Final Score: Part One (Game On #5) (11 page)

Freya shot me an understanding smile. “I remember. So… I mean… how do you feel? What’s going to happen?”

Pushing my hands through my hair, I straightened up. “I feel… on edge. Like she’s going to sweep in and take everything from me. My man, my wedding, my life. All of it. I know Radleigh loves me and I know he knows what she’s capable of. But I can’t stop thinking that she’s going to do something to make trouble. I feel like I’m going to lose him.”

The feeling had been pressing at the edges of my consciousness since Jen arrived, and although I’d done my best to focus on what was real, what I knew to be true, that he loved me, I couldn’t stop the fear trickling in.

“Leah, come on,” Freya said gently. “There’s no way.”

“And I would agree with you if it weren’t for the lies. I know it might not seem like much but… the fact he felt like he had to hide this apparently meaningless meeting makes me uncomfortable.”

“I can understand that. But, Leah, this is just… a glitch. This is just him trying to get used to the situation.”

I nodded. “And I know how he is. I know when things are too much for him he shuts down, but he’s been better. Since we got together he’s been nothing but open and upfront. And… if he wasn’t bothered by her reappearance, why did he turn into such an asshole when she first arrived? I get that he was worried about telling me but he was outright nasty some days. The thing I keep coming back to is… if he truly didn’t feel anything for her, would he have reacted so strongly?”

“I wish I could answer that for you, babe. But he’s going to have to figure it out fast. With the wedding coming up…”

I let out a small groan before placing my head in my hands again. “I know. This couldn’t have happened at a worse time. It’s too soon to worry about whether or not we need to cancel or postpone anything, because maybe I’ll be lucky and this will all settle down quickly. But I can’t stop thinking about what will happen if we get to that point. If he chooses her.”

Freya shook her head. “Not gonna happen. At worst, maybe you’ll have to postpone the wedding a little, but it
will
go ahead, Leah.” She sighed. “Of all people, I know how much it sucks when life screws with the plans you made, but you and Radleigh… you’re going to make it. He is not stupid enough to throw everything away for her.”

Before I could answer, I heard my phone beep in my bag. I reached down for it and let out another groan. I’d set up alerts for any time Radleigh’s or my name popped up in the news. It had proved to be pretty useful in telling us stuff about us we never even knew, but the main reason for having it was so we could keep track of what was being said, and whether we needed to get our PR people to clear up any rumours. With everything that had been happening recently, this particular alert made goosebumps pop up on my skin, and I clicked to investigate.

The link led me to a gossip website showing a photo of Jen, Jayden and Harley on Rodeo Drive, along with a story speculating about why she was in L.A, and then a photo of Radleigh going into his parents’ house, with further speculation that maybe there was something wrong between us, and it had to do with Jen. It was a non-story – there was nothing abnormal about Radleigh going to his parents’ house. This was clutching at straws at its best. Well, it would have been if Jen hadn’t just turned our world upside down.

I handed the phone to Freya. “And so it begins.”

Freya’s eyes widened as she read the trashy article, and when she was done, she slid my phone back across the table to me. “These journalists don’t mess around, do they? One sniff of gossip and they’re all over it.”

“Yup. I have a feeling the next few weeks are going to suck.”

Freya stared at me for a moment, lost in thought. Then, out of nowhere, she said, “Go home.”

I blinked. “Excuse me?”

She laughed. “Go home, shower, put on your finest clothes. We’re going out.”

“We are?”

“Yes. I am calling everyone and we are going out for some drinks. You need to take your mind off everything, and since you don’t have Jessica tonight, this is the perfect chance for you to blow off some steam. What do you say?”

Nights out with friends had been rare since Jessica came along. Not completely non-existent, but certainly substantially less than the days before we had responsibilities. And bonus – nobody had work the next day so we could actually stay out late without anyone having to worry about a hangover.

Ooh, hangovers.
I couldn’t remember the last time I’d had one of those.

“I’m in.”

