Final Score: Part One (Game On #5) (12 page)

Radleigh’s jaw clenched and he shook his head. “I don’t want to go.”

The look of absolute despair on his face caused my heart to split in two, and I was so close to changing my mind, to telling him to stay. But what good would it do? He’d lied to me. Hidden things from me that he knew would hurt me. Even if he thought it was harmless, how could it be? Even if he really didn’t feel anything for her, keeping secrets from me had damaged our relationship. Made me question us. And as much as I wanted him to stay – because what the hell did I know? – maybe taking time apart would push him back to her as much as my paranoia would have. I had to let him go. To let him work through whatever was happening inside his head.

“You have to,” I said softly. “You have to.”

Radleigh moved towards me again and placed his hands on my face before burying them deep in my hair, his eyes burning through me, then placed his forehead against mine. “When I left on Friday, I promised you I’d be back. And I’m promising you the same thing right now. I’m coming home again, Leah. I’ll go if that’s what you want, and I’ll do what you asked. But as soon you believe that I don’t want anyone else, I’m coming home. And I’m never leaving again.”

I nodded as tears blazed a hot trail down my cheeks. “Okay. Okay.”

He lifted my chin with his finger and pressed his lips to mine, salty tears dropping onto my tongue as he deepened the kiss, reminding me in the best, most honest way how things were supposed to be. My arms wrapped around his waist and I clung to him as his mouth moved across my cheek and he whispered in my ear, “I love you.”

His words weakened my resolve further, but I swallowed back the words that tried to crawl out of my throat and through my lips.
Stay
. What’s that saying? If you love someone, let them go? I always thought that was a crock of shit. If you love someone, fight to keep them. Do everything you can to make them stay. Yet in that moment, I’d never understood the saying more clearly. Perhaps my thoughts were misguided, messed up, downright wrong. But the only way I
could
fight for him was by letting him have some space. If I kept him close, questioned his every move, that wasn’t winning. Not to me.

Chapter Twelve – Unbroken and Unbattered

The night Radleigh left ranked right up there with the worst nights of my life. Worse than when I’d left America after he’d broken my heart. Worse than waking up with an overwhelming sense of loss. Before, I’d lost the hope that I’d get the man I wanted. Now? I’d lost the reality of
having
the man I’d wanted. And I’d been the one to cut the strings and let him loose. I played recent events over and over in my mind, and no matter which way I looked at it, I knew I’d made the right decision. This wasn’t a path I could have taken years ago. Not even when I’d first met him. In fact, if Jen had been around when I was first trying to get with Radleigh, I’d probably have been as underhanded as she was. Back then, though, Radleigh was all I had to lose. Now my whole life was tied to him. And crazy it seemed to let him go his own way in order to have a chance at saving our relationship, to me, it was the only way. Knowing I’d made the wise, mature decision didn’t provide me with any comfort. My insides were hollow and a constant ache hummed where my heart should have been.

The heart I’d given him, and hoped he’d keep safe.

All I really had left while he’d gone was the hope he’d keep on keeping it safe. That it would remain unbroken and unbattered until he returned. Until he chose me.

The last thing I felt like doing on Monday morning was have Bree give me a make-up trial for a wedding I wasn’t sure would happen, but she insisted we carry on as if nothing had changed. Since the wedding hadn’t – yet – been cancelled, she said I still needed to be prepared. We were still many months away from actually needing to go through this part of wedding prep, but since she had the day off, and neither of us had anything better to do, I agreed.

Before heading to her place, I took Jessica over to Mitch and Deanna’s as they’d agreed to watch her while Bree made me look pretty. As I knocked at their front door, the cold weight in the pit of my stomach felt heavier. Not just because I’d asked them to babysit again – although I was starting to feel bad about the amount of times I’d left Jessica with them recently. But because I hadn’t spoken to them since Radleigh left the night before, and we hadn’t discussed Jayden and Jen at all. It couldn’t be anything other than awkward, and instead of running from it, I’d left for their house earlier than I needed to, just in case they wanted to talk about anything – not to mention having to battle through the press who still lurked by their gates. It took all of my strength not to speed up and run over the nosy bastards.

Mitch was the one to open the door, and as his eyes fell on me, the façade I’d spent so long building up before I left the house was stripped away from me. He opened the door wider and I carried Jessica inside, and the moment the door was closed, the tears spilled over and he wrapped us up in his arms.

“It’s okay, sweetheart,” he said, softly. “It’s okay.”

“I’m sorry, Mitch,” I sniffled. “I’m sorry.”

