Final Score: Part One (Game On #5) (16 page)

“Do you want me to get you anything? Tea? Coffee? Wine?”

I laughed. “A bottle of red would be great but I try not to drink at home, especially when there’s nobody else here. I know Jessica’s fine, but I never drink more than a glass just in case anything happens suddenly and I need to drive. I’m sure it sounds stupid but-”

“It’s not stupid. It’s responsible. I wish Sarah had the same beliefs as you.”

His voice had turned bitter and I looked up at him. “She’s a drinker?”

He nodded. “Not all the time. Mostly on Friday and Saturday nights according to Peyton. It makes me uncomfortable because on the weekends she has the kids, it’s usually because I’m not around. And if she’s at home alone, it’s because her boyfriend is working.”

“Have you talked to her about it?”

“I don’t know how to without her getting upset with Peyton for telling me.”

“But if she mentioned it, it must be more than just a couple of drinks. Want me to kick her ass?”

Bryce chuckled. “I’ll keep that offer in mind.”

I’d only met Sarah a handful of times, and she was decidedly unpleasant on every occasion. She seemed to lack any kind of pleasantness and I’d never worked out what Bryce saw in her. She was reasonably cute, I suppose, but her personality was seriously lacking.

“Do you want me to stay?” Bryce asked, and I sighed.

“Nah, I’m okay. It’s not worth you staying just so I can drown out my misery in a bottle of wine. But thanks.”

He caught my eye and said, “That’s not the only reason, Leah. Seems like you’re too wound up to sleep yet. If you need someone to talk to, I’m here.”

After a moment, I smiled up at my friend. “You know what? That sounds good. Let me go check on Jessica, and then… we’ll talk the night away.”

Within twenty minutes, Bryce and I had settled down in the living room, both of us lounging on separate sofas, the music channel playing on the TV in the background. I’d decided against alcohol and gone for a hot chocolate, while Bryce had a coffee. Weirdly, it was the most relaxed I’d felt in a while. There’s something about late nights after a rough day that feel sort of… poignant somehow. Like you know the worst of the day is over, and you can relax, if only for a little while. My mind was still firmly on Bree, and I hated the image I had of her when we first walked into her hospital room. It was almost chilling to see the woman who was always so full of sunshine suddenly hidden away behind a dark cloud of hurt. She’d finally let Jude in when we left, and I knew she would be okay with him there, but her miscarriage was going to leave a very prominent scar, and very likely mar her enthusiasm for trying for another baby.

“Sarah and I lost a baby once,” Bryce said, as if he’d heard my thoughts.

I shifted my eyes to his. “What? When?”

“In between Peyton and Ava. It happened five months into the pregnancy. Sarah handled it better than I did. I was devastated. Sarah was upset, but she accepted it as this unfortunate thing that happened, and that she’d get over. And maybe that’s a good thing. But at five months pregnant, I thought the dangerous time was over. It hit me like a truck, because I was already imagining life with two children, and how much fun it would be to see them playing together, growing up together.”

“I’m sorry.”

Bryce shrugged. “It was a long time ago. But I’ve never forgotten how I felt when I found out the baby was gone.”

“Have you spoken to Jude much yet?”

“Yeah. I called him while you and Freya were with Bree. He’s crushed.”

I nodded. “He sure is. One thing I love about Bree and Jude, though, is that they can get through anything. Of all the couples we know, I think they’re the strongest.”

Bryce’s eyes dimmed for a second. “I always pegged you and Radleigh as the strongest.”

Funny. Once, I would have agreed. He and I had well and truly tested each other’s boundaries before we got together, and we’d built a solid foundation out of something that used to be so precarious. What were we now? Two people who didn’t recognise each other anymore. Or at least, I didn’t recognise him anymore. Not the way I used to.

“I miss him, Bryce.”

“So ask him to come back.”