Chapter Ten – Faking Happiness Is Hard Work

Four hours later, I was in one of our favourite clubs with Freya, Miguel, Jesse, Bryce, Bree and Jude. I had to admit, it was a little odd not to have Radleigh by my side, but, in the interests of keeping the lines of communication open, I had called him to let him know I was going out. When I told him who I’d be with, he was fine with it, which pretty much meant that Bryce would be my chaperone for the evening. This wasn’t a trust thing, it was a safety thing. Radleigh much preferred me going out if there was someone around to make sure nothing bad happened to me. His over-protectiveness stemmed partially from the fact that I had the potential to become a target for any of his crazy stalkers. Not that he had millions of them, but since Taylor, he’d always been extra careful. Most of the time, I’d tell him to stop being silly. I never went anywhere alone, and if I wasn’t driving myself, I got cabs everywhere rather than walking alone at night. Still, he was happier knowing Bryce was around.

Being out of the house on a day when real life had threatened to suffocate me was a relief, and I took a sip of the mystery cocktail Freya had handed me. It was red, fruity, and as the liquid trickled down my throat, I felt myself relaxing immediately.

The club we’d chosen was a retro club dedicated to eighties music, something some of us were more familiar with than others. Even Jesse at his young age got a kick out of the place, though. It was vibrant and flamboyant. Cheesy. And the best thing about it was that, while it was usually busy, it wasn’t the kind of club that was renowned for trouble, which made it the ideal club to take Bree without having to worry about her getting bashed around or squashed by strangers. She was only twelve weeks pregnant and barely showing, and already Jude was super paranoid. Thankfully, Bree took his concern a lot better than I had taken Radleigh’s when I was pregnant.

After only a short time, Bree, Freya, Bryce and I hit the dancefloor to bust some moves while the others manned our drinks.

“Feeling better?” Bryce asked me, voice raised so I could hear her over the music as we bopped to Duran Duran.

I nodded. “Much! This was a brilliant idea! Beats sitting at home!”

“Sure does! Sarah’s taken the girls away for the weekend so my only plans were a takeout and a movie.”

Smiling, I said, “Yeah, that was pretty much all I had on the cards too. Well, that and stressing about what will happen tomorrow.”

Bryce shook his head, taking my hand and twirling me around under his arm. “We’re not talking about that tonight. You can worry about tomorrow tomorrow.”

I laughed. “You make it sound so easy.”

His face grew serious for a second, his brown eyes glimmering with understanding before he smiled again. “It’s not easy, but it’s possible. You just have to try.”

“I’m trying. I promise.” I fixed him with an overly fake smile and he began to laugh, twirling me around again.

“I can see that. But smiling that way might lead people to think you’re a serial killer so you might wanna tone it down a little.”

“Sorry.” I chuckled. “Faking happiness is hard work!”

“That it is, but you can do this. Besides, after a few drinks, you won’t need to fake it.”

“Good point. In that case, maybe we should have another!”

The evening in the club with my friends was definitely a wise decision. One of the highlights of the evening included a random guy trying to dance with Bree, only to look totally horrified when he placed his hands on her swollen stomach as he’d approached her from behind. I don’t think I’d ever laughed so hard as he apologised and tripped over his own feet as he tried to get away as if she was diseased.

Bryce accompanied me home in a cab, and as we entered my driveway, the press who still hadn’t left yet got snap happy as they photographed us going inside the house together. No doubt that would make excellent gossip in the papers in the morning.

As was normal custom on arriving home after a night out, I went to the kitchen to make us some coffee, and we stayed up for a while talking. Since it had gotten late, Bryce decided to crash in one of the guest rooms, which again, was pretty normal. However, usually, Radleigh was there too, so I text him to let him know Bryce was staying, just so he didn’t get a surprise later in the day when he was photographed leaving our place early in the morning. Radleigh wouldn’t have thought anything of it, but I needed to make sure I was doing everything I was asking of him. Being honest and open while we were apart.

