Every Day is Like Doomsday (18 page)

“Well, I’ll be damned. It’s New Meat,” hollered
Coach as Elliot and Innya walked into the warehouse.
“We thought you died.”

Innya nudged Elliot towards Coach and gave him a
look that reminded him to remember his posturing. The
reminder wasn’t necessary. It was now coming quite naturally to him. And luckily in the few moments when the
facade cracked everyone else was so self-absorbed they
still didn’t see past his charade.

“I did die,” said Elliot quietly when he reached
Coach. Coach responded adequately by swallowing his
gum. Elliot continued, “But I came back. See, I told you I
would find my power eventually.”

Coach whistled. Other kids began filing in, taking up seats amidst the junk and staring intently at the
exchange going on between Coach and Elliot.

Coach nodded solemnly as if that made perfect
sense but Elliot could tell that he was really just freaked
out to be standing beside the recently dead. “Yes. That’s
usually the reason, and it’s the best one as far as I’m concerned. So, have you found a name yet?”

“The Zombie,” said Elliot in the most menacing
sounding voce he could muster.
Coach turned to the class, “Fine by me, boy. Hey,
everyone, your attention. For those of you who haven’t
met him yet, this is The Zombie. He just rose from the
dead. Now, let’s see if you can top that.”
For a moment Elliot’s heart stopped beating as he
thought Coach was talking to him and his life flashed
before his eyes. But when another kid Elliot didn’t know
stood up and then disappeared in a puff of smoke, only to
reappear two seconds later in the same place, Elliot realized that Coach was using Elliot as the benchmark for all
other powers. He felt equally proud and terrified.
Elliot made his way to Innya’s favorite spot, on a
catwalk high above the floor, hoping that Coach would
now stop asking him to prove himself. But on his way up
the rickety spiral staircase he passed by Dopple doing an
impeccable imitation of Elliot speaking as The Zombie.
I do not sound like that much of a douche bag,
thought Elliot even though he knew that he did. Elliot
wanted to say something because he knew that Dopple
was part of the reason he had ended up in the infirmary.
And Dopple had been hitting on Innya when Elliot made
his grand reentrance. But instead he passed by without
saying a word. It was better to not start something he
couldn’t finish, especially while they were in a place where
everything was a weapon.
Elliot made it to Innya’s little perch and took a seat.
“Dopple is making fun of me and using an impression of
me to pick up on that Casio chick.”
“Is it a good impression?”
“Stupid question.”
“Sorry.”
“Did you just apologize for something?” he asked
with a smile and Innya stiffened. “
Mierda
, you’re rubbing
off on me.”
Use What You Have Available class sailed by almost
without issue and they spent it watching everyone trying
to outdo each other and mostly failing miserably. The kid
that disappeared and reappeared apparently hadn’t mastered the power enough to do anything but blink invisible,
not yet helpful in any sort of Villainous situation. Then
came Red, who looked bigger and redder but pretty much
did the same old tricks: picked up large things and threw
them and flexed his giant red muscles and made eyes at
Ventriloquist, who kept sneaking glances at Elliot then
