Dream Lover (17 page)

Pam nodded back to her. It was confirmation that talking about Jack would continue to be okay. But as far as Pam was concerned, the visits from Melissa and Maryanne were too painful to share and she wondered if they were the women to whom Sandra referred. He had rarely slept with Maryanne and Melissa said she stopped sleeping with him when she found out about Maryanne. Not sure if she wanted to know about more women, at that moment she was certain that she wouldn’t be sharing. She sipped her coffee and looked at her watch. She had fifteen more minutes.

“How’s work? I haven’t heard from Peter, but my accountant did request a statement.” Although she wasn’t directly involved in the running of Jack’s business, she was entitled to receive half of the profits. Now that his former mistress was part owner, Pam had expected Sandra to update her more often than she had. No one was keeping her in the loop directly, which she found a little scary.

“We’re having a general meeting with the partners and the sales staff Friday morning,” Sandra said. “Why don’t you come? You can ask questions directly then. I don’t know any more than you do, believe it or not. Peter and I butt heads regularly.” They chatted about the children and general news, keeping light in case Tom was eavesdropping. Pam finished her coffee and excused herself to go to the ladies room before she started her trip back to Babylon. Although her relationship with Sandra may have run its course as far as its connection to Jack, Pam would go to the meeting to protect her interests. That might be the one thing that would bind Sandra and Pam together. It was something positive and forward moving.

The two women embraced at the door. Pam yelled out “Good-bye” to Tom and he came out and gave her a hug, too. Pam was glad there was nothing final about it; she wasn’t going to give up Sandra’s friendship completely yet.

The trip back home wasn’t bad. She pulled up to her door just as the sun disappeared behind her. The glow on the house and water always took her breath away. The front door was unlocked, so Marie must be back from her adventure with Jeff. She called out her name, but got no answer. Putting her purse and keys down, she went to the veranda; Marie wasn’t there. Then she thought she heard a moan coming from the children’s wing of the house. “Oh my God! Marie!” She ran to Marie’s room, throwing the door open.

“Jesus Christ, Pam! Didn’t you ever hear of knocking first?” Marie yelled. Pam turned her back before anymore of the scene could penetrate her brain, but it was too late. An older man was kneeling in between her sister’s legs. There was no doubt what they were doing.

“Sorry!” she said and slammed the door. In rare display of humor, Pam started laughing. She muffled it at first, but could feel it rising to the surface so she ran to her room on the other end of the house and closed the door behind her. Poor Marie. Pam didn’t know who that man was, but she was pretty certain this encounter was finished. She rocked back and forth on her bed laughing. Why was sex so funny? When you were doing it, it wasn’t. But to watch it, well, it was definitely comical. Pam thought she was probably one of the rare people who didn’t get turned on by watching porn. Jack had tried to get her involved when they were first married, but she couldn’t watch without laughing. It confused him. He thought it would have the same effect on Pam as it did on him.

“Everyone gets turned on by porn!” he told her. “Doesn’t it make you want me more?”

“I already want you! Watching two exhibitionists get it on doesn’t do it for me, Jack.”

He was visibly upset, but went to the TV and turned it off. She made up for it with passionate lovemaking and he never tried to get her to watch again.

Then she had a change of mood.
No,
she told herself as she remembered that time with Jack,
she didn’t suspect he was making love with someone else until the very end. Someone? How many?
Suddenly tired and getting angry, she thought it was inconsiderate of her sister to bring a stranger into the house for sex. Who the hell was he, anyway? Pam hoped he wasn’t someone she had picked up on the beach. The vision of Marie with her legs wrapped around this man’s back brought her to laughter again. It would be awhile before she would forget this evening. Besides, she wasn’t going to spend the night locked up in her bedroom. She took her city clothes off and got into her sweats.

Pam was in the kitchen throwing something together for dinner when Marie and her friend finally came out of the bedroom. They had taken the time to dress neatly. If she didn’t know better, she’d have thought they had been playing bridge in there.

“Sorry about that, Pam,” Marie said. “This is Steve Marks, a friend from work.” She didn’t mean to add that last part, but it had just slipped out. He looked at Marie and then at Pam, putting his hand out to shake hers. Pam hesitated before she took it, but Marie yelled out, “For God’s sake! We bathed!” Pam gave her a dirty look and took his hand.

“I’m sorry, too,” Steve Marks said. “If I thought for one second that anyone else would be here, that would have never happened. I actually came here to kill Marie, didn’t I, dear?” He looked at her as he spoke.

“Oh shut up, will you? My sister has enough on her mind without worrying about us,” Marie added.

“What did I miss? Marie, have you been naughty again?” Pam was in the mood to get even, something she hadn’t been able to do lately. She’d had enough of Marie’s crap to last a lifetime and she didn’t care at this point if she embarrassed Marie, or made her angry, or lost her friendship all together. Why was she even in a relationship with her? “Yes, why were you two in my house, doing that? I don’t want to be exposed to your fornicatory activities. Go to your own place. I feel like I need to burn the bed now.” She turned her back to make coffee.

“Well, I hope you can forgive me,” Steve Marks said. “Fortunately or unfortunately for me, I like your sister. She is a liar and a con artist, but I used to be, too.”

Marie looked at him and smiled. “I don’t know if I like you or not, but I’ll give it my consideration. Pam, can I help you fix something to eat? I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’m hungry.”

Pam turned to her. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if she could say,
Sure! Come on! Join in! I don’t care that I just saw this older stranger naked. I’d be glad to eat with him!
But she couldn’t. She wanted her house to herself tonight. Marie wasn’t a teenager anymore. Pam wondered for just a moment how many times Marie had screwed Jack in this very house and then come into the kitchen to help Pam with dinner. No. She had had enough.

