Disillusioned (9 page)

“Nice sweater,” Merritt quipped, expressively
glancing at her bare collarbone and mischievously winking at
her.

Tessa's skinned flushed. “I think I'll go
change,” she warned.

He grabbed her waist and held her, “Don't you
dare!” he laughed.

As Merritt began to drag her to the car, Mike
showed up to demand the key to the house.

“Oh, I forgot!” she apologized. “Let go,
Merritt,” she chastised, unsuccessfully trying to pry his fingers
off her waist and squinting at him with an exasperated expression.
When Tessa turned to Mike, he rolled his eyes and feigned
gagging.

Laughing, Merritt bent down to kiss her
cheek, then released her from his grasp.

“You don't have to be so possessive!” Tessa
complained to Merritt. “You'll have me to yourself an entire
month.”

For some odd reason, Tessa's intuition
flickered when she saw Merritt's reaction.

When she peered up into his
face, she recognized the expression of reckless determination, a
face that had grown more familiar to her than her own. Still,
Merritt only wore that face when he intended to enact some
life-altering change upon someone, and he had in the past reserved
the look for some crazy scheme at work or some major family move.
Certainly, he had never refrained from explaining his intentions to
Tessa, but he seemed completely unwilling to disclose anything to
her at the moment.

Tessa had spent the last
hour convincing herself that she should relegate all of her
irrational emotions to the graveyard, burying them and declaring
them dead. She had succeeded. What, then, had Merritt's eyes held
as he released her?
Nothing,
she insisted.
No,
nothing at all.
She would not let her
unfounded worries ruin the next two weeks. She would prepare
herself for a typical retreat with Merritt with all of its glories
and all of its pitfalls. As she knew, such a vacation would present
enough real pitfalls without her formulating pretend ones. If he
had intended something, he would have told her.

Turning quickly back to her brother, Tessa
pushed the thoughts out of her head. She remembered Mike's little
escapade of the day before. “How was coffee?” she pried. Of course,
this question made her think of another meeting at a coffeehouse,
probably happening at that moment across town.

“Well, it wasn't a complete bust.” Something
like a sheepish grin spread across his face.

“With you, that could mean she didn't slap
you!” Another vision from a hallway entered Tessa's mind
involuntarily.

“Really, we had fun,” Mike returned. “There's
something about that girl.” He gazed at some nebulous object over
Tessa's head.

“Anatomy doesn't count,” Tessa retorted,
trying to keep things light.

“No, I mean it. I like her a lot, Tess. How
serious is this boyfriend of hers?”

Tessa flitted around the kitchen, pulling out
the dog food and bowls for food and water, and retrieving a
watering can, then handing them to Mike. She pondered his question
a moment before answering.

“Well, I honestly don't know. She doesn't
talk about him much, which probably means it's not that serious.
Plus, they don't live together or anything, but I don't know if
that's a reflection of her commitment level or her morals.
Actually, Mike...” Tessa cut off, turning to face him, “I don't
think I want you hanging around her too much.”

The picture of Liset as she held a man's arm
pinned behind him intruded into Tessa's memory.

Mike literally guffawed, unconvinced. “Still
looking out for your baby brother?” His shoulders rolled with
silent chuckles. “Seriously, Tess, I'm not worried about getting my
heart broken.”

“More like your arm,” Tessa muttered under
her breath as she turned her back on him. “Look,” she said aloud,
“we don't know her at all. Just do me a favor and proceed with
caution.”

Still amused, Mike took the house key from
Tessa and saluted her. “Ma'am, yes, ma'am,” he replied. “I'll make
sure that I don't fall prey to all 5' 3” of her. By the way, Tess,
if she wants to have another date, could I cook for her here?”

“Do you seriously think she would go for
that?” Tessa asked incredulously, her concern increasing.

“You never know,” he smirked.

Tessa considered, unsure of how much she
could protest with making Mike or Merritt suspicious. Since she
figured the chances of Liset's going along with Mike were slim,
Tessa acquiesced to Mike's request. “Just don't do anything I
wouldn't do if I were single,”

“That pretty much rules out anything fun,
Miss Prude!” he teased.

