Evernight (The Night Watchmen Series Book 2) (21 page)

He closes his eyes. Swallows. “It scares me too,” he admits quietly. There’s a long moment of silence between us as the weight of my exhaustion bears down on me. “Close your eyes,” he says against my ear. “Get some rest. I’ll hold you.”

I don’t fight against it. I do as he says and, before I know it, I slip into my inner balance where nothing can harm me.

WE’RE SUMMONED SHORTLY AFTER I drift off to sleep. It was a dreamless nap—one where the world held no weight and I was free. Safe. Untouchable. A woman’s voice comes across the intercom, announces the hour, and extends the invitation to join High Priest Seamus for dinner.

Jaxen stirs, rolls over, and pushes the button on a small screen situated on his nightstand. Gavin’s smirking face comes across.

“Yo. Did ya get the summons?”

“Yeah,” Jaxen groans out, his voice husky and deep with sleep.

“You were sleeping?” I can’t see him, but I can hear the smile in Gavin’s voice. The taunting note he always takes when talking to Jaxen.

“No. I was playing patty-cake.” Jaxen pauses, takes in a calming breath, and then says, “Look, the shit with Clara was bad. We’ll talk about it at dinner. Okay?”

Gavin chuckles, the hearty sound filling his tiny pod of a room. “I know a little hanky-panky could cure that—”

Gavin’s voice cuts off.

Jaxen ended the call. He rubs his eyes before stretching, the movement attracting my eyes to the ripped planes of his perfectly sculpted body, and then drops his hands and looks down at me. He blinks a few times, his dark lashes fanning out like the feathers of a raven sunning himself, and then a smile ignites across his lips.

“How do you feel?” he asks, nuzzling my neck with his nose. My whole body warms to his touch.

“Worlds better,” I say, rolling into him. His hands grip my waist. His kisses, his touch, every intimate moment we’ve spent together, it all surfaces and replays, turning my brain to mush. Turning me into a lovesick fool who’d follow him to the ends of the earth.

He lies back down and pulls me against him, softly running his fingers over my cheek. “This… right here… this is what drives me through the day. Knowing that you’ll be in my arms where nothing can touch us.” I look up at him, and he brushes a piece of hair off my face.

I’m sure my heart has exploded. There’s no way it could ever contain the happiness it feels right now. It’s just not physically possible. I shift against him and say, “Do you ever have those moments where you feel like you’re going to explode? Where you’re just so overwhelmed by this surreal form of happiness that you think your heart might burst because of it?”

“Yeah,” he says with a small smile. “It happens every time I look at you.”

“That’s how I feel right now,” I say, feeling like every cell inside of me is going to burst with love. “That’s how you make me feel.”

I’m curled perfectly into him; my lips nestled against the taut skin of his neck. I plant kisses, moving slowly against him. The mark on my arm, the one we share, begins to tingle, urging me toward him. He’s a magnetic force I can’t deny myself, and I don’t want to spend another second not touching him. I need him. Now.

He groans a little and grips the fabric of my shirt, bunching it in his hands. “If you don’t stop,” he says hoarsely, turning into me. His hand cups my backside and presses me harder against him until I feel his attraction against me.

“What?” I ask playfully, continuing my kisses against the sides of his mouth. Teasing his skin with trailing fingers that skim over his abs. I stop right at his pant line, staring him boldly in the eyes.

He flips me over, planting himself on top of me, and pins me down with my hands above my head. “I swear,” he says with a sexy rasp, smiling against my lips.

I imagine his smile could reach beyond the stars, and pray he takes me with him.

He licks his lips, and the smile disappears, turning into something deeper, more passionate. My breath catches as he leans in, his full lips skimming over every inch of my neck, but never fully touching. He’s taking his time, and it’s driving me wild with heat and lust. His warm breath ignites uncontrollable shudders of pleasure within me.

I squeeze my eyes shut and the sound of bliss leaps off my lips. His mouth is a sweet torture I can barely withstand. A luxury I can’t afford to lose ever again.

“Jaxen,” I say quietly, achingly. “I can barely stand it.”

His teasing stops. I open my eyes to find his squeezed shut. This is killing him as much as it’s killing me. Patience has never been so hard to grasp. The waiting game has never been so difficult to play. His hands rake through my hair, and then he sits up, blowing out the tension. I follow after, resting my chin against his shoulder.

“Do you want to go out with me? After dinner, maybe? I can take you around. Show you the city before we start training for the mission tomorrow?”

Butterflies race around my stomach. “Are you asking me on a date?”

He nods, the corner of his mouth lifting up into a perfect smile. “Yeah.”

I lean in and kiss him, letting that be my answer.

When I pull back, the smile he wears could light an entire arena. “Good,” he says on the edge of a heart-filled laugh. The rich, husky sound vibrates his entire being. He looks out of place… out of sync with feeling on top of the world. “I uh-I’m gonna get showered, and then I’ll pick you up for dinner. Sound good?”

“Sounds perfect,” I say, contagiously smiling back.

He grins again, and I can see the chains that had held him down his entire life slowly breaking, allowing him to taste freedom.

With his arm draped over my shoulders, he walks me across the hall, back to my room, and leaves me with a light kiss. When my door slides shuts behind me, I turn to face my room. I hear the silence all too loud. Being with Jaxen is all consuming. He defies rationality.

He could break me if he wanted to.

