Downsizing (35 page)

She felt consumed by the unfairness of it all.
Her eyes felt heavy, her limbs sluggish. Everyone else seemed to be
imbibing more freely than usual, even her normally abstinent
mother, to get over the shock of the accident. Why shouldn’t she,
the child’s mother who’d been the most traumatized of all, be
allowed to seek a little solace?

As soon as the boys went to bed that second
evening, Noah left the house, again without a word of explanation.
This time Cassie really did think that she might go out of her mind
with jealousy. Her father was out somewhere, and her mother was
engrossed in a television program, not paying her the slightest bit
of attention.

Unnoticed by her mother, she slipped from the
room, went into her father’s study, and helped herself to a full
bottle of vodka. She called out that she was having an early night
and ran up the stairs before her mother could cross-question
her.

Cassie closed and locked her bedroom door,
never having known such an overwhelming feeling of hopelessness
before. No one cared about her, and she might just as well be dead
for all the difference it would make to her family. The children
took almost as little notice of her as their father did, and even
her own mother hadn’t shown the slightest signs of sympathy for
what she was going through. Only her father treated her with
kindness, but that wouldn’t last for long. No doubt he was anxious
to get back to Harley Street and bloody Lorraine. What a hypocrite!
He had the nerve to judge her when all these years he’d been having
it off with his office manager, thinking that no one
knew.

Full of righteous indignation, Cassie grabbed
a glass from the bathroom, filled it to the brim with neat vodka,
and downed it in one. Feeling the welcome rush as the alcohol
fueled its way through her body, she reclined against her pillows
and considered her options. She still loved Noah so much that she
almost wished him dead. At least then she’d be able to mourn and
eventually get over the loss.

Cassie poured another glass of vodka,
swallowed half of it, and continued to stew. Nothing would ever be
the same again between her and Noah—she knew that for a fact—and it
was all bloody Maxine’s fault. Even if she somehow managed to
entice him back she’d never know a moment’s peace of mind. She was
tired, too tired to fight any more. It would be better just to let
go.

An inexplicable calm descended upon Cassie as
she entered her bathroom on unsteady legs and searched for a bottle
of aspirin. Damn, it was only half full, but it would just have to
do. Climbing back into bed she drank the rest of her vodka, poured
another glass, filling it to the brim, and shook a few pills into
her hand. How many would it take?

* * * *

It was after nine o’clock when Noah rang
Maxine’s doorbell. He hadn’t called her all day because what he had
to say couldn’t be said over the phone. She answered the door
almost immediately, looking as fresh as summer in a loose shift
dress, her shiny hair bouncing on her shoulders, a pair of reading
glasses perched on top of her head.

“
Come in, Noah.” She didn’t look
surprised to see him.

“
Hope I’m not disturbing
you.”

“
No, I was hoping you’d come
by.”

Her arms slipped round his neck as she kissed
him hello
.
Not the usual peck on the cheek that he’d grown
to expect from her, but a full-on, incendiary kiss as her lips
searched his for answers to a question she hadn’t bothered to
voice.

Noah responded instinctively, pulling her
close as he took control and deepened the kiss, forcing her lips
apart with his tongue. He was rocked by a surging tide of emotion
as her tongue darted out to meet his, tangling with it in an exotic
dance that sent fire lancing through his veins and left them both
breathing heavily when they eventually pulled apart.

“
I don’t want you to think that
I’m complaining,” he said, removing the glasses from her head
before they slipped to the floor. “But I can’t help wondering what
I’ve done to deserve that.”

“
You looked as though you needed
reassurance.”

“
Touché!”
he said,
remembering saying the exact same words to her years before, that
first time he’d kissed her at Joey’s birthday party. He took her
hand and led her through to the living room. “But actually, I came
to apologize.”

Alarm filtered across her features. “What
about?”

Still holding her hand, he sat on the settee
and pulled her down next to him. “For the things I almost said to
you yesterday, about us.” He shook his head, unable to meet her
gaze. “I shouldn’t have done that.” She tried to pull away from
him, but he wasn’t ready to let her go. “I wasn’t being fair to
you.”

She turned to look at him, a gentle smile
playing about her lips. “Did you hear me complaining?”

“
Well, no, but that’s because you
always put other people’s feelings above your own.”

“
Noah, did you actually mean what
you
almost
said?”

“
You know damn well that I did,
but my timing was lousy. You must think me a prize egotist. Not
five minutes after discovering that my son isn’t actually my son,
I’m trying to persuade you to take up with me when I don’t have a
clue what my future holds.”

“
Yes, you were, weren’t you?” Her
smile broadened. “But you didn’t give me a chance to say what I
thought of that.”

“
You don’t have to, sweetheart.
I’m only thankful that you didn’t sock me in the jaw when I arrived
tonight. I know you just want to be my friend again, you’ve made
that crystal clear, and I’m willing to settle for that.”

She made another attempt to stand up, and this
time he didn’t prevent her. “I came back to Colebrook because I
wanted to see for myself that you and Cassie were happy as a
family. That way I thought I’d be able to put the past behind me. I
think Charles was wise enough to realize that was what I needed to
do, even though I didn’t fully appreciate it myself at the time.”
She waved a hand at him to stop him from interrupting her. “I’m not
a home-wrecker, Noah, and I was determined that I wouldn’t come
between you and Cassie, whatever my own feelings might be. That’s
why I’ve been steering clear of you.” Their eyes locked. “But it’s
different now.”

“
And what are your feelings?
You’ve never said.”

“
Come with me and I’ll show you.”
She reached out her hand, and he took it, allowing her to lead him
up the stairs.

“
Max, if you’re taking me in the
direction of your bedroom, I really should warn you that it’s
probably not a good idea.”

