Divinely Living (Surviving Series) (9 page)

Confusion still stabbed at me. “But his last will and testament was drawn up around my eighteenth birthday, by your uncle, four years before his death. I may not be the brightest but even I know time scales there don’t work out.”

His grip on my hands to almost crushing force as our eyes locked. “Out of the blue, four years ago, Matthews arranged a video meeting with Benjamin. He was caught up in something big, something that was threatening to take him under. He was out of his depth and unable to deal with this certain clients demands by himself so asked my uncle for help, for a good price of course. Seeing it as a way back, in he agreed. I have no idea what he did for Alex nor do I care. All I know is that while he was dealing with this matter on Alex’s behalf, he also drew up his last will and testament and Alex detailed the stipulations himself. Alex was insistent it was dealt with that very day which it was. That will remained in Jacobson and Fitzgerald until the day he died and subsequently that’s the reason why we were assigned to deal with you and your inheritance.”

Sudden realisation hit me like a hard slap in the face. “I was his way back in once and for all after Alex had died wasn’t I? So what exactly was the plan Jonah? You seduce naive, vulnerable me, gain my confidence and in doing so, knowing I would have no knowledge of Alex’s business and definitely no interest in it, you offer to take care of things on my behalf and hand the reigns over to your uncle? I wouldn’t have had a damn clue what you were doing with the business and would probably have been grateful for you taking it off my hands. You continue fucking me while Benjamin begins dipping his greedy little fingers into the money pot A.M Enterprises holds and I remain none the wiser. He reinstates the illegal side of trading, reacquaints himself with old business buddies and climbs his way back to the top. Jesus Christ, there’s cold and then there’s your uncle. But I’m right aren’t I Jonah, that was his plan all along.”

His facial features hardened as he pulled me to the floor and held my face in his hands. “For the most part you’re right, that was the deal. But I was never asked to seduce you; I never viewed you as naive or vulnerable and certainly never fucked you out of a sense of loyalty to a man I now despise and no longer wish to be connected with. I made love to you and have done since day one, because I needed to, because I’d go fucking crazy if I didn’t. I’m no prostitute Ava and would never have agreed to sleep with any woman because I was asked to. Don’t think about trying to cheapen what we share sweetheart because I won’t let you.”

My body sagged against his warm frame as immovable exhaustion crept into my bones. The last twenty four hours had been the most draining I had ever experienced and Jonah had given me so much to think over and attempt to make sense of. My head hurt, muscles ached and the effects of a sleep deprived night began to attack me with force. Yet through the weariness, a comfortable feeling of peace covered me. Hearing the truth had been hard but almost liberating. The doubt that had plagued me since discovering Darcy at Jonah’s home seemed to relinquish its hold and offer me space to breathe and think clearly. There was a lot to be said for the saying ‘the truth will set you free’ as that is exactly how I felt for the first time in a long time. Two arms closed around me, and the room slowly sank into darkness as my eyes closed. Unable to move or protest and with the words, “I love you so much, Ava” and “sleep, baby, I’ve got you” ringing in my ears, I succumbed to the instantaneous pull of slumber and fell soundly asleep.

Jonah’s thumb drummed softly across my knuckles as we sat, side by side, in the rear of the taxi that we had ordered to take us to the airport. Palpable waves of tension radiated from him as he sat beside me, my hand tightly clasped in his. In the two days since divulging the details regarding his Uncle Benjamin and his fucked up association with Alex, we had seldom left the hotel room, only emerging from our bed to shower, pee or eat. Jonah’s need to prove himself to me, although endearing, was becoming exhausting.

The man’s guilt was as insatiable as his libido and the two combined were proving to be more than one woman could bear. As much as I hated the idea of leaving our protective cocoon, my weary body and swollen sex were grateful for relief from the endless hours of Jonah seeking redemption. I understood his need to reconnect, as I felt it too. What I found harder to process was that baring his soul to me seemed to have the opposite effect I believed it would. His insecurity was becoming more profound with each passing moment.

