Finding Home (15 page)

Adam almost felt bad for Landon, but he didn’t, because he knew that if the situation was reversed, they guys would have come to Landon’s defense in a heartbeat too. This wasn’t about favoritism or special treatment. This was about one friend being shitty to another.

Sid was the first to speak up after Landon was gone. “Okay, we need to get Adam home, but he’s obviously not in any shape to drive home. Where are your keys?”

Adam dug in his pocket and handed them to Sid, who passed them to Matt. “Can you drive him home, and I’ll follow you and pick you up?”

“Yeah, sure,” Matt agreed quickly.

They all said their good-byes, the night was effectively ruined for partying, and left.

*****

Matt was quiet on his way to drop Adam off. He was still angry with Landon about his behavior. When they finally pulled into the driveway, Adam was still light headed from the alcohol but managed to not fuck up his thank you. “Thanks for that.”

“For what?”

“For sticking up for me back there with Landon. It means a lot.” Adam squeezed Matt’s leg in appreciation.

Matt shrugged like it was nothing. “I watched what you went through after that asshole dumped you. You shouldn’t have to worry about your so-called-friend bringing him back into your life when you’re finally happy again.”

Adam looked toward the house to see Dillon peeking through the living room blinds. “Do you want to come in and meet him?”

“Dillon?”

“Who else would I be talking about?” Adam asked.

“Yeah, if you want me to,” Matt agreed as he handed Adam his keys back.

Adam was still pretty unstable on his feet so Matt helped to steady him as they walked up to the house. Dillon opened the front door before Adam could get his keys in the lock. Adam’s entire face lit up when he laid eyes on Dillon, and Matt could instantly tell the difference.

Adam stepped forward and staggered right into Dillon’s arms. “I missed you, baby,” he whispered.

Dillon was so happy to have Adam back for the night. He’d been bored watching television by himself, well not technically by himself since he’d been cuddled up with Parker, so he’d set up his phone as much as he knew how and waited for Adam to come home.

What he wasn’t expecting was Adam to come home smelling like a brewery. The smell punched him in the stomach and made him want to puke. Memories came crashing down on him as the world faded out. His heart rate skyrocketed, and he began thrashing trying to get the weight of the dirty old man off of him. “Get off! Leave me alone!” he cried. He tried to roll out from under his attacker when he heard Adam’s voice. “It’s just me, baby. It’s Adam. Shhhh, it’s me.” The world faded back in and Dillon realized that he’d fallen to the floor, and Adam was the culprit on top of him. His heart rate began to return to normal as he rested his forehead on Adam’s shoulder, but the smell was still there.

“Matt, help me up,” Adam requested, holding out his hand, not trusting his ability to get up on his own. Matt grabbed the outstretched hand and hauled Adam up off of the floor. “Will you help Dillon up, too?” he asked, knowing he wouldn’t be able to do it. Matt glanced at Dillon, who was completely mortified at being seen by a stranger during one of his more vulnerable moments, but Dillon was already pushing himself up off of the floor, waving off Adam’s request.

“I’m Matt, by the way.” He offered his hand to Dillon, who shook it a bit reluctantly. “Adam had a few too many shots tonight, so I drove him home.”

“Thanks,” Dillon replied. “I’m Dillon.”

Matt grinned widely. “I gathered that much already. Sid, one of our other friends, should be here to get me momentarily.” He sensed Dillon’s uneasiness, as did Adam who moved to stand next to Dillon. He was confused, and a little hurt, when Dillon took a step away from him, standing on the other side of the hallway.

“Matt is one of our artists at the shop,” Adam explained.

“Oh, that’s really cool,” Dillon responded genuinely. It wasn’t that he was afraid of Matt, but more so that he was generally uncomfortable around anyone new.

Sid pulled up and honked, saving everyone from the painful awkwardness of the moment. Matt turned to Dillon. “It was nice to meet you. It’s good to see Adam happy again.”

“Thanks. It was great to meet you, too.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow, buddy. Take care of yourself tonight,” Matt told Adam, who merely nodded his good-bye.

Matt walked out of the still-open front door, closing it quietly behind him. Adam stood silently, looking at the floor, ashamed of his lack of self-control. “I’m really sorry I drank so much,” he whispered softly.

