Finding Me (16 page)

Bella

“ALL THESE HEARTS ALL OVER
the place are making me nauseous. Everywhere I turn the universe is saying ‘you’re a loser on the most romantic day of the year.’ Wake me up when it’s Presidents’ Day.” Our friend Kristy fell into her seat in the cafeteria with a loud sigh. Her auburn waves swayed as she shook her head in defeat.

I laughed and put my arm around her shoulder. “Valentine’s Day is a ploy by Hallmark to sell more cards. The universe isn’t telling you anything, babe.”

Kristy scoffed at me and rolled her eyes. “Says the girl who gets to play tonsil hockey with a hot hockey player on the regular.” She leaned forward and put her hand over mine. “If I didn’t love you, I’d spit at you now. You know that right?”

I put my hand over hers. “Yes, I know. And don’t think I don’t appreciate that.”

Jaimee and Laura sat across from us and plopped their bags on the table.

“Isn’t this cute?” Jaimee squealed as she unwrapped a pink foil-covered heart. “They’re selling chocolate hearts for—”

“Don’t!” I put my hand up. “Sore subject.”

Jaimee chuckled and nodded. “Point taken. You guys going to the Omega party tonight?”

“Nah,” Kristy shook her head. “I have to work. I actually asked my boss at the diner for the Valentine’s Day shift. Anyone who comes there on a Valentine’s date is pity worthy and won’t bother me.”

I broke off a piece of the chocolate heart and shrugged. “We may stop there. Owen and I are going to dinner beforehand, I think. I’m not sure what he has planned.”

Laura rested her head on her clasped hands. “I bet OT has a ton of awesome plans for his City.” She smirked wistfully at me. “I take it you won’t be home tonight.”

I grimaced at Laura. “Probably not.” I tried not to stay at Owen’s too much. I loved every second, but I loved being roommates with Laura, too. Owen was nothing like Christian, but the one good thing Christian taught me was to not revolve life solely around my boyfriend. Good friends were just as important.

I scrolled through my emails on my phone and noted a new one from Marc.

Hi Bella,

Judging by the way you keep dodging the question, I hope you haven’t changed your mind. I’ll be upstate in a couple of weeks and really want to speak to you face to face.

Let me know.

We’d been going back and forth for the past couple of weeks. Originally, I agreed to meet him, but now was leery and put him off every time he asked. I considered the effect having a relationship with my biological father would have on my family, and the twisting in my gut warned me it wouldn’t be good. Yet, that same gut also advised me Marc wouldn’t vanish this time as easily as he did over a decade ago. My wishy-washy responses weren’t going to cut it for much longer.

My eyes roamed the tables and I froze when my gaze met Amber’s. She narrowed her cat-lined eyes at me before I looked away. The vicious spite on the girl’s face made me uneasy. I learned the hard way when people try to stir things up, the only thing you can do to stop it is not engage. I went back to my friends and pretended not to notice her, but a knot formed in my stomach as she stormed closer.

“Staring problem? The wholesome act doesn’t fool me. You’re probably boring Owen to tears.”

I let out a long sigh as I turned to Amber. “From what I know of your spotty history together, I’m with him a lot longer and more often than you ever were. And since he’s usually up all night when he’s with me,” I pursed my lips and shrugged, “I don’t think he’s all that bored.” Okay, so maybe I engaged a little. Amber acting as if she knew my boyfriend better than me irked me enough to draw out a little bit of Queens snark. “You need to move on.”

Amber threw her head back and laughed. “
I
need to move on? Honey, I’ve done this dance with Owen before. He samples the new goods and comes back to me because
I
know what he likes. You wouldn’t begin to know how to do the Altoids trick he loves. It’s all a little over your head—”

“Enough, Amber!” Amber stiffened in response at an exasperated Owen glaring behind her. “I told you before. Stay away from me. Stay away from Bella. Stop embarrassing yourself.” Owen’s jaw ticked as he scowled at her.

Amber gave me one more scathing look before she strutted away.

Owen bent down to give me a peck on my lips. “I’m sorry, City. Her bullshit is really starting to piss me the hell off. Are you okay?”

“Me? Yeah, sure. She needs to do better than that to upset me,” I lied through my teeth as I gave my boyfriend a big smile. A few of Amber’s words were now rattling back and forth in my head. ‘You’re boring Owen to tears.’ ‘I know what he likes.’ Christian dumped me for being inexperienced, and even though he was a jerk, he was absolutely right. I wasn’t experienced enough in sex to know anything past the basics, unless you counted the steamy novels I used to sneak read off my mother’s e-reader. I thought the sex we had was fantastic, so what the hell did he like that he only did with Amber—that involved Altoids? Since when were those considered a sex toy? The fact I had no clue at all frustrated the crap out of me. Was I at a disadvantage with Owen, too? I rubbed my neck to ease the tension drifting up my spine.

“Ladies, would you mind if I stole my girl away for a few minutes?”

“Of course not.” Laura shook her head as Jaimee and Kristy gawked at us. I had the suspicion a Google search on their phones would commence as soon as we left the table.

“C’mon.” Owen grabbed my hand and pulled me to stand. I followed him out of the cafeteria toward the window at the far end of the hallway.

