Edge of Chaos (Love on the Edge #1) (25 page)

My heart pounded against my chest and my hands trembled. I should’ve left like he’d told me, but the need for Dash safely at my side overpowered all of my survival instincts.

Anger flared in my stomach as he cracked a wild grin. I yanked on his arm. “This isn’t worth your life!”

He tilted his head, like the thought had never occurred to him. A sharp gust blasted a bunch of leaves at us, their tips nicking the skin on our necks and arms. He held his position for a few moments longer and aimed the video recorder at the monster perfectly. He could’ve been filming a babbling brook for how effortless he made the job look.

Tiny pebble-sized hail pelted the road around us and the little bastards stung something fierce when they made connection. I flinched but held my ground. The tornado shifted course, thankfully, in the opposite direction. The motion was beautiful, a sky-high twist of brown that swayed back and forth like it was swinging its hips. A calm stole over me with its retreat, and once again the certainty of my place filled me.

Sheer terror leading to pure amazement. Clearly loving the chaos as much as Dash did made me as out of my mind as him.

The tail of the tornado roped out after another two minutes and the rest kind of folded in on itself and drew upward into the afternoon sky. Another few minutes and all the evidence of the beast that was left was the trees ripped up by the roots scattered across the wide opening of land. Dash’s shoes crunched on the tiny pieces of hail coating the road as he made his way over to me, his eyebrows drawn.

“What did I tell you about listening to me?” He pointed at me. “I told you to go. You should’ve gone!” He turned on his heel and stomped toward the truck. He set the camera in its bag and placed it behind the driver’s seat.

“You asshole!” Steam could’ve come out my ears I was so pissed. I shoved him once he turned around. He stumbled back against his truck.

He righted himself. “Excuse me?”

“You heard me!” I pushed him again, but this time he was ready and it barely phased him. “You
told
me to run? And you expected me to just leave you here? You could’ve gotten hurt or killed! Why? To get the shot for your site? Are you serious?”

“That’s the job, Blake! You know it is. Capturing what occurs at the tornado’s base where the most damage happens is what we desperately need in order to predict them better. Understanding what happens within that fifty to a hundred-foot range will help us increase warning times. That way people aren’t blindsided like we were when I was a kid.” He took a deep breath. “We lost so much that day. We were lucky to get away with our lives. Preventing that from happening to others is worth everything.”

My stomach shrank, picturing an eight-year-old Dash going through the destroyed remnants of what was once his home. “I want that, too, but it’s not worth your life.”

“I was fine. I always am. The guys never freak out this much. They just leave me to it.”

“They don’t care about you the way I do.” I blurted out the words and then swallowed the rock in my throat.

Dash locked eyes with me. I could tell he wanted to say something because his lips were tense, but he fought it. Most likely he wanted to tell me to make up my damn mind or to let me know he’d rethought his decision to add me to this group.

Tears threatened at the thought. Why did I have to ruin everything? Why couldn’t I just stand quietly by while Dash faced down a tornado like it was a simple dust storm?

“Blake . . .” he whispered, and again my heart stuttered.

“Forget it,” I said. I couldn’t take hearing the words. Couldn’t face the idea of never chasing again because I’d been too emotional or because Dash and I had an undeniable heat coursing between us. I stomped toward the truck, prepared to climb in and not say another word.

Dash grabbed my arm and spun me around. “Blake, stop. What did you mean by that?”

His eyes held me more than his fingers gently clasping my arm. My breath caught in my throat, the truth stuck somewhere between my heartbeat and the last rumblings of the storm above us.

Dash inched closer, his lips only centimeters away from my own. I froze, unable to meet him despite the aching hunger begging me to. He registered my hesitance and sighed. He drew back and shook his head.

“All that asshole did was emotionally drain you until you were blind to what an incredible, strong woman you are.”

Tears welled in my eyes.

He reached out for me, and I fell into his arms, wrapping my own around his waist.

“He ripped you apart, Blake. And I know this sounds horribly . . .
guy
of me, but let me help put you back together.” He pushed away to look down at me.

I pulled out of his embrace. “I can’t do that. Then
you’d
define me. I need to figure this out on my own. I’m sorry.”

Dash only drove ten miles over the speed limit on the highway that took us home the following day. I kept my eyes planted on the passing expanses of red dirt, pastures, and small towns. I couldn’t look at him, because every time I did a huge bubble of awkward rose in my chest and threatened to burst all over the cab of his truck.