Dillon wasn’t mad at Adam for drinking by any means, but he couldn’t help his triggers either. He was discovering them more and more as he was on his own. “It’s okay, Adam. You’re allowed to drink, but I can’t be around it.”

Adam felt really shitty about causing Dillon to feel that way, no matter how unintentional it was. “Will you be mad if I go take a shower?” he wondered.

“No, I think that’s a great idea,” Dillon answered. “Do you want me to take Parker to bed with me, or do you want him to sleep in your room tonight?”

Adam felt like he’d been stabbed in the heart. “You’re not sleeping with me tonight?”

“It’s not about you, Adam. I’m not mad at you, so please don’t worry about that, but I need to sleep in my room tonight. I’m sorry.”

“Well, then I guess you should take Parker with you, so you have something familiar.” Adam felt completely rejected but didn’t want to cause Dillon anymore stress so he started to walk down the hall.

Dillon stopped him by grabbing his hand and lacing their fingers together. Adam turned to look at his boyfriend, who cupped his cheek to comfort him. Dillon looked him straight in the eye. “I love you,” he whispered tenderly.

“I love you, too,” Adam replied hoarsely. “More than you know. I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t apologize anymore, okay? Shower and bed. I’ll see you in the morning.” Dillon let go of his hand, and Adam slipped quietly into his room.

“C’mon, Parker,” Dillon called softly, and Parker came running. They quickly settled into bed, and Dillon lay there for a long time, wondering why he was torturing himself by sleeping alone. He just needed some time to himself.

More than an hour passed, and Dillon couldn’t stand it any longer. He got out of bed quietly and slipped into Adam’s room. Adam was still awake when he heard the creak of his door and then felt the bed dip. Dillon didn’t say a word as he slid under the covers and wrapped himself around Adam’s body. He felt whole again and that’s what mattered. Adam smiled to himself and fell asleep almost instantly.

When Dillon opened his eyes on Sunday morning, he was instantly lost in a sea of green. Adam’s face softened when Dillon woke, and he continued to look at his sweet Dillon, who didn’t say a word and just gazed back. Adam gently caressed Dillon’s side where his hand had been resting and then leaned in to kiss him softly. He didn’t want to start anything since he felt like shit, but he wanted to be close to Dillon, to show him some affection.

“G’morning, baby,” Adam murmured against Dillon’s lips.

Dillon answered by wrapping his arms around Adam’s neck and pulling him down on top of him. He wasn’t sure why but he needed to feel the weight of the man who loved him, to make new memories and get rid of the bad ones. “I’m glad you came to bed.” Adam kissed him again.

“It didn’t feel right sleeping without you,” Dillon answered honestly. “I’m too used to your warmth.”

“I hated trying to sleep without you,” Adam admitted.

Dillon’s heart tightened. “I’m sorry I put you through that.” He didn’t want his past to affect his future with Adam.

Adam pulled back to look into Dillon’s eyes. “Don’t start doubting yourself or feeling bad. You can’t possibly know what is going to trigger a memory before it happens, and it is absolutely nothing for you to apologize about. You have every right to feel how you feel without making yourself second guess if I’m going to be there, okay? I’m sorry I was so careless and got drunk, I hadn’t planned on it, but I should’ve thought more about you.”

“Stop,” Dillon commanded. “You have every right to drink and have fun with your friends, without worrying how I’ll react. I don’t want to stop you from that because someday you’ll miss it and end up blaming me for it, and that’s not something I’m willing to be responsible for. Maybe next time you go out─and there will be a next time─you can text me on your way home, and I’ll be in my room when you get here so you can shower. Maybe that way we can avoid this whole situation."

"But I don't want you to feel like you have to retreat back to the guest room, because that's what that room is again if you ask me. I want to make this our room, not just my room, and I want you to want that too. I want you to bring all of your stuff in here, take up half the closet and invade the bathroom with your toiletries. I intend to make this our safe haven, a place where no one else in the world exists but us, and I would really like for you say yes right now.” Adam was as sincere as he could possibly be, and he hoped it showed in his voice.

Dillon was blown away by Adam's request but was also a bit afraid of what would happen if they didn't have their own space. "What if you get sick of me faster because you have less alone time?" Dillon wondered aloud.