“All right. What did she say?” Owen’s brow furrowed as he regarded me with wary eyes.

I shrugged and shook my head. “Just a lot of shit. I trust you; she’s just trying to cause trouble.” I kissed his cheek and turned back into the cafeteria.

Owen grabbed my wrist and tugged me back. “Bella, what did she say that’s echoing around that big brain of yours. You’re not walking away until you tell me.”

I sucked my teeth as I brought my gaze back to his. “That I bore you. That you always go back to her because she knows what you like. And as the much less experienced one in this equation, I don’t know what she means. That’s bothering me, okay?” I desperately wanted to ask about the Altoids, but wasn’t sure I could handle the explanation, or the visual it would create in my head.

Owen smiled as he snaked his arm around my waist and pulled me closer. “I think you’re pretty well acquainted with what I like, don’t you think?” His lips found my forehead and I shut my eyes as I leaned in.

“Up until ten minutes ago, yes I did. I just . . . I want to be enough for you.”

“Amber and I were casual, no matter how much she tries to make it sound like more.” I looked away, but Owen touched my cheek and turned my gaze back to his. “With you, everything is totally different. I didn’t ache for Amber when I didn’t see her. She didn’t occupy my thoughts all day long. I didn’t count the damn seconds until I saw her again when I had to leave her. Amber could be a goddamn acrobat, but she isn’t you. And she never could be. Because I only love you. So
you’re
what I like. Understand?”

I furrowed my brow at Owen as my shoulders slumped. “Amber’s an acrobat?”

Owen huffed and dropped his head against the wall behind him. “
That
was what you got from all that? Don’t let her put doubt in your head because that’s exactly what she’s trying to do. I. Love. You. I’m not interested in empty pastimes. I’m interested in a beautiful girl from Queens. In fact, I can’t seem to get enough of her.
Now
, did I get through that thick skull of yours?”

I shrugged and dropped my gaze to the floor. When I lifted my head, Owen shut his eyes and let out an exasperated sigh.

“You know, maybe the problem is that
I’m
not enough for
you
.”

My head jerked back. “Not enough for
me
, what are you talking about?”

Owen narrowed his eyes at me. “I’m with you every day, almost every night. I’ve never even looked in anyone else’s direction since the day I met you. Each day, I try to prove how much I love you but somehow always seem to fall short. I mean, you can only say it so many times without hearing it back and not taking it personally.”

“What does that have to do with anything?” My breathing was shaky as Owen glared back at me.

“My word means nothing.” Owen inched closer with an unnerving scowl on his face. “I tell you I love you; I tell you there’s no one else to worry about, you don’t even flinch. You made up your mind, and I can’t change it. Makes me wonder if you hear me at all, about anything.” Owen backed away from me before storming down the hallway.

My stomach sank as my eyes trailed him walking away from me. Owen
was
enough. He was so enough, it knocked the wind out of me sometimes—so why couldn’t I find the guts to say it out loud? I wanted to run after him but my feet stayed glued to the floor. I thought showing was better than telling, but it was the chicken way out. I needed to be brave, or the fear I couldn’t let go of would make me lose everything—and my everything was Owen.

My mitten covered fist pounded on Owen’s front door. I was spending Valentine’s Day left out in the cold, literally. Owen was nowhere to be found all day and wouldn’t return a single text. A dull ache in my chest burned with the fear that maybe I pushed him too far away this time.

I was about leave when the lock clicked. Owen remained silent and stoic as he opened the door and met my gaze.

“I love you. I love you so much it terrifies me. I never thought it was possible to love anyone as much as I love you. That’s why I couldn’t say it.”

I took a deep breath as Owen raised his eyebrows and leaned against the door. “You’re enough. You’re everything.” The words that were stuck in my throat for so long poured out of my mouth now. “So don’t ever say—”

Owen grabbed me by the arm and pulled me inside. He shut the door and backed me against the wall before smashing his mouth into mine. I whimpered as he swept my bottom lip with his tongue and weaved his hands into my hair.

“Stop,” I grunted against his mouth. “I’m still mad at you. Don’t walk away from me like that and disappear.” I shoved his shoulder even as he pulled me towards him.

Owen’s lips twitched with a smile as he cupped my cheek. “I was hoping you’d come after me. Took you a bit, but here you are.” He rested his forehead against mine. “You’re mine, and I’m yours. So keep that in your thick, stubborn head as a given, no matter what you hear. All that matters, all that’s true,” Owen brushed his lips against mine, “is right here. I love you.”

“So I have a question to ask you.” I unzipped my jacket and threw it on the floor. “Guys are out right?”

Owen squinted at me and nodded. “Yeah they just left for the night.” His eyes went wide as I ripped my shirt off.

I clutched his face in my hands and sucked on his bottom lip. “Will you be my Valentine?”

Owen beamed as he lifted me up by the waist. “I thought you’d never ask.”

“Can I put my clothes on now?” I shivered under Owen’s covers but he still shook his head.

“Nope.” Owen pulled me to his side and wrapped his arms around me. “Why do you need clothes? You have two hundred and ten pounds of hot hockey player in bed with you to keep you warm.” I laughed as I hooked my leg around both of his.