Drowning (Tears of Sin Series) (11 page)

“I know how to put it on.” For someone who only wants to be friends and is taking me to lunch and not on a date, he’s being super fucking charming.
He yanks it the rest of the way out of my hand and leans in close to me. Molly is laughing behind her fist. “I know that you can, but I want to do this for you.” He shakes the coat. “Now, put your arms in.”
It’s awkward having someone dress me. I’m not sure if anyone ever has. When I was a baby, my mother must have, but as far as my memory goes back, I’ve been taking care of myself. “Uh, thanks.”
“You’re welcome. Now, let’s go.” He puts an arm over my shoulder and lets Molly hook her hand behind his elbow.
The restaurant is nice, expensive, and we’re way underdressed. The waiter takes our drink order, and Molly and Seth seem very comfortable in this environment. I’m a bucket of nerves worrying over which water glass I’m supposed to use and why there are so many damn forks at the table.
Seth bends toward me. “Alice, relax.”
That’s easy for him to say. “I’m going to make a mess.”
“We haven’t even been served yet.”
“There’s water on the table.” I wave at the arrangement in front of us. “They’re in wine glasses.”
“You are so cute. I could kiss you.” He glances at my lips then back at my eyes. “But I won’t. Because we’re friends.”
We’re stuck in a trance, alternating between staring into each other’s eyes and glancing at lips. Someone clears their throat, and Seth glances up.
“Are you ready to order, sir?” The stuffy waiter has arrived to make me feel even more out of place. I can’t read half the crap on the menu.
Seth orders for me, and I’m totally fine with that.
Molly shifts in her chair, but smiles at the waiter. She asks for a chef salad and fumbles with the menu before handing it up. The waiter hesitates a moment, but I nod at it. He takes the hint and slips it from her hand.
Molly folds her napkin in her lap and glances toward us. “So, Seth. Did Alice tell you her mother was a musician?”
He turns to me and smiles. “Really?”
I grin. He’s such a goof. “Smart ass.”
Molly covers her laugh with her hand. “So I guess she told you that she was a bit of a prodigy too?”
Crap. I should have known that Molly would brag about that. She’s more proud of it than I am. It always makes me feel like a freak. “Not really.”
“Oh, don’t listen to her. She finished high school at sixteen, and was only one year away from graduating college. The New York Art Institute to be exact.”
Seth whistles through his teeth, and people turn to watch us. “I knew you were charming, but damn. Charming and smart? I’m impressed.”
I want to duck under the table when he flashes me a genuine smile. “It’s no big deal. I’m not even sure why Molly brought it up.” I kick her under the table.
He glances at Molly when she winces. “It’s kind of is a big deal. I don’t understand. If you are that smart, surely you had scholarships. Why did you quit?”
When he gets the hint that I wasn’t going to answer him, he turns to Molly and touches her hand. I flinch at the intimacy and want to yank his hand away from hers. “Tell me, please.”
“It’s no big secret. Alice’s mom got sick. She was already overdoing it with college and her job, but then she had to take on a second job to cover rising medical expenses. I’ve been on her to enroll locally for her last year, but she just won’t.”
Seth looks at me, and his eyes are soft in a way they haven’t been before.
“You better not be pitying me. I don’t regret my life or the choices that I’ve made. I don’t have time for regrets.”
He clears his throat. “It’s not pity. More like awe.”
Yeah, because my life was so freaking awe inspiring. “Whatever.”
He chuckles at me.
Molly has the grace not to giggle, and I settle down. It’s not his fault I’m embarrassed by my intelligence. It’s not being smart that’s the problem, because really I wasn’t. I did everything I could in school to make sure not to make my dad irritated. So perfect grades, perfect behavior, and no friends to notice the marks he left behind.
The rest of the meal is actually pleasant and less personal. We include Molly in the conversation, and she’s eating. I’m happy. She seems to be happy. Seth has been entertaining us both through the whole meal with stories about the band first getting together. He’s totally disarming when his hands fly through the air, and he beats a rhythm on the table.
When the waiter brings the check, I’m kind of sad that it’s over.
Seth leans close to me. “Still nervous?”
I laugh and shove his shoulder. “No.”
He throws several large bills on the tray and we all stand. Molly takes her place on his left, and he grasps my hand with his right. We lock fingers and walk quietly back to the car. On the drive home, I let Molly and Seth talk, content to sit in the middle and watch the conversation. They seem to have a lot in common and had even moved in some of the same circles before Mole’s accident.
