Divinely Living (Surviving Series) (4 page)

As I almost hit the bottom step, the air around me thickened, the atmosphere felt almost charged as it clung to my skin and wreaked havoc with my senses. Stepping from the last step, the small hairs at my nape raised, my pulse raced wildly. Closing my eyes as I stopped to compose myself, I felt his tangible presence before I laid eyes on him. Jonah was the beating heart of all things male with untamed, animal magnetism oozing from every pore. My palm gripped the end of the dense wooden banister that lined the stairs, my knees weakening under his intensive presence. This was the way it always was and always had been. Undoubtedly it always would be. He consumed me, possessed me and owned me…body, mind and dark soul. I cursed myself for agreeing to this, agreeing in the full, undeniable, fucked up knowledge that only a god damn miracle would stop me from ending up beneath him, or on top of him, by the end of the night. The dull ache in my groin and instant moistening of my silk panties at the mere thought of ending up in Jonah’s bed supplied me with the uncomfortable truth. He may have lied, betrayed, deceived and caused me pain but one thing was blatantly clear...I was ruined to any other man because of him. Fuck I loved him so much and I hated myself for doing so. Loving a man like Jonah Jacobson meant trouble, pure orgasmic pleasure also, but mainly trouble. So much with regards to the whole mess with his Uncle remained unspoken and unresolved and until all was laid bare and in the open, I couldn’t allow myself to let him in fully. Seeing him today had only highlighted my deep seeded fear, Jonah had the ability to do what no other person in my life been able to do. Jonah could be the one to finish me off. And I would be damned if I allowed that to happen.

I inhaled deeply and stepped out onto the tiled foyer floor. My heart stopped at the sight that awaited me. My eyes focused on the testosterone filled vision of absolute perfection waiting patiently in the corner of the small but luxurious waiting area, looking out onto the St. Tropez coastline through ceiling to floor glass doors that ran the full length of the hotel entrance. I drank in the broad set shoulders, defined back muscles and slender but toned waist encased within a snug fitting white shirt that was rolled to his elbows, revealing tanned skin tightly strung across muscular forearms. The faded light denim jeans that clung to his ass and hung low on his lean hips emphasised prominent thighs and calves. Every sinew of muscle ridged against the thin shirt material tightened and his shoulders straightened as I quietly moved closer. His torso expanded and deflated in quick succession, a sure sign that Jonah had sensed my approach without turning. We were made for each other, two halves of one soul forged by god himself. Justifying what bonded us was impossible. How the hell can you explain to others what you just cannot explain to yourself?

Spinning on his heels, Jonah’s hands flexed at his sides as a slow, sultry smile spread across his lips while his eyes connected with mine. My fingers itched to run through his untamed hair, feel the silk threads slide across my skin as I fisted them in my hands while he slid inside me. Fuck, there was so much shit in my life, too much to even begin to comprehend and the only thoughts my mind were able to process when in the same room as Jonah were predominantly centred around his naked body, my naked body and getting laid. Jesus, if I stood a chance of regaining control of my future, I seriously needed to get a grip.... and fast.

Striding towards me gracefully, his eyes and face turned predatory. He perused my appearance from head to foot in a slow, teasing gaze that heated my blood and flamed my cheeks. Approval shone bright in his piercing irises, as did white hot desire. Taking my hand he pulled me close, holding me against his hard frame. Bowing his head the strands of hair across his forehead swept against my ear as his voice vibrated against the skin below my earlobe. “Do you have any idea how delicious you look Savannah?”

“No making moves on me without my permission remember?” I replied, attempting calm indifference. The husk in my voice and visible pounding in my chest were a clear indication I was lying.... miserably.

He clutched me tighter; his familiar scent warped my senses and drew me in. A strong hand rested on my lower back as his tongue traced my ear lobe and nipped it gently. “If only Savannah Mae Matthews were on the menu tonight,” he whispered darkly. “As I remember, you happen to be an exquisitely rare delicacy. One I’ve been starved of lately.”