“Truly, I don’t care if you are hungry. What I would really like now is for the two of you to get your belongings together and get out of my house.”

Marie was shocked. She opened her mouth to protest when Pam cut in. “If you say one word, I am going to tell my story. Would you like that?” She stood there waiting for one of them to make a move. Pam started to open her mouth.

“I’m leaving! I’m leaving!” Marie hurried back to her bedroom to get her bag and purse while Steve Marks stood there.

Pam noticed that he had curiosity written all over his face. But she was not going to have any dialogue with him, ever. Marie came out with her things. “I’m sorry!”

Pam let her have the last word. She did lock the door after them, which wouldn’t do much good since Marie had a key, so she put the safety chain up, too. Then she went into the mudroom, locked and chained the door to the garage, and set the alarm.

And then for some reason, she thought of Andy. Andy was the local cop with whom she had had coffee and dinner a few times after Jack’s death. But he wanted more from her than she was ready to give. She hadn’t seen or heard from him since the last time she asked him to leave her alone. It would be one more night that she wouldn’t call him; it was just too soon. She couldn’t imagine having to rehash all of the horrible junk she had found out about her husband over the past summer. It was better if she let some of the dust settle before she got in touch with him again. Plus there was the AIDS issue; he would probably run when he heard that news.

After she ate, Pam grabbed a shawl and went out onto the veranda. It was a beautiful night. The heat from the sand was reflecting and she could feel the warmth flowing near her feet. Her shoulders were cold, so she wrapped the shawl around herself. Lights were visible way out at sea; it was the mast of a large sailboat with its lighted dinghy trailing behind. She wondered where they were going. They were headed south. Maybe to Virginia Beach, but probably just to New York Harbor. Her house was empty and she would try to keep it that way. Everyone had someone now; Sandra had Tom, Nelda had Bernice, Marie had Steve-whatever-his-name-was. He was a handsome man but in a used car salesman kind of way. Pam giggled. She would judge every man from now until she died by comparing them to Jack. At least physically. Steve was definitely a loser in other ways. Having sex like that in someone’s home was proof of it.

Pam realized that one of the reasons Jack had been able to treat women as he did was because they were isolated. She certainly was. Maryanne was alone with her daughter and no friends or family to help her after her husband died. Jack must have seemed like a savoir to her. Melissa was set apart by her appearance. It didn’t sound like she had many friends, either. Sandra was completely alone with that sister who was jealous of her and a few friends whom she rarely saw. And poor Marie, friendless and crazy. She knew there had to be others.

20

M
arie and Steve walked together to his car. They were embarrassed about what had just happened and didn’t have much to say to each other. He wasn’t sure how they had ended up in bed, but he was sure that he was in love with her. Steve accepted Marie’s apology for lying to him. He was going to get an HIV test in the morning. She accepted his apology for the damage he did to her car. She insisted on paying for the repairs herself.

Standing beside the driver’s door, he turned to her. He wanted to be honest but knew what he had to say might make her angry. “I’m wondering if this isn’t an omen that I better run like heck from you.” He looked down at her, staring into her eyes. “Lesser men have been brought low by such a woman,” he recited from some long-lost sonnet.

She refused to keep eye contact. “Look, you go do whatever you want to do. I never intended on any of this happening! I have to work, and now I’ve jeopardized my job by getting involved with you. If you don’t think I am worth the effort to be with, then go. Leave me alone, for God’s sake!”

It was true that he had pursued her, making a pest of himself and even pushing her to the point of thinking about getting the police involved. But when she was with him, she wanted to do better. Something about him made her want to take care of herself physically, to eat and stop drinking, to start taking her medication. The word she was looking for was “hope.” He gave her hope.

He grabbed her and put his arms around her. “Do you think I want to leave you alone? I know I’m responsible for us being together. And I would like to scream it from the roof tops! I swear to you, my motives are honorable.”

Marie stood there rigid, unyielding.

Steve wasn’t letting go of her. “Now I’m almost certain you might destroy me!”

She looked at him, shocked.

“I’m just kidding!” he said. “Look. I’m single; I have no kids, no one to interfere with us. Move in with me, okay? You hate your place. My apartment is in a nicer neighborhood. I don’t have your view, but right outside my door is a coffee shop and a Korean grocery. There are restaurants on my block. We have a used bookstore and a vintage clothing shop around the corner. You can hop on the train at Twenty-eighth Street and get to work in ten minutes. What do you say?”

Marie, starting to relax, had fallen against him. She felt safe there.

“What do you think about it?” he asked.

Everything he’d just said appealed to her. She wasn’t thinking about what it would be like to live with him. Except for Pam and Jack and her college roommates, she had never lived with anyone. She was thinking about Steve’s Chelsea apartment, the grocery next door, the used bookshop.
Oh, she was so ready for a change
.

“Yes, I’ll consider living with you,” she said. “But we have a lot to work out. For one thing, I don’t cook. I won’t cook. I may bake when the mood strikes, but that is about it. I need people around me so you’ll have to let me invite my family there.” That was an outright lie; she had never entertained anyone in her apartment. But there was the dream of it in the back of her mind. “How will we work out finances? Fifty-fifty? Do I keep my place or sell it?”

“You
own
that place?” Steve asked, incredulous that someone who worked where they did could own such a great place, albeit in a crappy location.

“Yes.” She didn’t add,
Pam and her husband bought it for me twenty years ago
, but it was on the tip of her tongue. She was sorry she had let it slip that she owned it. “What difference does it make?”

“Well, maybe we should move into your place, then. I rent and it goes up every year. I pay over two thousand a month now.”