Feel (19 page)

“Come with me,
now
,” my mother hisses in my ear when I reach her.  Her fingernails dig into my skin as she pulls me to a private room in the back.  She pushes me against the wall as soon as my father shuts the door.  “What the hell are you doing here, Saige Renee?”

“I’m here for Jensen,” I mumble, trying to ignore the throbbing in my shoulder from the impact of hitting the wall. 

“He got rid of you when we did,” my mother states like it’s nothing to ditch your child.  “When did that change?  I thought the boy finally came to his senses.  Apparently, I was wrong.”

To be so beautiful, she can be such a witch.  I’ve tried to be angry at her for that.  It would be so much easier to deal with the anger than the pain, but all I feel is shame and disappointment.  “I know how you feel about me,” I tell her, not wanting to waste any time in getting them out of here before Jensen sees them, “but Jensen’s been through enough and seeing you right now wouldn’t be a good idea.”

“Why?” My mother’s sculpted brow raises as she pierces me with eyes that look like mine. 

I don’t answer. 

“You little bitch,” my father spits.  “You told him about the therapy.  How many times have I told you our family matters stay inside our home?”

“
Therapy?
” I nearly shriek.  “Don’t you mean torture?”

“You’re the one who chose not to cooperate, Saige,” my father barks, his fists coiling at his side as he storms towards me. 

“I didn’t allow them to turn me into a zombie!  Did that mean I deserved for you to give your approval to beat me?  Electrocute me?”

“You chose the hard way, Saige.  Don’t blame me for your misguided choices and refusal for help,” my father growls.

Biting back the tears, I try to push his loathing for me away.  He’ll never own up to what he did.  Neither of them will.  Focusing on Jensen, I take a deep breath, “The past doesn’t matter now.  Please – just leave.  Jensen’s lost everything and I don’t want to hurt him anymore.”

“You should’ve thought of that before you walked back into his life,” my mother snaps.

Squeezing my eyes shut, I pull enough strength together to pull off my last ditch effort to get them to leave before Jensen has to deal with this disaster, too, “Leave now, or I swear I’ll walk out of this room and tell everyone how you treated me over the years, calling me a witch when I told you about Nonno and telling me how what a terrible mistake I was and shouldn’t have ever been born.  I swear I’ll tell them everything from the day you punished me for warning you about his death up to the day you sent me to hell.  What do you think your
friends
would think of you then?”

My mother hasn’t lost her touch one bit when she slaps me, her hand sending a flame of fire bursting up my cheek, but the blow of feeling Andy’s shocked anger hurts so much worse when he steps inside the room, witnessing what I never wanted Jensen to know. 

Andy quickly steps in front of my mother and father, shielding me.  “I have everything recorded right here,” Andy barks, holding up his phone.  “Do as Saige asked and leave, or I’ll be more than happy to put on a slide show.”

My mother’s usually perfectly composed self nearly explodes before she manages to pull herself together, turning back into the gorgeous, respected Abrianna Colewood her ‘friends’ adore. 

My father finds it a little harder to regain control as he steps close to Andy, looking like he’s going to decapitate him with his bare hands. 

I go to step in front of Andy, but he holds his arm out, keeping me away from my father’s wrath.  For once, he keeps his mouth shut and only holds up his phone, shaking it a bit in my father’s face.  I hold my breath, squeezing Andy’s arm, as I wait to see what my father’s going to do.  I know Andy is bluffing about the recording, and I feel his anxiety almost as strong as mine as he hopes they believe his lie. 

“Richard!” my mother snaps, and my father steps away from Andy.  His lethal glare slices through me as he joins my mother, ready to be at her beck-and-call.  Nothing’s changed there.

My grip eases on Andy’s arm as the door closes behind my parents.

“Holy shit, Saige,” Andy spits out, spinning towards me.  “Your parents win the award for being the biggest dicks, hands down.”

A rueful smile tugs the corners of my lips, and I grimace, my cheek still feeling like a thousand burning pricks.

“Are you okay?” Andy questions, pulling my chin up so he can examine my cheek better in the light. 

Nodding my head, I try to shrug it off.  “It’s nothing. I just need a few minutes in the bathroom to cover this up so Jensen doesn’t see it.”

“Don’t you think you should tell him?” Andy asks incredulously. 

“No!” I cry.  “Really, it’s nothing.  Please, just cover for me a couple of minutes longer.”

Andy shakes his head, “I’m not lying about this, Saige.”

“You don’t have to lie.  Just don’t say anything,” I plead. 

“I’m not,” Andy states, “because you’re going to tell him.”

