Divinely Living (Surviving Series) (2 page)

“Stop fighting me, Ava.” Jonah’s Irish husk flowed through my panic. “I’ve got you sweetheart, I’m never letting go.”

“Let me go,” I shouted between gasps for air, “Now.”

His muscular arms squeezed me tighter as the warm encasing of his body heated my wet flesh. My tightened nipples, pressed against the solid stone of his chest, ached for his attention. I cursed myself for my body’s reaction. Pressed flush against him from hip to shoulder, the feel of his impressive cock against my groin made me whimper. He felt so familiar, so right to be close to and for a moment I forgot all he put me through. Shaking my head as I eventually began to tread water I forced the thought from my head. Looking straight at him, he truly took my breath away. His dark hair was wet and pushed from his tanned face emphasising his full lips and strong jaw line. The clear deep blue of the sea reflected in his equally blue eyes that were soft and bright. He mesmerised me, possessed me and aroused me with one look. Another aspect I added to my rapidly growing ‘things I hate about Jonah’ list.

Regaining my senses, I calmed my breathing and pushed against his unmoving shoulder “Let me go, Jonah” I repeated. He was calm and composed and held me as solid as a rock as we bobbed gently with the swell of the sea. His hold was unwavering as he remained silent, his only movement the parting of those luscious lips and the rise and fall of his chest against mine. Clutching his thickly muscled upper arms, my legs kicked in small, smooth movements as I continued to tread water.

“I won’t let go of you again. I’ve missed you so much,” he whispered before sealing his lips around mine with a moan.

His tongue thrust into my mouth as I opened it in protest. He tasted hot, slightly minty and of all things male. His desire exploded against my lips as my protest was muffled under his onslaught. Deep, deliberate licks of his tongue coaxed mine into response as he ate me, his hunger rising as he hardened against my groin despite the coolness of the water. I squirmed against his erection as I grew needy, falling into his kiss. I felt starved of him, barren without him in my life. One arm remained at my waist as he snaked the other up my spine and held my neck at the nape. Angling my mouth, his kiss intensified with brutal force. My lungs burned for air as he sucked me in. Suffocating under the hard pressure of his passion I wrenched my head away effectively breaking the kiss. My chest hurt with the harshness of my rapid breathing, my racing pulse thundered through my veins. The rise and fall of my chest was mirrored by Jonah’s, as his hooded stare locked onto mine.

“Don’t do this to me,” I pleaded. “Not again.”

His damp forehead touched mine. His fingers remained tangled in the wet locks of hair at the base of my skull. An exhalation of breath blew across my flushed face as the thud of his heart regained a slower paced rhythm against my chest.

“I have to Ava. Every second away from you is another second away from my soul. I’m not surviving well without either of you.”

“You can’t re-do what’s already been done Jonah. You killed everything we had. I won’t recover from the pain if I let you in again. Now please let me go.” My legs were tiring under the constant paddling to keep my head afloat and Jonah’s kiss had left me reeling. The connection that bound us drove both of our bodies to merge with unrelenting force. That all consuming desire to indulge in each other, to fuck one another to the edge of exhaustion clung to us through all we had endured. It bound us, tied us and resided in our minds, bodies and souls. It was undeniable. He owned me in so many ways, as much as it was hard to admit. But it had irrevocably scarred me too. Mental and emotional scars I still bore that were embedded deep. Annoyance lanced through me as the memory of the blonde hair and ice blue eyes of Jonah’s fiancée brought me back to reality. Her image served as a stark reminder, Jonah Jacobson belonged to another and I was not prepared to be the ‘other woman’ any longer.

“I won’t ask again, Jacobson, let me go,” I said in a strong tone.

He smiled slightly. “I’m well acquainted with your self defence techniques.”

“I’m not interested in your attempts at humour.” My body was beginning to feel weighty in the water and it was time to head back to the shore. As competent a swimmer as I was, even I was unable to continue to keep afloat for long periods of time and especially when braced against six feet three inches of pure stone. With my stamina rapidly fading, I tightened my grip around his biceps and attempted to push out of his hold again, this time kicking my flagging legs more determinedly. “Unless you intend on drowning me, let me
fucking
go.” Begrudgingly his long arms slackened at my waist and his eyes closed in resignation. Sighing profoundly his hands moved to my hips freeing me marginally.

