Experiencing God at Home (15 page)

Two of my three children have admitted to me at different times that they were unsure if God existed, or that it didn’t seem like prayer actually worked, or they didn’t get anything out of the Bible when they read it. This was disconcerting, since both of them had prayed for Christ to save them from their sins, had been baptized, and were members of the church. I realized they were at an age where they were ready to own their relationship with God. They were separating their belief from their parents’ faith. I admit I was a little nervous. But I also remembered doing the same thing when I was a teenager. I had to come to a place where God was real to me, not just to my mom or dad. I could no longer believe God existed because they said He did. I wanted to know for myself that He loved me and had a plan for my life.

I assured both of my children that God had placed them in a Christian home so they would be introduced to Him at an early age and would have a good foundation upon which to know Him. I recounted various times throughout their life when we had prayed for them and God had answered in unique ways. I reviewed our family history and showed them how God had clearly cared for us, led us, guided us, and blessed us as we loved and followed Him. But just as Joshua required his people to choose which god they would serve (Josh. 24:15), they would have to make their own decision to surrender their lives into God’s loving hands. Though they have experienced different spiritual journeys, both came to a place where it seemed best to honor God and follow Him. Now their faith is their own. Presently I am preparing to have that same discussion with my youngest son one day soon and am praying a lot in the meantime.

Owning Our Faith

Mike and Daniel Blackaby, in their compelling book
When Worlds Collide: Stepping Up and Standing Out in an Anti-God Culture,
assert that seven out of ten teenagers in the church today will walk away from church.
1
This statistic worries many Christian parents. Inevitably there are times when our children will express reluctance to attend church or to participate in youth programs or Bible studies. In these moments, parents may fear that their child is turning their back on their faith and on God.

Most children will experience times where “church” isn’t appealing to them. However, some of those children may never have possessed a genuine faith in God in the first place. There are numerous well-meaning parents who sincerely desire for each of their children to come to a saving faith in Christ. These parents bring their children to every church meeting and Bible study they can. They make their kids do their nightly Bible readings and say their prayers. All of this is fine, but at times parents, and their churches, inadvertently water down what it means to become a Christian in their attempt to ensure all of their children make decisions for Christ.

The most oft-used invitation to salvation these days goes something like this: “Today, if you will ask Jesus to come into your heart, He will save you from your sins, and you will go to heaven when you die.” Often the preacher will instruct everyone to bow their heads and close their eyes. Then he’ll say, “While no one is looking, just raise your hand briefly if you want to ask Jesus to come into your heart right now.” Several hands furtively shoot up and then back down. The speaker assures those who raised their hand that they are now destined for heaven when they die. When the children’s parents hear of their decision, they are delighted and relieved that their child is now a believer. The child is soon baptized and added to the church membership roll. Being promised that “once saved, always saved,” the youngster attempts to be a good Christian by going to church and trying to be “good.”

This practice, though it brings great relief to parents, is dangerously misleading. For one, this type of conversion “prayer” is totally inadequate. It does not include repentance. Jesus will not enter your heart if you refuse to repent of your sin (Acts 2:38; 3:19). Second, there is no mention of placing your faith in Christ. Without faith, you cannot be saved (Rom. 10:9–10). Third, it mentions nothing of Christ’s lordship (Luke 6:46). Without repentance, faith, and surrender to Christ’s will, people will not experience conversion.

The Bible says it is evident who has been born again and who has not. Just look at the fruit of peoples’ lives. Jesus said: “For every tree is known by its own fruit. For men do not gather figs from thorns, nor do they gather grapes from a bramble bush” (Luke 6:44). When people become Christians, they do not merely have their name added to the Book of Life. To become a Christian, you must be
born again.
Your entire orientation and nature changes. The Holy Spirit enters your life at conversion and begins to transform you from a sinner into a saint. To use Jesus’ analogy, if you are transformed from an unregenerate apple tree into a converted orange tree, it will be obvious! How? Your life will begin to produce oranges! But if you claim to have been transformed into an orange tree, but all your life produces is apples, you are merely a deluded apple tree. Unfortunately, there are many children who continue to produce apples in their lives, but their parents hold fast to the hope that their children are in fact now orange trees. The evidence simply isn’t there.

I (Richard) once met a sincere couple who were grieving over their son’s spiritual condition. He had prayed the “sinners prayer” when he was seven and had been baptized into their church soon afterward. But at age fifteen, the boy rebelled and turned his back on God. He was now thirty-two and had never looked back. These sincere parents pled with him to return to his faith. They gave him Christian books and Bibles, but he refused to read them or to discuss spiritual issues with them. They told me: “We keep telling him he is a Christian and he needs to
live
like one, but he won’t listen to us. What else can we tell him?” I understood that these parents desperately wanted to believe that even if their child never darkened the door of a church building again, he would one day go to heaven due to his childhood decision. But the parents were not doing their son any favor by assuring him that though he was living as an unregenerate person, he was actually a saint. It is absolutely critical that we help our children experience a true, authentic, born-again experience in which they repent of their sins, place their faith in Christ, and wholly yield their lives to obey Christ. When people are truly born again, they
stay
born again!

There comes a time in each person’s life when they must own their faith. They can no longer relate to God through their parents’ convictions or trust in God because their relatives do. They must establish their own personal relationship with God, for they are the only ones who can surrender their lives into His hands. It is our prayer that every Christian parent will live in such a way that their children will feel compelled to love and serve the God of their parents. It is heartbreaking to hear parents lament the fact that they brought their kids to church, but they never brought them to Christ.