I shook my head. “I can’t. The truth is, this is his house. If he really wanted to be here, he would be. How could I stop him? He knows he needs this time to think and that he’ll do that more clearly if he’s not here. We can’t be the way we were until he sorts out his feelings.”

“He doesn’t love her, Leah. He doesn’t want her.”

“Did he tell you that?”

“He told me he loves you.”

“That doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel something for her.”

“He does feel something for her, but that something isn’t threatening to your relationship. I will always love Sarah for the relationship we had, and for the fact that she’s the mother of my children. But am I in love with her? Do I wish we were still together? Hell no.”

I took a sip of my hot chocolate. “It’s not the same, though. You can love Sarah that way because your relationship used to be good. And because you raised your children together. From everything Radeigh has told me, his relationship with Jen was good for about six months at the most. And Jayden was nothing to him until recently.”

“I guess it’s hard to explain to a woman, and I don’t mean that in a sexist way, I just mean that there’s no way a woman will ever have a surprise child sprung on them. But you know how much you love Jessica. There’s a connection. When you know a child is yours, even if you don’t know them well yet, the connection still exists. And that brings an automatic connection with Jen. As much as it sucks.”

With a sigh, I said, “I know. Logically, I get it. But I still can’t get over the way she treated him. How can he be okay with it just because they have a child together?”

“He’s not okay with it. He’s just… trying to get used to things.”

I fixed my eyes on him. “How much is he telling you? I’m not asking you to tell me what he’s said because if you went back to him and told him what
I
said, I’d be pissed off. But… is he talking to you?”

He nodded. “A little. He’s finding it hard to be away from you, and you know how he is. He doesn’t like feeling rejected, and if he does, he’ll find a different way to make himself feel better.”

I haven’t rejected him. This evening kind of proved that.

“Is this a sex thing?” I asked. “Does he just want to screw her? She’s a bitch, but she’s hot.”

Bryce laughed. “Don’t say that in front of Radleigh, he’ll try to organise a threesome.”

I tried to glare at him, but even though it wasn’t really funny, I couldn’t stop myself laughing too. “I’d rather be celibate for the rest of my life than have her anywhere near me.” The smirk on Bryce’s face told me he was enjoying the mental picture of me with Jen and I pulled the cushion from behind my back and threw it at him. “Pervert.”

Still laughing as he tossed the cushion back, he said, “Sorry. Seriously, though, I don’t know what he wants from her, or if he wants anything.”

“I asked him today if I could take Jessica to the UK for a while, to get a break from all this. He won’t let me, though.”

Bryce tilted his head to the side. “That’s not such a bad idea. For you. But could you really leave the country knowing Jen’s trying to get her claws into him?”

“She’s doing that whether I’m here or not.”

“But if you’re here, you can keep on reminding him where he’s supposed to be.”

“If he needs reminding, what’s the point?” That had been my position all along. If he really loved me, why would it matter where I was? After I left America and went back to England, I missed him every damn day. Loved him every damn day. And back then, although I didn’t know it, he felt the same. My feelings for him had only grown with every day I spent with him, but for him? Now he needed me to be there to stop him falling for Jen again?

Closing my eyes, I leaned my head back against the top of the sofa as the ache came back again. The fear too. I didn’t want to lose Radleigh, and I didn’t want to be a single mum. Where the hell would I end up? I could never go home again – ever. Or at least not until Jessica was old enough to make up her own mind about where she wanted to be. I’d be forced to stay in Los Angeles, or at least close by, while Radleigh and Jen became the golden couple once again, parading their children around. And me? I’d probably be photographed looking bedraggled and stressed because I couldn’t afford a babysitter, and the only time I got to myself would be weekends, which I’d spend drinking myself into oblivion and crying myself to sleep.

Okay, perhaps that was a little dramatic. But the fact remained, if Radleigh left me, I’d need huge amounts of help to get me back on my feet, and I could probably kiss my job offer goodbye. Richard was hardly going to want a bickering former couple interrupting the team.

