Experiencing God at Home (18 page)

Once people become Christians, Christ begins living out His life in them, seeking to transform them so they have His character (Gal. 2:20; 5:22–23). Christian parents ought to work in partnership with the Spirit. As the Holy Spirit works in our children’s lives, we become instruments in God’s hands to fashion our children’s character. Whether your children are ten or fifty, you can participate in God’s work to make your children like Jesus.

Richard’s son Daniel got married three years ago. Before the wedding, Richard took his adult son out for lunch to offer some fatherly advice. Richard could have dished out various tidbits of wisdom on how to “fight fair” or effective communication skills. Instead, Richard spoke to his son about character. He pointed out that as the man of his house, Daniel would always need to demonstrate kindness, gentleness, and patience to his wife, Sarah. He would need to be a leader who always took the initiative in doing what was right. He would also need humility to save him from becoming too proud to say he was sorry. Richard’s son was twenty-two; yet God was working through his father to further develop his godly character. A man with godly character is an awesome husband! When you focus on developing character, you don’t have to provide an extensive list of rules and regulations. People of character will find a way to do the right thing whether they have been told what to do or not.

2. Being on Mission

Not only does God seek to develop godly character, He also invites your family to be on mission with Him. There are numerous examples in the Bible of God initiating His call on people’s lives when they were children. For example, Moses must have had a sense of divine calling early in his life. His mother and older sister Miriam would have told him about his miraculous escape from death as an infant and the fortuitous way he was adopted by Pharaoh’s daughter and trained in Egypt’s finest schools. Young Samuel would have known his life was in answer to his devout mother’s prayers and that he had been dedicated at birth to the Lord’s service. When an angel told Manoah and his wife they were going to have a special son who would defend his people, they prayed, “O my Lord, please let the Man of God whom You sent come to us again and teach us what we shall do for the child who will be born” (Judg. 13:8). Their son Samson did not always live up to his divine calling, but he clearly had one on his life nonetheless. John the Baptist’s parents knew before he was born that God had a special purpose for his life (Luke 1:5–25). God told the young Jeremiah, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you; before you were born I sanctified you; I ordained you a prophet to the nations” (Jer. 1:5). Scripture indicates that God intends for His people to live their lives on mission with Him (Exod. 19:6; 1 Pet. 2:9–10).

After God rescued the Israelites from slavery in Egypt, He declared: “For you are a holy people to the L
ord
your God; the L
ord
your God has chosen you to be a people for Himself, a special treasure above all the peoples on the face of the earth” (Deut. 7:6). Almighty God had a unique purpose for His people. Sadly, the first generation of liberated Israelite slaves never fully grasped the magnitude of their divine calling. They were continually distracted by various temptations and by false gods. As a result, even though the Israelites had been marvelously rescued from bondage, they were eventually discarded in the wilderness because of their rebellion and unbelief. Instead, God turned to the next generation and commanded them to follow Him so He would use them to accomplish His purposes in Canaan. God instructed the Israelite parents to rehearse with their children the special purpose God had for them (Deut. 6:1–9). As long as the Israelites obeyed God and yielded to His purposes, God blessed them and worked powerfully through them. However, when God’s people forsook their divine calling, God punished them and eventually obliterated them as a nation, first under the Babylonians, then later under the iron fist of the Roman legions. The success of God’s people hinged on their response to God’s call on them.

God has a purpose for your children. He intends for them to be on mission with Him. For your children to experience the fullness of God, they must learn God’s purposes for their lives. They need to understand a lesson the Israelites perpetually failed to grasp: God does not merely bless us for our own sake but so we can be a blessing to others.

Wise parents will raise their children with a sense of divine purpose. They may not be called into full-time Christian ministry, but they are all called to be salt and light in their world (Matt. 5:13–16). We know families who spend their Christmas vacation, and money for presents, going on a mission trip each year. Grandparents take each grandchild on an international mission trip so they can experience the thrill of spreading the gospel in a foreign culture. Other families regularly volunteer at a homeless shelter or soup kitchen.

