Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission (66 page)

One interviewee described feeling consoled by rubber after an early problem with bed-wetting.

The actual physical objects that may become the center of fetishistic desire vary wildly. Dr. Money organizes fetishes into two types.

We add to these the tasties and the seeies, and even the hearies, as fetishists describe other senses besides smell and feel as key to their arousal. Some interviewees believe that fetishes engage all the senses.

Despite apparent similarities, each fetishist is unique. Within a single broad classification (for example, rubber fetishists) there is fantastic variety.

Virtually anything can be the object of fetishistic adulation. In an erotic context the fetish object is invested with all the dark mystery and allure usually attributed to a partner or a partner’s erogenous zones.

While fetishists may be thrilled by a particular object, some enjoy an entire outfit.

For dominants, wearing a complete fetish outfit is an opportunity to don the cloak of authority; for submissives, the outfit signifies power.

In this respect, fetishists resemble those who collect diverse wardrobes to reflect different moods and activities: business clothes, gym outfits, at-home clothes, evening gowns, sexy lingerie. But the fetishist’s purpose is expressly erotic.

Also, despite the depth of their passion, fetishists are rarely faithful to any single object: Most require variety. They typically assemble large collections of articles that meet their individual requirements. While boot fetishists may amass boots in varying styles, and leather fetishists may collect stores of clothing and implements, those who are attracted to a part of the body frequently display a similar sensual philandering. Even though he may remain sexually monogamous, to the foot fetishist, an unfamiliar foot is an intoxicatingly erotic enigma and a new land to conquer—at least in fantasy.

The most common fetish categories include feet, toes, legs, shoes, hose, and boots; lingerie and corsets; lace, leather, fur, silk, velvet, and satin; rubber and latex. A comprehensive list of fetishes is impossible, making the observations of sexologists, psychologists, and the authors of this book little more than collections of interesting anecdotes or basic introductions.

Given the irreproducible nature of fetishism, one can extrapolate from the career of a few fetishists only the careers of those fetishists. Fetishes are specific not only to individuals, but to cultures and historical eras. Fetishes for feet, furs, and shoes were investigated by 19th Century scholars but so were such now-obscure fetish objects as red cockades and collar stays, items now as obscure as some of the researchers themselves. Contemporary fetishes include zippers, plaster leg casts, and disposable diapers. Future generations will undoubtedly revere objects we have not yet invented, just as our ancestors’ fetishes were buried along with their private thoughts.

The fetishist loves the fetish. While the object may seem a strange enticement to nonfetishists, the acts of love are familiar to all. He may hug or fondle the object; he may press his lips to it or press it against his flesh. He may lick it, gaze upon it, sniff it, massage it, or listen to the sounds it makes. He may also—in the case of footwear or clothing—enjoy wearing it or having a partner wear it.

Depending on the person’s emotional demonstrativeness, the adoration may be extravagant or decorous.

Although most fetishists prefer partners, for some fetishism is a solitary pursuit. Explanations vary, but the most likely is that shame prevents the fetishist from revealing his interest (or use of the fetish in masturbation) to a partner: It is emotionally easier to indulge the fetish alone. Fetishists with the highest level of self-acceptance generally combine private pleasures and shared activity, much the way most people balance solitary masturbation and intercourse.

D&S frequently plays an intrinsic role in a fetish scenario. Since the fetish has the power to rule its admirer’s passions, the person who wears or wields the fetish takes on the object’s power.

Among couples it is common for both partners to wear fetish gear during erotic play or at D&S social activities. As has been stated abundantly in earlier chapters, D&Sers particularly seek to heighten their partners’ arousal. Thus the dominant or submissive whose partner has a fetish is almost certain to indulge that appetite; it is not uncommon for him or her to develop a sympathetic arousal.

Professional dominants usually dress in fetish wear in D&S settings: latex or leather garments, shiny catsuits, exotic footwear, and Victorian garments are particularly popular. Many require the submissive to worship their feet, clothing, or implements in tribute to the dominant’s authority.

Fetish play is incorporated into D&S in dozens of ways. Straight dominant men may restrict their partners’ movement with hobbling, spiked heels—exerting sensual control over the fetish. Lesbian submissives may pay homage to their partner’s boots by licking or polishing the leather, surrendering sensual control to the fetish. The fetish objects have a vibrant and vital identity.

In some cases power exchange is limited to the fetish only.

For others, fetish worship is merely one component of a complex D&S scenario. Some fetishists, however, are distinctly uninterested in any overt expression of D&S. For them, the fetish is a sensual enhancement on the order of candlelight and flowers. And some fetishists fantasize about D&S but feel so uncomfortable with their image of power relationships that they suppress the impulse.

Generally, the fetish is a sacred and glorious aphrodisiac. But while a vast majority of fetishists treat the fetish object with great respect and tenderness, some treat it roughly. Again individual psychology applies. Power usually inspires awe, but it can certainly incite rebellion or rough play. Ticklers, for example, may subject feet to an intense sensation not always pleasurable to the foot’s owner; some ticklers enjoy persisting until the partner loses bladder control, weeps, or begs for mercy.

The reasons people enjoy fetishes can best be compared to the reasons people like sex: The same rewards apply. Thus, any enumeration of pleasures will be incomplete. The fetishist experiences transcendent excitement and complete sensory pleasure; she may experience a nearly religious ecstasy or spiritual melding at the moment of contact with the object; the fetish is a source of aesthetic delight. It may also be a benevolent force which protects and consoles.

Feelings of comfort, security, joy, emotional completion, and love are as intrinsic to fetishism as to any other positive sexual act. But there is no need to overstate the case: For some, a fetish is simply a means of whetting one’s appetite or enhancing one’s orgasm. While some fetishists may nearly swoon with desire, others are decidedly playful and casual about the thing which delivers sensual fulfillment.

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