Downsizing (32 page)

Cassie’s mind had been working on damage
control when Noah arrived at the hospital. Billy was the only one
who knew the complete truth, and surely Noah wouldn’t believe his
jumbled account over hers? She’d almost managed to convince herself
on that score when Noah insisted that Billy be brought to the
hospital. When he wouldn’t let her stay, she knew she was in
trouble, but could still turn the situation to her
advantage.

She’d spent most of the morning at the
hospital fussing over Josh, while Noah came home to take a break.
Now they’d swapped places, Josh was due to be released once the
doctor gave him the all clear, and Cassie expected him and Noah any
time now.

She and Billy had spent the intervening time
making banners to welcome Josh home.

“
What did you tell Dad about
Josh’s accident?” she asked as they cut out and stuck large letters
onto an old sheet. “I expect you were too scared to remember much
about it.”

Billy blinked at her. “No I wasn’t. I remember
it all and I told him what happened.”

“
What, that I was upstairs with
the baby, you mean?”

“
No you weren’t.” Billy looked at
her with confusion in his eyes. “You were asleep.”

“
No, silly, that was before.
You’ve got it all muddled.” She ruffled his hair. “You phoned for
the ambulance while I went to help Josh. Don’t you
remember?”

“
No.” Billy shook his head in
stubborn denial.

“
Don’t worry, it was all so
horrible that it’s little wonder you’re feeling
confused.”

“
But, Mum, you weren’t upstairs,
you were asleep!”

“
Now, Billy, I know you like
feeling as though you’re a hero, and really that’s just what you
are, but you mustn’t tell lies just to make yourself look braver
than you actually were.”

He stamped his foot, and his lower lip
trembled. “I’m not lying!”

“
I don’t suppose you’re doing it
intentionally, but just remember to tell Dad you remember now that
I was upstairs with the baby. All right?” When he nodded with
obvious reluctance Cassie breathed an inaudible sigh of relief.
“Good boy! Anyway, all that really matters now is that Josh is
going to be all right. He’ll be home soon, so we’d better finish
these banners before he gets here.”

Cassie wondered if the accident had been a
blessing in disguise. She’d lost focus recently because she’d been
so shaken by Maxine’s return. Once she’d squared things with Noah,
she’d make a renewed attempt to be a model wife. She’d give up
Graham, stop drinking so much, and use every devise at her disposal
to rekindle their marital sex life. She’d learn to live with his
friendship with Maxine and make the best of what she’d
got.

“
Quick, Billy, they’re here
already! Get the other end of the banner and we’ll surprise Josh
with it.”

But when they stepped into the hall only a
grim-faced Noah stood there.

“
Where’s Josh, Dad?” Billy asked,
dropping his end of the banner and running to his father, his face
crumpling. “Isn’t he coming home?”

“
Yes, what’s happened?” asked her
mother, emerging from the kitchen. “Did they have a change of heart
about letting him go?”

“
He’ll be released shortly.
Charles is smoothing the way with the paperwork.” Noah turned
toward Cassie’s mother. “Madeleine, do you mind watching Billy and
Amy for a while. Cassie and I need to talk.”

“
Not at all, Noah,” she said,
treating him with a degree of courtesy so alien to her usual
detached attitude that Cassie looked at her askance. “You go ahead
and take all the time you need. We’ll be fine, won’t we,
Billy?”

At first Cassie thought it was a good thing
that Noah seized an early opportunity to clear the air between
them. Accidents had a tendency to make people forget their
differences, bringing them closer together. But as he drove her
away from her mother’s house, his jaw set in a rigid line,
rebuffing her various attempts at conversation, she had second
thoughts.

He pulled into the driveway of their house and
got out of the car, slamming the door behind him. Doing her best to
suppress the nerves fluttering in her stomach, Cassie hauled
herself out of her seat and followed him slowly into the
house.

“
Why are you so angry, darling?”
she asked, aware that the tense atmosphere between them hadn’t been
left in the car.

