Devil's Despair Box Set: Books 1-3 (32 page)

“It would’ve been exactly what you thought. I would’ve killed them for even threatening you. No one is invincible, Rae; not them, not us, no one. You should’ve told me. You always have to tell me.”

When I shake my head intending denial, he feels it as he kisses my neck and jaw gently. He expresses his admission quietly. “I was afraid you wouldn’t make it back and that you were gone.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t think this would happen, but you were so angry at me and I was afraid. I needed an escape.”

“No, Raegan. No more escapes. You never need an escape again and most certainly never from me.”

I don’t respond. Hearing him say that, so sure and definite, makes me feel safe and loved. Pulling up from my neck again, he adjusts his arms beside my head and bends down to kiss my forehead. I feel the moisture from his tear hit and slide down into my hair.

“I thought you were gone,” he repeats softly.

“I came back.” After giving him a few minutes to realize I’m going to be fine, I change the subject. “You called Hem?”

“I needed help, and I didn’t know what I was walking into.”

“You saw Sadey.” My voice breaks with disappointment and fear, forming the obvious as a statement, not a question.

“I did.”

“And you still…”

“No. It’s not what you think. That’s over.”

“Are you sure?”

“Rae, I love you. I’m
in love
with you.”

“Oh.”

“Oh,” he repeats before kissing my forehead, cheek, and then neck.

We lay here a few minutes together and alone, each thinking of what the near tragedy could have caused us, both thankful it didn’t. Ace jerks his chest up as he hears the door to the room open, and my soul smiles as I watch my dad walk in with Decklan following closely behind him.

“Raegan, you’re awake. Mace called me as soon as you opened your eyes.” My dad smiles with relief. My eyes find Deck’s behind him as he enters the room and walks toward me.

Decklan looks different, almost a little lost. “Hi, Deck.” The weak sound of my voice gives him more reason for concern.

He waves but continues to cling to my dad as my dad explains a voided absence. “Mom’s not coming.”

I nod, my eyes filling with more tears. I’ve unintentionally given her another reason to doubt my worth as a daughter, a mother, and a human being.

Ace stands from the bed but doesn’t let go of my hand as he grabs a chair and pulls it near me. “Come here, Decklan.”

Decklan doesn’t move. He’s not familiar with Ace in a casual sense, but Ace’s authoritative tone coupled with my dad’s push to his back sends him cautiously walking toward the side of the bed where Ace sits.

“I’m not going to hurt you. Come sit with me so you can see her.”

Decklan moves with gradual speed as he makes his way into Ace’s lap. Ace releases my hand and gives it to Decklan. His five-year-old stare recognizes something as he looks at me.

Ace prods when the silence creates tension. “Tell her, buddy.”

I’m confused. I know I’m tired, but I’m confused as to what I’ve missed. Decklan’s little voice breaks through my confusion. “You’re my mom.”

Not at all ready for the emotional meltdown, I wrap my hands to my mouth and shake my head as more tears fall, hitting my fingers on their way out. Closing my eyes, I gather my thoughts and regroup. Reaching for his hand that sits on the bed near my leg, I squeeze it gently. “I am your mom. Who told you that?”

Oddly, his answer makes me laugh. “Shame did.”

Leave it to Shame Carrick to break the truth.

I smile, Dad laughs, and Ace just continues to look between Decklan and me.

“Come on, Deck. Let her rest.” Looking to me, my father finishes his plan. “We’re going to grab some lunch and give you two time to catch up.” Dad stops before turning toward the door. “I’m glad you’re all right, Raegan.”

“Thanks, Dad.”

As they close the door behind them, I’m given a fraction of a second to prepare for Ace, who once again starts climbing on the bed, shielding me from the outside world. This time it’s without tears and sadness, but with appreciation and thanks.

“I love you, Rae. I didn’t want to be here without you. It would’ve been too hard to let go.”

“Now, you don’t have to.”

He repeats my words quietly, assuring himself it’s true. “Now I don’t have to.”

CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

Raegan

AFTER BEING HERE most of the day, Ace left about an hour ago and I’ve been alone since. The staff nurses and my doctor tell me I’m going to be fine. I feel better and even under the fluorescent lights in the bathroom, I don’t look as hideous as I was afraid I would.