“Thank you for what you did, acting like you recorded all of that when we both know you were bluffing.  I appreciate you stepping in to help, but the whole point of getting them to leave is so Jensen wouldn’t see them, so Jensen wouldn’t know!”

“So I wouldn’t know what?” Jensen’s voice reverberates through the room, and I spin around, knowing my mother’s fingerprints are still on my face.  “What’s going on?  Are you alright, Saige?”

Nodding my head, I head towards the door, being sure to keep my head down, “Go back out there.  I’ll be there in a minute.”

Jensen’s hand grabs my arm.  The gentleness in his touch brings tears to my eyes, but I blink them away.  “What’s wrong, Saige?”

“Her parents had her cornered and her mother hit her,” Andy states, and I would be furious with him if I didn’t feel the depth of his concern for me. 

“She hit you?” Jensen asks, his words biting with venom before he calms his tone.  “Turn around, Saige.”

Gritting my teeth, I reluctantly obey. 

Comforting warmth spreads against my raw skin as Jensen carefully places his hand against my cheek.  “I’m sorry.”  Jensen’s eyes soften as he brushes his lips against my forehead.  His thumb caresses my cheek.  “Has this happened before?” he asks, his voice pained. 

I want to lie, but I can’t bring myself to say anything.

His eyes close.  When he opens them again, they blaze bright green.  “Has your father ever hit you?”

“It was mostly just my mother.”

“Mostly?” Jensen growls. 

“Once,” I admit.  “He slapped me once, but he never did it again.”

“No, the bastard hired someone else to hurt you.”

Joise pops her head in the doorway, “There’s still a line of people out there waiting to pay their respects.  Is everything alright?”

Jensen pulls me into his arms, whispering, “You’re safe with me.  They’ll never hurt you again, Saige.”

Before I can say anything, he turns around, nodding at Andy as he motions my way, “Take Saige to the cabin.  I’ll be there later.”

I start to protest but Darrin shakes his head from where he stepped behind Josie.  Something about the plea I feel from him stops me.  Humiliated and exhausted, I follow Andy out of the room, wishing none of them knew about what happened with my parents.

  Darrin opens the back passenger door to James’ Highlander for me.  “Don’t worry about anything, Saige,” he smiles.  “You know Jensen can take care of himself.  Rest.  You’ve had an emotional night.”

He laughs at my nose crinkling with his choice of words.  The door shuts and I sink into the soft leather seat next to Andy.  Darrin, Josie, Sam, Axe, Stephen, and James climb inside and crank up the radio.  I try to keep up with the banter playfully flowing between the animated group of friends, but the fatigue is too tempting, and my eyes drift closed. 

“You can get your head off my shoulder before you soak it with your drool, princess,” Andy teases, pushing my head off his arm. 

“We’re already here?” I mumble through my yawn, stretching. 

“You must be a deep sleeper to have made it through this bunch without waking you up,” Axe laughs, taking my hands and pulling me towards him.  “Trust me, your room is going to be much quieter.”

“I’m going to wait on Jensen before going to bed,” I state, immediately feeling the uneasiness simmering around the room, and I look at Andy, frowning, “Where is Jensen?”

“The funeral home,” he answers too quickly, turning his back to me to grab a beer from the fridge. 

“No, he’s not,” I groan.  “Please tell me he didn’t go to my parents.”

Andy throws Axe a beer when he holds his hand up, leaning against the kitchen counter.  Opening the top with his hand, he shrugs and takes a swig from the bottle, “You don’t fuck with a man’s girl.”

“Especially when that man is Jensen and he happens to be crazy in love with you,” Josie chimes in, grabbing a bottle of tequila and pouring a healthy dose into a cup full of ice and margarita mix, then handing it to me.  “Have a drink, honey.  Looks like you could use it.”

I look around the room, my jaw dropping as I’m completely dumbfounded by how they don’t seem to be worrying about what Jensen might do.  I’ve seen him defending me, and I’m worried as hell.  “I have to go stop him,” I rush, placing the drink down and grabbing James’ keys off the counter.

“Whoa,” Stephen holds his hand in front of me, snatching the keys.  “If you want to help Jensen, you’ll stay right here.  He didn’t talk about you much, but it was obvious how he felt with how miserable he looked not having you around.  I’ve seen him take woman after woman to bed -”

“Do you have a point?” I interrupt, throwing my hands up at him at the bit of information he’s dishing out that I never want to hear.

“Sorry – my point is that he had no feelings for them whatsoever.  The past few days, seeing him with you, I’ve seen the side of Jensen that we all knew was there but it hurt him too much to show it.  He’s a guy, we deal with the shit in life with our dicks or our fists.  He couldn’t protect his family.  Let him protect you.”