"We've already slept together every night for a while and it's more of a comfort than anything. You can keep the other room as your own space if you want, in case you need to be alone like you did tonight, but I'm sure your stuff being in here will help solidify your place in my life, for you. I already know how sure I am, but I know you aren't relying on the idea of being here forever, yet. I will get you there eventually, though."

Dillon had to swallow a lump in his throat. Adam had a way of gently breaking down the walls he'd built and trying to make him feel safe in the process. He tugged Adam back down and just held on to him. "Okay, I'll move my stuff in here," Dillon conceded.

Adam was ecstatic at Dillon's agreement. He felt so much better, almost like normal, and it showed in the fact that his cock was quickly starting to harden against Dillon's leg. Dillon felt Adam’s interest but couldn't abnegate the panic that began from being in the position they were in. His breathing sped up, and Adam knew why almost instantly. He made the motion to get off of Dillon quickly but Dillon held on tight. “Don’t,” he pleaded.

Adam was confused. “Don’t what?”

“Don’t move,” he whispered. Adam could feel Dillon’s heart pounding in his chest. Dillon wasn’t sure how long he could stand it, but he wanted to erase the bad memories with good ones.

Adam was terrified that he was going to cause Dillon more pain, but he couldn’t possibly deny him anything he asked, especially when he was making a decision to try to overcome his trauma. Adam started slowly, thrusting minutely, nibbling along Dillon’s jaw to take his mind off of it. Dillon moaned which was such a turn on to Adam. “Feels so good,” he murmured against Dillon’s skin. “I love you.”

“I love you, too, Adam.” The words nearly got trapped in Dillon’s throat as Adam thrust harder, causing Dillon to gasp in shock. He closed his eyes and got trapped in a nightmare, reliving the entire thing in vivid detail. “Stop!” he cried out. Tears leaked from his eyes as he pushed at Adam, who stopped immediately and sat up, pulling Dillon up with him, changing his position.

Adam placed a hand on each side of Dillon’s face while Dillon was sucking in air, trying not to hyperventilate. “Dillon, open your eyes,” Adam commanded gently but firmly. Dillon’s eyelids fluttered but he didn’t open them. “Look at me, baby. It’s Adam, and I’m right here in front of you; I won’t let anything happen to you.”

Dillon heard Adam’s voice through the fog telling him to open his eyes so he did finally. “Okay, good,” Adam told him soothingly. “Now breathe in and out slowly. Focus on me, I’m the only one here, and I won’t let anything happen to you. Can you do that for me?”

Dillon nodded his head yes and tried to do as he was instructed. It was easy to follow Adam’s instructions because his voice and his presence was something familiar that he could latch onto. Adam kept instructing Dillon until he was calm enough to come out of his head completely.

After several minutes of silence, Dillon finally spoke. “That was stupid of me. I’m so sorry.”

Adam couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Well, actually, he could believe it; he just wished he didn’t have to. “There is nothing for you to be sorry about. I don’t ever want you to apologize for taking steps to try and overcome something huge like that. I’m here for you. I will never hurt you intentionally, and I’m so damn proud of you for trying.” Adam kissed Dillon on the temple.

Dillon didn’t know what else to say, so he just said, “Thank you.”

Adam moved around behind Dillon and took hold of his left wrist, bringing his ink within Dillon’s view. “Read this to me.”

Dillon closed his eyes and felt kind of silly but did what he was told slowly. He could feel Adam’s lip turn up into a smile against his neck before he softly kissed the skin directly under Dillon’s ear. “Now, believe it, baby. You know I do.”

“I know.” Dillon was really trying.

“Okay, shower time,” Adam announced. “You need to wash that and put your antibiotic ointment on it, then we need to get to Grams and Gramps for lunch.”

Dillon hurried off to shower, feeling better than he had. He was conflicted on whether that was a good or bad thing, because he was really beginning to rely on Adam to help get him through those tough moments. What was he supposed to do when Adam was gone? He hoped that maybe he’d have enough self-confidence built up by then to get through them alone.

*****

The drive to dinner seemed to take half the time that it normally did, which helped Dillon get rid of the last of the nagging feeling from the morning. He was really looking forward to seeing Grams and Gramps. Amy’s car was already there when they pulled up, which was weird since she was normally almost late to eat.

