Divinely Living (Surviving Series) (7 page)

Turning off the shower, I wrapped a large towel around my tingling body and stepped into the steam filled shower room. Running a comb through my dripping wet hair, my eyes were drawn to the young, red haired woman staring back at me through the mirrored wall behind the vanity worktop. It always amazed me how similar in looks I was to my mother yet inwardly, although I shared some of her genetic flaws, we were poles apart. Gina Matthews Dawson had been emotionally deficient as a mother, seeking money and position rather than her only daughters love. The emerald green eyes gazing at me were hers, the long auburn air hers also. My petite, slender figure, ample breast size and distinctive high cheekbones were also inherited from her gene pool. Emotionally we shared a sense of loneliness and disparity at times, which is definitely where the similarities ended.  I realised that now. Gina had been incapable of love for anything other than dollar bills and the lifestyle they paid for. Her driving need for wealth overshadowed my need for a mother, leaving a void in my life from childhood I had never been able to
fulfil until now. I couldn’t allow myself to walk her path, live her life. And if that meant laying myself bare and accepting the bad alongside the good then so be it. In order to grow, I had to let people in, even if doing so made me vulnerable and susceptible to disappointment and failure. That meant trusting those in my life, believing in their intentions and offering them the same traits in return. Trusting Jonah had to involve complete honesty, something lacking from our relationship at present. The only way to scale that hurdle was for his ass to start talking, no more stalling with sex, and it needed to happen sooner rather than later.

My cell phone rang loudly, its ring tone echoing around the room, interrupting my train of thoughts. Glancing at the caller ID, the name showing told me this was a call I needed to take

“Greetings from Chicago, gorgeous,” my mood lightened instantly as the deep voice of my best friends’ brother vibrated down the line.

“Hey Cameron, greetings from St. Tropez,” I replied with an enthusiasm in my voice which Cameron Collins always brought out. After inheriting millions and an international company from my deceased step-father that I neither expected nor wanted, Cameron had agreed to fly to Chicago on my behalf and report back to me regularly on the goings on and workings within the company I was now, unwillingly, CEO of.

A.M Enterprises meant absolutely jack shit to me, never had. I had no idea what the company did or how it was run and in all honesty had no care to find out. After convincing myself that I had to at least face up to the fact that I now owned a company that traded globally and was a means of income for hundreds of people,
asking Cameron to use his business qualifications, experience and background in helping me deal with what lay ahead of me had proven one of my best ideas to date. He flew to Chicago the day after Charlotte and me had left for Paris and his regular updates and reassurances that he was dealing with the situation and things were running smoothly and as planned, proved him being there had been a wise move. The Collins family were renowned back home in London for their business acumen and fruitful dealings so accepting their freely offered support and advice, although something I wasn’t used to doing, made me so glad I actually had.

“What have you been doing with your pretty little arse while I’ve been slaving away over here, whipping your company into shape?”

His witty banter and unique way with words made me smile broadly. “Hey, I’m the boss; I pay your ass to deal with business while I play.”

“Play uh? Is there something or someone I need to know about?” His question, although seemingly innocent, reeked of suspicious curiosity. I bit my lip as thoughts of Jonah, naked and sleeping in the next room filled me with a sense of guilt. Cameron was thousands of miles away taking care of things at my request while I was in St. Tropez, basking daily in the sun and had just spent the night fucking the man who broke my heart, leaving Cameron and his sister Charlotte, also my best friend, to pick up the pieces. Leaving Jonah out of the conversation seemed the best way to go just then.

“Of course not,” I lied, hating myself for doing so. “I’m sure you’re having way more fun than I am.”

“Oh yeah,” he blew out, “If you call dealing with grumpy as fuck shareholders who see me as nothing more than a spy for a CEO they feel as no right to run their company, then shit I’m having a ball.”

“They’re right to feel that way,” I agreed. “I have no right to run their company. That, together with the fact that I have no interest in running it, doesn’t make me a good CEO candidate. Are they really giving you hell?”