I shivered at his insinuation as my sex tightened in response. “But I’m not on the menu tonight.”

“We’ll see about that,” he replied with a soft chuckle. “You want me to taste you as much as I need to, Ava. I’d be prepared to skip mains right now and indulge in dessert if I was granted permission.”

My body heated with the offer of his mouth on my sex, his tongue pressed against my quivering clit, dulling the throb that had been there since the moment he appeared on the beach. This is what Jonah always did to me, had done from the start. The power he commanded over my body was as strong as it had ever been. I knew then that agreeing to dinner was a mistake. So much remained unresolved and unspoken; sex would only prolong facing the issues I was still harbouring where he was concerned. But my body, my god damn betraying body, wanted one thing and one thing only...Jonah, and now. How long I would be able to fend off the craving to merge, the inevitable need to succumb, was quickly becoming a more pressing issue than why his Uncle was so interested in controlling my estate.

Moving from his hold, I shook my head slightly and attempted to calm my raging hormones, “Enough, Jonah,” I said firmly with as much authority as I could muster, “We eat, we talk, and we go home to our separate hotel rooms. That is the deal. There is nothing more on offer for you tonight. So take it or leave it.”

He paused momentarily, and then sighed, as he saw the determination on my face and reluctantly nodded his head in agreement. “I’ll take whatever you’re prepared to give right now. If that is how you want it, Ava, then I promise that is all you will receive.”

“Good. Then let’s eat while you do the talking.”

A soft French accent caught my attention as a young waitress approached us from behind; informing us our table was ready.
Thank God,
I breathed silently as her arrival gave my out of control libido a chance to steady itself, allowing my mind to clear and the sex haze Jonah shrouded me in time to lift. I had to be in control from now on. For Jonah to become an integral part of my life again, I could not allow myself to be ruled by the lure of his dominant sexual prowess. Submitting in the bedroom was one thing, submitting in other aspects of my life too was non negotiable. It had taken years for me to regain my true self, re-find exactly who I was and wanted to be, admittedly part of my rediscovery was due to having Jonah in my life. But now I had tasted what it was like to actually feel alive, awakened from years of pain filled ignorance and numb indifference to everything, the last few weeks alone had taught me one valuable lesson. To continue living, rather than barely surviving, control was needed. Control that always slipped immediately when with the beautiful man who now took my hand and led me through the small but intimate dining room and out onto a private veranda overlooking the picturesque French shoreline. Regardless, Jonah had secrets to spill and I had to hear them. Smiling at him gratefully as he pulled out my chair in a gentlemanly gesture, I took my seat. Taking a menu from the waitress as she took our drinks order, I straightened in my seat and steadied the anxious rolls undulating within my empty stomach as I fixed my gaze on Jonah.

“I think we’ve prolonged things long enough Jonah, don’t you?” I asked after taking a sip of ice cold water provided on the table.

His large shoulders sagged and his eyes closed as he exhaled a harsh breath, “Do we really need to do this now?” He asked, his voice tinged with frustration.

“Why else would I be here?” I replied, my nerves becoming frayed. “Tonight is not about the Jonah Jacobson seduction show. I want answers, answers I think I am more than entitled to be given.” Aware my voice was beginning to rise with annoyance, annoyance that seemed to rear its head from nowhere, I quickly lowered my tone. “You used, deceived and hurt me for my money. If you expect me to just open my legs because you’ve offered me a few half truths then you’re wrong.”

Clenching his jaw, Jonah leant forward in his chair. My heart stuttered at the unwavering resolution shining brightly in his eyes as he locked me into his gaze. “I’ve already apologised for and explained my actions, Savannah. Hurting you killed me and I’ve been living the life of a dead man ever since the morning you witnessed my feeble attempt at disposing of Darcy without your knowledge. But your continuous reference to my using you for your money, for making love to you to gain access to your millions sweetheart is seriously starting to piss me off. I’ve fucked women with money, women who would have bought me the earth for one night of having my cock inside them. They still would if I chose to grace them with my time. So your money is of no relevance in what I stupidly agreed to do, for the only living relative I still possess.”

