Drowning (Tears of Sin Series) (12 page)

The door clicks open and black combat boots edge close to my nose. “We're going to have another awkward moment, right?” He leans down and picks me up. I keep my face low, tucked against my chest. He’ll see me and freak out. “You're going to have to tell me these secrets someday.” He carries me into his apartment and sits me on a stool while he fills a glass with water. “Alice?”
I rip the rubber band out of my hair and let it fall down around my shoulders, shielding my face. A dribble of blood trails down my chin and I try to dab it away without catching his attention. During my run, I’d rubbed most of the blood away, but there was still slickness at the corner. My fingers pull away red tinted, and Seth grabs my hand. “What the fuck?”
“It’s nothing.”
He grabs my face and forces it back. “What the hell happened to you?” He’s tracing my swollen lip with his thumb. Blue eyes rage over my face. “I’ll kill whoever did this to you.”
“Stop. It was an accident. I fell in the park.”
The loss of his hands on my face has me leaning forward. “That’s shit. You didn’t fucking fall. I can still see the fucker’s handprint.” His palm cradles my cheek.
When it’s clear that I won’t share my secrets with him, he grunts and grabs the water. “Drink.” I take three large sips when he hisses. “Holy shit, Alice.” He holds my fingers in his hand and examines the large bruises forming on the tops. “Why do you do this?”
“It hurt less.”
“Less than what?”
“Knowing.”
He takes the glass from me and pulls me into his arms and hugs me, and I allow it. No teasing. It feels right to be in his arms. Like we might have both needed the tenderness.
“How did you know I was on the stairs?”
He nuzzles my hair with his nose. “Molly asked me to go check on you. You’d been gone longer than she thought you should be. I was just heading downstairs when I heard you.”
Molly went to him. She trusted him with me. “I need to go.”
“Alice, if someone’s hurting you, I need to know. If it’s your dad again, we’ll go to the police.”
“I'll be fine now. Thanks for finding me.”
He pulls back and glances down at me. “How long would you have laid there?”
I shrug. Honestly, I didn't know. I guess until the pain slipped away.
He wraps a hand around my waist and leads me to the door. “Come on. I'm going to make sure you get settled in your apartment before the guys get here for practice.” He takes my keys from my trembling hands and opens my door. “In you go.”
I follow behind him and wince when Molly screeches. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. I fell in the park, and Seth brought me home.” I silently plead with him to let the lie go. He shakes his head and runs a finger down his chin. “I’ll be fine after a bath.”
“Alice, next time call. I was so worried about you. You never leave me that long by myself.”
I take a deep breath and reach up and hug her. “Don’t worry. Everything’s fine.”
She hugs me back. If she feels the trembles wracking through me, she doesn’t say anything.
We all stand there in an awkward silence before she pats my hand. “I’ll leave you guys alone. I’m glad you’re okay.”
Seth is standing a few feet in front of me, and I'm lost again. Without the comfort of his arms, I'm floundering. I walk past him and find my room, grabbing underwear and a sleep shirt. It's all I'll need. I'm not leaving the apartment again this week.
This is my routine with my father. Anytime he tried to gain access to me, it would set me back. I don't fight the process anymore. I just go with it. Too many years passed with me fighting. I'm very tired of it all.
Seth darts into my bathroom and turns on the shower. “Uh, do you need any help in here?” I frown at him. “I meant because of your hands.”
“Oh.” I glance down at my swollen fingers. They look like they should hurt, but I don’t feel a thing. “No, thanks.”
I shut the door on him and take the fastest shower in history. Mostly because the water is scalding hot. I need to wash away the tears falling from my face. I need to cleanse the ugly thoughts from my body. Remove the memories from my mind.
I wrap my hair in a towel and dress quickly before Mr. Moody gets anxious and barges in.
Seth is flipping through the channels when I make it back to the living room. “Hey, you look much better. Molly is in her room.” His eyes travel down my long shirt to my thighs. “And I think I should go. Are you going to be okay?”
“Yeah.”
He backs up toward the door. “If you get to feeling better, come over later.”
I nod. But I won’t.
His back is to my door when he stops. “Alice, I’m not going to push you. I also don’t believe you. I know that someone hurt you. If I find out it was your father, I’ll handle it. Just tell me when you’re ready, okay?”
I nod, again. Confused as to why he’s not pushing it. He’s kind of a pushy man. It feels out of character for him, and it has me spinning. There’s something inside me that really likes that about him. He’s confident but hesitant, like he knows he has to tread lightly around me.
Seth leaves, and I'm instantly lonely. I sit on the couch and stare at the blank TV. I pick through some of the books on the coffee table, but none are interesting to me. After debating whether I should go crash Molly’s room or go to bed, I find myself in my studio. Sitting on a pillow in the middle of the floor, I take a long piece of coal and my sketch pad. My hand takes over, and I'm drawing.

