Edward Van Halen: A Definitive Biography (43 page)

As most people already wondered, Stern pressed Eddie about his decision to continue to smoke after being treated for cancer. Edward said directly that cigarettes did not cause his cancer. From
Rolling
Stone
:

EVH: Smoking didn’t cause it.

Howard: How do you know that?

EVH: Because! Uh, uh, uh, a metal charge to a metal, uh, uh, uh… Electric charge… Okay, EMF, electro magnetic field, or electro magnetic energy, which I live in about 14 to 18 hours a day in my recording studio with a metal pick hanging out of my mouth, it’s basically like playing golf in a lightning storm.

Howard: Hmm… You’re saying a metal pick gave you tongue cancer?

EVH: Yep.

Howard: Because it picked up the radiation from all the equipment you use?

EVH: That’s right.

Howard: This is
crazy
.

Howard did imply that the explanation was hard to believe, but brushed it off and continued on with the interview. When told that he spoke fine even though so much of his tongue was missing, Eddie joked that he was always intoxicated before, and that was why he still sounded the same.

When the subject turned toward the band, Edward referred to Sammy as the “Little Red Worm” and Michael Anthony as “Sauce” Soboleski. The latter was a reference to Michael’s hot sauce brand and a jab at him using his given name. Howard called Ed out for using Anthony’s given name—a common putdown in the entertainment industry. Edward simply replied that that was his real name, period. Ed also complained loudly that Hagar and Anthony were touring as The Other Half (as in the other half of Van Halen). He said flatly that
Alex
was the other half of Van Halen.

With regard to Dave, Eddie called him “cubic ziroconia” rather than Diamond Dave. But he did admit that they tried to record with him back in 2000 but it just did not work out because Edward said Dave was a “loose cannon.”

Suddenly, the interview took a very strange left. Turns out that on the phone with Edward was pornographic film director Michael Ninn. Edward claimed he entered the adult movie business by “default,” which he clarified by saying, “Nine out of ten people masturbate, right? And the tenth person, person is just full of shit.” He said he enjoyed Ninn’s films so much that he sought him out personally and asked to help out with his next movie however he could. Ninn obviously jumped at the chance and drafted Edward not only to compose music for the “film” but also to use Edward’s palatial estate for the actual filming (the estate where Ed’s then 15-year-old son lived approximately half of the time).

Howard was shocked, as was everyone who heard the revelation. When Edward told him that his home was used for the filming, Howard sounded incredulous when he asked, “And you let this go on at your house?” Edward, however, continuously defended his involvement, revealing that he didn’t consider it a “porno” or even pornographic. He said it was simply sex, and described the film as “
Braveheart
with a cum shot.” Ninn and Edward revealed that there would be two versions of the movie: an X-rated version called
Sacred
Sin
and an R-rated version called
Rise
.

Once the conversation steered away from
Sacred
Sin
, Howard asked Edward if he was seeing anyone and Ed said that yes, he was, and that his new girlfriend was standing right there. Janie Liszewski and Edward met through Michael Ninn, for whom Janie was doing promotional work. Ed confirmed for Howard that Janie was indeed a smoking hot lady, and although they had only been together for two months at that time, they were already spending a great deal of time with each other.

Edward then began to talk about his recent experience jamming with Wolfgang. By the summer of 2006, Wolfgang had truly come into his own as a musician. Eddie, Alex, and Wolfgang had begun playing as a trio and Edward was blown away by Wolf’s abilities, referring to him as a peer. Given Edward’s less than flattering statements about Michael Anthony, Howard posed what was becoming an obvious question:

Howard: I’m hearing Michael Anthony is out and your son is in.

EVH: Uh, let’s just say my son is in, and “Sauce” Soboleski can do whatever the hell he wants.

In retrospect, it is not as shocking as it was when it was first uttered. But when it was first uttered, most fans simply could not believe it. As if the interview wasn’t already simply bizarre, Howard chose to one-up it by asking Edward if Wolfgang—again, only 15 at the time—was getting laid yet. Ed responded by saying that he thought so, but that he knew for sure that Wolf was “spanking it” because he was spending 45 minutes in the bathroom without taking a shower. I will never forget my brain going on pause, trying to confirm that I had just heard Edward Van Halen tell the entire world that his 15-year-old son was masturbating and having sex, all on top of Ed himself admitting he got into the adult film industry by “default” via masturbation.

About the future of the band with Wolfgang, Edward said, “The name Van Halen, the family legacy, is gonna go on way after I’m gone, ’cause this kid is just a natural.” Once the interview had concluded, Howard and his co-hosts did an immediate post-interview assessment which illustrated how baffled they were by Ed’s words. Finally, Howard took a call from a listener:

Howard: Jeff, you’re on the air in Portland… .

Jeff: You know, I think Eddie is one of the most brilliant artists this country has, but when exactly did he lose
his
fucking
mind
? [Laughter.] Oh, my God. That interview
scared
the
shit
out of me! [Laughter.] I
love
Van—Van Halen is, is, is the most incredible rock band that I think has ever come around in this country, and that
scared
me. I, I, I’m dumb-—I sat here
dumbfounded
for that whole interview.