“You’re awfully quiet, Alice.” Molly reaches over and grips my leg.
I pat her hand and put my head on her shoulder. “Just enjoying the drive.”
Seth glances down at me, but quickly turns back toward the road, a funny look plastered across his face.
We make it back to the apartment, and Molly invites Seth inside. I find him a beer. “I’m not promising how long that’s been in the fridge.”
He grins and pops the top. “No worries.” He’s following me around the kitchen, invading my personal space on more than one occasion.
Molly taps her way to the couch and picks up her brail workbook. “Alice, show him the apartment.”
He owns the apartment, but I doubt that’s really why Molly told me to take him on the guided tour. She wants me to hook up with him. I can smell the match making on her a mile away.
I grab his hand and pull him down the hall. “That’s Mole’s room.” I point to the left. “This is my studio.” I point to the spare bedroom on the right. “And this is my room.”
He pushes me inside and shuts the door. “So what do you do for fun in here?”
The room is mostly clean. There’s a black bra lying over my stereo, but I’m sure he’s seen plenty of those before. He lifts the edge of one cup with his pinky. “Nice décor.”
“Shut up.” I swat his hand and grab my bra.
“Seriously. I approve.” He flips one of my curls over my shoulder. “But I'd rather see that draped over something else.”
“You are such a perv.”
He gives me that grin that doesn’t quite go all the way up. “Guilty.”
“Wait. Didn’t we have this conversation already?”
He laughs. “So, you have me in your room. What will you do with me?”
Without my permission, my eyes land on my bed. Seth takes my direction and lays on my crisp white sheets. My comforter is shoved to the foot of the bed. “You want me here?”
I smack his boot. “No. Friends only, remember?”
“Who made that rule?”
I sigh. “We both did. You have your music, and I have Molly. Remember now?”
He reaches out and grabs my wrist, pulling me down beside him. I end up smashed across his chest, but roll to lie flat. “Alice, tell me your story.”
Everything inside of me freezes. “What do you mean?”
“You said your dad hurt you. I’m going crazy with thoughts of what he might have done to you.”
“What?” I sit up and glare down at him. “Do you want the gory details? Thinking of writing me a new song?”
He sits up and swings his legs to the floor, giving me his back. “No. I just… I want to know you better.”
I can’t think about those hellish years. I’ll sink into a depression so deep it drives me crazy—or a lot insane. “Well, you don’t need to know about that, okay. I don’t talk about it.” I scoot to the edge of the bed, intent on putting some space between us.
“Okay, calm down.” Seth grabs my shoulders before I can stand and tugs me backward until I’m lying flat, my legs hanging over the side of the bed. “I didn’t mean to piss you off.”
I sigh. “I’m not mad. It just upsets me, and I really try not to dwell on the past. It puts me in a bad place.”
“Brings out the crazy?”
He has no idea just how crazy I could get. “Something like that.”
“I get it.” I’m not prepared for him to roll toward me, and I flinch. “Hey, it’s okay. I would never hurt you, Alice.”
“You just startled me. I’m okay.”
He leans down, close. I can smell the mint from the gum he chewed after dinner. “You are too pretty to be this sad.”
My breath catches, I want to believe him. I want to be that pretty girl who doesn’t live with guilt, regret, and so much sorry she forgets to breathe sometimes.
“Would you pull away if I kissed you?”
“Probably not, but it’s not a good idea.” Damn, why did I say that?
A dark brow arches over one beautiful blue eye. “Still just friends?”
If I wasn’t so broken, I’d say no. I want to be more. I’d give anything to crawl on top of him right now and lose myself in his kisses. “Hey, your truce, remember?”
He sits up and swings his legs over the side of the bed. “Yeah, probably the worst fucking truce I’ve ever thought up. I think we should go back to bickering. It was hotter that way.”
I laugh and shove him off my bed. “Yeah, but then you’d have never been able to spend the day with me.”
Seth stops at my door and turns back. “Remember when I said that you and me were going to happen?”
I nod.
“Remember when I said that we were just going to have to be friends?”
“Yeah.” The answer slips from my mouth on a throaty moan.
My breath stalls in my chest as he sucks on his bottom lip. “I lied.”
Seth left an hour ago, and I can’t get that promise out of my head. I throw on my runners, sweats, and pull my hair into a tight bun. I need a run. I'd prefer a free fall, but that wouldn't happen anymore. I plug in my ear buds and take the stairs for my warm up. The air outside is cool enough to keep me from overheating, but it’s still warm, and sweat is already trickling down my cleavage.