“He’s just a little lost,” Bryce said, quietly. “He wouldn’t be so dumb as to give up everything he has with you. And if he does? He’s a fucking fool.”

Chapter Fifteen – It Might Always Be A Soap Opera

In the morning, I woke up on the sofa to find Bryce still asleep on his. We must have fallen asleep talking. It was early, but I knew Jessica would be awake soon, so I pulled myself up and started my usual morning routine.

By nine o’clock, all three of us were ready to start the day, and Bryce headed to work leaving Jessica and me alone again. The first thing I did was call Bree to check on her. She still sounded distant, but her tone was a little lighter, thanks to her spending most of the night talking to Jude. She was headed home later that morning and intended to sleep the day away, so I promised to visit her in a couple of days when she’d had some rest.

Jessica and I spent a quiet morning at home, playing together. Sometimes being in the house made me stir crazy, but with everything that had been going on, a morning of simplicity and quality time with my girl made more sense to me than anything else.

However, I did want to brave going to the Warriors training ground at lunchtime. It was the only time I’d be able to see Richard, and I needed to talk to him about that job offer, and catch him up on the situation with Radleigh and me. I was no longer sure whether Radleigh still ate lunch in the training ground restaurant or if he now did stuff with Jen instead, but as I walked into the restaurant, I didn’t care whether he was there or not. I wasn’t ready to forgive him for the way he’d acted towards me the day before, and even though I was a willing participant in the angry sex, it wasn’t the kind of angry sex I wanted to repeat. It was cold and detached and I hated that I’d let it happen.

He wasn’t there, and a sigh of relief left me. I found Richard sitting with Freya, and as they spotted me walking towards them with Jessica in my arms, they smiled and chorused hellos. I sat down with them, and right away, Jessica wanted to go to Richard. Luckily he’d already finished his lunch so I handed her over.

“What are you doing here?” he asked, sitting Jessica in his lap. “We weren’t expecting you today.”

“I wanted to talk to you about… everything. But also, I just kinda wanted to be here amongst friends and try to feel some normality.”

Freya squeezed my hand. “We get it. Do you want something to eat?”

“Yeah, actually, I could totally go for a tuna salad.”

She laughed. “I’ll go order it for you, stay there.”

“Thanks.”

Already I felt better and some of my tension over potentially bumping into Radleigh eased.

“So, what’s going on?” Richard asked. “Would you prefer to talk in the office, or…?”

“I’m good here. I have no problem with Freya hearing anything I have to say. Saves me saying it twice.”

Richard shook his head. “I can’t keep up with all the rumours, Leah. What’s really happening with you and Radleigh?”

I glanced down at the table, wishing there was something for me to fiddle around with while I talked, but there would be nothing until Freya came back with a knife and fork.

“We’re in a mess.” I sighed. “Probably the biggest mess we’ve ever been in. So we’re taking some time apart so he can get used to having a new son, and so he can figure out why he keeps lying to me about being with Jen.”

“
Is
he
with
her?”

“I don’t think so. I don’t think he knows where he wants to be, and until he does, I don’t want him with me. I can’t handle him only being half there.”

Richard nodded slowly. “The photos in the papers…”

“He says they mean nothing. That she threw herself at him for the kiss, and that the hand-holding was just a fleeting moment. I want to believe him. But he’s kept things from me and that doesn’t make me too confident that we have a future.”

The words hurt my mouth as they came out, like they were made of poison that threatened to kill me from the inside. The thought of him not being my future made my stomach knot. The crippling uncertainty was getting harder with each passing day but I forced a smile. “I don’t know where we’ll be in a few weeks from now, let alone a year.”

Again, Richard nodded. “I still want you back on the team.”

I snorted out a laugh. “Sure you do. Because you’re a big fan of soap operas, right? That’s what you called my relationship with Radleigh before, wasn’t it?”

