Dr. Brad Has Gone Mad! (5 page)

As soon as I got to Mr. Granite’s class the next morning, there was an announcement over the loudspeaker.

“Please send A.J. to Mr. Klutz’s office.”

Everybody looked at me. We all knew what was about to happen. I was going to find out whether or not they would send
me to Dork School. Everybody got up to shake my hand, even Mr. Granite.

“It’s been nice knowing you, A.J.,” said Ryan.

“Good luck, dude,” Michael said. “I hope we’ll still be friends.”

“We’ll miss you,” said Neil the nude kid.

Andrea came over. I thought she was going to hug me or kiss me or do some other disgusting thing.

“I’ve been thinking about it, Arlo,” Andrea said. “Maybe it would be
good
if you went to Dirk. It might be better for both of us if we went to different schools.”

“Yeah, maybe you’re right,” I agreed.

I walked down the hall more slowly than I had ever walked down any hall. A glacier could have beat me to Mr. Klutz’s office.
^*
But finally, I got there. It was the moment of truth.

I put my hand on the doorknob.

I turned the doorknob.

I opened the door.

And you’ll never believe in a million hundred years who was sitting there.

It was Dr. Brad. And he was crying. Big tears were rolling down his face.

“It vuz all my fault,” he blubbered. “If Andrea had fallen off the roof, I don’t know vut I vould have done.”

“There, there,” said Mr. Klutz and Ms. Coco as they patted Dr. Brad on his back. “Everything turned out fine.”

They were trying to comfort him, but it was no use. Dr. Brad fell to the floor and started weeping like a baby.

“Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!”

Sheesh, get a grip!

“Dr. Brad has gone mad,” Ms. Coco told me. “We don’t know what to do.”

“We thought you might be able to help, A.J.,” said Mr. Klutz. “You seem to be good at this sort of thing.”

“Maybe Dr. Brad isn’t a counselor at all,” I told them. “Did you ever think of that? Maybe he kidnapped our real counselor and stuffed him in the trunk of his car. Stuff like that happens all the time, you know.”

“I don’t think that’s it, A.J.,” said Mr. Klutz.

I tried really hard to think of a way to make Dr. Brad snap out of it. I thought
so hard I was afraid my head was gonna explode. And then I came up with the greatest idea in the history of the world.

“We must resort to drastic measures!” I shouted.

I rushed out of Mr. Klutz’s office and ran down the hall to Room 104. The Ping-Pong paddles were still on Dr. Brad’s desk. I scooped them up and ran back to Mr. Klutz’s office. Dr. Brad was still on the floor, freaking out.

“Are you going to give me electric shocks?” he asked.

“No, no, no,” I told him. “We’re gonna play Ping-Pong!”

We helped Dr. Brad up and gave him a
paddle. Mr. Klutz and Ms. Coco picked up paddles and went to the other side of the table.

“Volley for serve,” I said.

I hit the ball to Mr. Klutz. Mr. Klutz hit the ball to Dr. Brad. Dr. Brad hit the ball to Ms. Coco. Ms. Coco hit the ball to me.

“I feel better already!” said Dr. Brad.

“Ping-Pong is great for getting rid of stress,” said Mr. Klutz.

The four of us had a blast! Instead of learning boring stuff like math, science, and social studies, I got to play Ping-Pong all morning with Dr. Brad, Mr. Klutz, and Ms. Coco. It was the greatest day of my life!

Well, that’s pretty much what happened. Maybe Dr. Brad will get better. Maybe he’ll comb his hair and stop looking up my nose with a magnifying glass. Maybe he’ll remove my brain and replace it with a monkey brain. Maybe I’ll have to pee into a cup and they’ll send me to Dork School. Maybe I’ll cut down a tree so I can make a reading log. Maybe Ms. Coco will stop crying over my lame poems and saying I’m a
genius. Maybe Andrea will go crazy again and climb up on the roof. Maybe the girls will stop accessorizing our action figures. Maybe me and the guys will have another War of the Barbies. Maybe the boys and girls at Ella Mentry School will learn to stop fighting, respect one another, and live in peace and harmony.

But it won’t be easy!