looking away when he caught her gaze.
Then class ended and they headed to History of
Villains. As they got closer to the lecture hall they passed
by Dopple, who was mocking Elliot to a group of four
Villains Elliot didn’t know. He stiffened as Dopple said in
a whiny imitation of Elliot’s voice, “I’m the Zombie king,
bitch,” and Innya quickly grabbed his hand.
She said under her breath, “You want to do something about it, don’t you?” Elliot didn’t answer but
squeezed her hand. He did want to do something about
it. In the moments after she asked that question several
scenarios played through his mind, all of them involving
him kicking Dopple’s ass and Innya swooning in response
to his awesome display of manliness.
“So what are you waiting for?”
What was he waiting for? He was a Villain now. He
should obey his instincts and do what he wanted to do.
“Do it,” whispered Innya.
That was all the impetus Elliot needed. He figured
he’d simply tap Dopple on the shoulder and, as the jerk
turned around, punch him in the jaw. But one of the
other Villains spotted Elliot and pointed to him before
he reached them. Dopple turned, foiling Elliot’s plan, but
he would not be dissuaded.
“What is your problem?” Elliot demanded. He
could feel his vocal chords trembling but he forced them
into cooperation. Weakness would not be tolerated here.
“I did nothing to you and what did you do? Oh, that’s
right, you helped killed me.”
Dopple looked at Elliot blankly. “What is your
problem?” he asked in Elliot’s voice.
And that was all it took. Elliot’s ideas of acceptable behavior shattered. Dopple was a dick. He had to
go down. Almost without thinking Elliot swung his
right fist around and clocked Dopple on his smooth and
uncharacteristic cheek.
He was not prepared for the pain. He had punched
someone before, Adam to be precise, but back then he
really hadn’t wanted to hurt Adam, just make him shut
up and listen. But this time he wanted to cause pain. And
he did, though it was on both sides.
Dopple’s head spun hard to the left. The other Villains backed off immediately. Elliot’s hand felt like it was
on fire. He thought he might have broken it, maybe even
completely shattered it. But he forced himself not to cry and
after a few seconds the adrenaline kicked in and all he felt was
a warm, throbbing sting that encompassed his entire hand.
Elliot looked up at the other Villains and asked,
“What are you looking at?” Then to Dopple, “Let’s see
you imitate that.” And then he walked back to where
Innya stood on the walkway. Her cheeks were flushed and
her eyes were bright and Elliot had the feeling that if he
wanted to get down and dirty right there on the sidewalk
she wouldn’t say no. But who would she be having sex with
in her mind? Elliot? Or The Zombie? And besides, they
were going to be late for class and he’d rather his first time
be behind closed doors. Preferably in a lightless room.
To prove a point Elliot wound the fingers of his nonbroken hand around hers and led the way to History of
Villains and this time she didn’t try to pull away from him.
“Does it hurt?” she asked.
“Like hell,” he said, wincing as he unconsciously
flexed his hand and pain shot up his arm. “I kind of want
to throw up. Or possibly faint.”
“But how did it feel?”
There was only one answer. “It felt good.”

