Divinely Living (Surviving Series) (3 page)

“But she knew I was raped. Apart from Charlotte you are the only person I have ever told about that.” Hot tears stung my eyes. That was the biggest betrayal of all. I had opened myself to Jonah like no other; let the vile truth spill out. To have him then disclose that fact to another, cut me deep.

“Christ, Ava, do you really think so little of me that you believe I’m capable of something so despicable?” he threw his arms in the air with exasperation, “God, you never really did believe in me or trust me at all did you?”

My head hung slightly as the tears threatened to fall, “I just....”

“Darcy was in the house the night we came home from the club and you told me what that bastard did to you. She heard it from your mouth, not mine. I had no idea she was there. Benjamin, who apart from my cleaner, is the only other person that has one, gave her a key. She waited for me in the hope of sex when I returned, then hid upstairs when she saw I wasn’t alone.”

I lifted my head as realisation hit me. “The female voice I heard that night, the arguing, that was her.”

He nodded his head, “After you fell asleep, I went upstairs to get a blanket and that’s when I found her there. She had the gall to be fucked off at the fact I brought a woman home with me. As if it was any of her damn business,” he gritted his teeth. “She threatened to come down and confront you, tell you about the so called deal Benjamin told her we were involved in. Let’s just say things got heated and I threw her out. That’s when she decided to team with that heartless fuck and fake the whole engagement shit. There’s certainly truth in ‘hell hath no fury like a woman scorned’.”

I smiled weakly at his reference. “You should have told me about her when I asked you the next morning. I knew I heard a female’s voice. Why couldn’t you just be honest with me?”

“And risk losing you?” He shook his head defiantly. “It wasn’t her place to spill my truths, Ava that was for me to do. I intended to that night, but once you told me about Matthews, it suddenly wasn’t the time or the place to do that. You looked so hurt, so fragile when you told me, I just couldn’t add to that.”

“She’s in love with you.” I replied. That observation was clear.

“Who gives a fuck?” Jonah spat back with venom. “I’m not hers to love. I’m yours. What she did that morning was unforgivable. She’s out of my life for good now and she knows it.”

“You can’t blame her for loving you, Jonah. You’re easy to love.”

“Jesus, not that shit again,” Jonah breathed out while standing in his chair. Looming over me, the sight of his delicious body so close, so warm and virile made me wet between the legs. Leaning back with a sigh, my eyes trailed his prominent abs, his taught pectorals and muscular arms. My mouth watered in reaction to all he embodied, raw, untamed, sexual prowess. Fuck, he was hot. Licking my dry lips, my eyes met his; a smirk now upturned those sumptuous lips. “Enjoying the view sweetheart?”

My temperature soared a few more degrees as a fine sheen of sweat misted my skin. Awareness bumped across my body and shot white hot heat to my core. The pull was still there, as tangible and binding as it had been from day one. I wanted him to kiss me, taste me, fuck me until the world fell away and all that mattered was the race to orgasm. But reality slammed hard into me. He may have explained Darcy, but his deal to whore himself on his devious Uncle’s behalf still didn’t sit well with me at all. Moving my gaze to the shore line only metres away from where I sat, I calmed my laboured breathing.

“Your Uncle told you to sleep with me for the inheritance didn’t he?”

Jonah became uncomfortable instantly, and guilt wracked his beautiful face. Fisting his hands in the pockets of his black swim shorts, his head fell forward in shame. “Not exactly sleep with you, no,” his reply was muffled.

“Then what did he tell you to do exactly?” I pushed. Shifting forward in my seat, I crossed my now slowly singeing arms across the cool table top and fixed my determined eyes on Jonah’s squirming frame.

Lifting his head slowly with a defeated shrug of his defined shoulders, his troubled azure eyes barely held my stare, “Do we really need to do this, Ava, please sweetheart; don’t make me take you to places you really don’t want to go to.”

I lifted a defiant chin and straightened my spine. “You’re damn straight we need to do this. I deserve the truth don’t you think?”

A war raged in his dark irises, his jaw hardened and his lips set in a thin line. “Benjamin wanted me to get close to you, to persuade you to trust and confide in me with all matters regarding to both your monetary inheritance and business dealings. There were no specifications made on how I was supposed to go about doing that.”