As we were raising our children, we continually reminded them that God had a purpose for each one of them. It was not necessarily that they were supposed to become pastors or international missionaries, but we assured them that God wanted to use their lives to make a positive contribution to their world. We believe God calls people to serve Him as businesspeople or schoolteachers just as He calls others to be ministers and evangelists. The key is to understand that God appoints people to be businesspeople not merely so they can acquire a lot of money but so they can provide a Christian witness in the marketplace. He calls people into education so they can do more than put in their thirty years until retirement. He intends for them to exert a lasting impact on their students.

A Greater Vision than Video Games (An Example from Richard)

Most parents assume that each of their children could do something special with their lives if only they would walk closely with the Lord, work hard, and perhaps get a few lucky breaks (like winning
American Idol
or “a national talent show”). But life has a way of cruelly knocking the childhood dreams out of our children. My son Daniel faced several significant challenges in his life during high school. He suffered a sleep disorder that left him exhausted most of the time. He also faced several discouraging experiences at school. By the time he graduated from high school, he was not exactly preparing to conquer the world. He did not have the confidence, or sense of direction, to enter university. Daniel was a bright, multitalented young man; but with no sense of purpose for his life, it seemed he was in danger of wiling away his days eating snacks and playing video games.

Lisa and I sensed we needed to help our son elevate his view of his life potential a little higher than maintaining his winning streak playing Mario Kart. We could have marched him to the nearest McDonald’s and insisted he become gainfully employed. We might have forced him to enroll in university (I am not sure we could have made him
attend
, but we probably could have made him enroll!). We could have argued with him constantly, trying to help him see how he was wasting his life. But we sensed that Daniel needed to gain a higher view of his life than merely toiling in school or striving to earn money. Teenagers who spend hours a day watching TV and playing computer games don’t necessarily suffer from laziness but from an absence of a sense of divine calling. People who understand that God wants to use their life for His purposes are far less likely to waste their time.

Ultimately, we chose for Daniel to spend his first year out of high school doing international mission work. To that point, Daniel had spent the bulk of his life in a quaint, middle-class, predominantly Caucasian town where he had never suffered from any greater want than occasionally running out of cheese for his homemade nachos. I knew some amazing people around the world who were living their lives at peak levels and changing their world. They graciously agreed to host my sloppy, directionless eighteen-year-old for up to three months at a time.

Daniel spent time in Botswana and helped a missionary who was seeking to reach college students for Christ. He toured South Africa and witnessed the oppressive life of those living in townships where AIDS was epidemic. He spent three months in Athens, Greece, volunteering in refugee camps. He served on a medical mission boat that went down the Amazon River ministering to the poor in tiny villages. He also helped work with the youth in his Uncle Tom’s church in Stavanger, Norway. He concluded his sojourn with his church-planting uncle and aunt in Germany. Over the course of that year, Daniel sat in humble cottages on the Amazon River while grieving parents showed him the remains of the swimming trunks their two-year-old was wearing when he fell into the river and was eaten by piranhas. He worked with refugees whose lives were endangered in their home country but who were unwelcome in any other. He walked streets on which he was in the minority for not being HIV positive. He worked with teenagers whose wealthy parents were unaware of the emotional turmoil and angst that their children were undergoing. To say it was eye opening is putting it mildly!

Throughout Daniel’s odyssey, Richard regularly e-mailed him and asked what God was showing him. The world was far more diverse and extensive than Daniel had experienced in his childhood. He had also been moved by how many people desperately needed a message of hope. Daniel felt invigorated by leaving his comfort zone and making a difference in people’s lives. He could not imagine merely returning to his former life of boredom. He had experienced the exhilaration of being used by God to make a difference in people’s lives, and now he was addicted to it.

