Fae (25 page)

Heat coursed through my
veins, burning. I breathed in and out slowly to calm the
monster.

"Don't calm it. Embrace
it."

No!
I clenched my teeth. The drilium scorched me from the inside,
begging to be released. I would not release it. I wasn't there
yet.

"You are. You were there
when you destroyed me and all of Kalhandthar."

I breathed out again to
control it, but this time it came out as a growl.

"They are not your allies.
They cannot be. Only one is worthy to be your ally."

I closed my eyes and
breathed again. Yes. Only one had ever been my equal. And for the
first time, I wished he were here. That I hadn't killed him. The
monster craved his company. Together we would be
unstoppable.

The voice in my head
laughed, dark and sinister, and familiar, but it wasn't
Malik's.
"I am here, Ella. I've been here
all along,"
he said with a new
voice.

My eyes widened and I
inhaled sharply. Manoo.

"Yes."

How?

"You know how."

You pretended to be
Malik
. It all made sense now. Of course a
dead boy couldn't come back. But a dead god could.
Why, though? Why did you think I'd ever trust
Malik?

"I knew your
guilt."
His laughter rumbled in my
skull.

My guilt. That was gone. I
knew now I had no reason to feel shame. I was chosen. I was above
them all.

Darkness crept over me and
I crumpled to the floor.

***

I run to my room, tears
pouring down my face. I made the wrong choice. Cailen had wanted
me. Not Anna. Now I have to live my life with that choice. How can
they expect me to know, though? Why do they make us bond so
young?

Will Cailen ever learn to
love her? Will he forget me?

***

I was lost, standing
somewhere. Lights swarmed around me, but none of them seemed to be
human. I tried to remember how I'd gotten there, the bitter flavor
of my memory still on my tongue.

I now knew the answer to
those questions and my heart ripped inside me.

"Ella?"

I spun around, the voice
behind me so bittersweet. "Cailen."

"What are you
doing?"

Of course he didn't know I
was blind and lost. He knew so little about me and he'd let so much
happen to tear us apart. Didn't he know how much I ached to see his
face? His black eyes stared back at me, a hateful reminder of
everything I'd lost.

A hand from behind slid
onto my shoulder. I froze. "Hello, Cailen," Galen said.

"Father?" Shock and
betrayal coursed through Cailen's voice. "What are you doing
here?"

"This is my ship," Galen
said as if that truth should have been painfully
obvious.

I was caught between
father and son, still undecided who I sided with. Galen was Fae and
I was too, now. But Cailen, despite everything...I loved him. Part
of me wanted to run, to let them handle this themselves, but I knew
I couldn't and it wasn't just because Galen's hand still clamped
down on my shoulder, keeping me there. I suddenly felt like a child
again, standing before Cailen and Galen, faced with a choice. What
did Cailen want? Did I always have to base my choices on what
others wanted?

"Your ship," Cailen spit
out, unbelieving.

"Yes." Galen's hand slid
from my shoulder to wrap around me, drawing me close. "And this is
our newest citizen."

I ripped myself away from
his grasp. I was no one's citizen.

"Ella." Pain filled
Cailen's voice. "What are you doing with them? They're
Fae'ri."

"I know that, Cailen."
Anger consumed me, hot and terrible. What right did
he
have to be upset?
"You left me on Soltak to die."

"We were
attacked!"

"Yes, I know. And you
left."

He didn't say anything. I
didn't expect him to. His carefully constructed excuses could hold
off the truth for only so long. He'd trapped himself in his lies
and I'd finally found him out.

"You obviously made it
out."

"Yes, no thanks to
you."

"I told you to run! As
soon as I saw the weapon, I left. I’d thought you’d left with me.
And when I transported back to the ship, I found the Aurora under
attack." A red hand went up to his head and slid back, down his
neck. "What did you expect me to do? The Mamood were attacking my
ship. I couldn't feel you anymore, I couldn't leave, and I really
didn't think I needed to go back and save an Auri who could
transport out of The Block whenever she wanted to. You're stronger
than you were when I first found you. And you're better than this,
Ella."

His words cut me. Shame
filled me and made my skin prickle with guilt. He'd left me alone
because he'd had faith in my abilities. He'd been trying to treat
me like an equal. Like a warrior.

Little did he know I had
dealt with my captors. In my own way. And my ways were no longer
his ways. "I'm tired of putting my faith in people who don't
deserve it. I'm the Destructor. I belong with the
Fae'ri."

"You want to be a
god?"

"I
am
a god!"

The red lights in Cailen's
veins surged. A scream ripped from his throat, terrible and
blood-thirsty. The blue lights around his body shone brighter,
reacting to his orders. Before I could move, a beam of molecules
ripped past my head. I turned just in time to see Galen put up a
solid blue wall of protection. The molecules thundered against each
other as father and son warred for control.

Two funnels formed,
ripping and shredding. I backed away and pressed against the soft
contours of the ship wall. My hair whipped around my face. My
clothes beat against my body, clinging then flying as far away as
their seams would allow.

Cailen's form glowed so
bright I had to turn away. It was like staring straight at the sun.
All the other molecules paled next to him and flitted away against
the surge of his rage. His funnel of wind overpowered Galen's.
Everything paused in anticipation of the next moment. Galen's heart
froze beneath his chest just as Cailen sent another beam of solid
blue straight at his neck. Galen's head fell to the floor. His body
crumpled shortly after.

Cailen turned to me, the
lights in his body still pulsing. Horror chilled my veins. I
couldn't move. As he stood there, staring at me, the molecules
dimmed. He extended his arm toward me. "Will you come with me
now?"