“My idea of helping Jensen doesn’t involve him possibly landing in jail.  Guys may handle stress with their dicks and fists but women handle it with our heads and hearts, and both of those are telling me that Jensen going to my parent’s house is a seriously bad idea.  Either take me there or give me the keys,” I demand, holding my hand out. “Or, I’m going to prove that girls can use their fists, too.” 

“You better believe her.  Princess has one helluva right hook,” Andy blurts, tipping his beer towards me.  “She busted my jaw, then used that stubborn head of hers to bust my nose.”

Josie and Samantha burst into laughter.  “I knew I liked this girl for a reason,” Josie proclaims, wrapping her arms around me before shoving Stephen.  “Don’t be a prick.  Give her the keys.”

He nods his head towards James, “It’s his vehicle, so that makes it his call.”

Josie smacks him on the back of his head, “Such a cop-out.” 

Darrin takes the keys from James, stepping in front of me.  “What do you think is going to happen when you show up at your parents and they do something to provoke him more?”

“So, just let my father press charges against Jensen if he hits him?”

“I’ve never seen Jensen out of control or not use his head.  He’ll play it smart.  But, if you’re there and your father pulls a dumbass move like he and your mom did earlier, all bets are off.  Stephen’s right.  The best thing you can do for Jensen right now is stay put.”

“I hope to hell you’re right,” I murmur, grabbing the drink Josie made and taking a long swig. 

Jensen

Rain splatters against the windshield as I drive towards the house Saige grew up in.  I know leaving the guests at the visitation with only a vague apology for my impending absence and a quick thank you for their condolences was rude, but I’m not giving a damn about manners right now.  Seether plays on the radio, and I crank it louder as lawns become more groomed and houses become larger and much nicer the closer I get to Saige’s parents.  Money has been a part of Saige’s life since she was born, but she never cared about monetary things.  The one thing she enjoyed from her parent’s wealth was violin lessons.  Her love of music isn’t why they made sure she had lessons; they just wanted to make sure she was cultured so they could keep up their precious image. 

The cobblestone drive to their house is lined with pristine rows on each side with sassafras and redbuds that bloom in the spring and maple trees that give vibrant fall colors.  That’s the only thing I like about this place, the warmth of nature.  Everything else about this house is freakin’ frigid.  Rain drizzles as I step out of the van and knock on their door, bypassing the more socially acceptable way of ringing the doorbell. 

“Jensen!” Mrs. Colewood exclaims when she opens the door, “I’m so sorry to hear about your family.”

“You can save your fabricated respects,” I bark, stepping inside the foyer when Saige’s father appears behind Mrs. Colewood. 

“Excuse me?” she replies, placing her hand against the bottom of her neck, feigning that she doesn’t have a clue of why I’m here.  Well, in all fairness, I guess she doesn’t know the full reason. 

  “Where’s Saige’s violin?” I demand.

  “I realize you have suffered a great loss, son, but you can’t come in here acting like this,” her dick father states calmly, even pulling off a sympathetic fatherly tone.

  “Don’t call me that,” I state, biting back my growl until I can get what I came for.  “Cut the bullshit.  I came for Saige’s violin.  Letting her have that is the least you can do for your daughter after you’ve tried to make her feel invisible for as long as I’ve known her.” 

Not waiting on a response, I turn towards the stairs, taking them three at a time as I make my way to her room.  Opening the door, I almost think I have the wrong room when I see a home gym where Saige’s white poster bed used to be.  The walls are a pale gray instead of the sky blue we painted them one weekend when her parents were out of town.  All the posters of her favorite bands and the collage of pictures she made of us are gone.  I don’t know why I’m surprised.  Why in the hell would they keep her room for her when they’ve tried to erase her from their lives since she was born?

  “You need to leave,” Mr. Colewood orders.

  My fist connects hard against the side of his face, knocking him into the hallway wall.  “You bastard!  Do you have anything of hers left?  Is this another way to hurt her, like berating her and slapping her weren’t enough?” I seethe.  I doubt they even stored any of Saige’s things, but she told me that the violin was her grandfather’s and I’m hoping Mrs. Colewood would’ve kept it since it belonged to her father.

Mr. Colewood pushes himself away from the wall, “I won’t ask you again.  Leave. Now!”

Landing another harsh blow to his jaw, I make damn sure I dislocate it. 

Saige’s mom screams at me, calling me all sorts of filthy names socialites like her shouldn’t even know exist. 

I spin around and my firm frame towers over her, “That one was for you because I’ve never hit a woman.  Even though that’s not a word I would use to describe you after the way you’ve treated Saige.”

