Everything I've Never Had (43 page)

IT’S OFFICIAL. MY children are trying to drive me insane. “Archer,” I call.

“Yes, ma’am?” he answers as he enters the bathroom.

“What is this?”

“Umm…mud.”

I take a deep breath. “This isn’t just mud, son, it’s mud and grass and water. And a huge mess. Why is this in the guest bathroom that I just cleaned yesterday?”

“I don’t know.”

“You just went outside and now this is here. Did you not do this?”

He shrugs at me. Shrugs! Is this normal teenage behavior? I wouldn’t know since we weren’t allowed to have opinions and bad days around my house. But this is ridiculous. “Don’t shrug at me,” I say after a minute of stewing. “Go get the broom and the mop.” He turns around to march off. “And loads of paper towels,” I call after him.

Everyone is going to be here soon, so I’m running through the house, tidying up real quick. I walk from room to room checking the vases and the candles and the candy bowls. I enter the kitchen to find Adrian and Paris making his favorite Buffalo Chicken Dip.

I smile at them. They make a pretty picture. I slide my phone out of my back pocket and snap one. They both roll their eyes at me. I’d probably taken a couple hundred pictures of them today. They’ll get over it.

“I told you that I’d do that,” I tell Adrian. “I want you to relax.”

“I got it, babe. This is one of the only things I can make,” he jokes.

Archer stomps through the kitchen, getting all of our attention on the way to the laundry room.

“What’s going on with him?” Adrian asks.

“I told him to clean up his mess. Aren’t I awful?”

He laughs and shakes his head. “Teenagers.”

“I know, right? Archer, don’t forget the mop,” I call.

He reenters the kitchen about that time. “I got it. You don’t have to yell. And I’m not five. I can remember to get the mop.”

I can feel Adrian and Paris tense up from where I’m standing. This is not a side we’ve seen of my sweet little boy. Adrian says, “Archer, don’t speak to your mother like that. It’s disrespectful, and you’re not a disrespectful person.”
Good job
, I think. Firm yet respectful.

“I’m sorry, Mom. I just don’t like it when you’re redundant. I’m fully capable of cleaning a bathroom.” I have to pinch my lips together to keep from grinning. Did I really encourage them in using elevated vocabulary and building sound arguments?
What was I thinking?

“I accept your apology, Archer.” I take his chin in my hand and tell him, “But that’s twice today you’ve gotten in trouble for that smart mouth.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he says with a blush.

I let him go on his way and turn back to Paris and Adrian. “Paris?”

“Yeah, Ma?”

“Do me a favor. Stay ten, please.”

“ADRIAN’S QUIET,” BONNIE says.

“He’s always quieter than the other guys,” I reply.

Looking over at him, I think to myself that even though he’s usually quiet he never has that distant look in his eyes that he has now. He’s always present for people.

“Yeah,” she says, “but he’s quieter than usual.”

He
is
quieter than usual. “He’s probably just exhausted. I can’t imagine being in the situation he was in for the last six months. He told me last night that at one point they’d had to sleep on the ground for six weeks. Six weeks. And that’s when he was able to sleep. Sometimes he went two days without sleep. And all that while eating one or maybe two MREs a day.” I tear up again as I think about how hard things were for him and his brothers.

Bonnie shakes her head. “Geez, that’s insane.”

“It makes me want to do something, but I don’t know what. I feel helpless.”

We gather in my huge sunroom so that we can accommodate everyone in order to give thanks and get dinner started. Adrian pulls me in front of him to lean me back on his chest. “I’d appreciate it if you didn’t leave my side again.”

Looking into those eyes, I see murky depths that trouble me. Putting my hand on his jaw, I ask, “Are you OK, baby?” He lets out a long breath and nods. I pull him to me and give him a soft kiss. “Are you ready to get rid of everyone?” He just nods again and I grin.

Louis gets everyone’s attention and makes a little speech about duty and service and how proud we are of Adrian. I can feel Adrian cringing under me with every word until I finally look back at him. He’s clearly uncomfortable. I grab his hand and squeeze it.

We move to start dinner and Garner stands up, which instantly makes me nervous. I’ve heard his rousing speeches before and there are children present. “Garner keep it G rated,” I joke.

He has the grace to hang his head a little and give a nervous laugh before popping back up and raising his drink to Adrian. “Dude, I’ve never been happier to have someone home from war. I know it’s tough listening to us talk about your bravery and honor, but just know that what you do, what you did, protects everyone and everything that we love. And I don’t know about you, but I’m ready to get back to making music. I’d much rather make the world go around that way, wouldn’t you, bro?” Adrian nods and grins at him. “Oorah!”

