Falling From Disgrace (13 page)

Chapter 10

“
A
re you sure you won’t let me drive you?” Jack asked Adrianna just as she was about to board the train.  She took her duffle bag from him and repeated herself for the third time that afternoon.

“Yes, I am sure.  It’s a two hour drive there and then another two hours back.  I’ll be fine on the train.  You can’t keep trying to take care of me.”

Busy commuters pushed passed them, shooting annoyed looks their way for blocking the door.   An announcement let them know the train was departing in one minute.

“I know it’s not something you’re used to,” Jack grinned, “but boyfriends generally like taking care of their girlfriends.”

It didn’t escape Adrianna’s attention that Jack just referred to her as his girlfriend for the first time.  It made her smile.

“I know,” she told him, “and thank you.  But you need to let me do some things on my own, okay?”

Frowning, Jack nodded and then kissed her goodbye.  “Call me tonight.”

On the drive back to his apartment, Jack worried about what Adrianna said.  Was he smothering her?  He didn’t really think so but he didn’t know if she felt the same way.  She had done so well, weaning herself off the pills, and she was managing the pain the best she could.  But Jack still fretted that the pain and stress she was going through would end up being too much.  He hated when she was alone and without his help to distract her.  However, Adrianna had been on her own for two years and she wasn’t used to depending on anyone.  She’d be with her parents that weekend, and so Jack decided he would give her the space he believed she needed from him.

As the train pulled in to her destination, Adrianna smoothed her yellow top and her khaki shorts the best she could and then checked her hair in her reflection in the dingy window.  She wanted to appear as normal as possible to her mother.

“Hi, sweetie!” Donna Adello cried as she embraced her only daughter who was the spitting image of her, minus a few pounds and a few years.  She was relieved to see that she hadn’t lost too much weight and then dabbed at her eyes that were wet with joy.  Donna and her husband worried about their daughter every day and wished she would move back home, but Adrianna had convinced them she was doing well and she was an adult.  They wanted her to visit more but they knew it was hard for her since the accident so they didn’t hound her.

The drive to Adrianna’s childhood home was short but she still fidgeted with worry the whole way.  She was nervous about coming clean to her parents; about the pill dependency and her lying about having a job.  She wondered if she should just tell them she quit, or better yet, was laid off, but the idea of lying even more disturbed her.  When her mother turned her Lexus SUV onto their street, Adrianna’s stomach danced at the site of the home she grew up in.  The large, white, two-story cottage stirred up so many memories, Adrianna felt she was drowning in them.

The front lawn, that was kept so meticulously landscaped by her father, was where she and Rachel spent summers running through the sprinklers during the day and catching fireflies at night.  The large oak used to have a tire swing hanging from it where they would take turns pushing each other.  Glancing up, she saw the window to her bedroom where they both tried to sneak out of one day, just to see if they could.  Adrianna had one foot on the ledge before Rachel had panicked and pulled her back in, saying she had a vision of Adrianna falling and breaking her neck.  Oh, the irony.

Adrianna’s father, Fred, hugged her tightly which made the both of them a little uncomfortable.  Fred Adello was a man with graying hair and a round stomach who enjoyed golf and tinkering with old automobiles.  He wasn’t a man who showed much emotion and Adrianna grew up much closer to her mother than him.  Still, he had missed and worried about his daughter and told her so.

“I’m fine, Dad,” Adrianna reassured him with a pat to his back.

She climbed the stairs to her room and it was just the same as it was when she had moved out eight years ago when she left for college.  Her twin-sized, canopy bed was neatly made with her purple and turquoise comforter.  Ancient bottles of half-used perfumes sat on top of her white dresser and the mirror’s edges were still littered with pictures from high school.  Most of them were of her and Rachel, but other friends, including her first boyfriend, Conner, stared back at her as well.  Her bookshelves still held the worn paperbacks of the young adult thrillers she had loved, and good God, even some
Babysitter’s Club
books.  Rowing trophies gleamed proudly at her and Adrianna realized her mother must have polished them recently.  As Adrianna stood in her room, surrounded by memories that only brought her pain, she felt as if a lead weight dropped into her empty stomach.  She could practically hear the
thunk.

S
omeone married someone and moved somewhere and was having a baby.  At least that was all of the conversation Adrianna heard as her mother chatted to her over dinner, sharing the town gossip.  Adrianna feigned interest as she pushed her chicken parmesan around on her plate, feeling guilty that she didn’t have an appetite for the meal her mother prepared.

“How’s work going, Ade?” her father interjected, diminishing her appetite even further.  More lead filled the pit of Adrianna’s stomach.

Upon seeing her troubled expression, Donna asked, “Is something wrong at work?”

Adrianna dropped her gaze to her lap, feeling like a child in her parents’ presence.  She took a deep breath and admitted, “I’m not working.  I haven’t had a job since I moved to Chicago.”

Her father’s fork clattered to his plate and her mother gasped, “What do you mean?”

“I mean, I’ve been lying to you.  I’ve never had a job.”

Digesting the information, both Fred and Donna stared at their daughter silently for a beat and then Donna asked, “Why would you lie to us?”

“Because I wanted you to think my life was much better than it actually was,” Adrianna answered, still staring down at her lap.

“What do you mean?” her mother repeated.  “What’s going on?”

