Feel (11 page)

“Jensen?  Is that you?”

“Yeah, it’s me, Dad.” I fight like hell to keep my voice steady when I hear how his seems surprisingly sad, a tone foreign for him.

There’s a pause, and I grip the phone tighter, hating how my hand is shaking right now.  I don’t want to hear any emotions in Dad’s voice.  I need to hang on to the anger so I don’t feel the pain of how I’ve always seemed to fail him.  He doesn’t show any emotion other than anger, never has.  Except for that last night.  He sure as hell doesn’t need to start now.

“Are you okay, son?”

Son?  What the fuck?
  He’s never called me that.  “I’m fine, Dad.”  Not wanting to prolong the uncomfortable pauses, I dive straight into the reason I called, explaining everything I know about the bomber and how I know.

“You’ve been tracking this bastard across the country, Jensen?” Dad asks, his usual angry tone returning.

“Someone had to.”

“You’re not equipped to handle him,” he yells.

“You mean that I’m not good enough to handle him,” I bark back.

“That’s not what I meant,” he sighs. 

I don’t say anything.  His implication is clear.  Just like it was all the times he tried to get me to find my
special
ability like Jackson and he would just shake his head and walk away when I couldn’t do what my brother did.  Dad finally gave up trying, then he gave up on me all together.  “It doesn’t matter what you meant.  The only reason I called is to have you find his home and check it before alerting the authorities.  We’re in California and won’t be able to get there for a few days.”

“I’ll investigate this now.  I don’t want you pursuing him any longer.”

“I’ll be there in three days.  I need to see everything you find,” I state firmly.  I stopped allowing him to make decisions for me when I left; there’s no way in hell I’m going to give that authority back to him now, and I end the call.

The late afternoon breeze blows against my face and I close my eyes, allowing the cool air to tame all the shit wreaking havoc in my head.  A low creak sounds behind me and the soft scent of mandarin and lilac is refreshing.  Being with her was a slow, sweet torture.  Every part of me wanted Saige and it was getting harder to not act on the ideas the raging beast in my pants craved.  I had never had sex because I was waiting on Saige, until she was ready.  But even at seventeen I knew that, once I had her, I could never let her go.  The way she entranced me just by being her made me fall crazy in love.  Hard.  Tasting her, making her completely mine…I had to do that right and not fuck it up.  Her leaving nearly killed me.  I’ve lived in emotional hell the past four years.  Seeing her here right now, she breathes life back into my soul.  When I thought she would be the death of me, she became my redemption.

“You okay?” Saige places her hand on my arm, and I slip her small, slender fingers through my much larger ones before pulling her close, breathing her in. 

She’s always said that I calm her, that I’m her peace.  What I’ve never told her is that she’s mine.  She always has been.  Saige had enough shit to deal with, she didn’t need me bitching about my crap at home.  Besides, I didn’t think of any of it when I was with her.  She might not have been able to feel me but I sure as hell felt everything about her.  The way she looked at me, touched me, and just stayed next to me was my peace.  And much more.  She made everything right.  All the broken pieces seemed to mend when Saige was around.  Despite her beautiful contradictions and stubborn ass, she was so damn easy to love. 

“You’re here,” I state simply, “how couldn’t I be fine?”
Damn, I love the blush that flushes across her cheeks. 

“What you said earlier.  That goes both ways.”  Saige stands on her tiptoes and presses her lips so close, I can feel her breath against my skin, “I’m here for you, any way you need me to be.”  That full, irresistible mouth brushes against mine, and my dick immediately springs into action, pressing its hardened eagerness against my zipper. 

“I know,” I whisper against her lips.  I do know.  I could have told her everything back then and she would have been there for me just like she would now, but I meant what I said.  As long as she’s with me, I’m all good.  “We need to hit the road,” I tell her after tasting her lips a little longer. 

“Yay, another road trip,” she winks. 

I can tell she doesn’t want to go home as much as I don’t.  “Can you behave yourself long enough to get Andy?” I tease.

“What?  You don’t want to say good-bye to your girlfriend?” she smirks playfully. 

