Doubting Our Hearts (4 page)

"We," pointing a finger to all the girls, "get first look at the pictures."

"Done." I say quickly, but I knew she wasn't done.

"And...you have to take a picture of the single brother without his shirt on."

I stare at her with a shocked look on my face as Courtney and Gwen join Riley in agreement and cheers to single guys.

"Come on guys. I can't do that."

However, it wasn't Riley who responded it was Gwen.

"Why not? These guys are going to be in GQ for Christ's sakes." I wince at Gwen's use of swearing. "Sorry, Lil. I mean come on. There are no ugly guys or girls in GQ. These guys must be like way hot to get in there."

"I dunno really." I shrug like it's no big deal, but I'll admit all my clients for the magazine are gorgeous. "I didn't ask for their names because honestly that doesn't matter. To me, I'm just shooting two brothers who own a company together. I'm sure Jerry wants them in three piece suits or something."

"What if you get a picture of the single one with just his suit pants, tie, and jacket? Now that's hot!" Courtney adds.

Okay, I must give her creative props for that one. That look is sexy, and if these guys are anywhere near as hot as the guys I've already photographed, then the sans shirt look would be positively mouthwatering.

"She's thinking about it." Garrett responds, and my cheeks flush red.

"You wanna see them to Gare. I mean your last few boyfriends haven't really been the take home to mom types." Now it's Ryan's turn to poke fun at our gay friend.

"You're just jealous I can rock this look," pulling up his shirt to reveal his chiseled eight-pack abs. He glanced around at the table as all the girls stared at his gorgeously toned stomach. "Yeah, I thought so." He ends with a smirk and pleased eyes.

I take my napkin and throw it on Garrett's exposed skin. "Cover up or you'll make all the guys in here jealous!"

He just chuckles as I hear Shelby tell Ryan, "Don't worry babe, I like yours better."

"Only like huh?" He responds as he gives her his smirk.

"Oh, more than like..."

I can see the eyes they're giving each other, and I feel a tug of pain emitting from my chest. I once had that. I tear my eyes away from they're entwined fingers and stare at my chicken alfredo.

"So, what do you say Miss Almost Staff Photographer for GQ? Will you indulge us single ladies so we can feast our eyes on perfection of male flesh or will you deny our request and we’ll come annoy you and ogle men while you work?"

As much as I want to say no to Riley and just deal with the girls hanging out at the shoot, I don't know how my clients would feel about that. Some have been extremely private. I mean one of the movie stars I shot made it a requirement that is was only me and him. I didn't argue. While I was obviously nervous by his request, I was professional and respected his wishing only commenting asking him if he was going to take advantage of me, he should at least kiss me first. When he roared with laughter, I knew I had gotten him to relax, and the shoot went really well. I respect each person I photograph, and I hope they respect me in return.

With that being said, I'm still concerned about how my next clients would like being photographed practically half nude. I don't mind showing the girls my pictures before I send them in to the magazine, but this half nude shot definitely worries me.

What am I doing even entertaining the idea? I mean geez, I've been single for three months of which the entire time I've dealt with bad memories. To top it off, the one guy I thought would at least be a comfort in some strange way doesn't even remember who I am.

"Well Lil?" Gwen asks with everyone looking at me waiting for my answer.

What the hell. This is more about to get them off my back then me actually asking one of these brothers to take a half nude photo. "Fine. Fine." I say as the girls start clapping excitedly. "Don't ask again. This is already going to be embarrassing enough."

Chapter 3

Brayden

The last two years with my company have been complete chaos. Every time my brother and I think we're going to get a break, the opposite happens. Don't get me wrong I'm glad the company is thriving, but the never ending go here and do that leaves no time for relaxation.

The only time I was able to relax and unwind was my three week visit to Florida last year. I did go to visit some properties the company wanted to check out investing in, but my mind was immediately sidetracked when I went to have my first morning cup of coffee in Tampa.

I was reading the New York Times as I sip my coffee like I do every morning and a giggle filled the space. I looked up to see the profile of a woman. Not just any woman. This woman looked like beauty in its truest form.

Her long hair was almost the same color as mine but lighter with prominent bourbon color highlights. Her hair was pinned up slightly in the back with pieces in the front and shielded her eyes and cheek from my view. Her nose was curved just right down to her lips where the hint of pink gloss made them shine. I followed the curve of her chin to her neck where her wavy, light brown hair covered the bronzed skin of her collarbone.

She wore a sleeveless black top with sheer overlay and a pair of white shorts that ended mid-thigh. Her legs look like they've been kissed by the sun all the way down to her feet where she was playing with a pair of flip flop sandals.

Who is this woman and where did she come from?

