Desire: Love and Passion (15 page)

“Okay, so you took your old friend to dinner. Good for you.”

“I also gave her a house.”

“A house?”

“Well, her mother’s house. When it came on the market
a few years ago, I purchased it.  I promised Mrs. Wagman that if I still had it in my possession and Stacey ever needed
it
, I would give it to her
.”

“Oh.”

“There you go again.”

She shrugged.

“She’s divorced and has custody of her three kids. Apparently she and her husband were causalities of some Ponzi scheme and their marriage didn’t hold up under the strain.
I’
m not using the property
so
I
sold
it to her for one pound.”

“That was very generous,” Willow said.

“
Are you mad
?”

“We
’
re not in the type of relationship that would make me mad that you didn
’
t discuss this beforehand.”

“Oh,” he said.

“Come on, don’t do that.”

“Okay, so if you gave your ex, what’s his name David, a house your expectation is that I wouldn
’
t be concerned?”

“That
would never happen,” she said.
“Me, giving David a glass of water, much less a house.”

“So you think it was wrong, what I did?”

“James, you obviously have some unresolved issues with your ex. I don’t. David and I hashed it out and that was the end. You call her on her birthday, you exchange Christmas cards and you obviously care enough to make some promise to her mother. You have unresolved issues.”

“Will, I want that type of relationship where you get mad because I didn’t tell you ahead
of time
.”

“Do you have any clue how many guys would kill to have the type of relationship you have with me?”

“Do you know how many women would kill to have the type of relationship I am asking for with you? I know you care about me and I know that somewhere in the back of your mind, you want what I’m asking for.”

“You think so, yes?”

“I know that. I know you
’
re a very smart woman and we both know that no contraceptive is foolproof. So every time we do this, there is a chance that you can get pregnant, but you don’t seem to care.”

“Are we having a fight because I don’t care that you are gifting your ex?” Willow asked.

He didn’t answer right away. He told her about his gift to Stacey because he didn’t want to have a fight. He should be happy Cassandra was wrong about Willow’s probable reaction.
Yet, somewhere deep inside, he wanted that fight. 

She moved to get up and he held her still.

“Just tell me how you really feel,” he said.

“About what?”
s
he asked.

“Us.”

“There you have it,” she said. “The chemistry is starting to fizzle.”

He let her go. She got up off the
bed and went to the bathroom.
He heard the shower.

Willow welcome
d the hot water over her body.
She was mad at him indeed, but not about Stacey. He was making her feel ashamed of being with him. She’d already been shamed by David and had fought tooth and nail to overcome that. She liked the new woman she had become
;
strong, independent
,
and sexy. 

Her mind kept going back to the day of the accident. When she had looked up in
to
that worried, handsome
,
and familiar face and all she could think about was being in his arms.
She dismissed her reaction.
It was adrenalin, endorphins, whatever biological term that existed for such a situation. The fact was, almost instantly she’s felt a rag
ing sexual desire for a man she ha
d once described as hawkish in his political and business life.

A torr
ent
of
torrid
sexual scenes had raced through her mind
. She was resistant when he voiced his interest in her
only because his
private life was summed up by a string o
f
indiscreet encounters
.
Most of those encounters ended up
on the front page of the tabloid
s
. But
,
there was still that nagging familiarity about him that seemed to pull her in and she liked it. She liked that she could get him excited at the drop of a hat. She liked that he responded to the new Willow with such feverish desire.

She finished up her shower and towel dried herself before going back to the bedroom naked. He was in
bed but had dressed
in tee shirt and boxers. She reached for the bag she had hurried packed.

James watched her get dressed in new underwear. He got off the bed only when she removed short and a button down shirt. He walked over to her.

“I thought you were staying the night,” he said.

“I think I’ll be more comfortable in my own bed.”

“Don’t go, please.”

“Why can’t you just want me for who I am now, today?”

“Because I
’
m selfish,” he said. “Whenever I think about you with someone else, now or in the future I g
o
into this blind rage
.
I want to know what I can do to prevent that from ever happening.”

“You can stop trying to figure us out,” she said. “I should tell you about my parents.”

“Okay.”

“They got married two weeks after they met,” she said. “Two weeks from
‘
hello
’
to
‘
I do
’
. They didn’t try to figure everything out. They felt they were destined to be together and they took a chance. We are not them, we are not other people. You have your demons and I have mine. We don’t talk about them, we don’t open up about the real parts of our lives to each other because either it
’
s too painful or we are afraid our views will change about each other. Do you know how difficult it is never to run my hands on your back in the heat of the moment? What we have is this wonderful chemistry between us that resembles normal. Don’t try to spoil it
to make it something it’s not
.”

