Feel (15 page)

I wait until I’m sure Andy’s asleep before I decide to put on my big girl panties and ask about Jensen’s life without me.  “I know you don’t want to talk about your family and I can understand that, but there’s so much of your life I missed.  Will you put the pieces of the past four years together for me?”

The corner of Jensen’s mouth tilts.  Those green eyes sparkle when he laughs, “You mean, dish about what my relationship with Amira was.”

“Relationship,” I repeat, feeling like he just punched my heart.  “I was hoping it wasn’t that serious, that, at most, she was one of the girls you shared a few hours with before deciding you didn’t want seconds.”

“This whole jealously thing is new with you.  I’ve never seen you this way,” Jensen teases.

I groan, “I know, and I hate it, but I can’t help it.  You never gave me a reason to be jealous before.”

“And I have now?”

“Yes.  Not that I expected you to become a monk, but I saw how Amira looked at you.  It was different than how all the girls in school looked at you, like they wanted to see how it would feel being held and loved by you.  Amira – she looked like she knew - and she wanted to feel it again.  I felt how she wanted you.”

Jensen’s fingers find mine as he entwines them together, running his thumb softy against my wrist.  “I never slept with Amira.  But, more importantly, I never loved her.  Out of all the women, you are the only one I’ve ever loved, the only one I ever will love, Saige.  How can I possibly give my heart to someone else when it’s not me who owns it?  You’ve stolen pieces of my heart since the moment I saw you, taking the last piece the second I realized that I just didn’t love who you are but was
in love
with you – fucking crazy as hell in love with you.”

“You really never stopped loving me?” I ask, holding my breath. 

“No, pretty girl.  Never.”  His hand squeezes mine, his touch and love healing the rest of my damaged heart.

Trying to keep the tears springing in my eyes, wanting to be done with crying after I’ve seemed to catch up on all the times I’ve repressed them, I give him a sheepish grin, “Maybe I overreacted a tiny bit and shouldn’t have knocked Amira on her ass, then.”

His laughter fills the van, “I was wondering how much of that right hook was from her over-stepping her bounds and reading into your past than how you could feel she felt about me.”

“You knew she wanted you?” I question, feeling like an idiot when I see how he did written on his face.  There’s no arrogance about how he knows women – a lot of women – want him, just a neutral acceptance of that fact.  He’s not one to take advantage of someone’s emotions or fuck with their head and heart. 
Damn, another reason I love him.
 

“She’s not the one I wanted.”  Those six words roll off his tongue like it’s the simplest explanation in existence.  Maybe it is.  Who in the hell am I to argue with that reasoning when I’ve felt exactly the same about every man who I felt had an interest in meeting me.  They weren’t Jensen.  Simple as that.

“Your mouthy sidekick back there,” I toss my thumb over my shoulder, “how did the two of you meet?”

His chest rises and falls with a long, deep breath.  “I wasn’t in a good place when you left.  After a couple of weeks, I left home with nothing but my bike and everything I could fit inside my backpack.”

“You were a senior and you only had a few months left before graduation.  You left before you got your diploma?”

“I went back to school one day without you.  That was enough to know I didn’t belong there.  After the fight with Dad, I got on my bike and drove until I had to stop for gas, then drove more, until I couldn’t keep my eyes open.  I started drinking heavily and was pretty much sleeping on the streets when I met Andy.  One of his aunt’s cars had broken down, and she was stranded on the side of the road.  I was riding by and stopped.  I had her car fixed before Andy could get there to pick her up in his.  They invited me over for dinner, and he wouldn’t shut up until I agreed.”  Jensen lets out a hearty laugh.  “I thought I was going to have to deck Andy to get him to shut up, but he grows on you.  His family offered to rent their garage apartment to me if I would take the mechanic position Bronx, one of Andy’s cousins, needed filled.”

“You were always amazing at fixing parts and building them for bikes,” I smile, remembering all the times he would take me to help him in the mechanic shop at school.  I wasn’t supposed to be in there after hours; he wasn’t either, but his shop teacher let it slide, never ratting us out for breaking into the school when he knew Jensen had figured how to get inside through a side window with a faulty lock.

