Don't Say You Love Me (Boundless Love Book 1) (17 page)

‘Justin!’

‘I’ve stopped treatment,’ he said.

‘What? Why?’ She swallowed back hard.

‘Because it isn’t working.’

‘What do you mean it isn’t working?’ she panicked.

‘The tumour hasn’t shrunk. It’s not working.’

‘What are you saying?’

‘I think you know what I’m saying.’ He moved his wheelchair forward so that he could take her hand.

‘No…no…no.’ She swallowed. ‘No, it can’t be right. You were getting better.’

‘I thought I was, but when the scan showed that the tumour wasn’t shrinking, there was no point to continue.’

‘Can’t they operate, can’t they
…?’

‘They’ve done everything they can, the doctors have prolonged my life as best they can, but now it’s time to accept what is.’

‘Accept! You’re giving up!’

‘No, I’m not. I’m accepting. I’ve been thorough a thicket of emotions these past few weeks, but I’ve finally made peace with myself.’

She shook her head, tears drizzled down the sides of her cheek.

‘Please don’t cry, be happy for me. I’ve been locked away in this hospital for a long time, but now I get to live the life I’ve wanted. I get to do things I only dreamed of.’

‘Where are you going?’ She wiped away the tears and tried to be strong.

‘
Italy, France and Spain, again, Eugene has offered his private jet for my travels.’

She looked a
t him again, she had no idea how generous he could be. Perhaps being wealthy wasn’t as bad as she’d made it out to be. It all depended on what the person did with it.

‘I’m going to have fun! Be happy for me.’

‘How long?’ she had to ask.

‘A few weeks.’

The lump in her throat felt like razor blades cutting against her throat.

‘Don’t be sad, I’m happy. I get to do things some people may never do in a life time. I mean who gets to go on a private jet, and take a spin in a Ferrari?’

She was quiet for a moment, they all were.

‘Okay.’ Her voice was almost a whisper. ‘Okay. If you’re happy, then I’m happy too.’

He moved forward and took her into a hug.

‘I want you to do a reading at my funeral.’

‘Don’t you dare! I don’t want to think about that yet, you said a few weeks. Knowing you, that could mean a few months.’

He smiled at her optimism. She could be right or wrong, but he wasn’t going to dwell on it.

‘All we really have is today, so let’s all make the most of it. How about that spin in the Ferrari?’

‘When
ever you’re ready, mate.’

‘I love you!’ said Justin to
Sahara. ‘You’re my new best friend.’

‘I love you too.’ She giggled.

Eugene took the handles to the wheelchair and pushed Justin, out of the hospital.

‘Woohoo!’ Justin lifted his hand in the air. ‘This is what I call living!’

Sahara couldn’t help, but laugh, even though she was feeling quite sad inside. The emptiness grew as she realised just how empty it was without Justin. She was grateful it was her last day, but Justin’s news had made her question her illness, her mortality. It was as if she’d come face to face with death. Sahara didn’t like it one bit. She’d always thought she’d be able to accept it, but when it was so close to her, she felt so afraid, she wondered if she’d been lying to herself all along.

Chemotherapy felt lonely even though the nurses were there to keep her company. She’d felt that she’d already lost him, but she knew that wasn’t true. By the time the two guys got back, she had been done ten minutes ago.

‘Sorry I’m late honey.’

‘Don’t worry about me.’ She noticed the look on Justin’s face, it was priceless. She’d never seen him so happy.

‘Looks like you guys had a great time! I thought you were off to the airport.’

‘It was absolutely amazing!
I am. We’d lost track of time, so Eugene has organised for his driver to take me instead. Thank you so much Eugene.’

‘You’re welcome.’

‘You won’t guess what else he’s doing,’ said Justin.

‘What else is he doing?’ She raised her eyebrows at
Eugene, and he smiled cheekily.

‘Starting a charity in my name, to raise more awareness about brain cancer.’

‘Wow! You are certainly full of surprise’s today, Mister Gallagher.’

He took her into his arms and gave her a great big kiss.

‘I love you so much. You’ve brought me so much fulfilment, I had no idea what was missing.’

She looked at him feeling a little clueless. She didn’t understand it one bit.

‘Just by being who you are made me realise just how much I have.’

‘Well, I’m glad I’ve been an inspiration.’ She didn’t know what else to say. ‘I think I’ll need to go and lie down soon.’ She was feeling a little queasy.

‘Of course, I’ll get you to the car.’

‘Bye Justin.’ She hugged him. ‘I know you’re going to have the time of your life!’ The tears crept up again.

‘I certainly am. And don’t ever hold back. Live your life to the fullest, just the way we talked about it.’

‘I will.’ She felt as though he was already saying goodbye.

‘I don’t know if I’ll see you again, in this side of life,’ he joked.

‘Please don’t speak like that.’

‘But it’s true, I must speak what is true. I must say the things I want to say now before it’s too late. Here…’ He pulled off the necklace that had a cross on it and handed it to her. ‘You have this.’

‘No, I can’t.’

‘I don’t want it to go into the ground with me.’

‘You say it so…’

‘Oh Sahara, cheer up. Honestly, I’m really happy. Please take this.’

She reached out and took the necklace.

‘Put it on.’

She laughed lightly and did as she was asked.

‘Perfect. It looks perfect on you.’

‘Good bye
, Justin.’

‘Good bye
, lovely Sahara.’

‘Oh god!’ She turned into
Eugene’s shoulder and burst into tears.

He squeezed her tight, until the tears subsided.

‘I’m sorry Justin. I couldn’t help it’

‘It’s okay, don’t worry about it.’ He smiled gently.

Sahara saw it in his eyes. There was a knowing in them, peace and contentment she’d never seen before. She nodded and acknowledged what she saw.

