Finding Home (13 page)
Authors: Leighton Rose
Adam didn’t waste any time removing Dillon’s shirt, and his hands explored the sinewy muscle under fair skin. As they really explored each other’s bodies, Dillon could feel himself letting go, getting more comfortable with Adam which meant that he was growing more attached to him. His heart would never recover from the loss, but he had to take what he could get while he was able to. He drew Adam to him, wrapping his arms around his waist and just enjoying the warm skin-on-skin contact. Adam back-walked them toward the bed as he held on to Dillon. He dropped to his knees once they were beside their destination and unzipped Dillon’s jeans, pulling them slowly down his legs, along with his boxers. Dillon’s cock was hard and ready for Adam, who kissed the tip before licking a long line up his shaft. Dillon gasped and groaned from the feeling of Adam’s mouth on him. Adam took his time savoring Dillon’s cock and the fucking amazing sounds coming out of Dillon’s mouth. “Oh, God, Adam; that feels so fucking good,” he moaned as Adam sucked him completely into his throat. “Never knew it could feel so good,” Dillon babbled.
Adam glanced up at Dillon, the look of sheer ecstasy on his face was a dead giveaway that he’d never been given a blowjob before. Adam hollowed his cheeks and worked him over, trying to make it feel as good as possible for him. Dillon’s knees began to buckle, and Adam pulled off to chuckle. “That good, huh?”
Dillon groaned, “You have no fucking idea.”
“Lie down on the bed,” Adam instructed and Dillon complied. Adam quickly shucked off his remaining clothes, kicking them in the general direction of the rest of the pile but not really caring if they landed there or not, and climbed onto the bed with Dillon. Coldplay was still crooning in the background, and Adam hadn’t really realized just how perfect they were for setting this sort of mood. He’d just wanted to give Dillon something he could latch onto that was both comforting and familiar to him.
Adam crawled up Dillon’s body and stopped when they were face-to-face. “Are you okay with this?” he asked seriously. “I don’t want you to feel forced into something you’re not ready for.”
Dillon reached up to cup Adam’s cheek with his right hand and Adam nuzzled into the touch. “I want this with you more than I could possibly express, Adam.” He lifted his head off of the bed so that their lips were touching, and Adam took that as express permission to continue. He started by placing random kisses along Dillon’s jawline and down his neck, nipping his skin in spots and then kissing it to soothe the bite. He licked, sucked, and nibbled his way down Dillon’s chest, his hands moving up and down Dillon’s arms the whole time. He drew one nipple into his mouth which made Dillon squeak as he sucked on it and then blew cold air on it, before moving to the other nipple and giving it the same treatment. Adam could feel the shiver as it rippled through Dillon’s body, and he loved that Dillon reacted so visibly. He continued his path down Dillon’s torso, kissing each one of his stomach muscles. Dillon’s stomach practically danced as the muscles were ticklish and it made Dillon giggle. Yes, he fucking giggled, and Adam thought it was the cutest thing ever.
He followed Dillon’s happy trail right to where Dillon wanted him the most. The anticipation of having Adam’s mouth on him again was delicious torture, so when Adam skipped right over his cock and continued his journey down Dillon’s legs, Dillon whined and gripped the sheets. “Please…” he begged, his hips lifting off the bed, trying to chase Adam’s mouth as it continued its descent. Dillon could feel Adam’s smile against his skin and knew that he was doing it on purpose.
“The anticipation is half of the experience,” Adam whispered softly. “Be patient.”
Dillon’s heart was racing, and his blood felt like it was alive with electricity. His skin was hypersensitive, and he could feel every single touch all the way to his bones. Each time Adam kissed him or licked his skin, he could feel it in his cock. Adam treated him with such care and reverence that Dillon couldn’t help but start to feel like Adam really meant it, and that was no minor feat. He was so lost in his thoughts, just enjoying the sensations, that his body jumped when Adam engulfed his cock without warning. The warm wetness that enveloped his prick was enchanting, and Dillon cried out in welcome surprise. Adam bobbed his head up and down Dillon’s shaft, working him with his tongue and his hand. It felt fucking fantastic, and Dillon couldn’t have stopped the string of curse words that flew out of his mouth if he had wanted to.