I shook my head, fighting
back the tears. "I can't."

A low, guttural sound
escaped his throat. "Why not?"

"Anna." My voice came out
as a whisper, but I was sure he heard me.

Silent moments stretched
on into minutes.

Finally, he raised his
fist and slammed it against the wall. He strode forward, footsteps
heavy, and grasped my face, angrily, forcefully. "I have a beast
inside me, too, Ella. We all do," he said. "You forgave me once for
what happened. I don't understand why you can't do it again." His
hand dropped to his side and he turned away and released his wings,
the brightest, clearest blue I'd ever seen.

He was gone.

Chapter Twelve

Cailen’s Choice

The leaves are red, dark
red. And the sun is high in the sky. It's kind of hard to believe a
whole week has gone by since Daddy gave his blessing to Cailen and
Anna. I keep thinking about it, and thinking about it, and just
when I'm positive I've gone over it all enough, I think about it
again.

I gave my best friend
away, and it turns out he didn't want me to.

The bonding ceremony's
tomorrow. I'm invited, of course, so we'll be leaving for the
festivities at Galen's home tonight. It's all the way on the other
side of the planet, in the mountain ranges. The tallest mountains
on Auru. Apparently, Windbringers like the wind up there, even if
it's freezing. I've never gone anywhere that far before. The only
mountain I've ever seen is the one behind the palace, but it's not
that tall. And it's really a volcano. Sometimes, on a clear day,
you can see the steam rising up from the water where the lava runs
into the bay.

It's all symbolic, of
course. The first Aurume chose this spot to build the palace
because of its proximity to the volcano (fire and air) and the bay
(water).

I smack my head with my
hand over and over again. I really don't want to be going over my
lessons right now. But they're always there. Daddy insists I be
ahead of the other children. Sometimes I wish I could forget it
all.

Especially now.

I'd really hoped Cailen
and I would be bonded. I'd counted on it. Now I have to live my
life with a stranger. And since I'm seven, Daddy will be finding
someone for me soon. But I don't want anyone else.

I sigh and roll over onto
my stomach. I scare a rodent burrowing nuts in a crack in the
obsidian wall. It scurries up one of the trees and gets lost in the
branches. I take that to mean I'm not wanted, so I get up and
leave. There's really nowhere for me to be. I don't have lessons
today because of the ceremony. My feet take me to the old orchard
and the broken fountain.

Cailen's there and I
freeze in surprise. I thought for sure he'd be at home, getting
ready. Part of me wants to go up to him and pretend we're still
friends, but a week has gone by since I've seen him and already it
feels like we've grown apart. And I don't know what I'd say anyway.
I turn, having made my decision, and start to walk away, but he
hears me and calls me over.

Standing next to him again
feels weird. I don't know if I should tease him like I used to or
stand there like a stranger, so I play with my hands instead. I
still haven't looked him in the eyes. My head is bowed, ashamed.
The last time I looked at him, he'd been glaring and since he isn't
saying anything, I'm terrified he's still angry.

"So," he finally
says.

I look up through my hair.
Yes, he's glaring and I quickly look away. My stomach clenches. I
didn't want to make the wrong decision. Couldn't he see that? I
thought I'd done what he wanted.

"Aren't you going to say
anything?" His words hurt and I cringe like I've been
hit.

"I don't know what to
say," I whisper.

"I thought we were
friends. I didn't know you wanted to get rid of me."

I look up, startled. "Why
would you think that? I thought you wanted her."

"I don't know her, Ella. I
don't want to be bonded to a stranger."

Of course. I should have
thought of that. Cailen and I were the same that way. Actually, we
were the same in a lot of ways. "But I thought you'd want a
Windbringer. She'll be rational some day, just like you. You know I
never will be."

"You think I want that?"
He turns on his heels and walks away. I cross my arms in front of
my chest, suddenly cold, lonely.

"You wouldn't look at me,"
I whispered. "I didn't know what you wanted."

He walks back to me,
stands inches away, and then he wraps his arms around me. "I
thought you were mad. That that's why you ran away."

"I wasn't mad. I was
hurt!"

"I guess we were both
stupid."

I laugh because he's
right. "Is there anything we can do?"

He tenses and pulls away,
shaking his head. "No." He runs his fingers through his thick,
black hair and then says, "It's gonna be me and Anna
now."

Tears well up around my
eyes and a lump lodges in my throat.

"I probably won't see you
again after the ceremony." His voice is flat, dead. He's decided
not to care about me anymore. "My father wants me to stay at home
so Anna and I can spend more time together."

I nod because I have to.
"Okay."

He walks past me, careful
not to let our arms touch. "Bye, Ella."

***

I was still in the middle
of the hall with Galen's lighted form spilling red molecules on the
floor. My joints ached like I'd been standing frozen for a very
long time. I pushed the drilium out of my veins and let the dark of
blindness overtake me. I knelt down and pressed my forehead against
the soft floor. The floor that felt like grass.

A lump built in my throat
as shadows of the memory clung to my mind. He'd really chosen her,
even from the beginning. He hadn't even tried. I let the tears pour
out because I knew this was the last time. I wouldn't cry for
Cailen again. I was saying goodbye and locking my feelings away. If
I had to be dead inside to do it, oh well.

Emotions made me weak.
Love was my enemy and I refused to be its slave any
longer.

When the last tear fell, I
wiped them all away on my shirt, hard. I didn't want to feel any
trace of moisture, any hint of the me from before. I was different
now.