He gave a small grin. “It
was
a soap opera. It might always be a soap opera. But I want you back.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re great at your job. Because although you’ve been happy since you left, that little glint in your eyes you used to have when you walked in here every day is missing. I know we talked about this already, but I think having a job again would be so good for you.”

“I haven’t changed my mind, Richard. I’d still like to come back. But if Radleigh and I don’t get through this, I think it would be a mistake to have us both here.”

He reached over and touched my hand. “Can you do one thing for me? Before your food gets here, go downstairs to your old office. Just stand there for a few minutes. If you can tell me you feel nothing, I’ll give up. I don’t think that’ll happen, though.”

I rolled my eyes but stood up to do as he asked. I didn’t need to. I already knew how I’d feel because I felt it every time I walked by my former work space. It felt like home. As I walked down the stairs I pondered the mechanics of working there if Radleigh and I split. Perhaps I should have been able to separate the two things, but the truth was, it was impossible because all of my early time in L.A had been about both. Westberg and Radleigh. There was no breaking them apart.

Reaching the bottom of the staircase, I stopped dead as I saw Jen standing exactly where I was headed. Outside my former office. Radleigh was nowhere in sight though, and I was about to turn and go back up the stairs when she spotted me.

“Leah. Are you looking for Radleigh?”

“No. No, I was looking for… something else.”

She walked towards me, her heels clacking against the stone floor. “We just had lunch together, but he left his phone in the diner. He’ll be here soon.”

I nodded, not wanting to give anything away if I could help it. God, she looked smug. The glimmer in her eyes told me she enjoyed telling me she’d been with Radleigh, and that she was now the one who knew where he was and when.

“Well, I’m going to go back up and have lunch,” I said, forcing a smile. “I’m sure I’ll see you again soon.”

“Oh, no doubt.” I turned away and she added, “I was sorry to hear about Bree. So sad to lose a baby.”

Glancing back at her over my shoulder, I said, “I’ll pass along your condolences.”

“Please do. But, you know, on the bright side, at least she’ll have her figure back in time to fit in her dress for your… oh.”

I turned on her so fast, everything blurred around me. The only thing I could see was the smug grin playing on her lips as she uttered her nasty words. She was almost a foot taller than me but I had her pinned against the wall in seconds, and she gasped at my speed. She had severely underestimated the strength I developed when someone made a slight against my friends, and when she’d hinted my wedding might not happen? Oh, hell no. She’d awoken a side of me I kept buried deep.

“Listen to me, you two faced tramp. You might be able to fool Radleigh into thinking you’ve changed, but it doesn’t wash with me. I see through you. I see who you are. You know why? Because I used to be devious when I wanted something badly enough. But I grew up. I learned that lying and scheming my way into someone’s life is a one way ticket to disaster. It’s not real. So, you keep on playing your games, but don’t expect it to end with a happily ever after. One day, he’ll see what he knew all along. You’re just a soulless bitch hiding behind expensive clothes and make-up.”

She smiled. “You keep telling yourself that, sweetheart. Truth is, without Radleigh, you’re nothing. You were nothing before him and you’ll be nothing when he leaves you. And you’ll have no choice but to stay in L.A and watch while your daughter becomes a part of
my
family. She’s going to love me, Leah. Because I’ll be the one she has fun with, and you’ll be the one making the rules. The one she fights with and comes to me to complain about.”

The sting from her comments pulsated through my body but I held firm. “Don’t count on it. I’ll make sure my daughter knows who you are. And if Radleigh is weak enough to fall for your lies, he’s not the kind of man I want in my life. Perfect for you, though. You don’t want a partnership, you want a guy you can walk all over.”

“I want what’s mine.”

“Radleigh hasn’t been yours for years because you couldn’t keep your knickers on.”

“I made a mistake.”

“Don’t you get it?” I laughed. “You can’t win here and you know it. If he chooses me, you lose. If he chooses you, you get a man who would leave his family behind if someone else came along. Big achievement, huh?”