“You
’
re right.”

“So no more trying to see if I
’
m jealous about the ex,” Willow said. “I trust you when you say you are only friends. And yes, I don’t really care if I get pregnant with your child. We’ll deal with that if it happens.”

“I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable,” he said. “Please stay.”

He hugged her. She hugged him back, wrapping her arms around his neck.

Chapter 10

James was right about one thing, the news would twist his date and his gift to Stacey.  Willow was still asleep when he woke up and went do
wnstairs for a drink. Larry,
Henry
,
and Daphne, Henry’s wife,
were already in the kitchen.
Both men were laughing and talking but they fell silent as he entered.

“Good morning,” James said.

“You might change your mind when you see the papers,” Larry said.

James sat on one of the barstools in front of the island in the kitchen. Henry, the real chef of the house, was behind the island making some elaborate breakfast. Larry was having coffee and reading the papers from another barstool.

James took a quick glance at the paper before handing it back to Larry.

“It could be worse,” James said as he took a cup of coffee from Henry.

“Worse?” Larry balked. “Come on, you know I am no fan of Miss Barnes, but the reporter makes it sound as if you are ready to exchange nuptials with Stacey. What do you think she’s going to say when she sees this?”

“She said it was none of her business, basically,” James replied.

“What are we talking about?”
Cassandra asked
as she entered the main house from the common room. Giles was close behind her.

“This,” Larry shoved the paper at h
is sister
.

“I said it wa
s a bad idea,” Cassandra said after a quick read

“Willow knows about it,” James said.

Cassandra climbed onto one of the stools. Giles did as well. Henry served up coffee to everyone.

“How could she know?” Cassandra asked
, “T
he paper just came out today.

“I told her everything last night. Now can we stop talking about this?”

“If you say so,” Larry said. 

“Since you hate her so much Larry, why do you even care?”

“Because I’ve lived and worked with you for six years and this past month is the happiest I have ever seen you. So I concede. She has some good quali
ties.
Though encouraging and actively participating in a plot to dodge your security in Ireland was not wise.”

“I can’t wait for the two of you to get married,” Cassandra said. “A free pass to fashion shows for the rest of my life.”

James liste
ned for a moment
to
his friends. But they were more than employees and friends. They were
his family
.
He wanted her to be a part of that circle. He didn’t want her separate, on the outside. He could not see his life with them and then a life with her, he wanted it all together. This loose fit o
f
people he had personally hired had transcended being just employees and though he often said he was the boss, he very much liked their input in his life and he
certainly
enjoyed their company.

He knew the only way he would ever win her heart was to let her in. He knew he had to share secrets that were best left in the dark. When she told him in the morning they were not like other people, they had their demons to guard she had basically told him without letting go, there was no future for them. But how could he bring the monsters to her? How could he let them in? He had spent years locking them away tightly, pretending they did not exist.  

After breakfast, he went back upstairs to the bedroom. She was still sleeping. She was on her belly, the sheets drawn up to her neck.

He took a quick shower, dried himself then decided to wake her up.

James climbed over her still sleeping figure. He pressed up against her and kissed her neck. She stirred.

“What time is it?”
s
he asked in a sleepy voice.

“Almost nine
.
”

“It’s early.”

“Not when everyone
else
has already had breakfast.”

He moved enough for her to turn around and lay on her back. She was looking up at his naked figure.

“I was thinking about what you said this morning,” he began. “I want to show you something. If you want to leave after
,
it’s
okay.”

Willow was barely awake, but she could see the hurt and strain in his eyes.

“What is it?”
s
he asked.

He moved away from her and lay on his belly so she could see his back. He heard the gasp before her fingers gently moved over the deep lacerations that had long healed but left brutal scar
s
that modern medicine had yet to conquer.

He he
ard
movements from her side of the bed and closed his eyes. She had called him a hero, now she knew the truth, no hero would allow himself to be so tortured. He was a monster. He held his breath fighting the urge to cry, fighting the urge to beg her to stay. Then he felt it, soft kisses, gentle caresses and that was it, she had him forever.

She prompted him and he turned to look at her.

“You don’t have to be ashamed with me,” she said in a soft voice. “You are a war hero, I expect scars.”

“I am not hero,” he said.

“You a
re my hero,” she replied.

She dipped her head and kissed him sweetly on the mouth. He kissed her back.

“If you ever want to tal
k about those years,” she said,
“I’ll listen.”

“I don’t understand you,” he said. “How can you be this way with me and want so little of me?”

“Still on that bloody house?”
s
he asked, but there was no anger in her voice.