I lay in bed for a long time, wondering how things would go when Radleigh met Jayden. Would they get along okay? Would Radleigh fall in love with him the way he had instantly fallen in love with Jessica? Would he and Jen talk much? It was impossible to guess, and I really hated the unknown. Hated waiting. More than anything, I wanted it to be over and done with. To fast forward the time so things were okay again, whatever that might mean.

Chapter Eleven – A Picture Speaks A Thousand Words

And there it was. The alert that told me my life had officially changed. It came mid-afternoon on Sunday, long after Bryce had gone home and left me to overthink everything again.

As much as I hated it and wanted to deny it, Jen was now and forever a part of our lives. With a tentative, shaky breath, I clicked to see what the media reported. The photos showed Radleigh sitting opposite Jen, with Jayden beside him and Harley beside Jen. They appeared to be in a café of some kind, not one I recognised. Although the photo had been taken through a window and was a little distorted, I could see Jen had a salad in front of her, and Harley had some kind of baguette, broken up into small pieces. I didn’t bother to read any of what was written in the article, I just scrolled down to see the rest of the pictures. A sharp stabbing pain in my stomach forced me to let out a gasp. The photographer had changed his angle, and the next photo showed Radleigh and Jayden laughing together, a look of absolute love radiating from Radleigh’s eyes, and Jayden staring at him with wide-eyed adoration.

I knew it was coming. I’d been warned. And I always knew that the first time I saw Radleigh with Jayden, it would puncture a hole in my heart because I’d only ever seen that kind of love in his eyes for Jessica. Knowing he now had to share that love would take some getting used to. God, the kid was cute, though. He really didn’t have a shred of Radleigh in his features. He was all Jen. Blonde, big bright blue eyes and the kind of smile that would one day have girls falling at his feet. Okay, maybe there was a
little
trace of Radleigh in him. As much as I didn’t want him to have a child with Jen, though, I was pleased Jayden appeared to have warmed to him so fast. What if I never gave him a son? What if I could only ever give him daughters, and subsequently a house filled with screaming hormones? I wasn’t selfish enough that I didn’t want him to have Jayden in his life, but that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt to know that Jen had given him something I hadn’t. That it was her who had given him the precious boy he’d wanted so badly.

I closed the link, unable to look at it any longer. Didn’t need to. The image was permanently captured in my mind. A surge of energy ran through me, like I couldn’t sit still for another second or I’d lose my mind. I needed to move, to do something to take my mind off things until Radleigh and Jessica came home in a couple of hours. Instead of dwelling on what I’d just seen, I leapt up and ran upstairs to change into my workout gear. What I needed was to pound out a few miles on the treadmill to kill off the restlessness, and as an added bonus, I wouldn’t hear the phone if I was in the gym, especially if I turned up the sound system.

The only thing I kept with me as I began my run was my mobile, because only people I knew would call me on that. The house phone, I knew, would soon be ringing like crazy with people trying to contact me for my feelings on Radleigh and Jayden, and I had nothing to say to them. I’d do what Radleigh told me. Leave it to our team to deal with so we could get on with patching up our lives.

As I jogged, I focused solely on the pounding of my feet and the melody of the music because that was all that mattered. All I wanted to matter while I blocked everything out. I could still feel the ache in my heart as the sweat trickled down my skin but I kept going, pushing harder until it all began to ease.

It was an hour before I finally had to give in and take a shower, and since I wasn’t planning to leave the house, I threw on Radleigh’s enormous hoodie – one I’d stolen from him because it was comfortable, and mainly worn on duvet days. It was long enough that I didn’t need to worry about wearing trousers, and without drying my hair, I padded back down to the gym to pick up my phone. My heart stilled as I found another notification. Drawing in a deep breath, I followed the link. I was expecting to see more of the same photos as I’d seen earlier, but what I got was something that made my whole body turn cold, and my stomach dropped.

Another article, with the headline, “Radleigh McCoy’s Wedding Cancelled As He Reunites With Former Love Jen Winters.” My pulse raced. How had this conclusion been reached, and why the hell was it online? How could anyone possibly have gleaned that kind of information based on seeing him out with her and her children? The words swam in front of me as I scrolled the screen and then… the photo.