Yep, I have a helluva lot of explaining to do. 

“I can say good-bye for you,” she offers, biting her lip to keep from laughing. 

“Maybe I should go with you,” I suggest, knowing she’s only teasing but also knowing it wouldn’t take much for Saige to punch the daylights out of Amira again. 

It’s just past 4:00 p.m. when we get back on the road.  Andy and I take turns in the driver’s seat, and I adamantly shake my head when Saige offers to drive.  “I’ve seen you drive.  I’d like all my parts to stay where they are.”

“You’re the one who taught me to drive,” Saige quips, “so I’d keep my mouth shut if I were you.  Besides, I have a perfect driving record.”

“That depends on which part of the record you’re talking about, pretty girl.  Just because you haven’t killed us yet doesn’t mean I’m going to tempt fate.  It’s a miracle we survived on my bike.”

“You let her have control of your bike?” Andy’s jaw drops, “You never let me touch it.”

“That’s because you don’t have my skills,” Saige smirks. 

“I think it’s more along the lines of being because I don’t have what’s between your legs.” 

“Oh, I get it.  You can’t handle a woman being a better driver than you?”

“Please, woman.  I’d kick your ass in a race any day, princess,” Andy scowls.

Saige turns in her seat and cocks her brow, “You’re on.”

Throwing my hand up, I shake my head, “Oh, hell no!  No one is racing.”

“Sorry, man, but there’s no way I’m going to pass up having to school your girl, here.”

Saige gives me a tilted grin and I give her my best ‘don’t-kill-yourself-or-I’ll-kick-your-pretty-little-butt’ look.  “Alright, Andy, but I don’t want to hear you whining when she kicks your ass.”

He blows a puff of air between his lips, “Like that’s possible.”

Oh, it’s more than possible and I’m going to laugh my ass off when it happens.  I just hope Saige keeps it somewhat sane.  I doubt that’s going to happen.  That’s one thing that has always worried me about her; she’s an adrenaline junkie.  I know thrills heighten her own emotions and make her feel alive but she has a tendency to scare the shit out of me when her wild side rears its beautiful head. 

The rest of the drive passes quickly with more amusing insults being thrown between Saige and Andy until we pull into a hotel parking lot a little after midnight.  Turning on the lights in Saige’s room, I pull my phone out of my pocket and turn it on after having shut it off after my call with Dad.  There are three missed calls and a message.  I don’t recognize the number but I’m betting it’s one of my father’s cells. 

Saige keeps glancing at me under her thick lashes as I stare at the phone.  She’s held off on her questions, but I can tell she’s busting to ask about what’s happened with me the years we were apart.  Those caramel eyes study my every move and I’m hit with just how hard it’s going to be not ravishing her hot, tempting body. 

Jackson’s voice pulls me from my sex-fogged thoughts.  Other than Saige, I’ve missed him the most.  I don’t blame him for cutting me out of his life when I left home.  I blame Dad.  Jackson hasn’t thought for himself since we were kids, despite my trying to get him to.  That didn’t change when I tried to talk him into leaving with me.  He refused.  I tried to call him several times for over a year after I left but he never returned any of my calls.  Finally, I gave up and changed my number.  It hurt too much waiting on a call that would never come.  I have to fight the lump in my throat when I hear the jovial tone of Jackson’s voice in the message.  I haven’t seen or heard any kind of happiness in him since we were kids.

So, your sorry ass actually listened to mine and decided to stay away?  Talk about bad timing to take up doing what I tell you, little bro.  I know I’m older and all that, but that’s never been a factor for you in the past with that damn stubborn ass head of yours.

There’s a long pause and I almost think the message is over when I hear Jackson’s voice again, serious and low this time.

We have a lot to talk about when you get home.  I’ve missed you…we both have. 

Tears burn the back of my eyes, and I force them not to fall.  I’m secure enough in my manhood to know a few tears don’t make me a wuss, but with finding out the shit Saige went through, and hearing Dad and Jackson’s voice after years of not talking with them, I’m afraid if I let the first tear fall, I’ll cry like a baby and there’s no way in hell that’s going to happen.