“I will let you go long enough to swim to the shore but on one condition,” he bargained. That seriously pissed me off.

“You are in no position to impose conditions on me, Jonah,” I spat out. “The fact you believe you have the right to only confirms what I already know about you.”

“Oh and what’s that?” he asked with a questioning rise of his dark brow.

“That you really are a total asshole.” His answering chuckle and slight shake of his head did nothing to alleviate my frustrated state.

“God I have so missed you and your terms of endearment Miss Matthews.”

“I don’t want you to miss me,” I lied, badly. My insecure side hoped he felt the void of living without me as painful to live with as I did. “I just want you to let me go, now.”

“Promise you will give me time to explain and I will let you go. There are things I know that you need to be aware of Ava. One hour, that’s all I’m asking for.”

Drawn to the sincerity buried in his darkened eyes, I decided to go against my better judgement and deal. My skin was crimpling due to the amount of time spent in the cool water and with the searing heat of Jonah’s flesh against mine I was unable to think straight. Nodding my head in agreement after weighing up my options, one hour of my time or drowning, I breathed in relief as Jonah relinquished his hold and did as I asked and let me go. Setting off for the shore, my body cooled with the withdrawal of his body. Swimming with purpose, the shore came nearer and so did Jonah’s big reveal and the secrets he had kept from me for far too long. I only hoped that I really did want to hear them.

I smiled at the handsome French waiter I had been appointed for the duration of my stay. Pierre was a perk of the quiet, secluded hotel I had inhabited for the last four days and his undivided attention was a given At a price of course, an extravagantly high price that not only gave me my personal attendant but seclusion and privacy that was worth every last penny. Placing an ice cold orange juice in my hand, Pierre’s smile showed he didn’t find me lacking in the ‘attraction’ department, a smile that only brought a grimace to the divine features of the man who sat before me preparing to spill every last gory detail of his betrayal.

My hot skin tingled under the intense
Mediterranean sun, affected also I had no doubt by Jonah’s presence. The solitary gardens to the rear of the hotel offered little protection from the glaring rays but did provide shelter from the small number of guests also residing here. The sweet smell of the pale pink and white rose bushes dotted around the garden perimeter floated in the air, the salty spray of the clear blue sea gave freshness to the atmosphere that pulsated with electrically charged strings of attraction that always hung around the two of us. Smiling widely at Pierre and thanking him for our drinks, I sat further back into the antique white-framed chair and fixated my gaze on Jonah.

My heart stuttered as my eyes greedily took him in. I missed those beautiful blue eyes, his mussed up chestnut hair and those full, pink lips that melted against my flesh with every touch. The sculptured abs, lean waist and broad shoulders that showcased every sinew of tightly toned muscle he possessed, had my body craving for contact on every level. I sighed deeply with frustrated resignation as I placed my half full glass of juice on the matching antique table. Jonah was everything a woman could ever want, need or desire. For a time he had been mine, all mine. I had attacked his body with a hunger, passion and a thirst I could never quench. He owned me, captivated me, invigorated my blank canvas of an existence and showered it with vibrant, poignant life. Then he had wrenched that all from my grasp, replaced the canvas back to it’s previously, desolate and bare self. But even now, even after every last ounce of pain he had inflicted on me, I still wanted him, still burned for him and still needed him. Only thing is, judging by our last, hurtful, agonising encounter, he most certainly didn’t feel the same way about me.

Crossing my legs, straightening my spine and resting my now pinking arms on the chair rests, I hardened my stare, bracing myself for the undoubtedly ugly admissions he was about to make. Sat slightly hunched in his chair with his long, lithe legs spread before him, Jonah shifted slightly, a restless gesture that told of his discomfort and trepidation regarding what he was about to reveal.

“By my time keeping you have fifty minutes, of our agreed hour left, Jonah. Whatever you came here to say, let’s hear it.”

Regret resounded in his eyes as his gaze locked with mine. “I’m so sorry I hurt you, Ava. That was never my intention.”

“You never gave a shit about my feelings,” I snorted. “I was a goal to you and no more. We both know that.”