Jen had her arms wound around Radleigh’s neck, her lips pressed against his. The photo only showed the top half of them so I couldn’t see where Radleigh’s hands were, but he sure as hell wasn’t using them to push her off. My own hands shook as I stared. This couldn’t be real. Had to be some Photoshop trickery, right? Because after everything he’d said, there was no way he’d have let her get so close.

The photo appeared to have been taken outside a hotel. No sign of the kids, just him and her, right there in the open, where the press would obviously see them since they’d been stalking us both since the day before.

It was as if I’d floated out of my body as I clutched my phone, staring at it as I made my way down the stairs. I had no idea where I was going or what I was doing. My emotions seemed to have shut right down, unable to process what I was still staring at. Jen’s eyes were closed as she kissed my man. My. Man. And he… his eyes were only half open, not wide, horrified, but sort of… accepting.

It made no sense. If he was going to be stupid enough to kiss her, why there, outside where it could be seen? And if she’d thrown herself at him knowing their every move was being captured, why hadn’t he leapt away? He definitely didn’t look upset by the kiss.

I found myself in my living room, and I placed my phone on the coffee table, trying to work out what I was supposed to do. I’d gone into some kind of shock whereby any normal reactions had left me. I should have been angry or upset or… something. All I felt was empty. Vacant.

“Leah.”

I was aware some time had passed since I walked down the stairs, and had been standing completely dazed in the living room for a while before I heard Radleigh’s voice. I’d no idea how long, but when I whirled around to see him standing in the doorway, reality crashed into me like a tidal wave, bringing with it the rage and pain I’d expected to feel on seeing the photo.

His eyes. They were paler than ever, filled with regret. I couldn’t shift my gaze from them for a few minutes as my emotions battled inside me. God damn him. God damn the way he looked at me. God damn the way he looked in his blue jeans and black shirt that was slightly open at the collar. The same shirt he’d been wearing when that bitch had had her hands on him.

“Leah, it’s not-”

I held my hands up. “If you tell me it’s not how it looked, so help me, I will rip your damn head off.”

Radleigh shook his head. “Just let me explain.”

“A picture speaks a thousand words,” I said flatly.

“Yeah, and not a single one of them is true.” Radleigh stepped into the living room but as he approached me, I took a few steps back.

“Don’t. I don’t want you anywhere near me right now.”

“Okay. Then just listen.”

I gave a single nod, trying to keep a grip of the fury that bubbled around my blood stream. I didn’t want to listen. I didn’t want to hear. I just wanted pretend none of this had happened. That she hadn’t bulldozed her way into our lives and thrown everything into disarray. The stupidity of it all. Just days ago we’d stood in this exact same room arguing about Jen, and right when he should have been coming home, we were doing the same thing all over again.

Radleigh’s feet shuffled awkwardly before he began. “
She
kissed
me
. I didn’t even… I didn’t see it coming. She’d been kind of nervous about me meeting Jayden, and when I drove her and the kids back to the hotel, she just… she hugged me. And forgive me, but it had been pretty fucking scary for me too, so yeah, I hugged her back. But then she lunged at me, and she kissed me, and I did push her away, Leah. I know you can’t tell that from the photo, but the press are assholes. Me pushing her away would have made a much less interesting story than the bullshit they actually published.”

“When?” I asked coldly. “When did you push her away? After how long?”

“It was only seconds. The moment I realised what was happening, I shoved her away from me and left. She’s been calling me ever since, but the only thing I’ve done is send her a message to tell her to back off. I haven’t had any other contact with her, and I won’t until everything has been straightened out with you.”

“Straightened out.” I gave a bitter laugh and turned away from him, pushing my hands through my hair. “It’s going to take more than an apology to fix this, Radleigh. The sad thing is, you don’t seem to understand that.”

