Ethan, Who Loved Carter (14 page)

Ethan was quiet as they walked on. Carter took his hand, not knowing what to say, or, if the quiet was due to Ethan needing to soak in the experience or because of their kiss. “Ethan….”

“I don’t know anything special to do, Carter.” Ethan’s head and shoulders drooped.

“What do you mean? You don’t have to do anything special. You are amazing just being you.”

Ethan stopped walking. He held onto Carter’s hand, so Carter stopped too. “You kissed me the first time because I sang and you really liked it. I wanted to kiss you again, but you wouldn’t let me.” Ethan’s eyes settled on the wall over Carter’s shoulder. “And now you kissed me because I did a good job in the play. What do I have to do to get you to kiss me again?”

The observation slammed into Carter’s gut. Ethan was the astute one, that was for sure. Between him and Carter, he’d been the only one unconfused, but that was because Ethan saw things in black and white, and Carter’s world was a panoply of grays. But now that distinction between their outlooks had caused Ethan to stop in the middle of a hallway painted in school colors, minutes after getting a standing ovation, with an expression so destitute that Carter wanted to bang his head against the wall for being so stupid. Not everything needed to be over-thought and analyzed. He wouldn’t regret doing it; at the time of their first kiss, he hardly knew Ethan, so waiting and getting to know him better was the right thing. But now, he knew Ethan. He wanted Ethan’s arms around him and to protect and be protected by him.

Ethan bit his lower lip and kept his gaze over Carter’s head, focused steadfastly on the wall.

“Don’t chew your lip. You’ll hurt yourself.” Carter skimmed his thumb over Ethan’s mouth and plucked Ethan’s lip free.

“Don’t care,” Ethan said.

“Ethan.”

Ethan looked down, but he didn’t meet Carter’s eyes. Carter wished he would. This would be a lot easier.

“You don’t have to do anything special to get a kiss from me. I’ll kiss you whenever you want. I’ll kiss you when you’re doing boring things. Like standing in a hallway waiting to change your clothes.”

Ethan’s smile returned, though with an edge of disbelief in his eyes. “Really?”

“Really.” Carter put his hand on the back of Ethan’s neck and brought him down to his lips so he could prove it.

“I can do a lot of boring things,” Ethan said. He turned his head to brush his stubble against Carter’s cheek.

“Then I guess you’ll be getting a lot of kisses.” Carter brought Ethan back to his mouth. Ethan withdrew slightly.

“Are we boyfriends?”

“Do you want to be?” Carter asked. Someone at the end of the hall flashed the lights, a signal to get moving. Carter stayed where he was, halfway between the auditorium and the band room with Ethan’s body an inch from him and Ethan’s blue eyes searing into his. He clutched Ethan’s arms, holding onto him just like Ethan gripped Carter in the middle of the night. This was no nightmare though. This was weak-kneed hope.

“I want to be your boyfriend,” Ethan said.

“Me too.” This time, the kiss pushed Carter against the wall. He locked his arms around Ethan’s neck. Ethan stroked his hair. It was shock and comfort all at once; belonging and terror; resiliency and relief. Carter clung on as Ethan did the same. They kissed until someone bumped into them and knocked them out of their haze.

A
T
THE
after-party, Carter and Ethan danced until Ethan’s bad leg made him need to sit down. Ethan couldn’t drink because of the medication he had to take, so Carter stuck to soda too. He returned from the bar to see Beyoncé walking away from Ethan and Ethan looking like a kid on his birthday morning.

“She said I did a good job!” Ethan said. Then he dove into Carter for a hug, which sent Carter’s heart rate skyrocketing.

As they waited for a cab on the curb outside, Carter slipped his hand into Ethan’s.

Ethan said, “I’m not wandering off,” because, of course, that was what he associated with someone holding his hand on the street.

“I thought maybe I could hold your hand because I’m your boyfriend now,” Carter said, but he started to pull away in case Ethan didn’t like it.

