Edge of Chaos (Love on the Edge #1) (27 page)

“What?” I asked.

“You’re blaming yourself. I can tell. Put this blame where it belongs. On that asshole.”

“I already did.” The sound the bottle made as it hit Justin’s head rang in my ears. I didn’t feel bad about doing it, and anger seethed below my worries for Hail, threatening to burst out, and track him down, and bash him over the head some more.

“I’m proud of you for that, but you shouldn’t have had to.” Dash raked his hands through his hair.

After a few deep breaths I realized we were alone in the waiting room. The only attendant behind the massive counter had gone to the back to check on Hail. The place smelled heavily of fur, disinfectant, and urine.

Dash looked at me, his eyes softening.

“Thank you for coming,” I whispered.

“Blake . . .” He sighed. “Look—”

“Ms. Caster?” A tall woman in a white coat stepped out of the swinging door that lead to the back.

“Yes.” I bolted to her and Dash quickly followed.

“Hail is going to be fine . . .”

I let out the breath I’d been holding since Justin had knocked on my door.

DASH CARRIED HAIL
inside and set her gently on her oversized pillow in the corner of the living room. She normally never used the thing, electing to dominate the couch, but she wasn’t allowed to jump up and down for at least two weeks. Her eyes were heavy from the painkillers they’d given her at the vet clinic, but she still managed to give Dash’s hand a slow lick as he pulled away.

“I’m so sorry about all of this,” I said again, setting Hail’s three prescription bottles on the kitchen counter. She had a broken rib, and the doctor had given me anti-inflammatories and antibiotics to stave off infection, just as a precaution. I knelt to pick up the beer bottle I’d left on the floor and rolled it between my hands. I heard Hail sigh from the other side of the room and I clutched the bottle with a fierce grip.

Dash uncurled my fingers from around the neck and slowly set it down. He didn’t let go of my hand, and warmth radiated from his body so close to mine. He tilted my chin up so I had to meet his eyes, which were as green and intense as ever. I swallowed hard, my heart racing.

“I’m getting sick of you saying that, woman,” he said and slipped his hand around my hip to the small of my back. Tingles erupted under his touch, and he pulled me to him. He pressed his cheek against the top of my head. “None of this is your fault,” he whispered.

I melted into him, hugging him close to me. “You’re wrong,” I said, and it was probably the first time in Dash’s life that he was.

“None of this would’ve happened if I hadn’t let Justin in my apartment. None of this would’ve happened if I would’ve listened to my heart that summer before my freshman year of college when he’d made me choose between him and my dream school.” I sighed. But if Justin hadn’t, I wouldn’t have met Dash. I made to step out of his embrace, but he stopped me.

“Don’t,” he whispered, and then his lips were on mine.

I opened my mouth willingly under his, my eyes closing automatically. He massaged my tongue with his own, and with each caress my heart beat faster. I grabbed his hair and kissed him deeper, suddenly needing to close the tiny space that separated our bodies. He ran his hands up and down my back and sides, every graze igniting a trail of internal fire that made me weak. His breath was ragged against mine, and he gently pushed me backward.

My back tapped the kitchen counter, enough to make me wince. I flinched out of the kiss, and the scene from earlier tonight filled my eyes so quickly I had to squeeze them shut. The icy fingers of fear gripped my heart again, as if I were reliving the moment, and the cold froze the fire within me.

Dash stepped back. “Did I hurt you?”

I shook my head, realizing for the second time he’d had to ask me that after kissing me. And he hadn’t done anything wrong. Justin had. Again.

The shock of the situation returned, and I trembled despite my efforts to take a deep breath and push past it. I would never know how far Justin would’ve taken it, thanks to Hail. If she hadn’t intervened . . . I clenched my eyes shut again and refused to think about it.

“I’m so—”

Dash put his finger on my lips.

I saw the tension in his eyes, the confusion, and all the space we’d put between us crashed down on me like a tidal wave. I wanted to curl up in bed with Dash’s protective arms around me, but I couldn’t ignore the exhaustion settling into my bones. The adrenaline slowly crept from my body, and the reality of tonight punched me in the face. No matter what my body wanted—which was all of Dash’s—I couldn’t jump into bed with him. I couldn’t jump into anything with him. Not with everything so fresh.

He must have seen the hesitance in my eyes because he put what felt like an ocean of space between us.

“Dash . . .”

“You don’t have to explain, Blake.” He shrugged and walked toward the door. “I get it. You still need time. ”

“After everything tonight . . . I can’t even think straight,” I said.

Dash had his hand on the doorknob and I put mine on top of his, stopping him.

He stared at the floor for a few moments before glancing back at Hail, who snored loudly in the corner. “I’m glad she’s all right. I’m glad you both are.”

I pressed my lips together, wanting to say a million things, but coming up blank.

“Do you think he’ll come back?” he asked, his eyes hard.

I shuddered. “I really hope not.”

Dash turned toward me and took his hand off the knob. “I could stay.”