Dean Woon’s voice cut right through a mindnumbing lecture in History of Villains and startled Elliot
awake. He exchanged glances with Innya and her vacant
eyes told him that she had also been completely zoned
out during the lecture.

Innya shrugged and stood up and Elliot followed suit.
The teacher stopped his lecture and stood there looking
irritated as Innya and Elliot made their way toward the exit.

“So sorry,” Innya announce merrily, “But I suppose
we must be leaving. Have a meeting with the Dean. Very
important. Can’t be late.”

“You know, we’re so sorry we have to miss the rest
of your class. We were really riveted for once.”
The teacher said nothing else as they left.
“That was mean,” said Elliot once they were in the
hallway.
“Did you see his little Picasso face? It was great.
Besides, he really is a soul-crushing bore. Someone
needed to tell him.”
“You didn’t tell him he was a bore.”
“Yes I did. I just used the time-honored tradition
of sarcasm.”
“You wield your weapon well,” said Elliot.
Innya smiled at the compliment and Elliot was
happy that she had taken it well. She had been surprisingly not punchy since his coming out as the Zombie and
he was never sure how to take it. Either she had some
strange affection towards the hapless or she was secretly
plotting to kill him in his sleep. Either way he supposed
he should be pleased.
“What do you think he wants?” Elliot asked.
“The Dean? Probably just wants to know where
you’ve been hiding.”
“This whole Zombie thing isn’t going to fool him.”
“I honestly can’t believe that more people don’t
know you’re a Norm. I mean really,
nothing
about the old
you was Villainous.”
“And now?”
“Now you look the part at least. With a little more
practice the rest will come.”
“Do we need to corroborate each other’s story?”
“Why bother? He’ll just read our minds and know
that we’re lying.”
“Good point.”
They stopped talking once they passed through the
front door to the Dean’s building. Inside the dark hallway
was as hushed as a library, which made talking even less
of an option. They reached the Dean’s office door and this
time, in keeping with his new Villainous persona, Elliot
opened the door without knocking. He noticed Innya’s
smile out of the corner of his eye and felt his chest swell.
“You’re not a real Villain, Mr. Vane, so the next time
you are called into my office I expect a certain amount of
decorum. There is, indeed, a reason for this meeting,” said
the Dean and Elliot groaned. He kept forgetting to close
his mind to the Dean and immediately started thinking
about the lyrics to “Row, Row, Row Your Boat.” It was
effective at keeping his random thoughts to a minimum
but it also made it harder to concentrate.
“You have nothing to hide, do you, Innya?” asked
the Dean with a smile.
“No. I am what I am and that’s all that I am.”
“Popeye. Clever. Most people today don’t even
know who that is so it could work.”
“Professor Titus told me that I can’t use lines from
movies or shows, especially not lines from a good guy.”
“I won’t tell if you won’t.”
“Deal.”
“It appears that we have more than one secret to
keep together then,” the Dean said, switching topics and
looking at Elliot, who was staring pointedly at the ceiling
and trying very hard not to think about the many times
he’d seen Innya’s breasts during his recovery and transformation.
“About Elliot?” asked Innya pointlessly, considering
they all knew why they were there.
“About The Zombie. Who exactly is this Zombie
character?”
“A character we created to keep the other Villains
from trying to kill me. My near-death experiences were
starting to feel redundant,” said Elliot. Of course, I wasn’t
planning on faking my death, thought Elliot wryly.
“And why is that?” asked the Dean.
“The pieces just sort of came together like that and
who was I to ignore fate?” Innya replied.
But Elliot’s answer was more to the point, even
though he didn’t verbalize it. Because someone wants
me dead, he thought. He didn’t see the point in trying to
hide anything considering the Dean could just pluck the
thought out of his head like a grape off of the stem.
The Dean spoke in Elliot’s mind then, “Who wants
you dead?”
Innya shot Elliot a dirty look that seemed to say,
“You stole my thunder and I will make you pay.” She
sighed and added, “Someone put an envelope on my door
with a note and a lot of money. The note said that Elliot
was a fake and ordered me to kill him. But I take orders
from no one and preferred to keep him around a little
longer.”
Dean Woon gave them both a knowing smile.
“Because you have grown attached to him?” he asked,
though his tone hinted that he already knew the truth.
Elliot stiffened and waited eagerly for Innya’s answer.
“If someone wants him dead I’d like to know who
and why before I actually commit murder. Besides, if
Elliot keeps getting attacked it means I keep getting out