Tessa stuck her tongue out at him. He sure
could bring out the three-year-old in her. “You just go ahead, but
don't say I didn't warn you.”

“I would never withhold credit from you for
one of your brilliant ideas, dear sister. And just to show my
gratitude, I'll fix your computer for you while I'm here.”

Grinning, Tessa spun in shock to gaze at her
brother. Though Tessa would have described her brother as kind in
general, he rarely offered his computer expertise for free. He
didn't mind answering the occasional question, but he didn't want
to act as anyone's technical support. Coincidentally, Tessa's
computer had run very slowly of late despite two firewalls and a
daily spyware/antivirus treatment. For such simple work, Mike had
always insisted that “it's below my pay grade.” Tessa reached over
and grabbed him around the neck, unloading a quick hug on him.

“You're awesome, Mike! Thanks!” Tessa gushed.
“I'll have the most competent tech-support on the planet.”

“No, prob,” he said, and shrugged. “It's the
least I could do.”

As soon as released him, Tessa made her way
to the door, ready to wave goodbye to her brother and join her
husband in the car. Merritt, though, had obviously grown impatient
waiting outside. The door swung open and Tessa turned quickly,
prepared to answer a reprimand. Instead of irritation, however,
Merritt's eyes sported that same strange expression they had worn
several times in the last two days, an ambiguous nervousness which
sent a chill down Tessa's spine.

What on earth could make
Merritt Wilson anxious?
Tessa wondered.
Merritt feared nothing, at least as far as she could tell. Maybe he
occasionally obsessed over little things, but none of his usual
concerns applied at the moment. No business calls to make, no kids
to organize, no friends to entertain. Nothing to explain Merritt's
anxiety.

Turning to wave at Mike, Tessa said a hurried
goodbye before letting Merritt lead her, or more like push her,
into the waiting limo. Although she hadn't noticed before, as
Merritt sat down next to her and the door closed, she felt his
breathing return. He had been holding his breath.

“Are you alright?” Tessa finally braved as
the limo rolled out of the circle drive.

A look of irritation flitted across Merritt's
eyes before he smoothed his expression.

“I'm fine, why do you ask?” His tone was
casual, but Tessa could feel the tension still clenching the
muscles in his arm where she leaned against him.

Though she would have loved to pry, her
natural reserve had always checked any desire to betray curiosity
with her husband. Since Merritt usually behaved in so forthright a
manner, Tessa didn't really know how to tread when he withheld
himself. “No reason,” she equivocated.

Merritt leaned over to kiss her hair, and
sighed. “I love you,” he volunteered somewhat spontaneously.

“Um,” Tessa stuttered, “I love you, too.” She
hadn't intended her tone to sound so much like a question, but her
consternation had escalated.

Her tone caused elicited a suspicious glance
from Merritt. “You just look stressed,” she explained, returning
his gaze.

“I'm sorry to worry you,” he said looking
away from Tessa. “It's nothing. A situation with work that I'm
anxious about.”

His explanation seemed plausible enough.
Rather than alleviate his stress by leaving his work, his concern
magnified with his time away. Tessa herself had similar qualms
about leaving the kids for so long.

Did it matter that he avoided her gaze as he
spoke? Did it matter that she still felt tension emitting from his
hand that clinched hers?

Still, Tessa determined to accept his
explanation, though not thoroughly convinced. Watching the Phoenix
skyline whir past, she tried hard not to think about Liset's
strange behavior yesterday or the tension in her husband's hand
today. The sun rose in the east, painting the low hanging clouds on
the horizon varying pastel hues which melted the purple shadows of
the desert sand into the shimmering gold of the early morning sun's
reflection.

Only when the blaring lights of the airport
outshone the gentle glow of the morning sun did the couple stir,
and, though she still held doubts, Tessa prayed that she could
spend the rest of her vacation in equal contentment. Something
inside her warned Tessa that, instead, her misgivings to this point
were only a shadow of things to come.