After Adrianna went quiet again her father demanded, “Answer your mother, Adrianna Marie.”

Oh God, he full named her.  Now she really felt like a child, sitting there about to admit she broke her mother’s collectable vase from the Franklin Mint.

Inhaling another deep breath Adrianna blurted, “I mean I haven’t been doing well in Chicago.  I never got a job, never made friends, and I’ve been living alone and depressed and taking too much Vicodin.”

Donna gasped once again and Fred slammed his fist on the dining room table.  He stood violently, knocking his chair into the wall behind him while his face reddened.  “I told you!” he shouted at his wife.  “I told you we never should have allowed her to move out there!  But you insisted she was an adult and let me go along with it against my better judgment!  And now look at her, she’s addicted to drugs!”

While Donna cried into her napkin, Adrianna came to her defense.  “Dad, stop!” she pleaded.  “It’s not mom’s fault!  And I’m not addicted to drugs; I was dependent on them but I’m not anymore!”

Fred Adello stared at his daughter and felt like a failure.  He had one child who, not long ago, had been accepted to a prestigious medical school and was on her way to becoming a doctor. Now she was a broken girl, wasting her life away in an apartment in Chicago.  When Adrianna saw he had tears in his eyes she began to weep.

“Dad, please,” she begged, “just sit down and listen to me.”

Donna continued to sob and Adrianna’s father just sat with a stony look on his face while she told them what the last two years of her life had been.  While it wasn’t all bad, she explained as best as she could that her depression had spiraled out of control and how she wasn’t able to deal with it or the physical pain.

“But I met someone,” she whimpered.  “A wonderful man named Jack and he helped me.  I’m not taking pills anymore and I haven’t taken one in seven days.”

“Why didn’t you tell us, honey?” he mother pleaded, wiping mascara from under her eyes.  “Why didn’t you ask us for help?”

“Because I didn’t want it,” Adrianna answered.  She blew her nose into her napkin and her father offered her his own to wipe her face.  “I didn’t think I deserved it.”

“Why?” her mother wanted to know.

“Because I blamed myself for Rachel.”  Adrianna’s tears fell freely again and she was sick and tired of crying.  She spent more time crying the last week than she had in her entire life.

Her parents reacted the same way Jack did, telling her that she was being ridiculous for thinking that way.  “We told you when it happened, Ade, that it wasn’t your fault,” her father said gently.  He had softened at his daughter’s admission.

Frustrated, Adrianna didn’t know what to say to them.  No matter what, they would disagree, just like Jack did, just like Jason did, and while she had let a little bit of her guilt go after talking to Jason, there was still a part of her that would never get over surviving the accident when her best friend didn’t.

“Regardless of how I feel,” Adrianna stated, still weeping, “I just wanted you to both know that I had been lying but I’m getting better.  I’m starting with personal trainer next week to help with my back pain and I’m going to get a job.  I have Jack and I’ll make new friends and I’ll be okay.”

“Move back home,” her father demanded.

“No, Dad,” she told him.  “Things will be a lot worse if I came back here.”

“The hell they will,” he insisted.  “Your mother and I will be able to keep an eye on you.”

“I don’t need you to keep an eye on me; I’m twenty-six-years-old.  I made some bad choices but I’m fixing it.  Please, don’t make me regret telling you.  I wanted to be honest but I need you to have some faith in me, please.”

Adrianna looked pleadingly at her parents, switching her gaze from her father, to her mother, and then back again.  They sat in silence for several painful minutes.

“I’m finished with my supper,” her father finally said quietly.  He stood without looking at his wife or daughter and left the table.

When Donna also stood, without a word, to clear the dinner plates, another lead weight dropped into Adrianna’s stomach.

Feeling heavy with dread and fatigue, she helped her mother clean up dinner and then returned to her room.  When she closed the door and collapsed on her bed she felt like she was living her life from two years ago.  She pulled out her phone to call Jack, needing to get some comfort from his voice.

“Hey, it’s Jack, leave a message.”

Adrianna was disappointed that he didn’t answer but she knew he was busy at work on a Friday evening.

“Hey, it’s me,” she said, making her voice sound light despite her sorrow.  “Just calling you like I said I would.  I’ll talk to you later.”

A few minutes later her phone chimed with a text message.

Sorry, we’re slammed.  Everything okay?

Yeah, I’m fine.  Just wanted to say hi.  Talk to you later?

Ok.  Xx

Jack didn’t call her later that night.  Adrianna fell asleep and woke several times, checking her phone each time for a call from Jack.  There weren’t any.  She felt hurt and worried that with her gone Jack was able to see that she was more trouble than she was worth.  When he still didn’t call by eleven o’clock the next morning, her stomach ached with the amount of tension taking up residence there.  With every glance at her silent phone she heard another
thunk, thunk, thunk.

Needing to get out of the house, Adrianna took her mother’s car Saturday afternoon just to drive around the town she grew up in.  She passed her old elementary, middle, and high schools and she felt so old for her twenty-six years.  It felt like a lifetime ago that she had attended them.  She drove passed the major intersection in town that held most of the popular hangouts for kids around there.  There was the burger joint she and her friends used to drive to at lunch time, the movie theater they frequented once a month, and the skating rink that was now closed and boarded up.  How depressing.  Why did she think this was a good idea?