Just a few weeks ago I was contemplating purposing to Addison, my girlfriend of two years. Every time I sit down and think it over it just doesn't feel right, so I wait even longer. She occasionally drops hints like making it a point to draw my attention to every wedding she sees or informs me about the latest episode of David Tutera's My Fair Wedding. Although I 'hmm' and 'nice' my way through those conversations to agree with her, I don't want a big fanfare or her to know when I'm going to propose. I like to keep things private as well as making a proposal one she'll always remember.

I do love Addy, and I've been with her long enough. However, something doesn't feel quite right at times, and if something doesn't feel right, most of the time it isn't.

I've always had the philosophy that I will only marry once. So I guess I'm just hoping I make the right choice. Why you ask? It's because of my parents who have fifteen marriages between them. Lighting doesn't strike twice...or in their case fifteen times, which is why I've waited and gone with my gut when it tells me something doesn't feel completely right about proposing to Addy.

Without another thought, I pick up my coffee and walk to the woman's table.

"Good morning. Would you mind if I joined you?"

She looks around obviously seeing the almost empty coffee shop, and then looks back at me. She looks a bit nervous, but finally just shrugs her shoulders and says, "I guess so."

As I sit across from her, the features I saw in her profile are nothing compared to her ravishing green eyes and magnificent bright white smile. I have a moment of speechlessness as I take in the sight of this beautiful woman. Although I should feel regret since I'm still with Addy, I don't. I feel absolutely relaxed with this woman, and she's only said three words.

My brain resumes its functions with my mouth in quick succession. "Hi," I say as I offer my hand out to her. "I'm Brayden."

She looks unsure of herself, and then I see her cheeks start to turn a light shade of pink. When the tips of her fingers come in contact with mine, I feel a slow burn, and the feeling continues as her fingers move over my palm to grasp my hand lightly.

"It's nice to meet you. I'm Lillian."

I can't keep my eyes off of her. She's mysterious and stunning and more beautiful than every model I've ever seen. I would know since I've seen a lot of them, since Addy's a model herself. I can't shake the feeling Lillian's beauty surpasses that of every woman I've come in contact with, but I'll be damned if it isn't the truth.

Just then her left hand grips the side of her cup and brings it to her luscious lips. It's then that I knew this woman was too good to be true. The sunlight hit her face in a way that made me take a short breath. Her eyes sparkled like a million bright stars, and the flashing of a diamond made me divert my eyes to her left hand. It made me feel like such a bastard that I would even contemplate staring at her when she's engaged not to mention I have a girlfriend back in New York.

"You did that on purpose didn't you?" I ask, shaking my head lightly trying to mask my hurt feeling by making light of the situation.

She shrugged again like it was no big deal. "I don't know, you tell me." Then she takes another sip, but I see the faint smile that rests against the rim of the small blue cup.

I laugh to hide the disappointment I feel. "I guess I deserved that. I apologize."

"Apology accepted. My fiancé isn't a jealous man."

"I would be if I were him." I shut my eyes immediately after I said those words. I heard her breath hitch and knew she was going to bolt far far away from me. "I'm sorry...again. I'm not really saying the appropriate thing in this situation."

"I don't really think there's any appropriate thing to say really." When she chuckled, I knew I was off the hook. I opened my eyes to an authentic smile that made her other features glow. "Let's start over. I'm Lillian. I'm engaged, but I would like it if you would have coffee with me."

My body physically relaxed, and it was then that I knew this woman was different from any other woman I had ever been around. Most women would either flirt profusely not caring if they were wearing an engagement ring or they would completely shut down giving me the cold shoulder. Lillian is definitely not in either category.

"It's very nice to meet you, Lillian, I'm Brayden. You're fiancé is one lucky guy."

"I know." I chuckle at her response because I know it's not a narcissistic comment. It's one to lighten the mood. "You don't look like you're from Florida."

"And what gave me away?"

"Your skin. It's too pale to have enjoyed the rays of the sun your whole life. If I were to venture, you're a Yankee. Not particularly from New York per say, but just a bit further north than Florida."

"Well, if I didn't know better, I would think you were psychic."

She cocks her head to the side and looks me over with curious eyes. When she sees my smile, I think it clicks with her.

"Are you really from New York?"

"Born and raised."

"Ha. I am good. I've been there a few times. Nice place. Pretty busy too." She brings the cup to her lips again. My imagination running wild with the things she could do with those lips and her tongue.

"You have no idea. Not as warm as Tampa though. It's hard to get the sunlight through all the buildings." Now it was her turn to laugh, and at the sound, I knew I would give anything to keep her laughing. The sound reverberated through my chest and wrapped around my heart until it constricted in pain.

How can this woman's laugh make me feel like this?

I tried to continue our conversation without her thinking I'm a complete idiot. "You laugh, but I know it's the truth."

