Falling From Disgrace (10 page)

Adrianna, a little hurt by what he said, only nodded.

“When do you want to do this?” Jack asked her.

“The sooner the better, I guess,” Adrianna said and then started to tremble again.  She was terrified of what she was going to face.  Tears started falling from her worried, brown eyes.

Jack’s heart literally ached for her.  He knew she was scared and she had every right to be.  But she was also strong, he’d help her see that, and he would help her get through this.

Jack pulled her into his arms and told her not to worry.  “I’m not going to let anything happen to you, I promise, Jenny.”  He may have said the name with a hint of an accent.

Adrianna choked out a laugh.  “I know you won’t, Forrest.  Thank you.”

Chapter 8

B
loop.  Bloop.  Bloop.

Pill after pill dropped into the toilet and Adrianna’s stomach clenched with each resonating sound.

Bloop.  Bloop.  Bloop.

Clench.  Clench.  Clench.

When the bottle was empty, she tossed it into the pail in her bathroom and it hit the bottom with a loud thunk.  Every sound seemed to be overly sensitive to Adrianna’s ears and the whoosh when she flushed the toilet actually made her head ache.  Maybe she already had a headache, she didn’t know.  Every thought that came across her mind was fleeting, immediately replaced with how scared she was.

Jack watched her from the doorway, feeling just as anxious, though he wouldn’t let Adrianna see it.  He needed to stay calm for her and he told himself the same thing he told Adrianna for the last three days. 

“Everything is going to be okay.”

Fuck if he knew if that was the truth, but he needed to believe it.  He had a basic idea of what to expect over the next several days, but everyone was different and reacted differently to detoxification.  At least that’s what the doctor had said yesterday when they went to see him, at Adrianna’s insistence. 

Jack had been proud when she told him she wanted to go to her doctor, admit to him that she had become dependent on the Vicodin, and ask for his help.  However, he didn’t trust the man who had been so irresponsible to allow his patient to abuse narcotics, so he suggested she go to his own general physician.  Dr. DeLuca gave Adrianna a complete physical with blood work, a rundown on what to expect during detox, and a prescription for a week’s worth of Valium.

“It’s a low dosage,” the doctor had said, “but it should help with anxiety and rest.”

He went on to explain the different options when it came to narcotic withdrawal and that he didn’t think she was in a situation that called for Methadone or Suboxone.  When Jack told him about the items he had purchased to help Adrianna, the doctor had smiled and told Adrianna she had a good man.  Adrianna already knew that though.

Jack watched as Adrianna flushed the last of her pills and then put his hands on her shoulders.  “Good job,” he praised.  “Are you sure there aren’t any others?”

Adrianna blinked up at him and frowned.  “You know, for someone who told me I’m not an addict, you sure are treating me like one.”

An apology crossed over Jack’s features and he said, “You’re right.  I’m sorry.”

It was late and they were in Adrianna’s apartment, there to collect some of her things, and rid herself of her pills that she did not, thank you very much, have hidden around in little caches.  She lived alone, what reason would she have to hide them?  She reminded herself that Jack was being more than generous, offering to help her through this, and so she forgave him and told him it was okay.

After packing a few bags, grabbing her pillow, and slipping a note under Heather’s door to let her know she’d be away for a few days, Adrianna left her apartment with Jack, hoping to return to it a completely different girl.

T
he first day without her pills wasn’t as horrible as Adrianna had imagined.  She woke up around seven a.m. after having slept for five hours, aided by the melatonin Jack had purchased for her.  She woke up with aches, feeling very nauseated, but that passed by noon after sipping several cups of ginger tea that Jack prepared for her.  When she complained of her back hurting, he ran her a hot bath and then gave her a full body massage.

“Where did you learn to do this?” Adrianna sighed, lying on Jack’s bed with her head in his lap as he passed over the contours of her face with the lightest of touches.  His fingers, soft from the lotion he had used on her body, feathered over her closed eyes, down her nose, and across her lips before running the circuit again.

“My mother is a massage therapist,” he told her quietly.  He ran his hands through her hair, massaged her scalp with firm pressure, and then went back to stroking her face.  He smiled when Adrianna let out a soft moan that told him his efforts to relax her were working.

“Tell me more about your family,” Adrianna said.

“My mom never remarried after she left my dad but she lives with a guy.  His name is Denny and he’s a construction worker.  He has two kids who live in New Jersey but I’ve met his son a few times.  He looks like a young Dan Aykroyd, like from
Ghostbusters
, and get this, his name is Ray.”

Adrianna let out a soft laugh and tried to ignore the pain in her body, focusing with all her might on Jack’s hands and words.

“What about your sister?” she asked.

“Gillian lives in Wisconsin, like I told you.  She’s married, and stays home taking care of my two nieces, Sophie and Allison.  They’re only eleven months apart.”

Adrianna was about to comment about the slight age difference in his nieces but then she realized Jack had just told her his sister’s name and her eyes popped open in amusement.  “Gillian?  Your sister’s name is Gillian?”  

“I know, don’t say it.”

“Jill?  Jack and Jill, you’ve gotta be kidding me!”

“It wasn’t intentional, okay?” Jack laughed.  “I told you I was named after my father and my mother named my sister after my grandmother.  I went all through school being teased about it, don’t you start, too, now.  And Gillian doesn’t let anyone call her Jill anyway.”

Adrianna promised she wouldn’t tease anymore and went quiet again, just enjoying the treatment she was getting. 

Jack continued to talk about his family for a good thirty minutes until he realized Adrianna had fallen asleep.  Not wanting to disturb her, he kept her head in his lap and leaned back against the headboard, and rested himself.  They were six hours into Adrianna’s detox and he hoped the rest of the time went as easily.