Adam felt completely empowered by being able to make Dillon come apart with his mouth like that. “Oh, fuck…” Dillon cried. “Adam, stop. I’m going to come too soon if you keep doing that.”
Adam didn’t stop; in fact, he doubled his efforts, sucking Dillon to the back of his throat and working his cock head with his throat muscles. “Holy shit,” Dillon shouted. He gripped the sheets tightly, his hips flying up off of bed, as he came hard in Adam’s mouth. His entire body felt like it was flying, he was so high on the endorphins. Adam licked Dillon’s cock clean and pulled off, his wicked grin on display. He’d loved every fucking second of that, and he was so turned on that if the wind blew just right he was going to explode.
“That was unbelievable,” Dillon mumbled, his words slurred as he just lay there.
Adam crawled up next to him and wrapped his arms around Dillon, cradling him in his warmth. Dillon smiled lazily at him. “I could get used to that,” he teased Adam, who replied, “I’d be happy to do that as often as you like.”
Adam leaned over and kissed Dillon passionately, sliding his tongue into Dillon’s mouth and sharing his flavor with him. Dillon knew what he wanted next. “Will you?” he asked, almost nervously. “I don’t want anyone else but you to be my first.” Adam knew what he meant, and his heart filled with passion for Dillon. “It would be my pleasure, Dillon.”
Adam reached into his nightstand for supplies and set it on the bed next to them. He clicked open the bottle of lube and proceeded to use his fingers to open Dillon up for him. Dillon was a natural bottom if the hums of pleasure coming out of his mouth were any indication and that thrilled Adam to no end. It wasn’t that he wouldn’t bottom, it was just that he hadn’t found anyone he trusted enough to try it with again. He took his time, carefully adding fingers and more lube, making sure that Dillon was completely ready for him. He didn’t want to cause Dillon any amount of pain. “I’m ready,” he assured Adam. “I just need you. Now.”
Adam wiped his hands on the bottom of the bedspread before tearing the condom wrapper and rolling it down his rock hard shaft. He lifted Dillon’s legs so that they were draped over his shoulders and slid a pillow under him, angling his ass so that it would give him the least amount of resistance. He stared deep into Dillon’s eyes as he pushed into him slowly. Adam could see Dillon flinch as he worked his way into him. “It’s okay, baby, just relax,” Adam coaxed him. “Let it all go, and just feel me.” Dillon breathed deeply several times. Adam sensed the moment that he relaxed enough to let go of any remaining tension and slid the rest of the way in. Dillon whimpered, and Adam took both of his hands, lacing their fingers together and holding them above Dillon’s head. He kissed Dillon, trying to express how much his show of trust meant to him as he leisurely, but steadily, thrust into Dillon.
He wanted it to be the perfect coupling for Dillon. Deliberate strokes of his cock had Dillon writhing beneath him. It was the most amazing feeling in the world for Dillon. He’d never felt so loved, cherished, or wanted in his life. The overwhelming emotion of it all was too much and several tears slid down his face. As if everything else wasn’t perfect enough, the song
Fix You
came on in the background. Adam had heard the song before, but Dillon knew every word by heart.
Dillon’s entire body was touching Adam, not one ounce of him uncovered, and yet he was in the most vulnerable state he’d ever felt in his life, so when Adam began whispering the words into his ear, Dillon lost it. His cock was still sensitive from his previous orgasm, but hearing the sincerity in Adam’s words as he murmured that he would try to fix Dillon, knowing how broken Dillon felt, he couldn’t stop it from happening. The friction of being trapped between his own stomach and Adam’s was all the stimulus he needed for his orgasm to rip through him, releasing strip after strip of cum between them.
Adam buried his face into Dillon’s neck as bursts of light exploded behind his eyelids, his orgasm was ripped from him without permission, and it shattered him. He felt exposed and helpless, and Dillon was the only thing he could focus on. They were both breathing hard, clinging to one another as if the other would disappear at any moment.