“You’ve got nothing to apologise for, honey.” Mitch released me, and took Jessica from me as she was reaching out for her grandpa. She snuggled in to his shoulder, and I couldn’t help wondering if she loved him so much because he was so like Radleigh. Although Mitch no longer had the same muscle tone as his son, he was tall and well built, and their faces were pretty similar too. I reached over and gently stroked her cheek, and she smiled at me in that way that made my heart melt.

“Leah.” Deanna’s footsteps hurried down the stairs, and I turned to her. She wasn’t her usual put together self; her hair was not in its usual perfect bun, but hastily shoved in a knot at the back of her head. She hadn’t bothered with make-up, and although her clothes were as immaculate as ever, it was obvious she wasn’t entirely in the mood for making an effort.

“Morning, Dee.” I wiped at my eyes a she came towards me and wrapped me in another hug.

“How are you doing?” she asked.

Big question.

“I’m… surviving.” I shrugged, trying to keep the rest of the tears down. I loved Mitch and Deanna so much, and it was the horrifying thought I might lose them too that had caused me to break down. That and the fear that they might blame me for the mess I was in now. “I’m so sorry about everything that’s happened. I just… I hope you know that being apart from Radleigh was never what I wanted. It’s just something we need to do right now.”

Deanna gave me a small, understanding smile. “I understand. We both do. And we want you to know that whatever happens, we’re here for you and we love you.
If
Radleigh is dumb enough to throw away what he has with you… you’re still part of our family, Leah. Nothing will change that.”

A sigh of relief left my body. I should have known that would be their response to everything that was happening, but Radleigh was their son, and when it came down to it, they didn’t have to keep me in their lives. Sure, they’d see me occasionally because of Jessica, but it didn’t have to go any further than fleeting meetings here and there.

“I appreciate that,” I told them. “I don’t know how this will end, but I’d hate to lose you both.”

“Not gonna happen,” Mitch said, and I turned to him. “We don’t want that woman in Radleigh’s life on a permanent basis. We never liked her, and we ain’t gonna start liking her now. Seems to me she’s just the same as she always was. And if he is stupid enough to decide he wants to be with her…” He sighed and shook his head. “We think the world of you, sweetheart. She won’t get in the way of that.”

It was oddly comforting to hear first-hand how Mitch and Deanna felt about Jen. Nothing they said would make any difference to the way Radleigh felt about her, but knowing they were rooting for us helped lighten the tension I’d carried around.

Forcing a smile, I said, “It’s not all bad. You have a grandson now.”

Deanna nodded slowly. “Yes. And awful as it might sound, I really wish we didn’t. It’s not the boy’s fault, but that conniving witch will use him to get whatever it is she wants.”

“Have you met him yet?” Might have seemed like a silly question since Radleigh had only met him the day before, but with the rush Jen seemed to be in to introduce him to everyone, it wouldn’t have surprised me if she’d taken him over for breakfast.

“Not yet,” Mitch said. “We haven’t made any arrangements for that yet. I think we all need a little more time to get used to the idea.”

“That’s for sure.” I sighed again. “It’s all moving so fast.”

“That’s Jen for you,” Deanna said bitterly. “She doesn’t waste any time in making her presence felt. She breezed back to L.A…. what? A week ago? Two weeks tops, and we only found out a couple of days ago, yet already it feels like she’s been here forever.”

I couldn’t speak for them, but Jen’s ghost had been a reality for me for as long as I’d known Radleigh. Not that I was ever truly worried she might return, just that there were little things that happened between Radleigh and me that reminded me he still wore the scars she gave him. No different to any other relationship, really – I sure as hell had my own – but Jen was like this larger than life image I held in my head that I sometimes felt I’d never be able to compete with. Those thoughts never stayed for long; most of the time they never even occurred to me. But they had lurked in my sub-conscious. Seeing her in the flesh had only made those fears come to life.

“Tell me about it.” I took Jessica’s bag off my shoulder and handed it to Deanna. “Something tells me she isn’t going to make this easy on anyone. I intend to avoid her as much as I can.”

“Radleigh mentioned something about you meeting Jayden sometime. How do you feel about that?”

“I think that’s a question to ask in a few weeks.” A familiar twinge pulled at my insides. Who knew where Radleigh and I would be in a few weeks? He might have chosen Jen by then and there would be little need for any kind of formal introduction to Jayden. “Besides, Radleigh needs to spend more time with him first. This whole thing has to be confusing for Jayden. He’s been whipped away from the man he thought was his father, and suddenly he has a new one. He doesn’t need to add anyone else to the mix right now. So… yes. I would like to meet him, but it’s a bridge to cross when things have settled down.”

