coming out in short pants, just feeling, craving more.

His thumb slides under my shorts and grazes over my panties, making me whimper. He swallows my needy sounds, by pressing his lips to mine. My eyes roll to the back of my head and my lids flutter closed. I match his tongue stroke for stroke, hungry for his touch, anywhere, everywhere.

Painstakingly slow, he moves my panties to the side and the rough skin of his thumb rubs over my sensitive nub, I bite down on his bottom lip moaning, arcing upwards, trying to take him further inside me. Holding me on the edge, teasing me, he moves in gradual circles over my now throbbing core. I tip my head back and move against his hand, just when I’m about to shatter, he pulls away and I cry out in frustration.

He leans over me and breathes into my mouth, “I want you,” causing me to shiver in anticipation.

My pulse jackhammers and my hands shake with the need to reach under his shirt and splay them over his skin. I lift up the hem and he pulls it off, allowing me to trace his well-defined abs, licking my lips while thinking about running my tongue over the delicious lines. Pulling him back down, I kiss and suck the side of his neck, loving the salty taste of his skin, his musky scent. “I want you, too,” I whisper into his ear.

He pulls my shirt off, sweaty body against sweaty body, slipping, sliding, and friction sending me into a frenzy of desire. The cold hard ground against my back counteracts the heat pressed to my front, driving me wild. I feel his hard length underneath his shorts, as he grinds against me and I want to feel more, I reach for his waistband, pushing it down, and watching his cock spring free.

Momentarily, I look up at him, at the way his arm muscles bulge as he holds himself above me, at the way he holds his breath and studies me to see what I’ll do next. I wrap my hand around him, smiling sweetly, relishing in the affect I have on him. I feel safe with him, in control, sexy, the thrill of it rushes to my head, and I want more.

Dipping down low, he lightly runs one of his fingers over my lips and growls, “I wanna see your pretty little mouth wrapped around my dick.” I suck on his finger, enjoying the way his pupils dilate and his eyes grow wide. 

My hand grips him tightly and he thrusts, all soft skin contrasting with the hardness it covers. I feel achy, the need for more contact consuming me. Fumbling, I attempt to pull down my pants one-handed and only manage to get them tangled around my knees, but that’s far enough. Delightful torture sends tingles everywhere as I rub the head of his erection over my folds.

Luke grunts above me, sweat dripping from his face with the effort not to push inside. “You’re testing my limits here, sweetheart.”

“Give in already,” I beg as he sinks in a little further.

“Can’t, no condom” he gasps.

I start moving against the tip of him, longing for him to plunge inside.

A pained expression passes over his face. “Roxi, please don’t tempt me,” he pleads, “It kills me how much I want this, but I don’t want you to regret it. I’m weak and couldn’t resist a taste of you, but I don’t want to be the bastard who takes advantage of you and goes all the way when you’re still vulnerable.”

I lay still beneath him.
Doesn’t he see how much I want this, how he’s turning me inside out here?
“I thought you said you wanted me?” My voice is whiny, deflated. I thought I was in control, getting what I need from a man at the same time as pleasuring him, not just being used.

“And I do, so fucking bad, but you’re not just another fuck to me, Roxi. You’ve gotten under my skin and into my head. If we have sex, I want to make you mine, and I don’t know if you’re ready for that. Hell, I don’t know if I’m ready for that.”

Silence washes over us, as we both take in the depths of his words. The only sound is our heavy breathing. His eyes are huge and I watch as he swallows the lump in his throat. I have a feeling he’s just as shocked by what he’s said as I am.

I contemplate the weight of his words, “I’m not sure what I want, all I know is how incredible it feels to be driven by so much lust, I can’t think straight.”

Luke chuckles, “I know what that feels like, only
lust
is a fucking understatement.”

His dick pulses in my hand and that, along with his words, fuel that feeling of power inside me again. “You still wanna see my mouth wrapped around you?” I squeeze him gently and give him a wink. His stare is intense, pleading – for me to stop, for me to keep going. I slide down the length of his body, while gently stroking, and he hisses out a breath.

“Oh God, yes,” he shouts.

Tentatively, I lick my tongue along the tip, savouring the bead of pre-come that leaks out. I swirl around the head; loving the silkiness of his skin, then inch by delicious inch, suck him deeper inside. I moan around him and he cries out, “Oh fuck, just like that.”

The ache inside grows and I reach down, rubbing my fingers over my clit as he fucks my mouth. I’ve never had the urge to pleasure myself before, never felt very sexual the past few years, but he makes me so hot and bothered I need something, I need more. I thrust my fingers in and out, trembling.