“Oh.” And there was Ethan’s smile again, surprised and delighted. “Oh, yes, that’s fine. I like that.”

Carter grinned up at him. “Good.”

When the cab arrived, Carter opened the door for Ethan. He gave the cabbie directions to Ethan’s hotel and asked that the second stop be John’s apartment. Ethan cuddled against him. He tugged on Carter’s shirt. Carter squeezed his hand.

“Not in front of the driver,” Carter said. He tried to keep his voice soft, but the driver still glanced at them in his mirror.

“No hanky-panky,” the driver said.

“Kiss?” Ethan asked.

The driver made a motion that seemed to say kissing was okay. “Clothes stay on!”

Carter put his hands on Ethan’s shoulders. “You all right with that?”

“Yeah.” They kissed until the taxi stopped at Ethan’s hotel. Even trying to follow the driver’s rules, Carter’s shirt had ended up around his midsection and Ethan’s was pushed up his back. The driver banged on the window.

“Here. Out.”

Carter grabbed another kiss. “Do you want me to walk you to the door?”

“No. I can do it.” Ethan looked defensive. It didn’t sit well on his kiss-swollen lips. Carter had clutched Ethan’s hair for most of the ride, and it looked like it had been through a wind tunnel. He reached up to smooth it down.

“I didn’t mean you
couldn’t
. I meant if you want another minute with me, I could walk you in.”

“Oh.” Mischievous desire took over Ethan’s expression.

“I’m not waiting. My shift’s almost over.” The driver settled the debate.

“See you tomorrow.” Carter leaned out of the taxi to give Ethan a final kiss for the night. He fell back into the seat after Ethan stepped away. Ethan waved and walked into his hotel.

“We just started dating tonight,” Carter said. He felt he owed the driver an explanation.

“Yes, yes.” The driver waved in a circle. “You are lucky. Not every driver is as open-minded as me. Your ride could have been different.”

“Thank you,” Carter said.

“Other drivers, they might refuse to take you and your boyfriend. I’m not like that.”

“We appreciate it.”

The driver continued to tell Carter what he might have faced with “those other drivers” and Carter continued to thank him until they arrived at his building. Carter gave him a twenty percent tip. He exited still being told how lucky he was.

Inside the building, Carter eased open the door to his old apartment. The squeaky hinge announced him anyway. John, on the couch, muted the television. “How’d it go?”

“The performance was great,” Carter said. He waited a beat. “Ethan and I are together now.”

“Wow.” John raised an eyebrow. “Must have been some play. What was it about?”

“Victorian socioeconomic class disputes.”

“Of course it was.” John got up. “I’m happy for you, man. See you in the morning.”

“You were waiting up for me?” Carter asked.

“What?” John feigned insult. “I’m not your mother.”

“Right.” Carter grabbed his bag to find his pajamas. “Good night.”

“Night.” John went into his room and closed the door.

Carter decided he was too tired to change. He pulled his pants and shirt off and fell onto the couch in his shorts and undershirt. The last thing he remembered before sleep was the softness of Ethan’s lips against his and the scratch of Ethan’s stubble against his cheeks.

“E
THAN
seems sweet,” John said. He perched on the end of his couch where Carter had his overnight bag open.

“He is,” Carter said. He stuffed his socks into the space left between his shirt and the side of the bag.

“I’m glad I got to meet him.”

“I’m glad you did, too.”

“There’s just one thing.”

“Uh-huh.” Carter kept his voice steady as he braced himself.

“I want to make it really clear that I have no issues with you dating someone with brain damage. That is not what this is about.” John put his hands up like he was warding something away.

“You haven’t told me what
this
is.”

“I’m worried about you.”

“Excuse me?”

John took a breath. “I need you to tell me that you aren’t dating Ethan because of your Tourette’s.”

“Excuse me?” Carter stepped away from the couch as his voice lifted a few notches.

“He’s different. You’re different. I don’t know, maybe the two of you came together, saw that connection, and….”