Ace, though, looks tired and worn from all that’s happened. He’s already asking the medical staff when I’ll be well enough to travel back to California. The doctor is requiring me to talk to a therapist so they can determine if my overdose was stemmed from an intention to commit suicide. It wasn’t. I wanted to feel numb, to escape as I frequently had in the past.

If all goes well and the hospital staff agrees, I’ll be out of here within a few days.

My head turns to meet Shame, whose broad body takes up the door’s frame. “Knock, knock?”

“Hi,” I say weakly from the bed, a few feet away.

When he walks in, I notice Hem at his heels. Shame comes to the bed and stands at the foot of it, grabbing my ankle and squeezing gently. “How are you, sweetheart?”

I don’t hesitate to tell him what I already know won’t be necessary for him to hear, but I want to offer it anyway. “I’m doing all right. I’m glad you’re here. I owe you an apology.”

“For what?”

“I acted like a spoiled child when you came to see me at the club. I only used the powder because I know you hate it.” Lowering my head in disgrace, I finish the thought with humiliation. “I thought it would get you to leave.”

Raising his eyebrows, a slow and typical-of-Shame seductive smile crosses his face. “Takes more than a little powder to get me gone, Cherry.”

Hem interrupts my apology, leaving the rest of the sentiment unsaid. “You feelin’ better? You look good.”

Moving my head toward him as he sits in the chair beside me, I hear Shame pull up his own and watch as he places it next to Hem’s.

“Considering what happened, I feel really good. Where are the girls?”

Shame groans quietly as Hem describes their absence. “Kegs insisted they go out and get a fuck-load of souvenirs to take back to Ohio. She’s insistent that Honor’s room needs an Elvis bobble head doll or some shit. I don’t fuckin’ know, and I tried not to ask too many questions when Sadey took my credit card with enthusiasm.”

“Hem, you’re gonna need an extra suitcase when they’re done.”

Shame’s groan of annoyance is now replaced with his words of complete frustration. “Don’t fuckin’ tell me that, Cherry. Mace brought so much shit with her we had to pay for extra weight on the way here.”

“When do you leave?”

Hem’s face gets serious, my simple question causing him to think about his answer. “We’re headed out tomorrow. That’s what we wanted to stop by and talk to you about.” Taking a breath, he asks quickly, “Do you want to come back with us? We can pack Decklan and maybe even your dad and you can all go to Ohio together.” He stops, glances to Shame beside him, then turns back to look at me. “Your mother stays put, though. I don’t like her.”

Allowing a small giggle to escape, I answer while thumbing the sheet at my waist. “No, Hem. Thank you, though. I like it in California and Ace told me he’s taking me home with him.”

“What about Decklan?”

Thankfully, that issue has been resolved. “Dad and I talked today when he stopped in earlier. After everything that’s happened, my dad realizes that my home is wherever Ace is. He’s talking about going with us, too.”

“Do you have help out there, other than Ace, I mean?”

“Yes, both Bean and Sarah are excited to meet Decklan, as well. Ace talked to them briefly after you guys left earlier.”

Hem sits still in front of me and he must be remembering Sarah. The two had gotten close while he was staying with Ace last year. “Squirt,” he says as he sits quietly recalling. “Good girl. Teenage trouble was always brewing behind those eyes, but she’s a good kid. Tell her I said hello, will you?”

“I will.”

“Bean’s quite the little character herself. That woman makes a mean meatloaf with buttered potatoes. If I wouldn’t have been so fuckin’ homesick at the time, I would’ve probably gained a hundred pounds livin’ there. You’ll be well cared for. Give her my best, too, will ya?”

I nod then looking at each of them, I ask, “When will Ace be back?”

Shame stands, now walking to the other side of my bed. I’m bracing for whatever is about to come. Grabbing my hand in his, he takes a quick look to Hem and once Hem nods in agreement, he tells me what he knows. “Got a text from Hood. Ace left to go visit with Marcus and Vinnie. Shit-face was told to wait for us, but he didn’t.”

My heart rate spikes as fear paralyzes my thoughts. The machine next to us tells them both how anxious I’m feeling.

Hem stands and gets closer to me, grabbing my other hand. “No, Cherry. He’s not alone. Hood, you remember him?”

I nod.

“Hood’s here. This is where he’s been since he left Ohio about the time you all did. He’s helping Ace with this. Nothing will happen to either of them. From what I hear, Marcus and Vinnie are expecting Ace’s visit and they aren’t too ecstatic about it.”