Saige lifts herself to where she’s on her knees on the edge of the bed.  Her dark hair tumbles over her shoulders and I want to tangle my fingers in the sexy waves.  Those caramel eyes melt into mine as she lets out a low sigh, “I don’t know what is going on with you right now.  Hell, I don’t have much of a clue about what has gone on with you for the past four years, but whatever happened or didn’t happen, I know that you are a good man.”  Her fingers wrap around my wrists, tugging me until I lean close enough to kiss those sweet lips.  “And a man who doesn’t get lost in bullshit and mistakes, no matter who was the one who made them.  I shouldn’t have ever lost sight of that.  So don’t you go being a dumbass and lose sight of it, too.”

A low laugh rumbles up my throat, “And, you’re not a girl who minces words.”

“I never did have a problem saying what’s on my mind.”  She winks, giving me a tilted grin, “So, why don’t you tell me what’s on yours right now?”

“You,” I breathe.  Her touch erases the rest of the world, even the shit of what went on with my father and brother.  “Everything inside my head is full of nothing but you.”

“There are so many questions I have, Jensen,” she whispers.

“You can ask them all but the answer will stay the same.  Everything that has happened.  All the good, the bad, and the gray in between.  The answer will always point back to you.”

Her eyes darken, and her bottom lip slips between her teeth.

“Maybe I didn’t say that right,” I back track, freeing her lip with my thumb.  “You are all that’s good with me; it’s always been that way.  All the other bullshit is just semantics from choices you had no control over.  You and bad just aren’t compatible, pretty girl, so don’t even go there.”

She opens her mouth, then closes it.  A flash of innocence mixed with something I can’t quite place brightens her eyes before her smile returns, melting every piece of me.  Her fingers slip from my wrists to the edge of her shirt.  All innocence is gone.  The fabric of her shirt rustles quietly as she pulls it over her head.  Those fingers move to her back, undoing her bra.  One lacey black strap falls down her shoulder, and I swell to a rock hard state for the hundredth time today.  When the rest of the black lace falls to the bed, I nearly explode with need. 

The tips of her dark waves curve around the soft mounds of her creamy breasts.  Fuck, I want to wrap that hair around my wrist and trace my tongue over every single spot it has touched before taking her nipples between my lips and teeth until she begs me to bury myself deep inside of her and give her everything she wants from me and so much more. 

“Since you don’t want to talk, then I want to make damn sure that head of yours stays full of nothing but good things, at least for tonight.”

Taking her hand, I slide it against the hardened bulge ready to burst through my zipper, letting her feel exactly what she does to me.  “That won’t be a problem, pretty girl.” 

Her soft laugh kills me, and I let my eyes roam, feasting on the beautiful girl who turned into the breathtaking woman in front of me.  When my gaze falls to her right side, I swear under my breath, backing away.  “Did they do that to you, Saige?” I growl, ready to snap the neck of every fucking one of them who hurt her. 

Saige’s hand quickly lays flat against her side, but it doesn’t cover all the scars.  Shaking her head, she swallows hard, “No…I did.”

“What?” My head pounds as hard as my chest.  “What do you mean, you did that?” I ask slowly, scared as hell to hear her answer of how she got scars that look like those do.

“I had to get away.  I couldn’t stay there any longer,” she whispers.  The pain and residual fear in her eyes kills me, and I want to take all of her pain away. 

“What happened, baby?” I ask, taking her face in my hands.

“It’s over.  It doesn’t matter now.” 

Her forced smile doesn’t fool me.  I know she doesn’t want for me to hear what they did, what I helped cause.  “It matters.  How the hell couldn’t it?”  Failing miserably at trying to calm the building rage from what those bastards did to her, I take her hand, pulling her into my arms, “Tell me.  Please.”

Saige is quiet for several seconds before she lets out a resigned sigh.  I pull her with me as I lean back against the headboard and slide her between my legs, softly brushing my fingertips against the long, thin scars that have left their jagged print on her smooth skin.