Not even flinching, she laughs mockingly, “What do you see in her?  Saige has been nothing but a horrible stigma to this family, ruining everything Richard’s parents and he and I have established here.  She just couldn’t keep her mouth shut about what she can do.” Her scathing glare is meant to reduce me to the trash she thinks I am but it fuels my rage more, knowing she’s directed that look on Saige her entire childhood. 

“Your family is well-known in how you have helped people here, but you’ve used your position to further your careers, only pretending to want what’s best for everyone.  Saige has always been different, not thinking about herself, only in helping others.  That is exactly was she was doing, warning people about deaths that could’ve been prevented.  She was everything you pretended to be.  Trying to stop her was a mistake.”

“I will admit that it was a mistake thinking having a child would be beneficial.  She brought ridicule and shame to us, nothing more.  You would be wise to stay far away from her.  You’ll only end up regretting ever knowing her, just like I do.”

  “Lady, I wouldn’t push me because, right now, you have no idea just how fuckin’ badly I want to see you knocked on your pretentious ass for hurting Saige, and if you ever come near her again, I make no promises that I won’t have one of my female friends do the honors.  You’re lucky Saige didn’t do it herself, but she loves you too much to hurt you.  All I want is the violin.  You can do one decent thing for your daughter and let her have that, and you’ll never see either one of us again.”

Mrs. Colewood turns around, walking down the hall to her room, as Mr. Colewood holds his jaw, taking a few steps away from me when I glare lethally as he gets himself upright.  His mouth is bleeding, and he grunts in pain, but he’s not feeling nearly enough pain for what he has done.  Clinching my fists, I remind myself that Saige wouldn’t want this and control my anger until Saige’s mother returns with the violin case.  I open it, making sure it’s inside, before I go to leave. 

“You have the violin so I’m holding you to your promise,” Mrs. Colewood calls after me, and I spin around.  The eyes that I used to think looked so much like Saige’s turn bitterly arctic, showing the drastic difference between mother and daughter.  “I never want to see that disgrace again,” her soulless voice spews, and I wish to hell she was a man so I could knock the shit out of her.

Forcing myself not to pummel her father some more instead, I take the violin and walk out of that horrid place.  Tears prick the back of my eyes on the drive back to the cabin from feeling more sorrow then I’ve ever felt.  I may not have had an ideal family, but Saige’s is despicable.  She never told me it was anywhere near as bad as what I just witnessed.  I can’t imagine the pain and loneliness she must have felt.  Shifting into park, I sit in the van a few minutes until I can pull myself back from the edge, needing to get rid of all the anger before Saige sees me. 

“It’s about damn time you got here,” Andy snaps as soon as I walk through the door. 

Glancing around the room for Saige, panic begins its sting inside when I don’t see her, “Why?  Where’s Saige?”

“She figured out you didn’t stay at the visitation, but Darrin got her calmed down once she figured out where you were.  Calmer, anyway.  He talked her into taking a hot shower after Josie liquored her up a bit.”

Nodding my appreciation at Darrin, I take the beer from Andy’s hand and drain it, wanting whiskey and bourbon instead for the first time in years.  I beat that desire once and, now, I have a reason to stay strong and away from that shit. 

“What happened?” Darrin asks, eyeing the empty beer bottle in my hand. 

Easing his mind and mine, I throw it in the trash before answering, “Her father will need a pack of ice and have trouble eating for a few days, but that’s all the damage I did.”

“Looks like you’re the one who was damaged,” Darrin tells me in that calm, low tone he gets when he knows I’m holding back.

Chucking my chin in the direction where Andy, James, Stephen, Josie, and Sam are, I grit my teeth, “I know all of you had to deal with a lot of crap growing up with what you can do and from people not understanding your abilities, but your parents are supposed to have your back no matter what.  Saige’s parents sent her away to an institution instead.”

“Maybe they thought she had a mental illness instead of a gift,” Sam offers softly.  She’s had her own experience with counselors before her parents realized she wasn’t crazy.  The difference is that her parents took her to legitimate therapists, not the sadistic bastards Saige endured.

I just shake my head, leaning it against the cabinet as I sink against the counter.

Andy’s own anger riots, “They believed her?  They knew she wasn’t crazy and was telling the truth and sent her there anyway?” 