“
Just trust me,” she said,
sounding supremely self-assured.

Helpless to prevent himself, Noah followed her
into a prettily furnished bedroom, trying not to look at the all
too inviting double bed that dominated it.

“
What does that tell you about my
feelings?” she asked, pointing to a picture in a silver frame
sitting on the bedside table.

It took a moment for him to register that it
was a black-and-white shot of him, taken years ago at their
favorite spot by the river. A spot which Maxine could now see every
day from this very room.

“
I don’t understand,” was all he
could think of to say as he gaped idiotically at the
picture.

“
Then you’re not as intelligent as
I’ve always given you credit for being.” When he was still unable
to respond she took pity on him. “Why do you think I ran
away?”

“
Because you felt let down and
excluded by Cassie and me, I suppose.”

“
Very good,” she said, as though
encouraging a backward child. “And why should that have mattered so
much to me?”

“
Because I was your
friend.”

“
Oh, Noah!” She punched his arm.
“Don’t be so dense. You weren’t just my friend. You were, and still
are, the only man I’ve ever loved.”

He sank slowly down onto the bed, shaking his
head to convince himself that he hadn’t misheard her. “Max, why the
hell didn’t you say something before now?”

“
Say what? That I’ve kept the
picture of a married man beside my bed for years, and have never
got over him?” She offered him a smile that heated the air between
them. “Allow a girl a little pride. That’s why I never came back,
and wouldn’t answer your calls or even your letters.”

“
Max, I had no idea!” He dropped
his head into his hands, unsure whether he felt the need to laugh
or cry. “But I’ve made such a hash of things. I was so bloody
arrogant, always thinking I knew best. Besides, there’re the
children, and God alone knows what I’m going to do about Cassie. I
can’t offer you any guarantees.”

“
Do you hear me asking for any?
Why don’t we just take one day at a time and see how things pan
out? I love my job here. I love your kids and,” she added, sliding
onto his knee and running her fingers through his hair, “I love you
most of all. I can’t fight it anymore, Noah, and I’m not even going
to try.” She dropped her head and kissed his lips. Hard. “Now then,
don’t you think we’ve wasted enough time? Why don’t we save all the
analytical stuff for later, and put this room to the use it’s
intended for?”

Without giving him the opportunity to respond,
she stood and, in one fluid movement, whipped her dress over her
head. Noah groaned, already helpless with desire as his eyes roved
across a body that was now clad only in pretty lace
underwear.

Standing, he pulled her into his arms and
kissed her, pouring every ounce of passion he possessed into the
moment as her body melted against his. He took his time, ignoring
her impatient protests as he examined every inch of her, kissing
and softly caressing. He ran his fingers the length of her limbs
with a touch designed to tantalize and excite, stroking until she
was squirming with desire.

She made no attempt to disguise her reaction
as he sucked first one solid nipple through the fabric of her bra
and then the other. Casting him a mild look of censorship, she sat
up and unfastened the clasp, allowing her breasts to fall into his
waiting hands.

Noah hadn’t known that such exquisite yet
torturous pleasure was possible. He could hear blood pounding in
his ears and reveled in the intensity of the piquant thrills
rippling through his body. Maxine’s fingers explored his back with
a gentle touch that brought him alive like never before. Unable to
wait any longer, he pulled her panties away from her, and she
lifted her hips to help him. Only then did he realize he had no
condoms. For a moment shades of his first encounter with Cassie
threatened to spoil the moment but, as though reading his mind,
Maxine nodded to the top drawer of the bedside table. He opened it,
found what he was looking for and, trying not to think about who’d
been there before him, opened the packet with his teeth, handing
her the foil package.

“
Put it on for me, darling.” He
sat back on his haunches, offering her an unimpeded view of his
impressive erection.

She shook her head, looking suddenly unsure of
herself. “No, you do it.”

He smiled and kissed the end of her nose. How
he loved her insecurities! Rolling the rubber over his extended
prick, he pulled Maxine back into his arms and continued to kiss
her. He nudged her legs apart with his knee, feeling subliminally
in tune with her expectations as he placed himself at her entrance.
Easing himself into her, kissing her lips as he did so, he savored
the moment.

And hit a barrier.

Confused, he thought perhaps he was misaligned
and, withdrawing, tried again. The same brick wall. It took a
moment for the truth to penetrate Noah’s passion-fuelled brain. He
withdrew and stared at Maxine, still grappling with his
incredulity.

“
Am I imagining it?”

“
Imagining what?” she asked, her
lips trembling with laughter.

“
Max, don’t play games with me,
not now. Tell me you’ve done this before.”

“
Why would I have? You asked me
once to save myself for you, and I said I would.”

“
Max!” Noah ran his hand through
his hair, overwhelmed with a torrent of protective feelings as he
struggled to come to terms with the enormity of his discovery. He
felt his heart swelling with love and stroked the curve of her face
with a gentleness that transcended mere words. “I don’t know what
to say.”

She chuckled. “Deeds might work better than
words. I think I’ve waited long enough.”

“
Then let’s see if we can make
this special for you.”

Noah put his heart and soul into doing
precisely that, still blown away by the fact that he was the first
man she’d given herself to. He brought her to a shattering climax
with his fingers, ensuring she was relaxed and ready for him before
he finally breached her defenses.

“
It’s okay,” he said when she
tensed and let out a small cry. He smoothed the hair from her
forehead and smiled into her eyes. “Only pleasure from now on, I
promise you.”

She took everything he offered her, begging
him not to treat her gently. Her enthusiasm and emotional
investment in the moment, the subtle promise in her expression as
he drove himself home, almost caused him to lose both his control
and his mind.