“Are you honestly worried about this?” John had never been involved in his other relationships, and Carter had dated
jerks
before. John hadn’t said a thing.

“Carter, you avoid people because of your stuttering and twitching. Are you able to tell me that you could have a relationship with someone who didn’t have problems of their own without feeling judged?”

“No.” As much as he didn’t want to hear it, John was only reflecting what Carter had worried about. Hell, he’d said it to Ethan the first time they’d met, right?
We’re both freaks
. So-called normal guys had trampled on him; why not head for someone damaged? But he’d been drawn to Ethan’s differences at first as a friend, not as a boyfriend. No, Carter’s decision to date Ethan had nothing to do with a brain injury or Tourette’s. If that were the case, they’d have started dating months ago. Carter had waited until he couldn’t deny his feelings any longer. He needed Ethan in his life.

John stood up. “Hey. Look, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.” Carter shrugged John’s hand off his shoulders.

“I like him a lot. Maybe it’s because we’re both damaged, but if you knew him, you’d understand. He’s amazing. He’s open and honest and I waited way too long to say yes to him.”

“You understand that I had to ask, right? I’m sure his friends will grill him about you.”

“Yeah.” This time, Carter didn’t duck away when John reached over to ruffle his hair. He did, however, shove him in a move that somehow ended with John grabbing his hand and yanking him forward into a hug, in which he ended up face-planted into John’s chest with the bag underneath his hips.

Carter’s phone rang. “That’s my ride.” He peeled himself off John.

“Thank goodness, this was starting to get awkward.”

“Tell me about it.” Picking up his bag, Carter gave John another hug and took off. Even though it had only been a few hours since they last were together, he couldn’t wait to see Ethan. He grinned all the way out to the car, hopped in, and dove straight into Ethan’s open arms. Elliot made gagging noises from the back. Jennifer laughed and told Elliot to shush. Nolan turned up the classic rock station. Ethan reminded them all that Beyoncé had loved him (“Why wouldn’t she?” Liz asked), and they set course for home.

E
THAN
didn’t sleep the night they came back from LA. He lay in bed thinking about everything that had happened. Performing was amazing, from the costume to being on stage to all the people he met afterward. He wanted to do it again, right now. Maybe Dad and Mom would let him move to LA. But best of all, Carter was his boyfriend now! He stared at the ceiling and thought about all the people he wanted to tell.

Vera was the first person Ethan told about him and Carter because she drove him to work. “I’m happy for you,” she said. Ethan beamed. He hummed the song he’d written for Carter all the way to work. He almost didn’t wait for Vera to stop before he rushed out of the car to find Andy.

“And you didn’t even have to show him your penis!” Andy said. He pulled back from hugging Ethan, but kept his hands on Ethan’s waist. “Although you’d probably have been dating him faster if you had.”

“Carter isn’t like that.” Ethan frowned at Andy. “And you know I promised Mom I wouldn’t do that anymore.”

“I know,” Andy said. “I’m sorry.” He hugged Ethan again. “I’m just happy he finally came to his senses.”

“Well.” Ethan thought it over. “I did write a song for him, so he had to come around sometime.”

“All right, romance time over. Time for work.” Vera handed Ethan his apron. “Lovebird,” she said with a roll of her eyes. She was smiling too, so Ethan knew she was only teasing.

Carter walked in around ten o’clock and sat down in his regular place at the table in the far corner. Ethan grabbed an apple turnover—something different!—and went over and kissed him. Carter ticced and stammered, but he smiled and thanked Ethan for the turnover.

“Can we go out to the beach after I’m done?” Ethan asked. “I want to tell my friends out there.”

“Sure,” Carter said. Then he said he needed to work and showed Ethan his papers. Alice had him transposing a new show already.

Vera and Andy both gave Ethan hugs and then Vera went and sat down with Carter for a “private conversation” that Ethan was pretty sure involved threats. Vera was like a big sister despite being younger, but she said it was because she had younger siblings and she only knew how to be the big sister. Carter looked serious though, and he nodded a lot.