“Nothing I can’t handle,” he chuckled. “And you have all the attributes of a damn good CEO, you just don’t realise it yet.”

His faith in me made my heart swell. Cameron had an uncanny habit of doing that. He seemed to make it his mission to build my self-confidence and raise my usually low self-esteem. It was another trait that made him one of the few people, men especially; I had decided recently to surround myself in as frequently as possible.

“Why do you do that?” I questioned.

“Do what?”

I sighed heavily into the receiver. “Always make me out to be better than I am. I really don’t deserve such praise Cam.”

The line fell silent, an uncomfortable silence that was unusual between the two of us. “Cameron, are you there?”

Clearing his throat he paused before answering. “I hate that you have no idea how special you are Ava, how special you are to me.”

Unease settled upon me as his tone told me there was much more meaning to that statement than I wanted there to be. Cameron was my friend, my confidante and my best friends’ brother and telling myself I was reading way more into his words than they had been intended, I replied brightly. “Okay so I’m special. There I said it.” I hoped my attempt to derail a seriously deepening conversation would work. “Anyway, less about my self confidence failings, tell me how things are really going.”

As if sensing my need to bring the call back to it’s intended meaning, Cameron proceeded to relay his findings since we had last spoken and how although his presence within the company had been an uncomfortable one at the beginning, the shareholders, directors and employees now seemed to accept him with less suspicion. Briefly skirting over operational information he knew I had neither any inkling about nor enthusiasm for, so kept his information clipped and direct. From the information he did divulge, it seemed all was well with the company and although management hadn’t totally warmed to Cameron being around, their knowledge of the business and dedication to their jobs was keeping the day to day running as smooth as possible. I was so grateful for all he was doing, something I informed him of frequently during our call but knew his involvement could never be more than temporary. Cameron was the joint head of his father’s very successful property business within the UK and Europe and undoubtedly his services would be required there imminently. The time would come when I would have to face my gifted burden and deal with things alone. The selfish side of me just hoped that would prove to be much later rather than sooner.

“Anyway, it’s ten past three in the morning here and I need my beauty sleep,” Cameron yawned loudly as he finished his report.

“Oh god I’m so sorry, I forgot the seven hour time difference between France and Chicago.”

“Hey, forget it,” he assured with another yawn. “There’s no time of day or night off limits to you, gorgeous.”

“You’re obviously tired Cameron,” I observed as a third yawn reverberated into the receiver, “Go to bed and I’ll call you in a few days when I get home. And Cameron...”

“Yes,” he replied in a questioning tone.

“Thank you for everything. I owe you big time.”

“I’m sure I’ll find a way for you to repay me.”

“You, Mr Collins, have yourself a deal.” I replied with definitive resolution to repaying Cameron generously when he returned. “Goodnight Cameron.”

“Night gorgeous,” he returned in a low voice. “Missing you Matthews,” he added.

“Missing you too,” I said honestly as I hung up and ended the call.

Now I was even more confused than previously. For months I had been getting vibes and signals from Cameron that indicated he saw more to our friendship than I did. I mean, shit, the man was hot. At six feet four inches of solid muscle, with a shock of dark curly hair and rich dark eyes, he was never without female interest. His warm personality and genuine, caring nature was a real draw and attributes that even I couldn’t deny were attractive. He radiated quiet control and fierce protectiveness, traits most women wished their man to possess. Whenever he was around he made me feel safe, eased my vulnerabilities and amused me with his easy charm and high spirit. I shook my head and began vigorously combing my hair as unwelcome thoughts of how deeply I had come to feel for Cameron and how important an entity he had made himself in my life, gripped me. Lying only a few feet away was the man of my dreams, the man who had my love and who turned me on with just one look. The man my body craved and my heart beat for. To have any thoughts pertaining to another was a mind fuck I didn’t need or want. God, when the hell did my life go from controlled, calm and emotionless to vibrant, out of control and confusing? Jesus Ava, I cursed at myself, you seriously need to get a grip. With my self-chastisement ringing in my head, I resolved myself to dealing with the emotional minefield I was walking head on into, later…hopefully much later.