Our roles had reversed. The more vulnerable Jonah appeared to become, the stronger I became. An inner strength I never believed I would possess grew parallel with his torment. He hated himself for betraying the man who raised him; I on the other hand hated Benjamin for using his nephew for his own selfish gain. It didn’t matter one iota to me that Benjamin Jacobson’s aim was to control everything I had been gifted. What stung like shit was the fact he believed it acceptable to use a family member’s loyalty to fulfil his aims. I loved Jonah fiercely; anyone who spent even a small amount of time in his company would feel exactly the same way. Apart from me, his Uncle was the only living soul fortunate enough to have that love reciprocated, and I despised the asshole for taking such a beautiful gift and twisting it to his advantage with no regard for the consequences it would have on Jonah in doing so.

We were both only just beginning to embrace what our hearts told us, an embrace that remained fragile at best. The thought of Benjamin
fucking
Jacobson throwing doubt into Jonah’s emotional awakening cut through my gut like a knife. After years of parental neglect, worthless relationships and meaningless sex, the fact we managed to find each other was a miracle in itself. No way in hell was I about to allow an ageing, financially deficient, power crazed leach like Benjamin destroy all we were fighting so hard to attain. Making a mental note to myself to deal with the man I was beginning to despise (almost as much as my dead step father) sometime in the future, I pushed all thoughts of putting that fucker in his place for now, instead deciding to concentrate on what was actually important...Jonah.

Giving his hand a reassuring squeeze, I smiled brightly as he turned to look at me. Dressed in a pale blue short sleeved shirt and his customary dark jeans, he still managed to take my breath away with the most fleeting of glances. A small smile curled his lips as he raised my hand and fluttered his lips across my knuckles.

“Is everything okay?” I asked, already knowing the answer to my question.

“I have you in my life again, of course I’m okay.”

His reply did nothing to squash the unease in my stomach. His dark blue eyes silently spoke the words he was unwilling to. Sadness dimmed his usually dazzling irises as his hand released mine and moved to my bare thigh. I inhaled sharply, my body’s normal reaction to his touch. Arching a brow he dipped his head in my direction making my pulse beat wildly in my throat. “Seems I should be the one asking if you’re okay,” he whispered in my ear.

Shaking my head, I placed my hand over his in an attempt to thwart its ascent of my upper thigh. “Stop trying to change the subject Jacobson. You’ve been quiet the entire morning so something’s wrong.”

His fingers flexed against the soft flesh of my thigh before gripping tightly. “Work your magic and make me scream then sweetheart.”

“I think I’m the one who usually ends up screaming with what you have in mind.” His hand continued to slide along my thigh, nearing the apex and the wet flesh at the summit. The short white summer dress I was wearing barely hid his hand or its intentions. I shuffled in my seat before clenching my thighs together, his fingers merely an inch away from my aching sex. My cheeks flushed and skin burned beneath his palm. Darting a glance at our driver, thankfully he appeared oblivious as he steered skilfully through St. Tropez’s cobbled streets. Having previously been brought to orgasm in the rear of a taxicab after an eventful night out not so long ago, doing the same in broad daylight didn’t hold the same appeal. As tempting as it was to open my legs and allow his hand to reach its goal, Jonah was skirting around his feelings and using sex to distract from dealing with what the hell was bugging him. Squeezing his hand tightly, I fixed my eyes firmly on his, while keeping my voice low as I spoke, “Enough Jonah. I’ve already told you, we can’t keep burying shit under sex. Now spill.” 

His body sank into the seat but his hand remained exactly where it was. Staring aimlessly out of the taxi window that removed us further from our safe haven, Jonah’s pained expression was worrying. Sharing his worries and fears was uncomfortable for him I got that. It was equally as difficult for me. But enough was enough. Weeks without Jonah taught me that lies, cover ups and misguided intentions of protecting the other were not a healthy relationship foundation. So whether he liked it or not, honesty was the best and only policy moving forward. And it was seriously time for him to start talking.