Neither one of them spoke for several long moments. Adam could feel the wetness from Dillon’s tears, and he just held on tighter. “Are you okay?” he finally whispered, needing verbal confirmation.
“Physically, yes,” Dillon managed to choke out.
“What are you feeling right now?” Adam asked gently, stroking Dillon’s face comfortingly.
“I’m so overwhelmed,” he whispered. “That was the most amazing thing I’ve ever felt in my life, and I don’t want to lose you.”
Adam was confused. “Why would you lose me?”
“I don’t want to talk about that,” Dillon protested. “I just know that I can’t imagine feeling this way about anyone else, ever.”
“What way?” Adam had to know if it was mutual. He couldn’t be the first to admit it because he didn’t want his admission to coerce Dillon.
“I’m falling so deeply in love with you that the thought of not being with you would destroy me, and I’m so fucking scared of this.” Dillon’s grip on Adam tightened.
Adam’s heart sang with joy at hearing that. He pulled back so he could look into Dillon’s eyes, to make sure that Dillon could see just how honest he was being. “I am so in love with you, Dillon. I know I was your first, but I want to be your only.”
Dillon’s voice caught in his throat again. No one had ever loved him and the most amazing man on earth was staring at him, telling him how much he did. “Is this real?”
Adam’s hand moved down Dillon’s side and pinched him lightly. “Oww! What was that for?” Dillon asked.
“To prove it’s real.” He kissed Dillon chastely, and then got up to dispose of the condom and grab a wet cloth to clean them up. Then he gathered Dillon in his arms, and, without another word, they drifted off to the sound of Coldplay still singing in the background.
He hurried down the hallway, not bothering to put any clothes on, and pulled his art supplies from the cabinet he kept them in. He grabbed a clean white sheet of paper, eyed the space he thought he would need, and began to sketch the lettering. While he wasn’t positive that Dillon would agree to the design, he knew that he had a pretty good chance of him liking it, so he kept going.
It took him nearly an hour but he finally got the design exactly as he could remember it from his dream, which pleased him to no end. He got up from the table to head back to his room when he suddenly remembered that he had left Parker outside all night. He walked out, still completely naked, and unchained Parker, who went crazy barking and running in circles. “Aww, Parker, Daddy’s sorry. C’mon, let’s go to bed.” He headed back to his room with Parker racing toward the door ahead of him.
Parker jumped up onto the bed before Adam had a chance to stop him and began licking Dillon’s face. Dillon rolled onto his stomach trying to get away from the assault. “Parker, no!” he ordered but not entirely convincingly. He was still half-asleep after all. “Parker, down!” Adam told him, using his firm command voice, and Parker reluctantly jumped off the bed. He headed directly to his doggie bed in the corner and settled in.
Adam slid back into bed, but Dillon was already awake. It was only three in the morning, not even close to time to get up, so Dillon rolled onto his side to face Adam. “Where did you go?” he asked sleepily.
“I had a dream that I was tattooing you, but when I realized that was all it was I had to get my vision down before I forgot,” Adam explained, gently pushing Dillon to lie on his back so that he could lay his head on Dillon’s chest, wrapping one arm around his torso and tangling their legs together. It was a new experience for Dillon, having Adam rely on him for comfort rather than being the one who was giving it to Dillon. It felt sort of nice to feel needed when Adam wasn’t having an emotional crisis. He simply wanted to be held, and Dillon was happy to do so.
“I can’t wait to see it,” Dillon whispered, but Adam’s breathing had already evened out so Dillon concentrated on the rhythmic sound. “I love you,” he whispered almost inaudibly, before drifting off.
*****
Dillon was wide awake and making breakfast before Adam ventured into the kitchen the next morning. He prepared a simple breakfast of cheesy scrambled eggs with chunks of ham and toast, and had a cup of coffee waiting for Adam, who moaned his appreciation. Since they’d made their relationship official a few days prior, Dillon felt decidedly more domestic now that they were actually living together rather than being just roommates. It was a tiny distinguishable fact, giving him a small sense of security that he hadn’t realized he needed but was glad to have. “Can I see the drawing now?” Dillon asked, too excited to wait much longer. He’d seen the paper on the dining room table but it was face down, and he hadn’t wanted to ruin Adam’s moment.