Looking down into my lap, I close my eyes and send a silent prayer that Hem and Shame have things under control.

Thankfully, pulling me from thought, Hem announces their departure. “We’re gonna head out. We’ll stop by this evening so the girls can all say goodbye. Get some rest.”

Shame and Hem each kiss my cheek, one at a time, then turn around to leave. Before Shame closes the hospital room door, he turns to offer his final thought.

“That kid of yours, Cherry? He may be young but he’s observant, smart, and strong. I don’t have to guess he gets every fuckin’ bit of that from you and not only because his father’s an idiot.”

“Thank you, Shame.”

“Anytime, sweetheart.”

Once the door closes, I realize that was my goodbye to them. The girls may come by later so I can see them off, but Shame and Hem are gone for good. My heart rests with this farewell.

CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE

Ace

“UH, SWEETHEART? YOU got a minute?” Shame’s voice behind me momentarily pulls me from my plan.

He and Hem are standing at my back as I step on and kick around a few of the broken teeth that have fallen to the floor. The last thirty minutes have been used as a therapy session for my rage against both Marcus and Vinnie. Hood had each of them strapped to a chair in this abandoned warehouse for some time, if the piss on the floor is any indication of their time spent waiting for my arrival.

“What the hell are you guys doin’ here?”

Hem laughs and walks near Vinnie as he slumps to his side, temporarily knocked-out. He reaches out and grabs his bloodied hair to straighten his head. He drops it without regard before turning back to me. “Well, we thought we’d come see how you were doing. Hood mentioned you didn’t wait for Shame and me, and by the looks of you…” Pointing to me up and down as the blood stains my shirt and jeans, he smiles. “I’m guessing you’ve already got this handled.”

“I do. You can go.”

Shame walks in and stands near me. Once he notices my body shaking as the declining adrenaline slows in my veins after seeing my friends, he says, “You’re leaving, not us.”

“What?”

“We’re gonna finish this, Ace. You’re not.”

“The fuck you are and the fuck I am.”

He steps closer, leaning his large frame into mine. “The fuck you most certainly are, little brother. You’ve done enough.”

“I haven’t really gotten started.”

Pointing to Marcus, who sits upright only half-alert with vomit dripping from his mouth, he continues. “What is your plan?”

“I’m going to kill them for what they did to her.”

“And then?”

“I’m going back to Raegan.”

“You gonna deliver their heads to her on a stick, too?”

Rolling my eyes at his sarcasm, I contemplate that being a good idea; he sees through it, though. “Ace, you need to get back to her. She’s waitin’ in that hospital room for you.”

I know I’m going to lose this, but not without putting up an argument. “Five minutes then.”

Shame puts his large hand in front of my face with three fingers displayed. Everything between him and me is a negotiation.

“Fine. Three minutes,” I reply, giving in.

“Do your worst. Hem, Hood, and I will hang around and watch.”

Hood, who was standing watch outside, makes his way in. “Are you ladies about done? We don’t have all fuckin’ evening.”

Hem and Shame answer Hood’s request in unison, but they direct the words while looking at me. “Got it.”

Hem’s eyebrows lift. “You’re on the clock, Ace.”

Walking back to Marcus and lowering myself to his line of sight, I hear him gasp for air. Taking out the hunting knife Hood had given me, I lift it high then drop it to his knee but don’t touch him. “Are you nervous?” I ask him, but get no answer.

Making my way to the seat next to him, I see Vinnie is coming around again. His left eye is swollen shut, and the right is soaked in blood that’s been dripping from the crown of his head. I had used a heavy chain across his face to lull him into a deep sleep while Marcus and I chatted earlier. “Vinnie? You up?”

The moment he mutters, “Yes,” I reach next to him and slam the knife into the thigh of his uncle. When Marcus curses from the pain, I retract the knife and do the same to Vinnie.

“Maybe…” removing the knife from Vinnie’s thigh “neither of you should talk. I wouldn’t want the other to suffer because of your own selfishness.” Turning to look at Marcus, watching as his face turns red from pain and anger, I finish my explanation. “Isn’t that what you said to us when we were trapped and beaten in the basement of your club?”

Marcus answers, apparently not caring about the pain he’s inflicting on his nephew. “We let you live.”

Another stab to Vinnie’s thigh. Luckily, he curses and I’m able to rightfully deliver another stab to Marcus in the same spot Vinnie just got.