The remorse that tinged his usual soothing accented voice stirred emotions inside me…hatred and love. Hatred for the fact he had agreed to do his Uncle’s vile bidding and love for the fact he blatantly despised himself for doing so. From the brief details of his past he had divulged, Jonah had suffered emotional voids and maternal negligence as much as I had. Seeking approval and acceptance from important figures in your life obviously would be a natural reaction to such factors. I knew in my heart that anything he agreed to undertake at the request of his Uncle, the one man who had provided him with stability and a family attachment of sorts, was done so out of loyalty and a misguided sense of duty. I hated Benjamin ‘asshole’ Jacobson more than a human should right then in that moment.

“So the connection you told me you felt, the need to have me that you told me you had harboured for over a year, that was all lies?” My voice was no more than a whisper as I held my breath and waited for his reply.

The soft hum of the waves against the shore and the erratic thudding of my battered heart flooded my ears. Hearing the possibility that everything I believed we had shared, everything he made me feel were nothing more than lies conjured up through a sick and twisted deal to get my inheritance would devastate me if proved to be true. There was no denying now, with the man I wanted more than life itself stood precariously close, that Jonah had become a rare, precious entity in my troubled life that I was barely able to live without.

Firmly fixing a stern, sincere look on his face, he looked me head on and spoke without hesitation. “I agreed to do as Benjamin asked before we met. The moment I saw you, recognised you from the restaurant, all deals were off the table. I admit it was no coincidence that I sat in on the meeting; Benjamin arranged it that way. You grabbed my attention immediately, drew me in just as you had previously. I knew I could never add to the pain in those beautiful eyes of yours.” Bending over me, his warm hand grabbed my chin and lifted my head. “Maybe I did push things with you more than I would with any other client, partly because I needed to keep Benjamin quiet and happy but mostly because you captivated me, Ava.”

I shook my chin from his grasp and stood quickly. His answer hadn’t been the one I wanted, no, desperately, needed to hear. “So you admit the first meeting at my home was not because you needed
me
or wanted to be with
me
. It was because you were keeping your fucking Uncle happy?”

“You misunderstand me,” he urged as he grabbed both my upper arms. Electric pulses swept my skin, my flesh heated underneath his hands.

“I misunderstood nothing,” I replied, urgently needing to distance myself from his searing touch, a touch that could scatter my senses and burn through my defence barriers at will.

“Fuck it, Ava, let me finish before you run the hell off.” His voice was insistent as his grip squeezed the top of my arms tighter.

“Finish what?” I attempted to wriggle from his hold, but to no avail. “Nothing you’re saying makes any sense.”

He caught me to him with ferocious force, his hand snaking
around my waist tightly and his free hand restraining my arms at the wrist, behind my back as I tried to move away from him. He locked me against him, every solid ridge of muscle taut against my frame. My breath stuttered, blood gushed through my veins and my sex clenched in delicious delight as his semi hard erection pressed against my lower stomach. I opened my mouth to protest, to scream, to shout, hell knows exactly what I wanted to do, but the soft, ardent seal of lips around my mouth muffled the sound. My mouth moulded against his of its own accord, his lust wet and moist on my lips. With a moan, I softened into his body, kissing him back... His tongue plunged into my mouth, tasting my tongue and lips. The groan of pleasure deep in his throat heightened my hunger as his hard body shuddered against mine. God I missed this, I missed him so much. I kissed him back as though I was starved for him. I gave into all the pain, heartache and grief, forgetting everything, but the feel of his mouth warm and hot against mine. I pulled away, lips swollen and my lungs gasping for air. The adoration and stirred hunger were evident in Jonah’s eyes as his chest heaved against mine, equally searching for breath. I could taste him on my lips; smell his masculine flavour radiating from his tanned skin. I’d forgot over the last few weeks just how utterly intoxicating he was. And I was seriously close to succumbing to his draw without having all of my questions answered.

“Stop doing that,” my voice was low and breathy. “I still need answers Jonah.”

Dipping his head, his tongue flickered across the skin of my throat before resting against the wild thud of my pulse.