Seth wants to be more than friends, and I want it too. He’s hot and sweet. I think he’s someone I could trust with my secrets, and he wouldn’t betray me. He comes from good solid family that loves each other, even if he doesn’t appreciate it completely.
My feet smack down hard on the winding sidewalk, and I’m oblivious to the people milling around the park. There are other runners, but they pass me, some sprinting, some just faster. I keep at the steady pace. I’m not running to win a race. I’m running to absolve the sins upon my soul. Never have I wanted them gone so badly.
I'm on the path for less than twenty minutes when a familiar black town car pulls alongside me. I run faster and hope he'll pass. The car stops, and a man gets out of the passenger seat. He rushes over to me before I can sprint away and yanks me toward the back of the car. “Your dad would like a word.”
This would be my life until E. Harrison died. He’d want me, take me, and I’d fight the only way I knew how to…by surviving.
He opens the back door and tosses me to the seat. I'm a sweaty mess, and somehow I know that my father will enjoy that even more.
“Well, Alice. Imagine my delight when I see you running through the park.” He glances down to my chest and shakes his head. “And without the proper undergarments.” He clicks his tongue. “What shall we do with you?”
I'm like a frightened minnow. “What do you want, Father?”
He grins. “Come now, baby girl, I think you know.”
I shake my head. There’s only one thing that my father has ever wanted from me. My pain. “No! I won't let that happen.”
“And who's going to stop me?”
“I'm older. I'll call the police.”
He laughs. “Let's not forget, you tried that before. It didn't work for you then, and it won't now.” I'd been thirteen the first time I'd tried to tell someone at my school. I'd even shown them the shallow cuts along my spine. No one believed me. In fact, I'd spent weeks in a facility for troubled girls to get the help I needed for “cutting.” When I was released, he made it worse.
“You don't own everyone.”
My dad is in politics. There’s talk of him running for governor next term.
He leans forward. “But I own you. Till your death.”
The games are boring me. If he’s going to hurt me, I’d rather get past it. “What do you want?”
Harrison sits back. His fingers flex against his thigh. I know he is itching to strike me. “You have something of mine. I want it back.”
I have very little from my childhood because no one thought me worthy of gifts, including my own mother. I have no idea what he is talking about. I blink at him and wait. Weary of the game.
“Come on, Alice. Where’s your spirit? You used to have so much fight.”
The last time I “fought,” he’d forgotten to tie down my right wrist. I’d grabbed a scalpel and stabbed him in the thigh. The leather straps took a moment to saw through with the sharp blade, but he’d been on the floor, holding pressure to the deep puncture. It was just enough time for me to lean over him, blade in hand, and issue the warning that so far had stuck. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I don’t have anything of yours.”
“Your act is impressive. However, I know how well you can pretend.”
I glance out the window, hoping I’ll spot something that will inspire my escape. Maybe the driver will mess up and run a red light. I think I’d rather die than be in Harrison’s company one more minute.
“You will give me what I want.” He reaches for me, and I scream, tucking my legs away from his grip. His long fingers anchor around my ankle, and he yanks me from my seat to the floor board. In heartbeats, he’s over me. The first slap cracks my jaw to the side. Blood oozes up and over my lip to trickle toward my chin. “Stop fighting me and tell me where they are?”
There’s desperation behind the normally cool grey eyes. A desperation and hatred I’ve never seen before. Why the fuck didn’t they abort me before eight weeks? Being sucked out piece by piece would be better than living this twisted life of pain and fear.
We pull to a red light, and we’re both breathing heavy in the stillness. I reach down and bite the hand holding my arm until he releases me. I flip to my knees, and jab my elbow backward and into his face. There’s a crunching noise, but I don’t look back. I open the door and roll from the car. People are shouting at me, but I take off running before anyone grabs me.
I run the fifteen blocks back to the apartments at a full-out sprint. I skip the elevator and pound up the stairs. At the top, I let it go. I kick the wall and ball my fists, banging against the stucco walls. I've been here before, but this time I need it even more. I wear myself out and sink to the ground.
I curl into a fetal position and try to think of a way to get away from him. I need to leave. If only I could find a way to get Molly to come away with me. I could take care of her. But I know she'll never leave Rowena, and my guilt won't let me leave her.