Edward Van Halen: A Definitive Biography (42 page)

In some ways, the fans and even the general public weren’t in general very happy with the guy. Edward never quit smoking cigarettes, and maintained that they had nothing to do with his tongue cancer. His position in this issue caused many an eye to roll, and very few to understand. Slowly, Ed was in the process of becoming a new person, but there were still a few layers left to peel away, a few things left to get out of his system. A chance to hit rock bottom. And a public spectacle so unfortunate to the point it would be used to shame him into getting himself together.

CHAPTER 40 

Strange Days

2006 started out quietly, much like some of the biggest storms one will ever encounter. Eddie had begun at least a friendship with a woman named Joey House, the owner of House of Petals, a flower shop in West Hollywood. Ed and Joey went to what seemed like a minor event—Elton John’s Oscar party on March 5—but it turned out to be much more than that. The two actually walked out on the red carpet together, although Joey, an unknown, stayed mostly off to the side. The paparazzi snapped several pictures of Eddie, one of which would become infamous—one of the first photos that pops up when one Googles for an image of Eddie Van Halen.

Ed looked terrible. The unfortunate timing of the shot caught an expression that made him look like he was decades beyond his age. It also revealed just how awful his teeth had become—obviously missing many, the rest brown, and demonstrating an obvious lack of concern for his own hygiene. And he was still wearing those worn-out boots at the bottom of a sloppy black ensemble. It was as if he simply didn’t care about his public persona in any way whatsoever.

Fuse
carried the headline, “Holy Sh*t, It’s Eddie Van Halen.” In the mid-2000s, crystal meth abuse had become an alarming problem in the States, and one of the most obvious side effects of the drug is the decaying and rotting of the teeth. No one in the public had any idea at all that his teeth were in such bad shape because he had been drinking wine straight out of the bottle and pulling his own teeth with pliers, and that crystal methamphetamine had nothing to do with it whatsoever.

My reaction was immediate. I was stunned. The whole crystal meth thing had been getting so much media attention at that time, and the anti-abuse ads they ran nightly showed before and after pictures of meth addicts. You get that whole complexion worsening and teeth going to hell image burned in your head. When I saw the picture, I just cringed for him. But another part of me was angry, although I had no right to be. At that moment in my own life, my alcoholism was edging ever closer to the breaking point (which was only few years away). Nevertheless, I thought, “This bastard. Why?! Come on, man—come out of the woodwork and kick these guys like Tom Morello and John Mayer and Jack White in the
ASS
!” I sent out an e-mail to my tight-knit group of rabid Van Halen fans after digesting the photo. I still have it. It is brutal. “Look at these photos: . . . The man could afford to have a dentist office in his house. He is clueless. He has 5-10 years max to live… . I am worried that he isn’t able to pull out of this. Where are the loyal friends? It seems that if he could be saved someone would’ve stepped in already. It’s all very disheartening.”

In Eddie time, he responded rather quickly to the negative press and gossip surrounding the photographs. Who to turn to other than Dwyer and Michaels for another random, off-the-cuff interview? Excerpts from their last ever interview with Eddie on their April 7 show follow with commentary:

EVH: I went to Elton John’s party, I went to another party to help a friend push her flower shop. Hey, because of cancer, my teeth are all fucked up
’
cause I got six of
’
em yanked, you know? And they gotta focus on that and say I’m doing crystal meth, give me a fucking break. Hey, my teeth are fucked up.

DJ: Who’s the chick you were with?

EVH: Uh, her name is Joey House and she has a flower shop called House of Petals.

DJ: Uh huh…

EVH: And she’s a friend of mine.

DJ: Just friends?

EVH: [Ed does not acknowledge the “Just friends?” question.] I was just… you know… What’s funny is on the internet there’s a picture of me, you know, somebody asked me some stupid question and I’m like going “What?!” [He is describing the photograph.]

DJ: Right.

EVH: . . . a card of her flower shop in my hand. And the caption underneath says something like, “Eddie Van Halen used to be cool, man, now it looks like he’s holding his dentures in his hand.”

DJ: [Laughter.]

EVH: No, it gets funnier. Because people started e-mailing back going, “Looks more like a pack of rubbers to me!”

DJ: [Laughter.] Which hopefully you’re not bringing to Elton John’s party!

EVH: [Awkward pause.] Ahhhhh… .

DJ: Hey, I had to take it, man, you laid it up there. Hey, listen to this…

EVH: I really don’t have the time right now. [Getting terse.]

DJ: Ohh… Really? Just one second, OK?

EVH: No, hey, c’mon.

DJ: We ain’t gonna piss you off.

EVH: No, you’re not pissing me off, I just, I just I gotta get some sleep, it’s four o’clock in the fucking morning here. [More persistent.]

DJ: OK.

EVH: And I’m just making a copy of what I just played and…

DJ: Alright, well, we’ll call you again soon.

EVH: OK. Hey, I don’t mean to be rude. You know, I love you guys, you know?

DJ: No, no, no—that’s cool, we understand.

EVH: You guys are cool, you know?

DJ: It’s your studio, man. Maybe this summer, we’ll bring you into town and you can play in our charity golf tournament?

EVH: That sounds like a plan.

DJ: We gotta get you some teeth first though because the media is gonna be all over the place.

EVH: Look, you know, if I went down to Ralph’s right now and bought that shit that you can make your teeth white, that’ll kill you quicker than leaving them the way they are.

DJ: [Laughter.] But a nice set of dentures with like fangs or something? That’d really trip people out.