“You weren’t so bad, yourself,” he grins, the smile reaching all the way to his eyes.  “You’re a quick learner, and you look so damn adorable with oil and grease on your pretty face.”

Thanking him with a wanting smile, heat ignites in my entire body, moistening my intimate flame when flashes of how he looked with that same grease and oil spotting his hands, arms, and bare chest.  He was nicely chiseled even then. 

“I took the offer and finished my diploma online after getting off work with Bronx.  Other than work, I pretty much became a recluse until Andy had enough of my moping and dragged my ass out with him.  That’s when I decided to drown my sorrow with my dick along with the alcohol.  Andy didn’t have a problem with the girls, but, after watching his brother ruin his life drinking until he ended it one night with a bottle of whiskey, his truck, and a tree, he stuck by me until I gave up the alcohol.  Now, I stick to only beer and no more than two at a time.”

Looking over my shoulder, I watch Andy crashed out on a pad in the back of the van, and I begin to feel bad with how I’ve been bitchy with him, especially with how he’s suffered a huge loss and had Jensen’s back so he didn’t end up the same way. 

As if Jensen is reading my mind, he runs his fingers down my cheek, “Don’t feel bad for giving him hell; he loves every minute of it.  Despite his mouth moving non-stop when he’s awake, Andy’s a good man.  One of the best.  His family’s great, too.  Bronx taught me everything he knew about fixing vehicles and building custom bikes, and he encouraged me to open my own shop when I had saved enough money and built up enough credit to get a loan to begin Reckless on Rails.”

I spin in my seat, bouncing up and down with excitement, “You own your own shop?”

Jensen’s grin brightens his eyes to a brilliant green as he nods.

A deep warmth fuels my excitement for him.  I remember that name.  He said that about me after he taught me to ride, saying I’m reckless on rails with how I take the turns.  From the look of that same warmth swimming in his eyes, he realizes I’ve caught the meaning.  “Congratulations!  Really, Jensen, that’s amazing!  I’m so happy for you for fulfilling your dream of opening your own bike mechanic shop,” I beam.  “I can’t wait to see it.”  I pause, giving him a quizzical glance, “Where exactly is Reckless on Rails?  So much has happened since seeing you again but I don’t even know where you live.”

“On a small ranch just outside of Fairfield, California,” he replies, equally excited.  “The house is small, but it’s secluded.  My closest neighbor is a mile away.”  He turns that sweet, sexy grin on me, “Too far away for you to feel, pretty girl.”

If any part of me was left broken, he just fixed it.  More damn tears fill my eyes and spill down my cheeks.  “You were thinking about me when you picked your home?”

“Everything I’ve done has been with you being first in my mind.  Where I lived could never be home if I thought that you couldn’t be completely who you are.  Even though you weren’t actually there, you were still a part of me.  I wanted you to have a good life, but I always held onto the hope that meant I would be involved in making it good again someday.” 

There are words jumbling in my head that I want to say but I can’t seem to put them together and push them out of my mouth.  An amazing thing about Jensen and me is how words aren’t needed all the time.  This is one of them.  I can tell he knows just how much I love him and appreciate who he is with me.
How he is with me.
  What he just said meant everything, and he knows that, too.  I can feel it–not with special powers or psychic voodoo–but with his gentleness, respect, and the love in his touch as he wipes my tears away.

Jensen gives me a few minutes to gather my emotions before he slides his hand down my leg, squeezing my knee.  “I can’t wait to take you home.”

I hear how there’s so much more meaning in his voice than simply just the words telling me he wants to show me where he lives.  “And I can’t wait for you to take me home.”

“When do you think your classes will start again?”

“I don’t know.”  I’m sure it will be at least a week before they do, if not longer.  I’m also sure that I don’t want to go back there.  I know I won’t face questions because there’s no one left who knew about the premonitions.  Bailey and Kim just think I suffer from nightmares; I never said what they were about.  “I’m thinking about transferring to a different college to finish out my last year.  One that has music classes along with a Financial Analyst degree.”  I pause, taking a deep breath, “One that’s close to you.”