Since that epic trip, Daniel has been on additional forays to the Philippines, South Korea, Greece, Israel, England, and France. He finished college, earning an English degree, and went on to seminary where he is preparing for Christian ministry. Now he’s looking at a PhD in apologetics. In addition, he wrote a book with his older brother Mike entitled
When Worlds Collide: Stepping Up and Standing Out in an Anti-God Culture
that encourages teenagers and young adults to live their lives in a manner that impacts the world for Christ. Daniel traveled with me and my father to the Philippines where he met the national president and spoke to rallies of thousands of people. Daniel also had a vision of writing a fantasy trilogy that would not only be entertaining but would introduce issues of faith to readers who might never darken the doorway of a church. Volume 1,
Legend of the Bookkeeper,
has already been published, and the next two are scheduled for release soon. What happened to Daniel? I wish I could say, “Good fathering!” But in reality, he simply had the opportunity to learn that God was inviting him to be on mission with Him. Daniel hasn’t looked back since!

Of course, you may think,
Well if I had enough air miles to send
my
children around the world doing mission trips,
they
might also feel called into Christian ministry!
Well, that might be true. But we have found that the key is how parents help their children focus on God’s call. Richard recently sent his college-age daughter on a mission trip to inner-city Orlando. She worked with the homeless, and she was deeply impacted by that. The key is getting your kids to see the world around them and to discover how God wants to use their lives to change the world.

3. God Works to Bless Others through Your Children

A third area where God invites families to join Him in His work is in blessing others.

When God called Abraham to join Him in His work, He promised, “And in you all the families of the earth shall be blessed” (Gen. 12:3). God intends for our lives to bless others! Your school, workplace, and neighborhood ought to be a better place because you are in it. In an interesting study of Millennials (those born between 1980 and 2000), it was discovered that nearly 90 percent of them believe it is their responsibility to make a positive difference in their world; three out of four feel it is their role to serve others; and six out of ten think they will make a significant contribution in their lifetime.
1
Many in that generation have been imbued with a sense that their life should impact their world for good.

The problem is that, to put it mildly, people are born selfish. We tend to be far more interested in
being
blessed than in
imparting
a blessing. Richard’s wife, Lisa, used to teach a four-year-old Sunday school class. One Sunday, Rebecca wanted the toy Madi was playing with. “Madi!
Jesus
says to share!” Rolling her eyes, Madi replied, “Oh, that was
last
week’s lesson!” (Lisa had a lot of teaching still to do!) The reality is that being a blessing does not come naturally to most of us! God has to teach us how.

An Example from Richard

As every parent does, we had to teach our children how to share and be thoughtful of others. Children come out of the womb assuming that everything in life is about them. They expect people to meet their needs. Some children grow up continuing to expect that they are the star attraction at every family gathering. At some point, wise parents help their children learn how to give rather than always to receive.

One way we tried to teach this to our children was during their birthday parties. Some children are taught that their birthday is the one day each year when they are the center of attention, the recipient of all gifts, and the most popular person on the premises. I know one eight-year-old boy who assumed that because he was the birthday boy, he should win all of the games played at his party. When he began losing to some girls, he became furious and loudly began accusing his birthday guests of cheating. His embarrassed mother finally had enough and banished him to his room for a time-out. The party became far more enjoyable once the birthday boy was in exile.

To avoid such circumstances, we began teaching our children, while they were very young, that their birthday parties were a time to bring much happiness to their family and friends. Our children were trained that they were the
host
,
not the prima donna, and that their job was to ensure every guest had a great time. If one of their friends from church did not know their friends from school, our child was expected to help everyone feel welcome. After opening every gift, our child was expected to genuinely thank the giver (even if they had two of the same toys stashed in their closet already). Our family worked hard to ensure the parties were
a lot
of fun and that every child went home with a “goody bag” brimming with candies and prizes. Once all the guests had returned home, we would review the extravaganza. We wanted to know if our child had fun. Our second question was always, “Did your friends enjoy themselves?” Of course we wanted our children to have a good time on their birthdays, but we also wanted to teach them how to “spread the joy” to others whenever it was in their power to do so.