EVH: I’ll put
’
em in upside down and backwards and really freak people out.

DJ: [Laughter.]

Ed said that he had six teeth yanked because of his cancer. In fact, it appeared that he pulled at least some of his own teeth himself, and his teeth were discolored from drinking Smoking Loon wine directly out of the bottle for a solid two years. The amazing thing is that that much public ridicule still wasn’t enough for him to get straight. After all, that was just an unfortunate pose and his teeth are messed up from cancer—it wasn’t what it appeared, according to Ed. The bottom line is that the picture told more words than Edward could have ever imagined. Nevertheless, Ed pursued an interest that would cause his fans and the public a minor panic. Edward was dabbling in pornography—financing it and providing some music. And he was having the movie filmed at his house—where his son lived with him part of the time.

In April, Sammy Hagar went out of his way to say, “[Eddie’s] never going to see my ass again unless he goes and gets himself some help.” At the same time, he announced that he and Michael Anthony were going on the road as The Other Half—as in the other half of Van Halen. It was a debatable distinction, to be sure. They played Van Hagar songs. Sammy said, “I just think I need to play those songs, the fans need to hear those songs and it’s just unfair to let it sit and die.”

Alex and Edward jammed onstage with Kenny Chesney when he came to Los Angeles. They actually performed “Jump” and “You Really Got Me” on June 17, 2006. Ed worked up an improvised solo jam before launching into “You Really Got Me,” and Kenny and his band took turns singing the verse lyrics. Before the solo, Kenny yelled, “Come on, Eddie!” During his solo, Ed was mobbed by three photographers that took position on the stage as Kenny watched Eddie play. They were literally crowding him as he played; they barely gave him room to move. Combatively, the
Van
Halen
News
Desk
(VHND)—by then the single-most important website for all Van Halen fans—titled the news item “Another Half.”

Still involved in helping Joey and her floral boutique House of Petals, Edward performed at a private function at her shop in late July.
Undercover
reported that, “Eddie Van Halen debuted some new music at the House of Petals in Los Angeles this week. Van Halen played Wednesday night jamming with Patrick Leonard (on keyboards). Leonard is best known for songwriting and production work with Madonna.” They had a drummer backing them as well. Video shows that the songs were strictly experimental psychedelic jazz. Ed was wearing jeans with massive holes in the knees, and his shirt was tied around his waist. It was a pure free-flow jam session and it was rather hit or miss. It could definitely strike some as incredibly sloppy and not well thought out.

VHND broke an almost surreal news story about Edward with the line, “Imagine the shit storm this is gonna kick up.” On July 26, the news was released that Edward had recorded two solo tracks for an upcoming pornographic film called
Sacred
Sin
directed by an adult entertainment industry director whose work Edward greatly admired. The two songs are perfectly suitable for modern porno sex scenes. They do feature some decent playing from Edward, but they were songs for a porno movie. The songs were called “Catherine” and “Rise,” the latter was released as a sample video teaser. It featured Ed in those ragged jeans with a black sport coat playing none other than the classic Frankenstein guitar itself.

Jared Rutter of
Adult
Video
News
wrote:

In a major crossover move, rock superstar Eddie Van Halen has joined forces with adult director Michael Ninn to write and perform two songs for the upcoming Ninn Worx feature,
Sacred
Sin
.

Although several big-name rappers have contributed material to XXX movies, Van Halen is probably the first major rock star to lend his name to an adult project.

Van Halen told AVN.com he’s not bothered by possible criticism. “I’m working with a friend. Very simple. I like his work,” he said. “Michael Ninn is like a Spielberg to me: the imagery, the way he makes things look, just… sensual.”

Edward had closed off his free-wheeling Dwyer and Michaels interviews for the whole world to hear him speak spontaneously while being asked some rather tough questions, even if it was by a couple of guys in Iowa. But, on the other hand, Edward had been trying to track down Howard Stern for months for an interview. Getting them together was a serious challenge.

Finally, on September 8, 2006, Edward gave his most infamous open-ended, spontaneous interview of his career. As hard as some of Dwyer and Michaels’ questions had been, Howard and his clan pushed Ed hard on some claims they found a bit preposterous (as well as every listener).

The 2006 Howard Stern Interview

The interview started off normally—Ed cursed and quickly asked about a seven-second delay. Howard told him that they were on satellite and didn’t need one, to which Ed responded, “Well, fuck me runnin’ if you can catch me!” Howard started off by asking Edward about Hendrix and then Clapton. Edward responded with his usual Hendrix story, that Jimi did some excellent things but when Ed was younger, he couldn’t afford all of Jimi’s pedal hookups so he focused on Clapton instead. When Howard asked Edward about Clapton now, Ed callously replied that he thought Clapton was better when he was addicted to heroin and was now a weak imitation of B.B. King.

Howard asked Edward about his cancer battle. During the interview, Ed confirmed that he was cancer-free, not in remission.
Rolling
Stone
reported that Eddie said flat out: “I had squamous-cell carcinoma of the tongue. And I beat it without chemo or radiation… . I really can’t talk about because I did it in a way that is not exactly legal in this country.” He intimated that this development could put pharmaceutical companies out of business. Stern pressed Eddie for details, and, surprisingly, Ed gave them up. He said he had founded a pathology lab with Dr. Steve McClain in Long Island. He said that they removed healthy pieces of his tongue and grew healthy cells outside of his body, while at the same time complaining though that all in all he was missing one-third of his tongue.