“I love you, am in love with you and have been since the day you waited at my table. I left a piece of my heart behind that day, now you have it all.” His lips sucked my neck gently; his breath enticed goose bumps to form across my skin as he spoke. “I live for you, breath for you, would do anything to keep you safe, protected and in my life. When I’m inside you, nothing else matters but the feel of your tight pussy wrapped around me. When I’m not inside you I lose my fucking mind. I fucked up by not telling you the truth, but I told you before, once I fucked you I would be lost to you and I meant it. I am lost without you sweetheart and only you coming back can save me.” Lifting his head, the usual unruly dark hair fell across his forehead. “Does that answer your question for you?”

The swell in my heart told me all I needed to know, but the stubborn, damaged and afraid to become vulnerable to Jonah side of me wouldn’t fully admit to anything just yet. “Not everything.” His face grimaced. “But enough to process for now.”

His nose rubbed against mine before pressing his lips against my cheek. “I’ll do anything to have you mine again Savannah. Just tell me what to do to make that happen. I have to make you want me again.”

“I need time to think.” I said honestly. “What you’ve told me is a lot to take in and we haven’t even got to your Uncle and his fucked up ideas regarding my inheritance.”

A subtle flex of his hips pooled heat in my groin. My sharp intake of breath upturned Jonah’s lips into a small smile. “Are you sure you need to think right now?” He asked mischievously, “Right this very minute?”

No, I wanted to scream, I wanted to widen my thighs and have his wickedly tempting mouth on my sex. But I couldn’t. I had to believe there could be more to the two of us than just the magnetic pull of sexual desire that bound us. If not, what was the point?

“I’m not going to fuck you right now if that’s what you’re thinking Jacobson. You’re nowhere near to being forgiven. You may never be.”

Releasing my wrists with a sigh, he stepped away from me as my arms dropped to my sides. My body cooled instantly from the loss of contact. Straightening his shoulders, he placed his hands into his pockets and steadied himself. I knew he had restrained his hands to stop himself from touching me again, and reaching out to feel me close against him. My aroused body began to shake. The withdrawals I had been experiencing stepped up after only a minimal fix to curb my addiction. A kiss from Jonah had in no way, been sufficient to dampen the cravings I battled daily, after losing my drug of choice..........his hot as shit body.

“Then have dinner with me tonight?” He asked.

Arching a suspicious eyebrow at his question, his head shook slightly with a chuckle. “I just want to spend time with you. I promise to be a total gentleman,” he tilted his head with a smile, “I won’t touch you unless you give me permission to.”

Oh yeah, I’d heard that line before. My memory told me, it had taken Jonah no time at all to offer enough bait to have me beg for his touch. As if he required permission to extract from my body what he wished. I thought for a second before answering. I had one of two options. Give in to my masochistic tendencies where he was concerned and accept, go to dinner with the full knowledge that I was dessert. Or stay strong and resolved; take the time I needed to sort through his revelations before venturing any further with him?

“Okay.” The masochist within just couldn’t resist. “I’ll have dinner with you and that’s all. I still don’t trust you and I’m nowhere near done with the questioning. But dinner would be nice, thank you.”

His beautiful, panty dropping smile pierced my heart, “No Ava, thank you.” He lifted my hand to his lips and kissed the back. “I’ll meet you in the foyer at eight. I can’t wait sweetheart.”

**********

Anticipation flushed my skin with heat and tingles of awareness as I made my way down the thickly carpeted hotel stairs. Thankful for the emerald green cotton summer dress I decided on, after torturous hours of deliberation over what to wear, I descended slowly into the hotel foyer. With my long auburn hair worn in a messy pile of curls high on my head, I had applied my make up light as always and finished the outfit with silver hoop earrings and strappy silver sandals. My appearance was cute and comfortable, exactly how I wanted it to be. I may have felt like a sex starved siren inside, but had no intentions of offering that notion outwardly. Appearing casual and controlled would be a facade, but a facade that I had to project. If I stood any chance of keeping tonight’s dinner with Jonah Jacobson light and relaxed, the last thing I wanted was to dress like I was ready to fuck. Even if weeks without Jonah’s cock filling me had left me frantic to feel him inside me again, I couldn’t allow myself to cave so quickly and so willingly. Jesus, I hoped they wouldn’t live to be my last famous words.