of classes I don’t want to be taking anyway, which works
out rather nicely for me.”
“I see,” said the Dean. Elliot could tell from the
tone of his voice that he ‘saw’ a lot more than he was
letting on. Innya’s expression didn’t change from one of
disdainful boredom but the Dean’s grin lingered.
“Do you think that you can carry on this ruse until
the day you graduate?”
“Or until I can figure out a way to get out of here.”
“Were you aware that the news has contacted me
regarding your death?”
“Really?” Elliot asked, “Has my father called?”
“No. No one has called except the local news
agency validating a story they wanted to run based off of
an anonymous tip they received that the senator’s son had
been killed during the bank robbery exercise.”
Elliot looked at Innya. “You called the news?”
“I told you I’d take care of it,” said Innya with a
shrug.
“I thought you meant that you would call my dad to
let him know I was safe!” Elliot exclaimed.
“I don’t know how you could have inferred that.”
“But what about my dad? He’s going to think I died
when he watches the news.”
“I’m sure he’ll be heartbroken,” said the Dean in
a tone that suggested the exact opposite. “I agree with
Innya. Let them all believe what they want to believe and
perhaps it will flush out the person who ordered your
murder.”
“But—” Elliot began but Dean Woon cut him off.
“It is for the best.”
Elliot slumped back in his chair, defeated. “Whatever. My dad won’t take my calls anyway. It will serve him
right if he thinks I’m dead. My friends, too.”
“That’s the spirit!” said the Dean. “Now please
leave.”
“What? That’s it?” asked Innya, which received a
glare from the Dean.
The two students hurriedly made their escape from
the Dean’s office but lingered once they reached the outside of the building, where they quickly set about avoiding
each others’ gazes.
Elliot had his hands in his pockets and he played
with a clod of ice-covered mud with the toe of his boot.
“That was weird.”
“Yeah,”said Innya while studying the chipped silver
nail polish on her fingernails.
So what now?” he asked. “I think we still have a
while before meditation hour. What should we do?”
“You want to have sex?” Innya asked.
If Elliot had been eating he would have choked on
his food. If he had been drinking it probably would have
come out of his nose. As it was, he whipped his head
around so fast that he gave himself a mild case of whiplash. “Huh?” he said, which didn’t sound much better
coming out of this mouth than it had in his head.
Innya shrugged. “Just a suggestion.”
But Elliot wouldn’t let her get away with shrugging off such a major thing. “What is it with you and sex?
Does it mean anything to you?”
With a smile she answered, “Sex appeal is an
important part of my arsenal.” She turned towards Elliot
suddenly and pushed him up against the wall. Elliot’s
heart started to race.
“Please don’t kick my ass,” he said lamely.
Innya smiled that smile he was just beginning to
recognize. The smile that said ‘I know you want me’ in
bold, neon letters. That smile spoke of sexual appetites
that he couldn’t even dream of. It spoke of heat and panting and touching and licking and wow he really had to
stop or he might just lose it.
“How else do you think I get what I want?” Innya
asked as she leaned hard into Elliot. His back was pressed
so hard up against the wall that he was going to have
an impression of the bricks on his spine. And if Innya
got any closer he was going to have an impression of her
ample bosom in his chest and he couldn’t see how that
was a bad thing.
Elliot would have answered her but his tongue had
other ideas that did not involve forming actual words.
Innya’s lips hovered just millimeters from his. Her breath
smelled not too bad, which made him self-conscious
because he was pretty sure his smelled awful. He shut his
lips and started breathing through his nose and the cold
air burned as he inhaled.
“I get what I want,” she said, her breath hot on
his lips, almost touching, achingly close yet frustratingly
far away, “Because of this.” And then she stuck out her
tongue and slowly licked from his bottom lip to his top
lip. Elliot melted. He couldn’t move or do anything else
but stand there. His whole body tingled.
He tried to say,“OK, let’s go.”But it just came out as
a sigh and then she pulled away, grinning at him. Nothing
was going to happen. Not then. Probably not ever. His
boiling hormones started to die down and he took a deep
breath, ragged with anger and lust.
“That was
so
not cool,” he muttered and started to
walk away.
She laughed. “All’s fair in war.”
“You mean ‘love and war’, don’t you?”
“What’s love got to do with it?”
“Very funny.”
“What is?”
“Nevermind. Still, not cool.”
“A real Villain would have taken advantage of the
opportunity I just provided to you.”