Even though Dash and I had slept in the same bed again last night, we’d hugged the edges like our lives depended on it, and I found the small space between us on the mattress more vast and painful than I’d ever experienced before. I’d barely slept, and I couldn’t deny the fierce desire that pulsed within me all night, begging me to cross that line and touch him again. “Dash,” I said, still not taking my eyes from the window.

“Yeah?” He sounded hopeful.

“I’m—”

“If the word
sorry
follows that, I swear, woman, I will leave you on the side of the road.” He checked his rearview mirror before changing lanes. I gazed at him, finally, and even though it’d only been an hour, hearing his voice refreshed me like a glass of ice water on a hot summer day.

“I wasn’t going to say that,” I said, though it was a lie.

“Oh really? Then please do go on.” He chuckled, which let some air out of the awkward bubble in my chest.

“I was going to say, before you interrupted me that I’m . . .” There were a million things I wanted to say, but my mouth wouldn’t form the words. “I’m really glad you brought me.” At least that was the absolute truth.

Dash glanced at me for a moment before returning his eyes to the road. He pressed his lips together in a poor reflection of his normal infectious smile.

The truck fell silent for longer than I could stand, not a comfortable silence but one filled with all the things we weren’t saying, and it was enough to construct a wall between us.

Hail’s butt was extra wiggly when I walked into my apartment. I dropped to my knees, instantly giving in to her more-than-warm welcome. After several good licks from her and more than enough butt pats from me, I stood up and let out a heavy breath. The events of the chase plus what happened with Dash had exhausted me. While I was elated to realize that I could and would chase storms the rest of my life, I was equally disappointed in my heart. Latching onto Dash before I’d even had time to adjust to being out of a relationship wasn’t right, but of course, I couldn’t stop the feelings I had for him.

Time.

He’d promised me time. And once I figured out who I was outside of the hellish life I’d lived the last eight years, then I’d know what to do with Dash.

I stood up, looking for any kind of distraction for my mind.

All my laundry had been washed and folded or hung up in my closet, and my kitchen was more spotless than when I’d moved in.

Mom.

I shook my head and read the note she’d left me on the fridge.

Made your favorite cookies, they’re on the counter. And I picked up a few other things at the store for you. Please text me when you’re home safe. Love You. P.S. Hail was an angel.

I opened the fridge. Mom hadn’t picked up a few things, she’d fully stocked it. The gesture nearly made me cry.

Instead I popped the lid on the Tupperware on the counter, grabbed three triple chocolate chip cookies, and sank onto my couch. After one bite the taste of home filled me so much I debated calling Mom and begging her to come over. She could hold me and tell me where to go from here, much like when I was little and struggled with the next step in a complicated word problem.

Hail jumped up beside me, her floppy lips in the perfect pout.

“No. I’m sure you’ve been spoiled enough the past two days,” I told her and finished off my cookies. I leaned my head back and stroked her fur. I couldn’t put this on Mom. This was my life . . .
finally
mine. I just had to figure out how I wanted to live it.

A WEEK HAD
gone by and I still hadn’t spoken to Dash. He’d nod to me during classes, but nothing more than that. He was giving me space and time, like I’d asked, to figure out who I was and to sort out my relationship drama. I respected him more for taking me seriously, but I also kind of hated him for it. I missed him on a daily basis—he was the first person I wanted to talk to in the morning and the last person I thought about at night. I knew this meant my feelings for him ran bone deep, but I still wasn’t ready. It wouldn’t be fair to either of us to dive into a relationship, so I sucked it up and let him stay away from me.

My phone vibrated on the coffee table. I peered over my
Climate Change and Agroecosystems
book and instantly sank back into the couch. Hail snored peacefully next to me, her thick body keeping my feet warm. Justin had called several times a day, every day, since that night at the sorority house. And I still refused to answer. The night I broke it off I’d thought Justin deserved a serious conversation to give us closure, but after seeing him with Lindsay so quickly afterward, I knew I didn’t owe him a thing.

I stared at the words on the pages in front of me, but they blurred into a one big blob of white and black. I couldn’t stop thinking about him.

Dash.

Justin’s loss should be the one I mourned, but I couldn’t force the feelings any more than I could force my body to react to him the way it did to Dash.

Every time I closed my eyes our kiss burned behind my lids. I’d never felt more alive or desired in all my life.