No.  Such.  Luck.

The remainder of day one wasn’t so bad but on day two, Adrianna woke feeling like she was in hell.  She needed to dash to the bathroom where she emptied her stomach of what little she had in it and then Jack rubbed her back while she dry heaved for the rest of the morning.  With each violent wrack of her body, her back spasmed and she cried out in pain at every one of them.  All Jack could do was hold her until her body calmed.

Without the strength to move herself, Jack carried Adrianna to his couch where he made her sip Gatorade and tried to distract her from the pain with movies.  Only ten minutes into
Casablanca
, she ran back to the bathroom to vomit and dry heave all over again.

Awful didn’t even begin to describe how Adrianna felt.  Every muscle in her body ached, much worse than the time she had the flu when she was in college.  Her skin, which had insects crawling beneath the surface, she was sure, burned and though she wore only a tank top and pajama shorts, she was sweating profusely.  Her back felt as if the screws holding her spine together were twisting deeper into her bones and head pounded with every shaky breath she took.

Jack was in agony just watching her.  He felt completely helpless as he rocked her in his lap on his bathroom floor.  He wished for a moment that he knew one of those movie techniques where the hero renders a bad guy unconscious with a pinch to his neck.  He wanted to put Adrianna out of her misery and since knocking her out was not an option he sang to her.  Reaching back into his memory for a calming song he liked, he did the best he could with his deep voice.

“Still my heart and hold my tongue.  I feel my time, my time has come.  Let me in, unlock the door.  I’ve never felt this way before.”

Though Adrianna had never been a big fan of Coldplay, she let Jack’s voice wheedle its way through the cloud surrounding her brain that was telling her to end the suffering and take a fucking pill.  She quieted her whimpering and listened, trying to focus on each word of the song.

“For you, I’d wait, ‘til kingdom come.  Until my day, my day is done.  Just say you’ll come, and set me free.  Just say you’ll wait, you’ll wait for me.”

When Jack finished
‘Til Kingdom Come,
he moved on to sing other songs.  Lyrics from The Rolling Stones, Journey, Otis Redding, Everclear, Train, and The Red Hot Chili Peppers were pulled out of the catalogue in his head and when he didn’t know the words he hummed.  He’d stay on the floor singing and humming to Adrianna all night if he needed to. 

Adrianna was carried back to Jack’s bed once her stomach wasn’t lurching every ten minutes.  Her body still weak and sore, she curled up on her side and tried to think about anything but the misery.  God, she wanted a pill.  Just one wouldn’t hurt, right?  Just one to take the worst of the pain away and she would be fine.  Those white, miraculous tablets; oh, how she took them for granted. 

Jack returned to the room and told Adrianna to open her mouth.  For a glorifying second she thought he was giving her Vicodin but then she felt the sour, liquid melatonin on her tongue.  Fuck melatonin, she thought.  Fuck everyone and everything.

“Try to sleep,” Jack whispered as he crawled into bed to spoon Adrianna.  He resumed his soft humming and comforted her as best he could with the caress of his hands.  He’d let her try to rest as long as possible and then he’d get her into a hot bath.

Adrianna wanted to beg him for medicine.  She wanted to plead, demand, threaten, or bribe but she was too ashamed to look so weak after only thirty hours.  Jack was being so wonderful and so brave for her and she couldn’t let him down.  She accepted his comfort and suffered in silence. 

A shrill noise disrupted them just as Adrianna was drifting to sleep and Jack cursed as he dug his cell phone from the back pocket of his jeans and saw that it was the bar calling.  He kissed the back of Adrianna’s head and slid away from her.

“What?” he barked when he was in the hall just outside of his bedroom.

“Hey man, it’s Joe.  One of the liquor distributors is here and he needs either you or the assistant manager.  Kenny isn’t here and I can’t get a hold of him.”

“God damn it,” Jack swore.  He ran his hand through his hair while looking in at Adrianna.  She looked so pitiful and he didn’t want to leave her now but he couldn’t neglect his livelihood.  “I’ll be down in a minute.”

After throwing on a clean shirt and finding his shoes he leaned over his bed and placed a gentle hand on Adrianna’s shoulder.

“I have to go downstairs for a minute.  Will you be okay?”

Adrianna didn’t have the strength to speak or open her eyes and so she just nodded slightly, wincing when the small movement still sent jolts of pain through her head. 

“I’ll be right back, I promise,” he told her, placing another kiss on her head.

Adrianna wasn’t much of a churchgoer but she started to pray, hoping God could hear her.  She begged for mercy, asking him to take the pain away or give her strength to deal with it.  Then she started to apologize for every sin she could think of.

I’m sorry for taking drugs, please help me.

I’m sorry for lying to my parents and to Jack, please take the pain away.

I’m sorry for killing Rachel, please, please, please, help me to feel better.

She started to cry and the sob that came from her made her head split in two.  A wave of nausea struck her again.  Not wanting to vomit on Jack’s bed or floor, she used every ounce of energy she could muster and dragged herself back to his bathroom.  She stumbled over her own feet, neglected to turn the light on and heaved over the toilet.  Bending over helped the sick feeling pass but it also sent pain shooting through her head again.  It felt as though steel blades were slicing right through her skull and into her brain while some evil entity pounded behind her eyes with a jackhammer. 

Jack returned only ten minutes later and panicked when he didn’t find Adrianna where he left her. 

“Ade?” he called out, receiving only a whimper from his bathroom in return.

He found her on the cold, tiled floor, curled up in the fetal position, her arms wound tightly around her head.  When he flicked the light on she cried out in protest.