“They knew.  They just didn’t want other people to know.  Saige predicted her grandfather’s death the night before he died.  She was terrified to go to sleep, begging her parents to take him to a doctor when he was there for a visit.  At that point, they didn’t believe her because it was the first time she sensed death.  She had felt everyone’s feelings since birth, or for as long as she can remember, but she didn’t know how to explain that to them, they just thought she was melodramatic when she reacted to the feelings overwhelming her.  They had no doubts about her abilities when her grandfather died exactly how Saige said he would.  She told them the inside of his head was going to pop.”  Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath, “He had an aneurysm that night in his sleep.  Saige was seen as an embarrassment to their bogus pristine image.  They weren’t trying to help her supposed illness, they just wanted to bully her into shutting up so they didn’t have to cringe when people whispered about her at their pretentious dinners and social parties.”

Darrin slaps me on the shoulder, “Fear.  It’s a powerful bitch.  Even the people who seem perfectly sane can go to insane, psychopathic lengths to protect their sense of self-preservation.  Imagine what the people who were already off their rockers do.”

“I’d rather not,” I groan, rubbing my fingers across my forehead.  “Do we have a better read on Griffin yet?  I’ve got to get Saige out of this town.”

“He’s still all over the place but staying east,” Stephen states. 

“I want to leave tomorrow morning.  We’ll stop back by his home and take one last look.  I know the police followed the lead Dad gave them but they didn’t find anything linking Griffin to any of the bombings.  I have a sinking feeling whatever Dad found was lost with my family.  I’ve combed the debris but can’t find anything.  After Griffin’s, we need to head east.  That way Saige is away from here, and we’re at least somewhat closer to Griffin.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Darrin concurs.  “We’ll come up with a path.  You go take care of yourself and your girl tonight.”

The mirror over the sink is fogged, but I don’t hear the shower running anymore through the crack in the bathroom door inside our room.  Saige comes out in my boxer briefs and her tiny tank top, and my dick springs so fast I think it’s trying to do somersaults.  I will never be the same when I slip on a pair of my underwear after seeing how blazing hot Saige looks right now in them.  I think the boys will never be the same again either knowing her sweet, juicy parts are where they usually hang. 

Brushing her long, wet bangs out of her face, she grins, running to me, “You’re back.”

Her body crashes against mine and I pull her into my arms, burying my head in between her hair and neck.  Home. 

“Is everything okay?” she asks tentatively. 

My shirt dampens from her wet hair, but I pull her closer, not caring one bit.  I inhale her, filling me with her tangy, sweet scent.  God, I love that smell.  “I have a surprise for you,” I tell her, avoiding her question.  Reluctantly, I pull myself out of her arms and grab her violin case from the floor next to the bed. 

Her lips part slightly and a myriad of emotions darken those beautiful eyes. 

I silently berate myself for ever thinking her eyes look like her mothers.  After tonight, I’ll never think that again. 

Slim, trembling fingers brush against the hard leather case.  Her lip begins to quiver and she clamps her teeth down on it.  “How did you get this?” she whispers.

My heart breaks for her all over again as a tear slides down her cheek when she looks up at me. 

“Your mother gave it to me,” I tell her the truth, being careful to not say too much.

Hope brightens her eyes and I gently shake my head, not wanting to hurt her any further with false hope that she can ever have a healthy relationship with her parents.  All light in her eyes vanishes, but she smiles at me.  Despite her pain, she wants to ease mine.  Her parents are insane, there is no other explanation for how they don’t see what a gift she is.  There’s no doubt that I’m the luckiest man because she’s mine. 

“Will you play that composition you wrote?” I ask, grinning.  I could tell she wrote it about me the first time she played it in our field.  She never said she did and I didn’t ask, but the way she looked at me when she played it was proof enough. 

Her smile fades.  “I don’t know if I can play.”

“Why?” Taking her hands and pulling her against me, my thumbs brush the dark, damp hair away from her eyes.

“I haven’t played since that night.” Her words are barely loud enough to hear, but the explanation screams from her eyes. 

Picking Saige up in my arms, I spin her around and toss her on the bed, jumping on after her.  I press my arms against either side of her head and hover over her, smiling down as she giggles. 

“What was that for?” she asks, the light shining brightly in her eyes again. 

“I wanted to hear you laugh.  I fuckin’ love that sound, pretty girl.”  Lowering my lips against her mouth, I claim her, branding her with my tongue, my lips, and my teeth as I graze them softly against her mouth, nipping and lavishing until I’m damn sure all her sadness is gone.  I make her happy.  I make her feel wanted and needed.  I don’t have a clue why she chose me to be the one who has that power over her, but I will be grateful for that blessing as long as I’m breathing.  “You love your violin, and I love watching you while you play.  That night was a mistake.  The biggest one I’ve ever made.  I’ve spent enough time in hell without you.  Please don’t send me there again knowing I took away your passion.”