Heat simmered low in my belly with the thought of lying in bed next to him again. It would be so easy to let Dash put me back together.

“Would you?” I was still resolved to fix my issues on my own, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t take him up on his offer to make me feel safe. “Even if I’m not ready to—”

“Of course,” he said and slid his fingers in my hair, gently stroking. “I’m not him, Blake. I’d never force you into anything. Ever.”

I bit my lip, wondering how on earth I could possibly deserve Dash’s kindness. “Thank you.” I sighed, the tension leaving my body knowing Dash was there for me in whatever way I needed. That kind of stability was new and refreshing and put another kink in my stay-away armor.

I showered, despite having taken a bath earlier in the night. I pressed my loofa so hard against my skin I was rubbed raw by the time I got out, but I couldn’t help it. I’d felt the intense need to scrape away all traces of Justin, all eight years’ worth. Patting dry, I looked at myself in the mirror and realized that I’d never really be rid of him . . . not unless I shut him down completely, once and for all.

Walking into my bedroom, I sighed. Dash lay sprawled out, taking up more than half the bed. He’d argued with me earlier, saying he’d take the couch, but I didn’t want him there. I wanted him in my bed, next to me, where I could smell him and hear his breathing, even if we’d agreed not to have sex.

I tried to climb in as gently as possible, but he shifted regardless.

“You were in there a long time,” he said, his voice soft with sleep.

“I had a lot to think about,” I said, slipping underneath the covers he held up for me.

“Did you figure it out?” he asked as I sank into the crook of his arm, resting my head against his chest.

“Not everything, but, yes, I figured something important out.”

“What was that?”

“Something vital in order for me to be free.”

“Want to clue me in?” He traced his fingertips lightly against my arm. The sensation gave me chills and made my heart beat faster.

“Not tonight,” I said, taking a deep breath. The scent of rain filled the bed, and my muscles turned to jelly.

I glanced up at him, his eyes barely held open, and smiled softly. This felt too natural to ignore. We fit. Effortlessly.

“I gave Hail her last dose before coming in here,” he said, stretching. The motion forced more of his body to graze mine and the fire in my veins had me wishing I’d opted for shorts over sweats.

“Thank you,” I said as he settled himself again.

“Always, Blake.”

The touches he gave me were featherlike and completely innocent, but each time his fingers met my skin or his leg slid against mine, I melted. And yearned.

I slid my arm across the hardness of his abs, holding myself to him. A steady electric current buzzed between us, a low pulse aching with need. It would be so easy to let go and give in to the urges consuming me. To take things with Dash to the next level. To be
that
girl. His girl.

I sighed. That would leave me being defined by nothing but a relationship for as long as I could remember. No. I would figure out who I was first, then I would ask him to be mine. And tomorrow I would take the first step to reclaiming my identity—but Dash wouldn’t like it.

My fingers trembled as I gripped the keys in my purse with one hand and my cell in my jeans pocket with the other. Ice-cold dread settled in my stomach, despite the warm air and gentle breeze blowing on campus.

It had taken me two whole days to work up the courage to ask Justin to meet me. I wanted to close the door on him for good, but on my terms.

Public place. Campus quad.

Dash hadn’t slept over again after that first night, but I had my thumb hovering over the call button on my cell, his number already up. I’d told him what I planned to do. He’d nearly talked me out of it; he was so against me going through with this. Asked me to simply never speak to Justin again. But I didn’t budge. If I didn’t see an end to this, then there would never be closure, and Justin would harass me for the rest of my life.

My teeth threatened to chatter with the adrenaline coursing through my veins. My heart plummeted to my stomach when I saw Justin crossing campus toward where I sat on a bench. Seriously? I’d faced down tornadoes from a hundred yards away without this much fear. I needed to suck it up and fast. This was nothing compared to chasing one of God’s most deadly creations. I could do this.

“Blake,” Justin said when he’d reached me. His face was a purple and blue mess, a black eye, swollen cheek, and busted lip all accented the noticeable lump I’d given him two nights ago.

“What happened?” I blurted out, but instantly regretted it. I could easily guess who’d given Justin the beat down and suddenly understood why Dash hadn’t checked on me or Hail in person in two days.

“That’s not really any of your business anymore, is it?” Justin took a seat on the bench, and I instinctively moved as far away from him as possible. He noted the action and ducked his head, like a beaten animal. The thought made my blood turn to fire, picturing Hail at home, nursing her wounds. Good, the fire was better. I could cling to that with a stronger grip than the stupid icy fear.

“You’re absolutely right, Justin. You’re no longer a worry for me.”

He huffed. “I don’t remember everything,” he said after a few moments. “But I’ve been told it wasn’t good.”

Hot tears welled in the back of my throat, the night replaying in my mind. “Wasn’t good? Are you kidding me? Justin, you nearly . . .
raped
me.” I whispered the last two words, weary of the students walking by.

His eyes popped wider and then he looked up, as if trying to recall the worst night of my life.