“Boys!” Grams greeted them excitedly. “It’s so good to see you!”

Adam kissed Grams on the cheek as he passed by her to enter the living room. Dillon followed suit, but Grams stopped him and wrapped her arms around him. He let her hug him and didn’t try to pull away, which proved he was making progress in his ability to interact with other people, at least with those he was comfortable with. “What was that for?” Dillon asked after she let him go.

Grams grinned. “Just because sometimes we all need a hug.” And Dillon had needed that from Grams, he just hadn’t known how much. “Okay, sweetheart, let me see this new ink that Adam was bragging about putting on you?”

Dillon stretched his arm out and showed her. She flipped the light in the hallway on so she could inspect it better. “That’s gorgeous! I love the music notes, but the message… well, I think it’s just perfect for you.”

Dillon swallowed. He still wasn’t great at accepting compliments so he passed it on to Adam. “Adam came up with the design and put it on me. He deserves all the credit.”

“But, sweetheart, don’t you know you have all the power? If you hadn’t consented, it would just be words on paper.” Grams winked at him and turned toward the kitchen. “The boys are in the living room.”

Dillon chose to follow Grams into the kitchen instead. He knew Adam was probably watching a baseball game with Gramps, but he wanted to help if he could. Amy was frosting a cake at the counter when Dillon walked up behind her. “Who’s the cake for?” Dillon asked over her shoulder.

She jumped then giggled. “You scared me, you little shit.”

Dillon shrugged his shoulders. “Sorry ‘bout it,” he countered, using one of Amy’s lines against her. She turned around and playfully popped him on the back of the head for being a smartass. Dillon laughed as he moved out of her way and opened the fridge to get himself a pop. “Hey, Adam,” he hollered.

“Yeah?”

“Do you want a drink?”

“Sure, thanks.”

“Gramps?”

“Beer, please!”

Dillon grabbed the extra drinks out of the fridge and took them to the living room. “THAT’S BULLSHIT!” Gramps screamed at the television. “There’s no way that was a strike.”

Dillon couldn’t help the smile that crept up on his face. Gramps had mild Tourette’s when it came to watching baseball, and it was oddly comforting hearing him randomly scream obscenities at the umps. He handed Gramps his beer and Adam his pop. “Thanks!” they both replied.

Adam tried to pull Dillon down on the couch with him, but he resisted and just leaned in to kiss him quickly. “I’m going to go see if Grams needs any help,” Dillon told him.

“Okay,” Adam replied as he popped the top on his can and took a drink. He smiled at Dillon with a fondness that made Dillon feel all melty inside.

When Dillon got back into the kitchen, Amy was finished with the cake. ‘Happy 24
th
Birthday Adam!’ was scrawled onto the black frosting with red icing. “Wait!” Dillon said, suddenly feeling sick. “Is today Adam’s birthday? He didn’t tell me.” His mind started racing with all of the ways he’d been a shitty boyfriend.

“No!” Amy laughed at the panicked look on Dillon’s face. “His birthday is the twenty-first. We’re just celebrating today.”

Dillon let out a sigh of relief. “That would have been nice to know ahead of time.”

“How was I supposed to know that he hadn’t told you his birthday?” Amy shrugged.

“God, I suck,” Dillon chastised himself. “I didn’t think to ask him.”

“Calm down, Adam won’t care. He’s not a fan of his birthday. We’re only celebrating early because I have a surprise for him!” Amy got a seriously devious look on her face.

Grams came back into the kitchen, but Dillon didn’t know where she’d been. “We’re having meatloaf today. It’s Adam’s favorite!” She pulled the dish out of the oven and sat it on the counter.

“Can I help with anything?” Dillon asked.

“Would you be a dear and grab the salad out of the fridge for me?” Grams asked. “The dressings are in the door.”

Dillon grabbed the stuff and took it to the table. Grams called the boys in from the living room.

“Fuck yeah!” Adam exclaimed when he saw the dinner. “Meatloaf!”

“It’s your birthday dinner, sweetheart,” Grams told him. “Enjoy!”

Adam was already digging in and passing food around. He didn’t wait for permission. “Why didn’t you remind me your birthday was coming up?” Dillon asked him as he forked some salad onto his plate.