Adam took Dillon by the hand and led him to the table. “Tell me honestly if you don’t like this, Dil, because once it goes on your skin, it’s permanent.” Then he placed a chaste kiss on Dillon’s lips and handed him the paper. Dillon lost all ability to think when he saw the design on the paper. Five lines of script─ each a different color─ that read in order:
Be Yourself
Love Yourself
Trust Yourself
Know Yourself
I AM WORTH IT
Then he had drawn several music notes around the entire design. It was amazing, but Dillon didn’t feel like he deserved it. “It’s incredible,” he breathed. “But Adam, this isn’t me. I don’t feel this way about myself.”
Adam centered himself behind Dillon and wrapped his arms around him to cocoon him so he wouldn’t feel so vulnerable, because Adam knew that’s exactly how he felt. He leaned in and spoke low into Dillon’s ear, “You are worth it, Dillon. You deserve to love yourself for who you are, because who you are is special, amazing, selfless, and has a heart so full of love to give that I can’t even begin tell you how lucky I feel to know that love is for me. I want you to want this design to remind yourself every single day how much you are worth, to make sure you never doubt that I know how much you are worth.”
Dillon thought that maybe if he had the reminder, one that Adam had chosen specifically for him, it might help him believe it eventually. “Where would you put it?”
Adam took hold of Dillon’s left arm and lightly traced a space on the inside of his forearm. “I think right here would be good,” he murmured, kissing the back of Dillon’s neck tenderly. “What do you think?”
Dillon’s heart was racing in his chest. Adam was so incredibly amazing, and he didn’t want to disappoint him, but it was a permanent decision. Something he couldn’t take lightly. “I think that would be a good spot if I decide to do it,” Dillon answered honestly. “I still don’t know if that’s right for me.”
Adam grabbed the paper and took Dillon by the hand again. “Come with me?” Adam
asked and Dillon followed. He led the way down the hallway and into Adam’s bathroom, where Adam positioned Dillon in front of the mirror and stood behind him again.
“Look into the mirror, Dillon, and tell me what you see,” Adam instructed.
Dillon looked at himself and then his eyes locked with Adam’s in the mirror. “I see a man who doesn’t deserve everything that you’ve done for me.”
“Don’t think about me, Dillon,” Adam told him. “I want to know why you think that you aren’t worth everything and more.”
Dillon’s mind went blank. He felt so put on the spot, and it was incredibly uncomfortable for him, but he wanted to try for Adam. Adam was doing so much for him, not just with the tangible gestures, but with his words and confidence building tactics, and he felt like he owed Adam for his efforts, if nothing else. “For my whole life, what I wanted or needed came second to drugs and alcohol. I was never more important than those things to my parents, and no one, not my teachers, neighbors, or friends, cared enough to figure out how bad my home life was. I was just one of the masses to them.” Dillon’s entire body went cold as he thought back to his childhood. Adam tightened his hold instinctively which allowed Dillon to regain enough control to continue. “I guess it’s just really hard to allow myself to think I’m worth much when it’s been ingrained in me to believe I’m worthless. If my parents, who are supposed to love me more than anyone else in the world, didn’t love me enough to make sure I was taken care of, why should I trust that anyone else will?”
Dillon had closed his eyes because he couldn’t bear to look at himself while he confessed his reasons to Adam. It made him feel defenseless and far too exposed for his liking. Adam was nearly sick to his stomach from hearing that. He’d known that Dillon’s past hadn’t been pleasant but up until that moment, he hadn’t known for sure what it was. Adam hated Dillon’s parents so much for the damage they’d done, but he knew he had to keep his temper under control as not to frighten Dillon, who was already shaking.
“Baby…” Adam whispered softly and laid his chin on Dillon’s shoulder so that their faces were side-by-side in the mirror. “Look at me.” Dillon opened his eyes slowly, not sure he wanted to see the pity in Adam’s eyes. He chanced a glance in Adam’s eyes and saw nothing but love and adoration in them.
“How can you not be disgusted with me?” Dillon’s heart was constricting in his chest.