Deanna placed Jessica’s bag on the floor and gave me another hug, understanding what I meant without me having to say it out loud, and I clung to her for a moment, hoping to convey just how much I loved her.

“This is going to be okay, you know?” she said as she released me. “I did not raise the kind of man who walks out on his family.”

“Even if he’s walking into another one? One that is his too?”

“Jen isn’t his family, honey. She’s the woman who had his child and then lied about it for five years. But you? You’re home to him. Everything you’ve built together… that’s real. And he’ll see it eventually. I know he will.”

I only wished I shared her faith in our future. Because as I stood there in Mitch and Deanna’s entrance hall, what I felt was the slow crumbling of the life I thought I had with Radleigh.

“I should go,” I said, desperate for a change of subject and scenery. “I don’t want to be late for Bree.”

With an understanding nod, Deanna said, “Sure. You go have fun. We’ll be home all day so take as long as you need.”

“Thank you.” I smiled then turned towards Mitch and Jessica. Taking her hand, I leaned forward and kissed her on the cheek. “Be a good girl for Nanna and Grandad, okay?” She smiled at me and I sighed, reluctant as ever to leave her behind.

“Go,” Mitch said with a laugh. “Go relax and forget about everything for a few hours.”

Chuckling, I said, “Okay. Thanks. I’ll see you later.”

**

“I have two rules for today,” Bree said as I sat in front of her in what had now been designated her make-up room. It used to be a bedroom, but since she had taken her new career so seriously, Jude had had the room fitted with an enormous window to let as much natural light in as possible, plus expensive lighting just in case she was working on a dark day or in the evening. A huge mirror took up most of one wall, and the opposite wall had been fitted with shelving to house all of Bree’s supplies. In the centre of the room was a work station with chairs around it, and that was where I sat, waiting for her to work her magic.

“Okay,” I said. “What are the rules?”

She pushed her red hair behind her ears and focused her eyes on mine. “One - we don’t talk about anything that might be upsetting or stressful. And two – you have to be totally open-minded about this. I’m not planning to make you look like a clown, but if I use a little more make-up than you’re used to, just go with it. Trust me. How does that sound?”

Her infectious smile did its job and I laughed. “Perfect.” The last thing I wanted to think or talk about was the situation with Radleigh. Just for one day, I needed some breathing room. Obviously, it played on my mind that the reason for this little make-up session might be cruelly snatched away from me, but it hadn’t been yet, and I needed to keep going as if nothing had changed.

“Cool.”

Bree had already laid out more make-up than I had ever seen anywhere in my life, and as she looked over it all, I laughed again. “You’re not planning on using all of this though, right?”

“No. But I will be trying a lot of it out on you.”

I raised my eyebrows. “Okay. Well, off you go then!”

Bree rubbed her hands together with glee then handed me a primer. She’d already made me remove the minimal make-up I’d had on. “This stuff costs a freaking fortune, but it’s better than Photoshop for blurring out flaws. Not that you actually have any.”

I began rubbing the primer into my face. “It feels really good. I might need to invest in some of this myself.”

Bree hopped up from her seat and wandered around the work station to one of the drawers set into the shelving. She pulled out another tube of primer and placed it beside me before sitting down again. “Have this one. It’s my new best friend, Leah. I swear to God, I don’t know how I’ve lived without it all my life.”

“Thank you. I’ll pay you when we’re done.”

She waved her hand in a dismissive gesture. “Please, just take it. I got a bunch of freebies from work.”

I paused rubbing the primer into my cheeks and smiled at Bree. She had always been the ray of sunshine in my life, but her new job and new pregnancy had her glowing in a way I’d never seen before. Everything about her beamed happiness and I couldn’t help but be warmed by it. She deserved every moment of this newfound joy.

“What?” Bree shifted her eyes from side to side. “What are you looking at?”

“You!” I laughed. “You just… you seem so happy right now. I know you had a rough year, but since you took this job you’ve just seemed more and more…”

“Settled?” I nodded, and she smiled. “That’s how I feel. It’s like I went through my whole life with Jude being viewed as some gold-digging ditz. And until you came to L.A, hardly anyone gave me the time of day. And even then, something was always missing.” She shrugged in a self-deprecating way. “I’ve still got a lot to learn about what I do but I feel calmer now. Like I don’t have anything to prove to anyone, and there’s a whole world of options for me. I love the job I have now, but people are already recommending me for new positions and while I don’t want to make any moves just yet, not until after the baby’s born, I love knowing there’s a whole lot more for me to achieve.”