A
LICE INFURIATES ME LIKE NO
woman I’ve ever met. She’s not like Gabe, even though their spirits are similar. If I push her, she’ll run or lock me out forever. The guys show up right on time, but I’m too keyed up to practice. They walk in while I’m pacing the length of my living room.
“What’s up, bro?” Gabe grabs my shoulder and stops me mid-stride.
I shrug him off and continue. If I’m going to get Alice to open up, I have to find a way to wrap around her pain and stomp the shit out of it. We’re locked somewhere between friendship and more, but this pain that she has is keeping the two from colliding. I used my music as an excuse, but I can’t keep running from the fear of loving someone again. Twelve years was a long time to hide.
Deacon steps in my path. “Let’s go.”
I nod at him and grab my keys. We leave Gabe and Evan in the apartment and hurry down the hall. “She’s messed up.”
“Alice?”
“Yeah.”
The elevator carries us down to the lobby, and we man-up long enough to get into the gym. It’s late in the afternoon, and most of the trainers have left for the day. There are a few people on the weight benches, but I see what I want. The heavy bag hanging from the beams above us beckons me. “Kick my ass, Seth.” I can seriously almost hear it taunting.
We grab a change of clothes from the lockers we keep here and head to the bag. Deacon doesn’t talk, but holds the leather while I pummel it until my hands ache. His breath whooshes out of him every time I jab, and he’s sweating as much as I am while he fights to keep the bag from swinging wide.
Every punch is a physical release of all my anxieties, frustrations, and failures. I don’t know how to fix Alice. Gabe is keeping secrets from my dad and me. The band is not jumping out there like I wanted it to. I’ve not been this loss since I was twelve and watched my mother walk out the door.
When I start slowing, he peeks around the side. “Alice is different.”
I nod, but keep hitting.
“I think she can help you.”
My next jab is crooked, and I feel the twist in my wrist. If I don’t get my head off of her and back on the bag, I’m going to break my fucking arm.
“How?”
One, two, stick. The sound of my fist smacking against the leather is soothing. Deacon backs up and raises his hands. “She’s not easy. She’s different, and she handles life much better than you.”
I spin away from him and head to the smaller bags and began a steady rhythm. The repeating thwack reminds me of a drum pattern, and I can lose focus in this. “Yeah, right. Man, she’s fucked up. I can’t stay away, but neither of us really knows how to take it forward.”
“Do you want to?”
I pause mid swing. “I don’t know. She has some baggage. No, she has years of baggage. Shit I can’t even comprehend.”
Deacon picks up a jump rope and begins swinging it back and forth across his body. “Seth, she’s young. I know there’s something there. Hell, we all do. No one can look into those sweet eyes and not see her pain. Just be sure it’s her that you want and not the pain.”
“Don’t you think I know that? That’s why I’m trying to give her space. It’s too easy. She’s too wounded. I could write about her for years. My words would eat her up.”
Deacon’s hands land on my shoulder until I’m done. “Then, you have to let her go.”
“Hell no. I can’t. Fuck Deac. There’s no way. I’m in too deep.”
“Then you have to find the will to love just her. Not her issues.”
I nod. My sneakers squeak on the concrete floor as I head to the towel laying on the bench. “I’m working on that. I found her in the stairwell again today. Someone had hit her.” I straddle the bench and work on controlling my breathing. “Fucking split her lip.”
“Dude?”
“I know. I think it was her father, but she wouldn’t admit to it.” I slam a fist into a bag and imagine Harrison’s face beneath my palm.
Deacon drops to the ground and sets up for a push up, beginning his own form of muscle abuse. “What…are you…going to do?”
“What can I do?”
“Beat…fuck…out of him.”
That would satisfy the demons in me. The ones that have been waiting for someone to take out all my anger on. “I’m going to keep an eye on her and make sure he doesn’t get near her again.”
“I…got your back…if you need it.”
“Always have.”
He glances at me and keeps pumping up and down. I fish my cell out of my pocket and punch in Alice’s number. She doesn’t answer.
“Don’t give up.” Deacon rolls onto his back to do crunches. “She’ll come around.”
We spend another hour at the gym until we’re both so exhausted I barely can hold my arms up to drive home. Gabe and Evan are in the living room, playing X-box Live and bitching at some kids.
I thump Gabe on the head. “Aren’t you too old for that?”
“Hell, no!”
I shower and head across the hall to check on Alice.
“Seth?”
Molly answers the door, and I’m surprised that she can tell it’s me. “Uh, hey Molly. Is Alice home?”
“She’s in her studio. I’d get her for you, but I’ve been trying to get her in there for months.” She tilts her head to the side. “I really want to let her keep working.”
“Sure.” Damn, I wanted to see her. Tell her that I wanted a chance. “Will you tell her I stopped by to check on her?”
“Absolutely. Thanks again for finding her.”
I nod, and she shuts the door. Sullen is a word that doesn’t describe me, but tonight I am sullen. Something isn’t sitting right about this whole situation. I feel like I’m stumbling into a maze of agony, and I’m not sure how to get out. Or if I want to.

Lilith shows up at nine, and we set up for practice. She’s breaking on every note she tries to hit and her low tones sound like someone is ripping a bowel up to her throat.
I stop playing, and she glances up. “What?”
“You’re fucking up that song.” I’m not normally mean to her, but Alice is under my skin. “If you can’t sing it right, then we’re cutting it.”
She hurries over to my drum and leans against it. “No, Seth! I just have a sore throat. I’ll get it right.”
“We don’t have long for you to get it right.” I’m sick of her shit. If I had someone else, anyone else, I’d call the humane society to come pick up her skank ass.
“I know.” She places both hands on the rim of my snare, and dips close. “I promise.”
Someone must have loved her at some point, but Lilith reminds me of a puppy that’s never been held. “Let’s just skip that one tonight.”
Everyone is watching me, and I have no answers for my behavior. The gym hadn’t worked out all my crankiness, and I was having a hard time not calling the building manager and demanding a key to Alice’s apartment.
I can’t take their stares anymore and head into my room to sleep off the testosterone running through my blood. The cell is in my hand before I stop myself, and I open a message to her.
Are you up?
Nothing. The minutes blink by at me from the clock on my bedside table.
Alice?
I kick off my shoes and ignore the hurt that crawls around in my chest. She’s dealing with stuff. I get that. We’re trying to be friends, and I’d check on one of my boys if I knew they were hurting. I’m not sure Alice knows how to be a friend. But I want to teach her. I want to show her how good of a friend I can be. Pushing enough to get her to open up, but not so much that she’ll run is going to be my toughest challenge in life yet.