The fallout was almost immediate. To sum it all it up,
Rolling
Stone
writer Andy Greene’s article on the interview was titled “Eddie Van Halen Goes Bananas on Howard Stern” (however, the transcripts of the
Rolling
Stone
excerpts were fairly inaccurate and paraphrased greatly, and were thus, in a sense, taken out of context). In hindsight, one has the ability to go back and listen to the interview over and over and even here, one can read some of the text of what was said and slowly digest it. But the listener that called in—Jeff from Portland—perfectly captured everyone’s
immediate
reaction to the interview. It could leave one speechless.

How many things did people have to digest in that voluntary 30-minute interview? Clapton was good when he was a heroin addict. He called Dave “cubic zirconia” and a loose cannon, but that he was essentially open to working with him. He called Sammy Hagar “the Little Red Worm.” He called Michael Anthony “Sauce” Soboleski and said he had been replaced in the band by Wolfgang. He said that he knew Wolfgang was masturbating and having sex at fifteen.

When he finally decided to release some solo material—that his fans had been wanting for years and years—he did two songs for a porno movie, but it wasn’t really a porno. Ed said he got into the porno business “by default” because “everybody masturbates.” He called the movie—filmed within his own home—“
Braveheart
with a cum shot.” It was made by renowned pornographer Michael Ninn, but Ed claimed he was “not really a porno guy.” And Edward helped finance the movie—a pornographic endeavor. The video for the song “Rise” featured Eddie playing his original classic Frankenstein guitar wearing jeans with holes in the knees and a black sports coat with no shirt. The song wasn’t bad, but it was definitely suitable for a porno soundtrack. Even though it wasn’t really a porno as per Edward.

Perplexing Claims

He beat cancer without chemo or radiation, even though his golf teacher Ron confirmed he was undergoing chemo treatments as of May of 2001. He said he founded a pathology lab, McClain Laboratories, with Dr. Steve McClain in Smithtown, Long Island and that they had twenty-nine employees. Eddie said he opened it in collaboration with McClain, but he also said that he owned it. He self-diagnosed that his cancer was caused by electromagnetic fields interacting with his titanium hip and a metal guitar pick (the only mention of using metal guitar picks came very, very early in his career and in no article or interview regarding his technique prior to his cancer diagnosis were metal guitar picks ever discussed; it was well-known that he preferred simple Fender Medium guitar picks). The leading cause of squamous-cell carcinoma in the head or neck is clinically proven to be tobacco and alcohol.

There is a complicating factor here. For Edward to attribute the cause to something out of his control may very well have been the contributing factor for his mental determination to defeat the cancer, which plays an enormous role in overcoming the disease. Any negativity in the brain can contribute to stressors being released into the body which only serve to worsen the condition. As always, any threat to Ed’s control put him dark places.

As far as his contribution to McClain Laboratories, I exchanged e-mails with Dr. Steve McClain in May of 2011. I simply wrote to confirm that Edward was indeed a founder of the lab, but McClain punted and referred me to Ed’s publicist. I wrote back and made clear that I wanted to know absolutely nothing about Eddie’s diagnosis or treatment in anyway whatsoever, and that I was strictly interested in information regarding the founding of the McClain Laboratories. Finally, Dr. McClain provided me with a fair amount of information. He wrote me the following:

McClain Labs is a medical lab, founded by me in 2004. We presently have 7 full-time employees. We analyze and report on tissue biopsies and excisions for cancer and other diseases. We conduct research into improving the performance of clinical assays and have published on early diagnosis of cancer and Melanoma. We do research specimens for Universities, publishing on wound healing and burn healing. Those are matters of public record. My partner is a matter of public record. Nearly all that has been written in the past is incorrect… . –Steve

I gave McClain a chance to clarify what exactly was written in the past that was wrong. I also gave him an opportunity to respond to Valerie’s nearly libelous claims that he was a “quack” but he chose not to, which is completely respectable. It also turns out the McClain’s credentials are quite respectable as well: he is board certified in anatomic and clinical pathology and dermatopathology; academic appointments in dermatology and emergency medicine at SUNY-Stony Brook Medical Center; member of the American Society of Dermatopathology and the Association for Pathology Informatics; once Director of the Division of Dermatopathology and Director of Pathology Informatics in the Department of Pathology at Montefiore Medical Center in New York.

Whatever methods they came up with gave Edward the mental confidence he needed to overcome cancer, and one cannot know the extent to which these treatments provided a placebo effect. It is not truly clear why, in addition to denying that cigarettes were a contributing factor, that he denied that he underwent chemo when in fact he did at Cedars-Sinai Hospital in Los Angeles. Again, perhaps it was because chemo was something out of his control, and he didn’t like that.

Fans like me were worried that things were just getting worse and worse every year. However, the one key to Edward’s eventual major turnaround seemed relatively minor at the time, but it was the beginning of his relationship with an adult entertainment industry publicist, Janie Liszewski.

That same summer, Dave participated in a bluegrass project that proved just how universal classic Van Halen music truly is. Roth sang versions of “Jump” and “Jamie’s Cryin’” on a CD titled
Strummin’
With
the
Devil:
The
Southern
side
of
Van
Halen.
The disc featured some of the absolute top session players in all of bluegrass and the interpretations of some songs written by Edward Van Halen and David Lee Roth were absolutely incredible (the album featured no songs past
1984
). The version of “I’ll Wait” by Blue Mountain is simply excellent. The vocal delivery by Tim Stafford and Wayne Taylor sends chills down the spine. Dave was doing his best to keep the VH brand going and in good shape, and this project was a step in the right direction. Dave even performed the bluegrass version of “Jump” on
The
Tonight
Show
.