“Why would I be?” Adam asked simply. “You’re still the same person I fell in love with, Dil, and nothing that I find out about your past will change that. You are the most genuine, kind-hearted person I’ve ever met and I want you to be able to see yourself like I see you. I’m hoping this will help. You need to learn who you are and be proud of it, because I’m proud of you. You need to trust that your parents were the ones with the problem, and it had nothing to do with you or your ability to be loved. It was something they failed at, but not because you aren’t worth it, but because they didn’t deserve to know you and how amazing you are. I can see it, Grams and Gramps and Amy can see, hell, Parker can see it, now you need to learn to see it.”
Dillon sucked in a ragged breath. It was so hard for him to accept that anyone could see him like that, but Adam spoke with such confidence and sureness in his words, Dillon had no choice but to believe that he was telling the truth. “Thank you for believing in me,” he mumbled quietly. “Can we do it tonight?”
Adam was thrilled. “We can absolutely do it tonight,” he replied, turning to kiss Dillon’s cheek and then spinning him around so he could embrace him properly. Dillon needed the hug badly and soaked it all in. He could almost feel Adam’s words healing some of the broken pieces inside of him. He knew he had a long way to go, but, with Adam’s help, he was more certain than ever that he could get there.
*****
Dillon had to hurry to get ready for work, and Adam dropped him off so that he wouldn’t be late. A quick kiss (or three) over the console and Dillon was off. He walked into the employee break room to clock in with a huge smile on his face. Cody was already there, also getting ready for his shift. “What’re we doing today, Boss Man?” Dillon asked cheerfully.
“Well, aren’t we in a good mood?” Cody inquired.
“Yup,” Dillon answered, not giving up any more information than that.
“This wouldn’t have anything to do with the guy who dropped you off, would it?”
Dillon quickly scanned the room for other people before looking in Cody’s direction. He wasn’t ashamed of Adam at all, but he’d been extremely careful not to let on about his sexuality at work because he knew that a lot of people were still not okay with the gay thing. “Yeah, he’s my boyfriend,” Dillon admitted, his stomach doing a flip-flop at the mention of that word. “Is that a problem?” He tried not to sound defensive but it was hard not to.
“Not in the slightest,” Cody answered easily. “I just haven’t seen you so happy before, and I saw the kissy faces you were making as I walked in.” He grinned widely and Dillon knew it was okay.
“Shut up, Boss Man.” Dillon shoved his arm playfully. “What’s on the agenda for today?”
“We’ve got to redo some of the shelving in automotive and then get the display out for the July Fourth decorations. I mean, it’s nearly the middle of May, right? Heaven forbid we don’t get these out at least six weeks ahead of time. Someone might have a coronary.” Cody laughed and it made Dillon chuckle. They headed toward the back together, and Dillon was glad that he might finally have a friend.
*****
After Adam had dropped Dillon off at work, he headed to the shop a little early. Two days of being gone meant that there was paperwork backing up and he needed to get caught up. Landon had always left the business side of things for Adam to deal with because he just wanted to ink people, and normally Adam was okay with it. Today, however, he definitely wasn’t looking forward to the workload but he was looking forward to a little bit of peace and quiet at the shop, which was normally loud and crazy between the music and the tattoo guns buzzing.
He sat down at the desk and started going through the folder with the liability release forms that had accumulated, recording the client names and the amount paid to each artist into the computer and filing the forms away after he was finished. His final task was to put together the deposit for the bank that he would take later and then he was caught up, so he decided to do a little cleaning. The shop wouldn’t be open for a couple more hours, and he didn’t feel like going home.
Adam was in the middle of spraying down display cases when he heard the back door open and shut. He figured Landon must have gotten there early, since he was the only other person with a key to the back door. The rest of the artists came in through the front since they didn’t need access to the office.
The office door opened and laughter poured out into the open space, but it wasn’t just one voice that Adam heard. He figured that Landon must’ve brought a friend and was fine with it, until he stood up and was standing face-to-face with Blaze Dennison. His jaw dropped when he realized who it was, but he was far more confused to see him holding Landon’s hand.