“I think that’s the best answer you could have possibly given,” he states in a low voice, trying to choke back his own emotions spilling through. 

“Just wait until Andy hears.  You’ll be changing your mind as soon as he starts whining about me being around,” I joke…well, partly.  Another question hits me, “How did you find out about Andy’s ability?”

Jensen bursts out laughing, “When he had a complete meltdown one evening after I came back to the garage apartment.  He was frustrated as hell and used ingeniously colorful language when he went off on me, stating he can never tell where I’m at.  The first thought that ran through my head was how I just got myself into some stalker bro-mance situation with how he was going all crazy by not knowing where I was at all the time, but then I picked up on how his frustration resembled the same frustration as all the people Dad had to direct their powers full-force on me and nothing happened, because I was immune.”

Jensen glances at me, then in the rearview mirror.  “It didn’t take much prying for him to tell me what he can do.  Actually, there’s a group of friends who have different powers.  One of Andy’s cousins and a few others, like Amira, who met either through social sites for people with similar abilities, or by word of mouth.”  He shrugs his shoulder and chuckles, “It’s kind of like those cliques in high school…just with more seriously screwed-up issues.”

  My head can’t handle trying to fathom meeting more people like me right now so I sink against my seat and stare outside.  Rain lightly glistens the windshield before it begins falling harder, hitting the glass in large, peaceful drops.  I’ve always loved the rain.  I even love storms, if no damage is done.  There’s just something about the power behind the force of lightening and wind that’s strangely comforting.  Maybe it’s because everyone scatters in a storm and they take their emotions with them.  After a few minutes of the drops splattering against the glass like a lullaby, I’m barely keeping my eyes open. 

“There’s another mat back there.  Why don’t you get some sleep, Saige?”

I start to open my mouth to protest, but a yawn escapes instead. 

Jensen glances at me and grins wickedly, “Besides, if you fall asleep up here, with your shoes off and those sexy bare feet tangled under your long legs, my hand may have to explore that gorgeous body of yours, which isn’t exactly conducive to safe driving.”

“Oh, hell no,” I laugh.  “I want to be awake every time those fingers touch me.  And, just so you know, I plan on doing
a lot
of touching you very soon.  All of you.”

Jensen pulls me to his lips and I feel his grin widen against my mouth when he kisses me, leaving me aching to feel more of those talented lips.  “Get your cute ass back there before I pull this van over.”

“Again, you’re not giving me any incentive to do as you say when you make risqué sounding threats like that.  I think you should pull the van over and make good on your promise.”

“I love you, Saige Colewood,” Jensen grabs my waist and pulls me back to him, giving me a kiss that I know isn’t conducive to safe driving. 

Holy crap, his kisses own every last piece of me from the electricity sizzling up my spine to the pool of heat between my thighs, all the way down to the tingling zing in my toes.  Jensen makes me feel what I always thought a woman should feel like, loved, respected, cared for, and built up to take on the world.  “I love you, too.”

Grabbing the mat, I lay it on the floor in the back of the van and put a blanket over it before lying down.  Andy is crashed out to my right and I lie with my arms folded under my head, trying to block out why I’m in this van and focus only on finding Jensen again.  The rain pelts harder against the metal roof and I drift to sleep. 

Flashes of blinding light burst inside my head, startling me awake, but the premonition doesn’t stop.  My vision is blurred as I try to focus.  Images spin wildly.  They are spinning so fast, I can’t see.  Nausea churns in my stomach and bile rises in my throat.  I roll to my knees and grapple for the wall, leaning my heavy body against it when my hands hit the solid metal.  The explosion erupts, engulfing my vision and sending a violent ringing in my ears.  Everything turns a dark gray before glimmers of rubble, twisted metal, and broken bricks bombard me…then I see the people in the images.  Jensen’s father, mother, and Jackson.  My stomach twists into excruciating knots and I sink until I’m crouched, rocking on my heels with my hands squeezing either side of my head.  The air around me vanishes. 
I can’t breathe.
  My nails try to dig into the cold metal as I shake my head, trying to separate myself from the vision so I can help Jensen’s family.