“Well I’m sorry that I don’t want to just have sex
with just anyone.”
“I’m not just anyone. I’m the woman who has saved
your life on more than one occasion. I’m the only friend
you have here. Don’t make excuses when the real reason
is because you’re a virgin and you’re frightened of me. You
can’t be a seventeen-year-old Villain and a virgin. It’s not
natural.”
Elliot stopped mid-stride. He was sick of running,
sick of merely pretending to be a bad guy. Innya was right.
All he had to do was take a step in that direction and
he felt certain the rest of him would know what to do.
He took a deep breath and turned to face Innya, who
was wearing a condescending grin on her face of the type
normally reserved for the flights of fancy of annoying
children. He spoke with a straight face. “Alright then.
Let’s go.”
“Uh, yeah, right,” Innya said with a haughty laugh
as she started to walk away.
Elliot didn’t move. “I’m not joking. You think you
know everything? Yeah, I’m a virgin. In fact, I’m completely clueless when it comes to girls and what you just
did to me made my brain melt. You think that having sex
will make me somehow more evil? Fine. Prove it.” Innya
didn’t say anything right away, just stared at him in disbelief so he added, “I’m waiting.”
Innya narrowed her eyes and twisted one corner of
her voluptuous mouth into a sly smile and Elliot’s heart
began to pound. He had expected her punch him for
even suggesting such a thing but the look in her suddenly
smoldering eyes made it seem as if she was about to call
his bluff. Holy crap, he thought, I can’t be the one to back
down now of I’ll never hear the end of it. I’m going to
have sex. With a girl. In the middle of the school day.
Holy crap… I mean shit.
It seemed to take forever for Innya to close the distance between them. Then she stopped right in front of
him, as if waiting for him to make the first move. When
he didn’t do anything right away the mocking smile
spread across her lips and Elliot’s resolve hardened. He
grasped Innya’s hips and pulled her close. When her
adorable little nose smacked into his chin he realized that
he may have been a little too enthusiastic but he wasn’t
about to let that stop him.
She was right there, looking up at him, her pouty
lips slightly parted. All he had to do was bring his face to
hers and kiss her like she’d never been kissed before. It
was as if his body instinctively knew how to do what his
brain had trouble even imagining. He moved in for the
kiss and at the very last second Innya turned her head
and Elliot only grazed her cheek. Her skin was soft and
smelled like vanilla but it wasn’t quite the satisfaction he
had in mind.
“Oh great,” she said as she pushed him away.
Elliot stumbled backwards, completely confused
and slightly dizzy. He glanced in the same direction as
Innya and saw Vlad’s partner, Brain, coming towards
them, an easy smile on his face. Elliot thought he would
never be less happy to see another Villain.
“Hi, Elliot. Or, would you rather be called Zombie
now?”
“He wants to be called Zombie,” said Innya, “And
you’re interrupting.”
“So sorry,” said Brain, glancing back and forth
between Innya and Elliot, not seeming to comprehend
what he had just walked in on. “This will only take a
moment. So, Elliot, Vlad and I would love to talk to you
sometime about perhaps joining forces. You know how
I told you we’ve been working on an actual zombie formula? Well, we’d love to pick your brain.”
“Really?” asked Elliot. He didn’t forget what had
just almost happened with Innya because it was pretty
much all he thought about most of the time, but suddenly
that didn’t seem to matter quite as much. Not that he had
the slightest idea how to make a zombie powder but at
that moment he was just happy to have another Villain
take him seriously. “That sounds great.”
“Perfect. We’re just finishing up some other projects and then we’ll be in touch.”
“Can’t wait,” said Elliot. As soon as Brain was gone
Elliot turned to Innya, who was now openly glaring at
him. “What?”
“Can’t wait? Seriously?”
“Shut up. I’d at least like to take the opportunity
to make some friends. Even if you don’t have a need for
them, I do.” He smiled at her in what he hoped was a
charming way and said, “Now, where were we?”
He tried to put his arms around Innya but she pushed
them aside. Her face darkened right before she turned and
stalked away and he knew that he had just royally screwed
up. He just wasn’t sure exactly how. He sighed and trudged
after her toward the gymnasium, thinking only that girls
were more confusing than algebra.
He picked out a navy blue mat and made his way
towards the darkest part of the gym. As he set up his area
he looked up and realized that Innya wasn’t there. He
searched for her platinum head in the crowd of Villains
getting ready to meditate on their Villainous deeds but
he didn’t see her.