Sitting on the edge of my bed, the magic of our short time together slowly fades. Clara enters my head. Her words won’t go away. She thinks he makes me weak. He thinks his love for me makes him weak.

It’s almost too much to bear.

Making my way into the tiny bathroom of my room, I strip down and stand in front of the mirror. I have bruises, marks, and scars that speak of all that’s wrong in the world, all the silent torture and unjust actions that go unnoticed because it isn’t pretty to look at. It isn’t easy to accept, and it’s even harder to fix, because it makes people feel uncomfortable.

So they just ignore it.

I want to clean the hate for Clara from my system, but no matter how hot the water is, it doesn’t disappear. My forearm is a mess of holes, tiny burrows dug out by moments I’d give anything to forget. Torture that has chipped away at my resolve.

The water glistens over my scarred leg, turning the pale lavender scars to a bright pink. I know I could have them removed. Clara offered as much. The technology in Ethryeal City is beyond comprehension, but I don’t want to remove them. I don’t want to shy away from my flaws. Imperfections are what make us human. They’re what make us unique.

They’re reminders that perfection has little value when stacked against the beauty of what’s inside us.

I finish my shower, dressing in tight, black leather pants, an oversized, vintage black shirt, and then slide my arms through the satin interior of my leather jacket. It’s against regulation, but I don’t care. I need to feel like myself, if just for a moment.

I find black boots with buckles going up the sides in the box, sliding those on next. The last thing I put on is a utility belt, even though I know I don’t have access to carry weapons. No one aside from the Elite Watchmen have that power in this city.

Jaxen knocks on my door a little later and, the moment our eyes meet, a lightness builds within my chest. He’s dressed in tight, dark denim jeans, a form-fitting black shirt, and his leather jacket. His dark hair is gelled in a scattered mess. A lone strand has fallen across his forehead, hanging down over his bright green eyes.

“I see we had the same idea,” I say, pointing to his missing uniform.

“Great minds think alike,” he says with a smirk.

I allow myself to reach up and move the strand of hair from his face. He leans down and kisses me softly, brushing my hair back over my shoulder. I know it’s only been about an hour since I last saw him, but I already want to grab his hand and pull him into my room. Lock him away from everyone else and keep him to myself so we can stay inside our safe bubble of happiness.

“You look gorgeous,” he says, his throaty voice uneven and laced with hunger. Lust swims in his gaze.

I smile up at him.

“You hungry?”

“Starving,” I reply, though I don’t add it’s for him. I starve for his touch. For his kiss. The incinerator in me ignites whenever I’m in his presence.

He takes my hand in his, guiding me to the elevator. “I think you’re going to like the city,” he says once the door closes shut. He puts his arm around my neck, pulling me into him.

When the doors slide open to outside, a rush of fresh air greets us. I’m grateful for it. It helps ease the ache that has built a home in my chest. The air here is lighter almost. The sun is brighter. Clouds form around the entire city, framing us in a soft haven. The buildings reach past the clouds in rounded shapes. Small, trimmed trees are sparse and strategically planted around the city that’s resting on top of water.

The smells radiating off the vendors planted on the streets stirs a growl from my stomach. We pass different shops, some for masks and clothing, and others for weapons and magical ingredients. I want to take my time and explore every inch, learn my heritage, but a voice stirs in the back of my mind, stopping me in my tracks.

“Are you both close?”

It’s Jezi’s voice. She’s speaking to Jaxen telepathically, but I can hear her as if she were standing right next to me.

“Yeah. Be there in a minute,”
Jaxen responds, and then his walls go up. I still feel her in my mind, but not him. Peeking over at him out of the corner of my eye, I realize he doesn’t know I can hear him.

“Can you—can you hear me?”
I ask, pushing the thought to both of them.

He stops abruptly and turns to face me, brow scrunched.

“Faye?”
It’s Jezi’s voice.

“You can hear me?”
I ask again.

“Yes,” Jaxen says out loud. I can’t read him. I don’t know how this is making him feel.

“No f-ing way,”
Jezi says, laughter edging her words.

“Our connection must be stronger now that she’s out and closer to us,”
Jaxen says.

“Why now?”
Jezi asks.

I know why. The thought slithers around my mind. “
Clara. She did things to my mind. Unlocked things hidden.”

“What kind of things?”
Jaxen asks.

“I don’t know. I only remember the parts where I wasn’t fed Belladonna, which wasn’t often. The last session… before Jaxen got me, I felt something inside me open up. A whole new part of myself I didn’t know was there.”

Jaxen’s entire body goes rigid next to me, his hand tightening around mine.

“Maybe it’s for the best,”
Jezi assures me.

“Shut her out,” Jaxen says as he starts walking forward again.

I feel stuck. Should I say bye? Should I just close the connection? I’ve never had to deal with this, and although I’ve always been curious, now I’m beginning to understand why curiosity kills the cat.

“It’s okay, Faye,”
Jezi says, easing me. Her walls go up, and I feel alone in my head again. It bothers me that she can hear and read whatever. I didn’t even direct that thought to her and she knew it.

My cheeks flare up.

“The scientists, they said that the affinity link happened because of me. Because I opened myself up. This is happening because what I feel for you is growing stronger, and Jezi’s a part of you. I don’t—I don’t think I can reverse it. I don’t know how.”

“This is a hindrance I was hoping we wouldn’t have to deal with,” Jaxen says a moment later, taking the words straight from my mouth. “We have to get you trained on how to keep the thoughts you want to keep private—private.”