Jen shoved me back, scowling, and I stumbled a little before regaining my balance. “You know what sucks for you? As much as you see me, I see you too. I’m not fooled by this little act. You’re scared. And you should be. You pushed him away and he won’t come back. I know him. I know how he thinks and I’m right there picking up the pieces you broke him in to when you told him to leave.”

The restraint it took not to fly at her and scratch her eyes out was incredible. My feet itched to run at her and my fists wanted to pummel her into the ground, but that wasn’t my style, although she had managed to dig up some psychotic tendencies from inside me I didn’t know I had. She was probably the only other person in the world who
did
know him. He’d changed a lot since she was with him, but she still knew him in ways most people didn’t. She was the only other person he’d been completely open with. Too much time spent with her and he could easily bury everything she put him through before. It could be a fresh start. New family. New beginning. Everything she said had the potential to turn into the truth.

“One day, Jen, the things you’ve done to hurt others will come back to haunt you. And I’ll be sitting back with a box of popcorn, watching as life knocks you on your ass.”

**

My little exchange with Jen stayed with me long after I should have forgotten it. I might have sounded confident but she was right. I
was
scared. And since Radleigh and I were no longer on speaking terms – aside from texts about when he could see Jessica – I grew more and more concerned her prediction would prove true. Any time we saw each other, the atmosphere was awkward. Since the angry sex incident, both of our barriers had gone up. I needed to block him out a little more to prevent anything like that happening again, and he seemed to have done the same. The communication I’d tried so hard to keep open had been cut off, and I didn’t know how I was supposed to get it back. Or if it was worth trying when I was the only one doing the work.

But wasn’t this what I’d wanted? What I’d asked for? The conflict between my head telling me I’d done the right thing and my heart telling me to ask him to come home gave me an almost permanent headache along with the never-ending ache in my chest and my gut.

My whole world felt like it was spinning off its axis, and while internally I frantically tried to figure out how to regain some balance, on the outside, I had no choice but to remain calm. Had to pretend I was taking this in my stride, and that it didn’t matter that every day Jen was working her way further into Radleigh’s life. And not just
his
life. Her presence at Mitch and Deanna’s place had become more regular, too. It was to be expected, and from what I could tell, neither of them were too happy about it, but that was where Radleigh lived. Mitch and Deanna had warmed to Jayden quickly, though. By all accounts he was nothing like Jen. He was polite and well-behaved, and he loved his new grandma and grandpa.

I wanted to meet him. This little boy who was a part of the man I loved. It wasn’t the right time. If such a time even existed. Maybe I’d never need to meet him. At least not in an official kind of way. Perhaps all I’d ever be to him was the mother of his half-sister.

Constantly tormenting myself with those thoughts didn’t help me, but I couldn’t stop them. I still desperately wanted to go home to the U.K for a while, but if Radleigh wouldn’t let me take Jessica, I couldn’t go. I felt trapped in a situation I’d helped to create, powerless to make a move in any direction because there was nowhere for me to go. My life had become an endless loop of the same thoughts.
If you want him back, ask him to come home. But… what if he still isn’t sure? If he really wanted to be with you, wouldn’t he have fought harder to come back? But… he’s stubborn.

Round and round, like a song stuck on repeat. You’ve heard it so often you want to scream when it starts up again. Relentless, overbearing, overriding all other sounds and thoughts and voices.

And every day, I fixed a smile on my face and carried on.

**

It was a full week before I had to see Radleigh again. He’d been at an away game over the weekend, and he’d called me to ask if I could bring Jessica to him late Sunday afternoon for a few hours. Since he hadn’t seen her for a week, I couldn’t really refuse, but on the drive to Mitch and Deanna’s an awful feeling of trepidation built in my stomach. There was no good reason for it, really. We wouldn’t fight in front of Jessica, and since we’d be in his parents’ house, we’d both be on our best behaviour. So what was I so afraid of?