‘I guess you’re a ten today.’ She smiled through the tears. 

‘I’m a thousand and more!’

‘Oka
y.’ Goosebumps patterned her arms. ‘Okay.’

They said their
goodbyes, Sahara wasn’t sure how long she’d be able to keep it together. She waved one last time and leaned on Eugene for support as they left the hospital.

As the car swirled so did her stomach. There was a sick bag already in sight for her to use. She gazed at
Eugene at intervals. She’d never been more in love with him, than she was at that moment. He’d totally shown a different side to him.

‘I love you,’ she whispered.

‘I love you too, honey.’

S
he wanted to talk, but she felt like she was on a merry-go-round, moving at lightening speed. Just as he parked outside the front of her home, her head was in the sick bag. He rubbed her back gently and waited. He said nothing, instead his presence was his support.

It took a while, but finally
she stopped. He hopped out of the car and dashed over to her side. He lifted her and took her into the house.

‘You are a dream come true,’ she mumbled into him. ‘I’m probably not looking or feeling my best, but one day I hope to be.’

‘You’re the best you are right now.’ He kissed her forehead.

Chapter Eleven

The weeks flew by, her hair started to grow back and she was back at work. It turned out, Justin had lasted longer than any doctor could’ve predicted. She stood in front of the mirror all dressed in white, a wide smile spread across her face. It was a bittersweet moment. It was the day she was going to say goodbye to a lovely and caring human being.

‘Honey, Emily’s here?’
Eugene shouted from downstairs.

‘I’m co
ming!’ She put on a light pink lipstick that worked wonderfully against her brown skin.

She placed a headband, decorated with white daffodils from her shop, on her head.

‘I’m ready.’ She paced downstairs.

‘Wow! You look amazing.’ Emily was in tears.

‘Don’t make me cry!’ She warned her.

‘I can’t help it, you look so well.’

‘Well, we don’t know that yet. Two more days before the verdict.’

Both Eugene and Emily eyed each other.

‘What?’ She watched them both.

‘Nothing,’ they said simultaneously.

She watched them, there was something they were not telling her, but there wasn’t time to pull it out of them.

‘My driver’s waiting.’

‘Ooohhh, I can’t wait to be chauffeured,’ Emily chimed.

Sahara
laughed. ‘Thank you for coming. Thanks for your support.’

‘Anytime honey, I’m your girl,’ said Emily.

They stepped out into the warm sunshine. Sahara looked up into the sky and smiled.

‘Justin sent us
this glorious weather,’ said Sahara.

‘Yes, he did.’ Emily agreed.

They walked to the waiting car.

****

Sahara took a few bold steps to the front of the gathering. She stood in front of people she’d never met, and yet felt like she knew them.

‘Wow.’ Her eyes drifted
over the wave of white in front of her. ‘What a turn out! Justin was really loved.’ She gazed at the amazing picture of him.

‘For those who don’t know me, I’m one of Justin’s friends. We met at the hospital while receiving chemo.’ She sucked in a deep breath. ‘I feel pretty honoured to be standing up here.’
She bit back her lower lip and tried not to cry. ‘It was Justin who taught me one of the most important lessons of life. He said, “Don’t waste your life dreaming about tomorrow. Tomorrow isn’t here yet, who knows, we might not see tomorrow. Spend your time being here, in the present moment.” ’ This time she dabbed away the tears. ‘We would discuss our wildest dreams, and he got to experience his, thanks to a very generous man, whom I’m so very proud of.’ She gazed at Eugene lovingly. ‘Justin, we will miss you, but we sure won’t forget you. You weren’t a movie star, or a famous performer, you may not be known by the whole world, but you, my friend lived your life to the fullest. Some people will never get to know what that means. Some people will continue to live in the future, and never get to experience the life right in front of them. You gave me the most precious gift, and I will continue to hold onto it. The gift of awareness, it allows me to hear the sweet sound of birds twitting in the morning, to see the squirrels as they rush up a tree, the ability to appreciate the warm sunshine on my skin. Even though I’m sad, I’m definitely a ten.’ She sniffed. ‘That means I’m doing great, and I guess some day we’ll meet again. We send you off with love! Rest in peace dear friend, rest in peace!’ She stepped down and went back to her seat.

‘That was beautiful, honey.’
Eugene kissed her.

The service continued with a few words from more friends. The
y were then led into a song, with Justin’s father playing the organ. It was a beautiful ceremony, one she would never forget. Finally the curtain closed around the casket, and it disappeared as Justin was cremated. There were a few sobs here and there, but everyone tried to make it a joyous moment.

After the service, people gathered in the café in the same place for food and a chat. Even though the trio had made their way over there to get something to eat, they didn’t stay long.
Sahara wanted to get back home, she wanted to try and get back to normal as soon as possible.

****

The day finally arrived when she was to get the results of her illness. Was she or wasn’t she cancer free? She’d wanted to go it alone, but Eugene had insisted on going with her, and he wasn’t taking no for an answer.

Over the past couple of days,
Eugene had seemed to be on the phone quite a lot. It had been something she’d noticed, but always assumed it had to do with his businesses.

They sat down to breakfast, but
Sahara couldn’t bring herself to eat anything. The nerves were raging through her body.

‘At least try something,’ he said.

‘I can’t. I’m terrified.’

He nodded, there was nothing more for him to say. To tell her not to be afraid wasn’t his place, besides, he was certainly afraid too. It took him a few minutes to finish his breakfast, and soon they were on their way to see the oncologist.

There were two other people waiting to see him before her. The atmosphere in the waiting room was heavy. Everyone in that place was waiting to hear their fate, and none seemed too optimistic.