“I can’t lose you again Ava, never
fucking
again,” he offered without looking at me.

Sighing, I leaned my head into the headrest behind me. “There’s more to this then that and you know it.”

“Is there? Don’t you think that alone, is enough?”

“Honestly? No I don’t.”

He pulled his eyes from the window and fixed me with a hard stare. “Don’t make light of what living without you did to me sweetheart. I would rather be dead than go there again.”

“I’ve told you, I’m not going anywhere. Not this time,” I attempted to reassure him.

“You can say that here while we’re away from the problems we left behind. The moment we set foot in London all that will change.”

My eyes narrowed. “Do you have something else you need to tell me?”

“See,” his attention went back to the window. “It’s happening already.”

“What is?”

He sighed deeply and pressed his cheek against the glass. “I’m losing you.”

Raising a hand, I ran it through his silky dark hair. “You’re not losing me baby. Right now you’re the one pushing me away.”

His eyes blazed with heat as he pulled me into his lap before I was given the chance to object. His arms banded around my waist and spine, crushing me against him. “Push you away? Fuck, Ava, I could never do that. I’m not capable.”

“But you are,” I breathed, “I can feel it.”

Burying his face in my neck, his warm breath shot tingles of awareness across my skin. “You belong to me Ava, it’s my responsibility to make sure you are cared for in every way a woman like you deserves to be. And it pisses me off that I’m not in a position to do that right now.”

“I need you, Jonah, nothing more.”

Pulling away from me, his face grimaced. “I don’t even have a job when we return to the UK so how the hell can a jobless arse like me take care of you?”

“You never said you left your job,” the surprise was evident in my voice.

“Disassociating from my Uncle meant losing my job. He made that perfectly clear.”

“God Jonah, I’m so sorry.”

Twisting a lock of auburn hair that laid loosely around my shoulders his gorgeous face darkened. “Stop apologising for what that fucker did. I knew the score and so did he. But that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve a man who can place the world at your feet if you ask for it. And at this moment in time, I’m just not financially able to do that.”

Irritation stabbed at me. “Money is not something I view as an important asset that the man I love needs to possess.”

“I know that sweetheart but...”

I cut him off; the subject was beginning to seriously grate on my nerves. “I have money. I don’t need anymore. I need a man who loves cares and wants me, not a man who can shower me with useless gifts and provide me with a lifestyle that, quite frankly, I don’t want.”

A smile curled his lip. “I’m far from broke, Ava. I have you. That makes me the richest man on the face of the earth.”

Rolling my eyes, his smile broadened. “Jeez that sounded so cheesy and if having me in your life makes you feel that way then you’re also very easily pleased.”

He chuckled softly. “I prefer romantic to cheesy. But believe me, there’s nothing easy about you sweetheart.”

“I should hope not,” I replied with a laugh, “although where you’re concerned, getting into my panties as never really been an issue.”

“And long may it remain that way.” Wrapping my long hair around his fist, he tugged my head backwards. Running his tongue upwards along the curve of my throat, my breath stuttered as his teeth nibbled on my earlobe. “Have I ever told you how divine your scent is? It’s every bit as sweet as that delectable pussy of yours.”

His hand found my thigh again, this time it’s ascension towards my sex was more forceful than previously. A slow ache developed deep inside my groin as my muscles tightened in anticipation of where those fingers would touch first. His hands were blessed. His touch had the ability to render me powerless and eager to submit. Feeling submissive to his sexual dominance was becoming the norm. I craved his control, was needy for his body and the pleasure he extracted from mine never failed to leave me begging for more. And leave me begging he did...regularly.

“Tell me what I need to hear, Ava.” His words were muffled against my neck. A delightful shiver shot through my aroused body. “I so need to hear you say the words.”

“I know what you’re doing, Jonah and it won’t work.” I protested but the ease with which my thighs began to slide open to allow his hand entry contradicted my words.