Falling From Disgrace (9 page)

“I stockpiled a lot of the pills when I was still living at home and I’m very convincing when I see the doctor,” she admitted to him.  “I lie and make something up or I’ll cry and he takes pity on me.  As far as the pharmacies go, I switch around a lot, use online drug stores sometimes and don’t file it with insurance.  I just pay cash and it’s worked so far.”

By the time she finished, Adrianna’s voice had taken on a certain tone that conveyed annoyance and Jack tried to reassure her.  “I’m not trying to pry; I just want to understand as much as I can so that I can help you, Ade.”

“Does it really matter how I get them?” she demanded.  “It’s not like I’m buying them illegally or prostituting myself for them, Jack.”

She was on the downward cadence of a mood swing and Jack recognized it.  Just moments ago she had been fine talking about her problem and now she was becoming defensive and angry. 

“You want another pill right now, don’t you?” he asked her.

She clenched her jaw and looked away from him.  After a second she shook her head in denial.

“Adrianna, I’m not so stupid to think you won’t need the pills anymore since I’ve professed my love to you.  I do love you and I do want you to stop but I don’t want you to be uncomfortable.  If you need to, take a damn pill.”

She waited another few seconds before giving in and heading back to the kitchen.  Jack remained on the couch, giving her some semblance of privacy while she did something he knew she was ashamed of. 

When she came back to him and yawned again, he led her through the hall into his bedroom and settled them comfortably on his bed.  He cradled her in his arms and said, “Rest for a while.  We can talk more later.”

When Jack heard Adrianna’s breathing become steady, he quietly exited the room.  After researching online, he had a plan and a shopping list.  A quick note to Adrianna was left on his pillow in case she woke while he was still gone, and then he was on his way with several places to stop.

Throughout his excursion around town, Jack contemplated where his life was headed now with Adrianna in it.  He loved her.  Fuck if it was stupid to do so, for he saw what it was like for his mother being in love with an addict, but he did love her.  And he would not compare this to his parents.  One, Adrianna was not nearly as far gone as his father and two, he believed she really wanted his help, even if she didn’t ask for it yet.  He had seen the look on her face when he told her about his father and she seemed troubled at the thought of turning out like him.  Jack had a plan to ensure she wouldn’t, and after hitting three different stores, he returned to her at his apartment.

Adrianna was waiting for Jack curled up on his couch, flipping through television channels.  When he saw her upon entering, he smiled to himself, knowing he was making the right decision.  She looked beautiful and vulnerable and the urge to protect her from everything, including herself, coursed through him.

Juggling the bags in his arms, he went to her, kissed her hello and asked, “How long did you sleep?”

“Only about forty minutes,” she replied.  “What did you buy?”

“I’ll show you later,” he called over his shoulder as he made his way into the kitchen.  “You must be hungry; I’m going to fix us something to eat.”

With two plates of spaghetti, Jack returned to the couch a while later.  Adrianna sat up and helped him drag the large, wooden coffee table closer to them.

“What are you watching?” Jack asked her, plopping down on the couch after retrieving two glasses of red wine, ready to eat.

Adrianna, pretty famished herself, dug into her food.  “Haven’t found anything yet,” she muffled around the pasta in her mouth.  “I thought you said wine was boring.”

“Those rules only apply if you’re out drinking.  What you drink in the privacy of your own home doesn’t mean a thing,” Jack told her with a wink as he began to twirl his food with his fork.  “I think
Duck Dynasty
is on.”

Adrianna finished chewing and then swallowed, a sour look upon her face.  “I hate reality TV.”

“I usually do too,” Jack admitted.  “What else do you hate?”

Adrianna smiled and rolled her eyes.  Jack never missed an opportunity to learn more about her. 

“Socks with holes in them,” she offered.  “Tell me something you hate.”

“Acrylic fingernails.  Give me another.”

Adrianna smiled at her own natural nails and then told him, “The slimy part of a tomato.  Your turn.”

Jack took a sip of his wine and gave her, “Bad tippers.  Now tell me something you love.”

Adrianna chewed and thought for a moment.  “Cheddar biscuits from Red Lobster.”

“Oh, good one,” Jack agreed.  “What else?”

“It’s your turn.”

“Okay,” Jack said, reaching out to wipe a spot of sauce from Adrianna’s mouth.  “I love your lips.”

Adrianna licked them causing Jack to groan inwardly.  “Don’t do that,” he told her.  “We’ll never finish eating.”  Putting another forkful of spaghetti in his mouth he told her it was her turn again.

“Anything that combines chocolate and peanut butter.”

Jack laughed.  “You know, for someone so skinny your loves are an awful lot about food.”

Scraping her plate of the last bit of pasta Adrianna told him, “I’m not going to stay skinny long if you keep feeding me like this.  That was delicious, thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” he replied and accepted a kiss from her.  “When was the last time someone cooked for you?”

Adrianna thought back.  She couldn’t remember.  “My mother, last Christmas, maybe?”

Jack reached out and tucked her hair behind her ear, looking at her with sadness.  Adrianna didn’t like that look and so she distracted him with asking for another thing he loved.

“Playing with your hair.”