“Look, I’ve already spoken to Annie and she’s working to get this cleared up, get the photos removed, and get retractions and apologies posted on the websites that published this trash. It’ll all be gone within a few hours.”

“Nothing that’s online ever goes away anymore.” I spun back to face him. “Screenshots of that photo, of you kissing her, it’ll be posted on social media and everyone will see it.”

“So I’ll call everyone who needs to know the truth and tell them. I’ll tell them what happened and it’ll be okay.”

“And the rest of the world?”

He shrugged. “Who cares about them? This is about us. You and me. As long as we know the truth, that’s what matters.”

As I looked at the man who was slowly slipping away from me, I saw regret in his eyes. I saw the love he felt for me, and the fear that he might lose me. Might lose everything. And I saw it because it was reflected in my own eyes. His every fear was mine too.

But his fears weren’t exactly the same as mine. Not really. Seeing his love for me was the very thing that made every part of me hurt. Because it wasn’t enough. It wasn’t enough for him to be honest with me or himself. I was fully aware I’d been riddled with paranoia, and that maybe I was seeing things that weren’t really there, but deep down in the very core of me, I knew. He might not have invited that kiss, and he never would have made a move on her, but buried somewhere inside him was the question of how things might have been between them.

Radleigh’s eyes met mine, and it was as if he’d heard every thought inside my head. “Don’t ask me to leave. Please.”

“I’m not going to ask you to leave. I’m going to ask you to tell me what you want. And if you don’t know, then you should go until you do know.”

“I want you, Leah.”

“And yet you still let her kiss you.”

“I didn’t let her. She kissed me and I stopped her.”

“Radleigh, let me ask you this. You met her at noon, right? Went out and had lunch then drove her back to the hotel.” He nodded. “So, you got to the hotel at say, two o’clock, maybe a little later?” He nodded again. “It’s four thirty now.”

“What’s your point?”

“I called you last night to tell you I was going out. And I text you last night to tell you Bryce was staying here, so that when the newspapers made a big deal out of it, you wouldn’t be surprised. And I did that even though both of us know perfectly well that nothing would ever have happened between me and Bryce. But you? You have hidden things from me over and over. And this? If this was really nothing? You would have warned me. You
should
have warned me. Instead, you let me find out in the worst way possible, but my guess is that you were hoping I wouldn’t find out at all. That nobody saw anything, and that you could hide it from me.”

“I would have told you.”

“Well, you’ll have to forgive me for not believing you based on your recent track record for honesty.”

Radleigh sped across the room and grabbed me by the shoulders, forcing me to look at him. “You’re not doing this. You’re not going to throw away everything we have over something that didn’t mean anything.”

I shook my head as his blazing eyes burned in to mine. “I’m not. That’s not what I’m doing. I love you, Radleigh. But right now, I don’t trust you. And if I pretend that’s okay with me, it’s going to eat away at me, and we’re going to fight, and I’m going to drive you right back to her.”

“Don’t you get it?” He shook me, not too forcefully, but enough to make his point. “I am never going back to her. I don’t want her. I don’t care about her.”

Closing my eyes, I sighed before slowly opening them again and looking up at him. “If you can tell me there wasn’t even a small part of you that was curious, that didn’t remember how you felt about her and that you didn’t want to kiss her back, if only for a second, I’ll stop talking, you can go get Jessica, and we’ll live happily ever after.”

Radleigh stared at me for a moment before dropping his gaze to his feet. It wasn’t a surprise, but my breath seemed to catch and I pushed his hands away and stepped back as the emotion I’d been missing came at me in another overpowering wave.

“Leah, I didn’t... it was…” I didn’t need to look at him to know he felt everything I felt. It was clear in the huskiness of his voice, and the slight tremor to his words.

“You need more time,” I whispered. “You need to figure out how you feel.”

“I love you.”

I nodded, trying to swallow the lump in my throat but the tears came anyway, uninvited. “And I love you. But you can’t-” I paused, choking on my words. “You can’t use me to hide away from whatever unresolved feelings you have for her. You have to deal with them.”