He whirled to face her, and the smoldering
hatred searing through his eyes rocked her to the core. She had
expected him to want answers, but this was a side of him she’d
never seen before. He looked at her as though she was beneath
contempt, which increased her anxiety and made her desperate to say
something, anything, to remove his expression of loaded
animosity.

“
You’ve got to calm down, Noah,”
she chided gently. “No lasting harm has been done, and anyway,
you’ll be no help to Josh if you don’t.”

“
You are something else, Cassie,
daring to tell me what’s best for Josh?”

“
Well of course I dare, darling.
I’m the one who’s with him all day, remember? I know him better
than anyone.”

“
I wonder if you actually know any
of your children. Do you care what happens to them, or do you just
use them as a means to an end when it suits your
purpose?”

“
What would make you say such a
silly thing?” She blew air through her lips. “You’re understandably
overwrought, but children have accidents all the time. Don’t
believe anything Billy said to you. He’s traumatized and confused,
which is only natural. It was a terrible ordeal for him, but he’s
enjoying all the attention and exaggerating his part in it.” She
shrugged. “It was bound to happen, but we talked about it this
morning and his memory is clearer now.”

Noah slapped his fist so hard against the
kitchen surface that she jumped with fright. “I don’t believe this.
You’d even call your own son a liar to excuse your appalling
neglect?”

“
I didn’t exactly say—”

“
Who is Josh’s biological
father?”

His lightning change of subject took her
completely by surprise. Her heart leapt into her throat, and she
could feel what little color she possessed draining from her face.
What was it Noah thought he knew?

“
Why you are, darling. You know
that.” Cassie was furious when her voice wobbled.

He curled his upper lip. “You’re so enmeshed
in your web of lies that you wouldn’t recognize the truth if it
jumped up and bit you on the arse.”

Cassie just stared at him, frightened by the
violence of his accusation and the disgust she could see in his
eye.

“
You still don’t get it, do you?
You’ve been so desperate to think of a way to avoid the blame for
the accident that you didn’t realize what happened at the hospital.
Why do you think your father was so upset when we both proved not
to match Josh’s blood group?”

“
Noah, I don’t
understand.”

“
I almost wish I didn’t.” He spoke
so quietly that she barely caught the words. “But unfortunately I
do. To have such a rare group, one of us must have what’s known as
the rhesus factor. In other words, one of us must be of a rhesus
blood type, too. But neither of us is, presumably because his
biological father shares that privilege with him.”

“
I don’t know what you mean,” she
said, dazed. “They must have made a mistake with the tests. Or
perhaps there are exceptions to this rhesus rule they’ve been
telling you about.”

“
You’re pathetic, do you know
that?” Noah’s voice, full of scathing contempt, cut her to the
quick. “All these years I’ve put aside my own aspirations and done
my best for you and the kids, but you still can’t be honest with
me.”

“
Oh yes, and don’t I just know
it!” In her desperation Cassie switched to the offensive. “Never
has a day gone by when you haven’t made it patently obvious that
you’ve done me a huge favor by marrying me.”

“
Who was he, Cassie, and why did
you go to so much trouble to trap me into marrying you? Was he
already married, or did he refuse to stand by you?”

“
It’s you. You
are
Josh’s
father, despite what they told you at the hospital. You were keen
enough to screw me—”

“
After you set me up.”

“
That doesn’t alter the fact that
you’re Josh’s father,” she repeated doggedly. “But you thought I’d
trapped you and haven’t stopped rubbing my nose in it ever since.
You refused help from my parents when they could have made our
lives easier, just to make me suffer, but that I could handle. The
worst part was knowing that you only stayed with me because of the
kids. How do you think that makes me feel? I’ve done my best to be
a good wife, but I’ve always known you didn’t love me and secretly
hankered after someone else.”

“
I have been faithful to you since
the day we married.” He scowled. “God knows why.”