Your Faith Is Paramount

Living out an authentic and genuine love relationship with God before your children is the most important thing you can do as a parent. You may be wondering right now if
you
have ever truly given your life to Christ. Some can pinpoint the day and hour when they were “born again”; others see it as a process over time. The
how
is not as important as
that
you are a Christian. If you are unsure about your own spiritual condition, you must begin here and settle that all-important question once and for all. Only then can you help your family have Christ at its center.

How
Can
We Know We Are Saved?

Here are three simple tests you can use to see if a person’s heart has been transformed by the indwelling presence of God:

1. When we are saved, God promises to place His Holy Spirit in us, affirming that we have been born again. If you are not aware of the presence of God in your life; if you are not feeling conviction for your sin; if you have no desire to worship God, study His Word, talk to Him in prayer, or be with His people, then God is not in the center of your heart and life (2 Thess. 2:13; Eph. 1:13; Rom. 8:11).

2. One of the roles of the Holy Spirit is to conform you into the image of Christ (Rom. 8:29). That means your attitude will become like Christ’s (Rom. 12:2; 1 Cor. 2:16), your behavior will reflect Christ’s (Col. 2:6; 1 John 1:7; 2:6), and your character will bear testimony to the Spirit’s presence in you (Gal. 5:22–23). You should be growing in love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control (the fruit of the Spirit). The Bible claims a good tree cannot bear bad fruit (Matt. 7:16–18). If the fruit of someone’s life is contrary to Christ’s character, you know something is amiss. Paul says, “Now the works of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, moral impurity, promiscuity, idolatry, sorcery, hatreds, strife, jealously, outbursts of anger, selfish ambitions, dissensions, factions, envy, drunkenness, carousing, and anything similar. I tell you these things in advance—as I told you before—that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God” (Gal. 5:19–21
hcsb
).

3. The Bible says that how we treat others reveals what our heart is like toward God. We cannot hate others and love God at the same time (John 13:20; 1 John 2:9; 4:20). Our thoughts and actions toward other people will reflect our love for God. We should always be trying to draw others to God’s love through us, not disrespecting them, judging them, criticizing them, and pushing them away. Jesus said, “You have heard that it was said, Love your neighbor and hate your enemy. But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father in heaven” (Matt. 5:43–45
hcsb
). Our relationships with others reflect our relationship with Christ.

If your children have no desire to attend church and no interest in honoring God with their lives, then you need to continue praying for their heart transformation. Don’t keep trying to force religious activity upon them when what they need is a relationship with Christ!

There are times, however, when children, especially teenagers, may choose to reject their earlier faith and commitments in order to live according to the world’s values and ways. In this case the issue may not be their
salvation
but their
obedience
. The prophet Jonah had a problem with obeying God. In fact, he ran in the opposite direction from where God told him to go (he ended up with a whale of a story!). It wasn’t that he didn’t know God; it was that He did not want to do what God said. Some children may follow in the steps of the prodigal son. That particular child needed to come to his senses before he finally returned to his father (Luke 15:13). The prodigal was still a son, just a wayward son. If Christ does indeed dwell within our wayward children, then He will be continually wooing them back to Himself.

Jesus told a parable about a farmer sowing his seeds by hand (Matt. 13:1–23). It was an ordinary event in the life of a farmer, but the spiritual application is relevant to our children as well. The seeds scattered by the farmer fell on four different types of soil.

1. Pathway
   —The soil was hard, so birds came and ate the seeds before they could take root (God’s Word had no impact on the person’s heart at all).
   
2. Rocky soil
   —The soil was shallow and rocky. The seeds sprang up quickly, but because they only had shallow roots, they died in the hot sun before they could mature (God’s Word created some interest but withered in the heat of the day).
   
3. Weedy soil
   —The soil was good, but it was so full of weeds that when the plants began to grow, they were choked to death by the competition (the Word began to exert an impact on the person’s life, but the life was so conflicted with cares, concerns, and temptations that God’s Word eventually was snuffed out).
   
4. Good soil
   —The soil was fertile and deep, and the seeds grew strong roots and produced between thirty to a hundred times what was sown (God’s Word was welcomed, so it produced much fruit in the person’s life).
   

Each of the four types of soil received the same seeds, but only in one of the four soils did the seed grow to maturity and bear fruit. Helping our children get past a shallow relationship with God into a deeper walk with Him is our goal. We must do everything possible to cultivate the soil of our children’s hearts so their childhood conversions grow, mature, and produce lasting fruit over the ensuing years. That’s why we need to watch our children’s hearts carefully. We must remain alert to any hardening or “weeds” creeping in. If we allow our children to remain bitter toward a friend who disappointed them, their heart can grow hard. We’ll need to help them process hurtful experiences so they maintain a warm, vibrant walk with God. When we begin to hear our children talking excitedly about things of the world, such as Hollywood romances or cute boys at high school, but they show no interest in God, we recognize we have some “weeding” to do! Wise parents tend to the soil of their children’s hearts so they are receptive to the next seeds God sows in them.

Consider What Your Children Witness

Unfortunately, not all churches are stellar examples of what God intended His people to be like. Many children are being taken to churches that are dry, ritualistic, divided, boring, and lifeless. For these young people, church is something you endure, a religious duty to perform each week, but it has no meaning or relevance for them. They may not see how the church makes any meaningful contribution in their parents’ lives either. For such children, “going to church” merely involves being a nice person, giving some money in the collection plate, singing a few songs, and enduring a boring speaker each week.

Until God becomes personal to them, they will always see church as a ritual, a routine, and a religious activity, but not a place to encounter the living and loving God. It is critical that you take your family to a healthy, growing church because your children will tend to view God through the lens of their local church. If church is boring, then God is boring. If church is exciting and innovative, so is God. However, you may not have many viable options for healthy churches where you live. That is when your personal walk with God in your home will have even greater significance!