Stepping into the roomy
interior of the small streamlined jet, Tessa gasped. She had never
seen anything like it – movies didn't do it justice. Only a few
minutes before they turned into the small airstrip, Merritt had
revealed to Tessa that they would fly to their destination in a
private jet.
Just another question to add
to my growing list,
she shrugged.
He
had mollified her slightly by
explaining that the jet belonged to a friend, but she couldn't
escape the sense that he had bought the luxury at a high
price.

As Tessa and Merritt had exited the limo and
climbed into the waiting plane, Tessa noticed that Merritt began an
oddly anxious exercise. Eyes sweeping from side to side, he grasped
Tessa firmly around her shoulders making it difficult for her to
walk normally. When she looked at him questioningly, he only smiled
and kissed her forehead. Once the plane started taxiing, Tessa
thought she felt a sigh escape Merritt's lips.

Even with her mounting excitement over the
trip, Tessa couldn't help but feel some apprehension at Merritt's
obvious agitation. The foreignness of the entire experience
hindered Tessa's normally keen intuition. Otherwise, she would have
established several possible explanations for Merritt's strange
behavior. Instead, she could only offer excuses. When had they ever
left their children for this long? she asked herself. When had he
ever left his office this long, either? Surely they both had enough
to worry about without having Tessa make up new, indefinite
fears.

When the plane finally left
the runway, a general sense of ease seemed to envelope Merritt, and
Tessa decided to abandon her misgivings. Once they could safely
leave their seats, Tessa proceeded to acquaint herself with the
amenities of a private jet. The two flight attendants, she soon
discovered, shut themselves in a separate compartment unless
summoned by one of the call buttons scattered around the cabin. In
the rear of the plane, a three-quarter height wall with a curtain
demurely hid a huge spa tub, a giant double shower just beyond it.
A large flat-screen TV, about a 45” screen, hung in the most
convenient spot on the wall.
A flying
hotel,
she commented to herself. For the
first part of the flight, Tessa spoke little, her extravagant
surroundings rendering her unusually pensive.

After watching a movie and eating a very
descent meal with Merritt, Tessa had grown accustomed enough to her
environment to embarked in casual conversation. Tessa had, over the
years, developed a deep appreciation for her easy conversation with
Merritt, at least that which lay fully in the realm of the
intellectual. Within a few years of marriage, they had developed
kind of an unspoken hierarchy of topics through which they could
gambol when they had time for interaction. Tier one held the topics
of their children and their church – they rarely disagreed on any
topic in this range. Both Merritt and Tessa could converse
intelligently in the sciences, though Merritt possessed more
knowledge of the hard sciences, while Tessa knew more about the
social ones.

Next, Merritt had math, and Tessa had art and
music. Though they held no particular aversion for these topics,
neither cared to engage the other. Merritt just had a brilliant
mathematical mind, and Tessa had an extensive history with art and
music; the knowledge gap seemed too great to bother spanning. With
certain topics, though - money and Tessa's many supposed
shortcomings - Merritt sometimes broached them for a purpose, while
Tessa avoided them at all costs. Every time the subjects arose, an
often vitriolic argument followed, and Tessa never gained by
stirring them up. Unfortunately, when Merritt grew irritated at
Tessa for some offense, he tended to churn the tempestuous waters
intentionally. Perhaps Tessa reacted too easily to the topics,
sensing accusation where none was intended, but she couldn't seem
to remove herself from his complaints, and the resulting fights
involved entirely too much emotion for Tessa's liking.

On the luxurious private jet, it seemed that
even Merritt wanted to avoid unpleasant topics. Tessa smiled
inwardly as her usual calm returned and the conversation between
them flowed out easily. Everything seemed normal – maybe even
better than normal. They laughed at the lighthearted movie, Merritt
joked about politics, Tessa shared a few funny stories about the
kids – as if life had suddenly grown sweeter, every unpleasant
thought fled her mind for one blissful hour. If only, she would
lament later, she had avoided every possible stressor, maybe she
could have had a few more hours of pleasant ignorance. Maybe, she
realized, but it would have changed nothing. Merritt's reaction to
the topic merely gave Tessa a presage of things to come, and
perhaps that preparation helped her to adapt more quickly in the
face of unbelievable difficulty.