My jaw dropped in disbelief. Arrogant confidence oozed from his mouth, a confidence born of years of having women throw themselves at his feet. This only angered me further. Was he expecting me to lay myself down and offer my body to him freely, just as every woman he had ever met had obviously done, because if I didn’t there would be many out there who would? Well fuck that notion, I cursed silently. He could damn well go and indulge his sexual talents to the highest bidder. Jealousy coursed through my veins. Any reference Jonah ever made regarding his sexual past and previous encounters never failed to instil a chill in my bones. Visions of the man, who owned my heart, despite recent revelations, naked, hot and sweaty with any other
female, were not pleasant ones. But I could not show that weakness. Men of power and position exploited any weakness they could find in their fellow human beings, male or female, and used that to their advantage.  It was the force that drove them to success. I would crumble in a heartbeat if Jonah were to exploit any I shared, whether knowingly or not. And after coming so far in my recovery process, a process that admittedly was not entirely a positive one, more a work in progress, I was not going to fall apart  now just because the thought of Jonah fucking another made me sick to the pit of my stomach. There was no other option… dinner was over.

Closing my mouth and scraping my chair loudly on the tiled balcony floor as I pushed to my feet in a rush, I slammed both my palms on the tabletop and eyed Jonah with a sneer. “Well I’m not stopping you leaving, you self righteous shit. God forbid, I would deny some obscenely rich, bored trophy wife your company tonight. Hell, St. Tropez is full of desperately unsatisfied women only too happy to pay for your services.” The smirk that pricked his luscious lips confirmed what my little outburst proved. My attempt to conceal yet another
weakness had bombed dismally.

“You’re jealous, sweetheart,” he said with a flick of his wicked tongue across his bottom lip.

“Screw you,” I threw back as I turned on my heels to head back into the now full dining room.

I flinched as a firm hand gripped my elbow tightly and scorching male heat infused my back as his rock hard torso pressed against me firmly. I stopped momentarily, not wanting to cause a scene in front of the slightly suspicious looking diners who were casting interested glances our way. I hated attention, despised it. The flush of my cheeks as Jonah’s erection pressed against my lower back, enticingly close to my ass was a blatant show of my growing arousal. Exposing my out of control need to have my pussy filled and fucked was out of the question. Gritting my teeth and smiling flakily I turned my head to the side and the unique scent of dominant male scattered my senses. Jonah’s head lowered to my ear. “I love that you’re jealous, Ava, it shows you still care.”

My legs almost collapsed under the truthfulness of his words. I hated myself for wanting him, but I did. I was kidding myself. Maintaining control around this man was a losing battle. I had no idea how to keep up the fight.

“I hate myself for still caring,” I whispered. “I hate myself for still wanting anything to do with you after what you did to me.”

“Baby,” he whispered equally as low, his words sending shivers across my heated skin. “I love you. I love that you still care. I love that you still want me. Because I need you to live, Ava, without you I’m as well as dead.”

“Every time I look at you I remember her.” Silky blonde hair and the coldest blue eyes impaired my memories as I closed my eyes. “You have no idea what true love really is Jonah. Neither of us does.”

“The fuck I don’t,” he growled in my ear. The intensity in his tone made my body shudder in response. “I think you need a reminder right now.”

His grip left my elbow, his arm tightening around my waist instead. My feet moved involuntarily as he began leading me through the intimate setting and closely knit tables of the hotel dining room. My heels attempted to dig in, halt him in his tracks but his sheer size and will drove me forward.

“Where the hell are we going?” I asked, panic hitting me. A pissed off Jonah was a formidable, yet sexy as hell, force. Fighting the two was a mountainous task.

“I’m going to reacquaint you with what my love actually feels like Ava. I’m going to fuck all memories of Darcy, my Uncle and the last few weeks away. I’m going to fuck you for so long, fill you so full of my love you won’t be able to breathe without begging for more.”

“No Jonah,” I pleaded quietly. “Not here, not now.”