Dropping the comb onto the worktop and slipping into the white silk robe that hung on the back of the room door, I took one last look at myself in the mirror. Determination shone brightly in my green eyes, an unwavering determination that until recently had been a foreign notion to me. In order to move forward, build on what we had and seal our future, Jonah needed to open up and offer explanations that he had been putting off since turning up on the beach yesterday morning. No more excuses or running from reality. Today was the day I embraced the changes befalling me at an alarmingly quick rate and did the one thing I had always been incapable of doing. Today it was time to stand and face the truth and whatever pain that may bring. For if we didn’t we had no future. And a future without Jonah Jacobson in it was not one I wanted to face unless absolutely forced to.

Piercing bright sunlight poured through the thinly lined curtains in the bedroom, bathing Jonah’s naked form in rays of yellows and oranges that blended with the honey coloured tinge to his tanned skin. Laid on his front with both hands tucked beneath his pillow, the soft hum of his breathing was the only sound to be heard in the room. Even when asleep, the pull he had on my body was alive and pulsating. Hunger stirred within me as my eyes glided across the embodiment of power, control and masculine perfection sleeping peacefully between the silk sheets that were still warm from our lovemaking. From his unruly dark hair, broad, sculptured shoulders and taught muscular back, to the perfect swell of his ass and heavily muscled thighs, there was no mistaking Jonah’s breath taking beauty and the effect it never failed to have on me. He was built to fuck, born to pleasure and wired to do both at will. Crossing my legs, the bite of pain from my swollen sex was proof of his virility and blessed sexual prowess. I loved the soreness, the reminder of how good he felt when sheathed inside me. After fucking Jonah, the reminder remained for days. Even after showering, his scent still clung to my skin; the feel of his lips on my breasts and at my throat remained embedded in my flesh. A night with Jonah was not one to be taken lightly and one not to be forgotten easily.

As I continued to stare, he stirred from his state of slumber, reaching out to the vacant space beside him where I had previously laid. Feeling that I was gone, his blue eyes flew open in panic as he pushed himself into a sitting position and scoured the room wildly searching for me. A wave of relief swept across his face as he caught sight of me, his entire body relaxing.

“Christ, I thought I’d dreamt last night for a second,” he cursed while scrubbing the remainder of sleep from his face with both hands.

“It’s okay, I’m here,” I reassured him. The look of almost desolation in is eyes cut through my heart. We both felt the insecurity that being apart had left us with. Jonah’s clear show of that flaw was both touching and endearing and made the conversation we were about to have all the more poignant.

“Is everything okay?” He questioned as his glazed eyes focused directly on me.

“That depends,” I said in a low voice. “It’s time Jonah. No more covering over the problem with sex. I need to know why your Uncle has such an unhealthy interest in my life and my inheritance. If you want to be in my life, then it’s time to spill. No more secrets, no more lies and no more deceit. I can’t be with you while doubt is hanging over us. It’s just too painful.”

Relief switched to concern then resolve as he pulled the silk top sheet up to his waist and leaned into the antique oak bed frame at the head of the bed. With a nod, he swallowed violently, ran a hand through his sleep-tousled hair and looked back at me with a look of desperation that set my pulse racing frantically.

“Before I tell you anything, you need to know one thing Ava. Regardless of my agreeing to Benjamin’s ask for help, everything I have done and every word I have spoken to you since the day we met as been the truth. When I say I love you, I mean it. Don’t forget that.”

“The only thing that will force me to leave you now is if you continue to withhold the truth from me. I’m not running anymore Jonah. I believe you’re worth fighting for, that we are worth fighting for. But we can’t live without trust. You broke that once, we won’t survive if you choose to break it again.”