"I've been to New York before, Brayden." Just the way she says my name has me hooked. God, say it again.

"Really, and what I might ask has a beautiful woman like you drawn to the Big Apple?" The blush in her cheeks didn't go unnoticed as she tried to hide it by playing with her hair.

"Business."

"Please, elaborate," I say urging her to keep talking. Everything about this woman has me sitting in rapt attention waiting on her to give me more. Well, everything except the fact she has a ring on her finger.

When I think she's going to answer, she bends down and picks up a case then sets in down in the middle of our table. It only takes me a second to see the word Nikon on her bag to know she's a photographer.

"You know, when I ask people to elaborate on something, I usually get a verbal response in more words than I could have asked for. However, your idea of elaboration is putting a bag on the table. No sounds. No words."

I tried to keep my breathing calm as I watched her process my words. I had no idea what she was going to say next, but what did come out of her mouth showed me more about who she was than even she might like to admit.

"You don't need words when you have an image."

In that one statement, I knew how important photography was to her. Her facial expression and the way her eyes lingered on the camera case. She didn't just take pictures for a living. She put her heart into capturing what she considered art.

I don't know what compelled me to ask her if she would show me some of her images, but she agreed. While flipping through them, she stopped on one particular image.

"See this one," She said as she let me view the image on the digital display. It was of a couple holding hands. You couldn't see them just their forearms and linked hands with the sandy beach and sunset in the background. It didn't look like much to me.

I shrug. "Sure. It's nice."

The look she gave me was like I had sprouted two heads. She recovered after a few seconds of staring at me like I was a mythical creature before she resumed her position and let me examine the image again.

"It's not just
nice
, Brayden." And there it was again, my name. I'm not an egotistical man by any means, but when Lillian says my name, it sounds like a hook in a song and I can't stop listening. "Look at it. Look at everything you see. Not just the picture as a whole. Take in the positioning of their hands and the rays of the sunset. Let the warmth of the colors surround you as you feel the sand in between your toes and the water on your feet." She closed her eyes transporting herself to the very moment she took the picture and let out a soft moan sound that made me wish I was right there with her on that sandy beach holding her closely. When she opened her eyes, they were glassy and still not completely back to our table at the coffee shop. "Now look back at the image and tell me what you see."

I do as she instructs and review every detail, every line, every curve. I started to imagine my bare feet walking along the sand in a thin cotton shirt and khaki board shorts. I look to my right and see Lillian coming closer in a white bikini with a grin that's both cocky and sweet. The oranges and reds of the sunset are reflecting in her green eyes almost making them a deep purple color. We link hands and make our way to the water of the ocean where the temperature is warm. The smell of the ocean water is mixed with the smell of Lillian's perfume.

I slowly open my eyes to see Lillian staring at me as I come back to reality. "Describe it in one word," she asks.

It takes me a minute to process what I just experienced, but I can think of one word to describe it. "Nirvana."

She doesn't say anything else. Her heart is beating a mile a minute from what I can tell from the pulse in her neck. Her breathing is short and choppy, and she trying to control it but failing. Her hands are trembling as she turns off the camera and places it back in her bag.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you. The picture is better than nice. It's wonderful." I don't know what else to say. It's like I hit some nerve that I didn't know was there.

"You didn't offend me at all." She says quietly. "You just...what you said..."

I put my hand lightly over hers before speaking. "I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you." She looks at our hands lying gently on the coffee table then looks in my eyes. The fervor and heat she's relaying does not match her engaged relationship status.

"It's just...that's what I thought when I looked at this photo. Where utopia is more imaginary, nirvana is just a state of happiness and certainly more attainable."

My heart knew more than my mind wanted to let on. Something was there. Not just a basic attraction even though I could surely see that. No, this was far beyond attraction. This was fate. I needed to see her again. I look down at my watch to see if I had enough time to get to the first property.

"I have to get going, but I’d like to grab a bite to eat later if that’s alright. Strictly plutonic, of course. I wouldn't want your fiancé coming around to kick my ass or anything."

"How about this. If I can come say hello to my new friend, I'll be on the boardwalk at John's Pass on Gulf Blvd around six."

She got up and put her camera bag on her shoulder to leave. I was freaking out. What if this is the last time I see her?

"Uh. What do I do if you're not there?" I ask lamely.

"Well, Brayden from New York, I might look you up next time I'm in town."

That's it? That's all I have to go off of? I can't leave it like this.

"At least tell me your last name."

"Anderson. Lillian Anderson."

"Well, Miss Anderson. I hope you have a wonderful day today." I say as I take her hand to kiss her knuckles. I let my lips linger on her skin for a second longer before pulling away.

"And you, Brayden."

"Knight." I respond and she looks at me curiously. Then it clicks and she smiles sweetly.