“
In deed maybe, but how many times
have you fucked her in your head, Noah?” Her voice was shrill with
indignation. “Have you ever asked yourself that question? You
bought her a diamond bangle the day after she returned, for
heaven’s sake. You can’t tear yourself away from her for more than
five bloody minutes at a time, and as for the way you look at
her…well, I’d give ten years of my life if you’d look at me like
that, just once.” She offered him a wan smile, unshed tears
glittering in her eyes. “Is it any wonder I feel
insecure?”

“
I’ve always known you were
self-centered, but this is too much! I’ve just found out that you
used me, pretending to be carrying my child because you knew I’d
marry you if you were, but you still won’t come clean and admit it.
Yesterday you were too drunk to supervise the boys, and Josh could
have died as a result. You fuck around with
Graham-bloody-Spiller—”

“
No!”

“
Don’t make matters worse by
denying that one as well. I know all about you and him, but I don’t
give a shit, just as long as I don’t have to fuck you as well. You
accuse me of not doing enough to provide for you when I’ve worked
my fucking nuts off to give you everything you want, including this
monstrosity of a house.”

He turned away from her, clenching his fists
at his sides. Cassie didn’t know what to say to him because she’d
never seen him like this before. But she had to do something. They
couldn’t leave things this way. She had to somehow invoke his
sympathy and prevent him from walking out on her, as she now feared
he intended to. His leaving her would be catastrophic, but if he
then took up with Maxine, it would be one insult too many. She’d
never be able to hold her head up in Colebrook again. Tears of
self-pity welled, and she did nothing to prevent them from falling,
knowing that he hated to see her cry.

“
Save it,” he said brusquely. “It
won’t work this time.”

“
Noah, what’s happening to
us?”

He shook his head. “What planet do you live
on, Cassie? I’ve just discovered I’m not Josh’s real father. Our
relationship was built on a massive great lie, but you appear to
think that won’t make any difference.” He regarded her with cynical
detachment. “Even now you’re still thinking about yourself and
don’t seem to get why I’m so upset.” He met her gaze and held it.
“I’ll give you one last chance to tell me the truth. Be honest with
me, and we’ll see if we can salvage something from this mess. Who
was he? Who was the man who fathered Josh?”

“
It was you, Noah,” she said,
clutching her hair and beseeching him with her eyes. “You have to
believe me!”

She averted her face to avoid seeing the fury
in his expression. “How could I ever have expected you to be honest
with me?” He picked up his keys and turned toward the
door.

“
Where are you going?”

“
To collect the boy that I still
look upon as my son.”

She breathed a small sigh of relief. If he
wasn’t giving up on Josh then he wouldn’t be able to pass her over
either. “What about me? About us?”

“
I’ll drop you at your mother’s
and we’ll stay there with the children tonight. I don’t want them
subjected to the atmosphere between us if we’re alone with them,
not after all they’ve been through already. I’ll be bunking down
with the boys, though.”

A gasp escaped her. How would she explain that
one to Mummy?

“
After that I don’t know yet. I
can’t think straight right now.”

“
We can make things right between
us,” she said, scurrying after him. “We could go away together when
Josh is better, have a holiday and make a fresh start. I can do
better, Noah, but I’m not strong like you and I need help. I know
I’ve made mistakes, but we can put all this behind us and start
again. Don’t break us up as a family.” She clutched his arm but he
tore it out of her grasp. “The children would be devastated. We all
love you so much.”

He turned to face her, and his quelling glance
caused her faint hopes to evaporate. He’d cocooned himself in a
place where she couldn’t reach him, and for the first time in her
life Cassie could think of no one to blame for the mess she was in
other than herself. Should she have told him the truth when he
offered her the chance, thrown herself on his mercy and tried to
explain? It was too late now, but she still had no intention of
allowing Noah to get away from her. She knew in her heart that
she’d pushed him too far and couldn’t think how she’d prevent him
from leaving her, but she was desperate enough to try
anything.