All the Marines say, “Oorah!” My future Marines aren’t left out either.

I HEAR LOTS of shuffling around and shushing and know that they’re trying to surprise me. It brings an instant smile to my face, and even though I’m exhausted, I drag myself out of bed to join them.

Entering the kitchen, I take in my men. They have an assembly line set up for making French toast. How adorable. I ruffle their heads as I pass them. “Hey guys,” I mumble as I walk straight into Adrian’s arms and burrow. What a fabulous way to wakeup.

“Babe, you were supposed to be sleeping in. The boys and I were going to surprise you.”

I laugh and look up at him. He looks better today. More rested, refreshed. “I’m still surprised, Adrian,” I say, planting a kiss on his chest. “You made coffee?”

“Of course. Go sit down. I’ll make you a cup.”

“Thank you.”

Sitting at the kitchen table, I pull out my organizer and start checking off the details for the official blessing of our marriage. Adrian puts a cup of coffee in front of me, so I look up to tell him thank you but catch him frowning a little. “What’s wrong?” I ask instead.

“It’s going to be small, right?”

I tilt my head. “Yes, just our close friends and whatever family approves and a small reception here at the house. We still have two weeks before all that, though. Is that OK?”

“Yeah, that’s fine.”

“OK,” I murmur as he walks away.

“All right, boys, make sure you get it coated real good on both sides with the egg mixture.”

“Like this, Pops?” Paris asks.

“Yep, that looks perfect.”

I hear a little crash and the sure sound of a spill and look up to see Finn’s face crumple. Oh no, poor baby.

“I’m sorry,” Finn cries.

Adrian starts toward him to help him out, “Dude, it’s—”

“God, Finn, you’re so stupid!” Archer says and rolls his eyes.

I open my mouth to get onto Archer. Before I can, Adrian snaps.

“Archer, everyone in this house is sick of your bad attitude and your smartass mouth,” he growls. My eyes widen and I look at Archer, who looks like he’s about to cry. I’m speechless. “You know what, why don’t you just go to your room where no one will bother you? Cause I’m pretty sure we’d all like to eat in peace.”

We all freeze for a moment. My home is not perfect by any means; however, we don’t usually lose our tempers. The boys are certainly not used to me or even their dad, when he was alive, lashing out. Archer jerks out of his stupor first and slams his fork down and stomps away.

Adrian starts to follow him, but I jump up and say, “Adrian, how about you and me step outside for a second and cool down before we talk to Archer, OK?”

His gaze flies down to me and he says, “Did I do something wrong? Or are we gonna focus on that smart mouth that Archer’s suddenly developed?”

“Oh, we’re going to take care of that. I’d just like for us to be on the same page first,” I say calmly.

He just walks around me and heads out to the porch.

“Paris help Finn clean up his mess, please. I’ll be right back.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

I head out to the porch and find Adrian with his head down between his shoulders and his arms braced on the porch rail. I look out over the yard and see Mrs. Jones tending to her flowerbeds, so I give her a small wave. She’s super nosey, so I’m glad I’ve noticed her.

Adrian hears me and turns around and folds his arms over his chest. Leaning back against the rail, he looks calmer. “I lost my temper.”

“Yes, you did. I’m worried about you. Two years you’ve been helping me raise these boys and I’ve never seen you get angry with them. Frustrated? Yes. Angry? No.”

“Cel, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry. I just…I don’t know where that came from.”

Taking pity on him, I cross over and wrap my arms around him, laying my head on his chest. “It’s a little different now, going from being their cousin to their father. It’s going to take some adjustments on all our parts. And really what you said to him was perfectly acceptable. I just take exception with how you said it is all.”

“My dad used to cuss us out and overreact and I hated it. Used to cause me to walk around on eggshells. That’s what I’ve always loved about being here. Everyone always feels so…comfortable. I fucked that right up.”

I can’t help but laugh. He sounds so pathetic. It’s adorable. “Adrian, we’re bound to have some growing pains. It was one incident. And Archer’s been a little turd lately. We’ll work it out. He had big plans to stay the night with Taylor this weekend. I’m saying that we take that away since he’s usually so good and talk to him, of course. He’s really only made his snide comments these last few days. Show him we mean business but don’t go overboard. What do you think?”

“I think whatever you think. With this little smart butt exception, you’ve managed to raise some amazing kids. God, I hope Archer’s not too mad at me,” he says as he rubs his hands over his face.

I smile at him. “Thank you. Archer’s an understanding young man, and he adores you. We’ll work this out. I will say that I’m glad you’re going out with the guys this weekend. You need to blow off some steam.”