His eyes switched from sadness to adoration and Adrianna softened.  “I love when you play with my hair, too.”

He gave her a small kiss and then left to clear their dishes.  A moment later he returned with a pack of cigarettes and asked her to join him on the fire escape.

Jack helped Adrianna through the window and let her sit in the metal, folding chair while he sat on the floor across from her, leaning his back against the railing.  After lighting both of their cigarettes, he pulled one of Adrianna’s bare feet into his lap and ran his fingers down from her ankle to her toes and back up again.

“Do you want to stop taking the Vicodin, Adrianna?” Jack bluntly asked after a minute of listening to the music and voices carrying up from the bar below them.

Adrianna drew on her cigarette and leaned back in her chair.  Exhaling, she sat quietly and thought about her answer while she watched the long stream of smoke vanish into the night air.  Yes, she wanted to stop taking the pills.  She was terrified of becoming like Jack’s father, or worse, abusing her body until it shut down on her.  But she was also terrified of what giving up her pills meant.

“I do but I’m scared,” she admitted.

“Tell me what you’re scared of,” Jack probed.

“I’m scared of how I will feel without them.  The longest I’ve gone without a pill is six hours and I wake up feeling horrible.  I can’t imagine what I’ll feel like going more than that.”  Adrianna played with the frayed edges of her cut-off shorts while nerves danced through her.

“What else are you afraid of?”

“The depression.  The pills also helped with that.”

“There are other ways of dealing with depression, you know?” Jack told her.  “There’s therapy and medications that are much less dangerous, Ade.   We will figure something out to help with that.  Is there anything else?”

“The pain, I guess,” Adrianna sighed.  “I remember waking up from surgery in the hospital one time and the pain was so bad, I just wanted to die, Jack.  I’m scared that without the pills I’ll be in that kind of pain again.”

Jack finished his cigarette and mashed it out on the floor next to him before tossing the butt over the rail with a flick of his finger.

“I did a little research before I went shopping,” he said.  “First of all, I was wrong when I said you’re addicted to the pills.  I think you’re dependent on them and there is a difference.  Second, Adrianna, there’s a pretty good chance you’ll be in very little, if any, pain once you’re off the pills.  It’s common for dependents to think the pain is worse than it really is.  And if you are in pain, there are ways to manage without the use of drugs.”

He held his hand out to her and pulled her into his lap from her chair.  Adrianna sat with her back pressed against his chest and let Jack soothe her by kneading her shoulders.

His fingers deftly massaged, rubbing away some of her tension. 

“It’s not going to be easy,” Jack continued.  “While the drugs are leaving your system you are going to feel awful, for a few days or maybe even up to a few weeks.  But if you’re serious about wanting to stop I can help you get through it.”

“I don’t want to go to rehab, Jack,” Adrianna stated, her shoulders tensing up again with worry.

Jack swept her hair out of the way and kissed her where her neck and shoulder met.
  “You won’t have to.  We can do this here,” he assured her.

“You really want to do this for me?” Adrianna asked.  She took a hold of his hands and guided them to wrap around her middle so that she could lean back and rest her head against his shoulder.  She breathed in the warm air deeply.

“I love you, Adrianna,” Jack reassured.  “Of course I want to help you.”

Adrianna didn’t know why in the hell Jack loved her, but she didn’t ask, afraid that he would wonder that himself if she did.  And though she was scared, more scared than she had ever been in her entire life she proclaimed, “I want to stop.  Tell me what I have to do.”

Back in Jack’s kitchen, Adrianna watched in amazement as he unloaded the grocery bags, placing each item on the counter, and explained what each one was for.

“These,” he said, pulling out three bottles, “are supplements.  B6, Tyrosine, and a combination of minerals.  You need to start taking them tonight.  The bananas are for extra potassium which you are probably low on from the narcotics.  The melatonin is to help you sleep.

“The Gatorade is to keep you hydrated because you probably aren’t going to feel like eating and in case you throw up.  The Imodium is to help with that or any other symptoms of an upset stomach.”

Adrianna cringed with mortification, thinking about vomiting or having diarrhea in Jack’s presence.  He went on like he didn’t even notice though, sounding very businesslike and professional.

“The Icy Hot is for muscle aches, which I will gladly massage into your naked body as often as you’d like,” he continued with a wink, “and this,” he gestured to a large box, “is the best contraption Bed, Bath, and Beyond sells that will turn my boring old bathtub into a Jacuzzi.  It just blows air into the water but it’ll help with the aches, too.”

Adrianna stared at the at home detox kit Jack had amassed, speechless and touched.  “I can’t believe you did all this,” she whispered.  “I’ll pay you back for all of it Jack.”

With a roll of his eyes he told her, “I’ll add it to your tab.”

Her eyes misting over she looked at him lovingly and asked, “You really want to do this for me?”

“I already told you I did.  Now, I’d like to do this here for two reasons.  One, I’ll be able to get Kenny and Joe to run the bar for a few days but I need to be close in case of anything.  Two, don’t get upset with me, but I have no idea how many pills you have hidden in your apartment and I don’t want you to be tempted to take one.  Are you okay staying at my place while you get through this?”