His features tightened. “You were, are and always will be everything to me. That is the truth.”

“Truth,” my voice heightened. “What the hell do you know about the damn truth? All you know is lies and deceit.”

He shook his head, his damp hair falling across his smooth, flawless forehead. “I know I love you. I know you’re the most important thing in my life. That is the truth whether you choose to believe it or not.”

He looked at me again, his eyes warm and pleading. It was then I noticed the slight lines indenting the skin around them, the tiredness they showed. My heart momentarily hurt for him, joining him in pain. Whether the words he spoke were truthful or not, his hurt was evident. Hurt that mirrored my own. Shaking those thoughts from my mind, thoughts that had no business softening my resolve, I ran a hand through my wet hair and turned away from him slightly. “You’ve still got the smooth talk down to a fine art, Jonah, I’ll give you that much.”

Moving forward in his chair, he rested his two strong arms on the table and leaned in closer. My eyes closed as his masculine scent over powered me. Flashbacks of the smell of his skin sweat ridden and naked while fucking me into oblivion raised my already awakened arousal. Squirming in my chair with an uncomfortable throb developing between my thighs I knew I had to steer this rapidly declining conversation onto its intended path before my barriers crumbled and fell, laying me bare to him yet again. “Why are you here Jonah? That’s all I agreed to listen to. In fact, how did you even know where to find me?”

“Where you’re concerned, sweetheart, I’ll always find you. I have my sources.”

“You do know that stalking is illegal,” I threw back. “Or I could have your ass hauled for harassment.”

Chuckling slightly he leaned into the chair back and crossed his arms. “I have missed your cutting wit Miss Matthews.”

My irritation began to burn as hot as my skin. We were getting nowhere, skating around the obvious. Each second spent in his company chipped away at my hardened soul and locked down feelings, where Jonah was concerned. They had to remain intact, my self preservation demanded it. “Either get to the point of why you’re here Jonah or just go. I’ve already given you more of my time than you deserve.”

Briefly closing his eyes and swallowing deeply, his face smoothed out into resignation. As if pained to say the words he exhaled a long breath before speaking.

“Firstly, I need to address the issue of Darcy.”

My teeth gritted so hard, my jaw hurt, as unwanted memories of the blonde vision, banding a diamond rock in my face and enlightening me on her betrothal to the man who I believed loved me, resounded in my head.

“It’s not what you think, Ava. It never was. You saw what my Uncle and Darcy wanted you to see. You promised to hear me out regardless of what you saw or heard. You broke that promise and condemned me without question. You hurt me too.”

“What did you expect?” I questioned with a tilt of my head. “How would you have felt if roles were reversed?”

“I would have trusted in YOU. I would have given YOU the chance to explain to me. I could never walk away from you, ever. If you cheated on me, I’d bear it; just too at least have you partly in my life. I meant it when I said you are it for me Ava, there will never be anyone else. Where you’re concerned I’ll take whatever I’m privileged enough to get.”

“Jesus, Jonah,” I whispered as the pain in my chest intensified. The sincerity of his voice and determination in those damn blue pools for eyes told me every word he spoke was heart felt. I did promise to listen, to believe in us, whether I heard or saw things I liked or not. That promise flew clear out of the window when confronted by Jonah and the woman I believed to be his fiancée, I judged him without allowing him the chance to explain. Confusion clouded my train of thought as doubt crept in. “She was wearing your ring, she knew I was raped.”

His jaw tightened as he ran long fingers through his hair. “The ring wasn’t mine. Darcy’s parents are old friends of Benjamin’s. We knew each other as children and grew up in the same social circles. We had an on off thing for a while, nothing heavy and certainly no monogamous attachments. We fucked when she was in London and nothing more. If she ever built it into something relationship based then that was her own doing and not mine. When I confronted Benjamin and told him his deal was off the table, that I wasn’t willing to do his fucking dirty work, Darcy was staying with him for a week or two while on business. They concocted that little scene you witnessed between them as payback. Benjamin was seriously pissed at my backing out and Darcy believed there was a future for the two of us. I haven’t so much as masturbated once since we met and fucking another woman is out of the question. What you saw was revenge, pure and simple.”