Finding Me (19 page)

Stepping through the door were Christine and a few other girls I didn’t recognize.

“Don’t worry, they brought their own liquor. We could have a pity party, or we could have a
party
. Your choice, bro.” Richie slapped my back and headed to the couch. He squeezed himself in between Christine and her friend and put his arms around them both. Fucker let four goals get past him today but was celebrating like a hero. I needed to get away from him and everything else about this shit day.

I turned to Andy. “I’ll take the Patron, you can have the Triple Sec if you want.” He handed me the bottle and I trudged down the hall to my room. I wasn’t interested in a party with random girls, and most definitely didn’t want to spend any more time with Richie than I had to. Ethan would hear about not bringing unwanted guests over to the apartment tomorrow. Right now, I didn’t have the energy or the desire to speak to anyone. I peeled off my shirt and crawled onto my bed, toasting my chance at what could have been.

Bella

SETH SLID ONTO THE BAR
stool next to me. “What can I get you? Shirley Temple?”

I jabbed his ribs with my elbow. “Jack and Coke, but if you’re worried about encouraging underage drinking, Coke is fine.”

“I’ll get you the Jack. Thanks for all your help today. We’re actually ahead of schedule. I’m not used to being mostly done two weeks before the fair.”

I nodded and glanced at the blank screen on my phone. I shot Owen a text, but maybe he really did pass out early. I was worried about him but respected his wishes to be left alone. The heartbreak in his voice killed me.

“Sucks about the game. Owen would have been a fantastic choice for the draft. Too bad they saw him on an off day. You never know, scouts could come back.”

The bartender set my drink in front of me and I took a satisfying slurp from the tiny black straw, all the while fighting the urge to hop in a cab and head straight to Owen’s apartment to check on him. “He wanted this so badly, even though he tried to hide it. I hope you’re right.” And I did. All I wanted was for him to be happy, whether that was behind a desk or on the ice. Wherever he ended up, I would shove down my stupid insecurities and deal with it. If anyone deserved to have what he wanted, it was Owen.

“Owen and I were talking about you the other day.” Seth gazed at me as he took a long swig of beer.

I squinted back at him. “You were?”

“Yeah. It’s probably not my place to say, but he’s got it pretty bad for you. He said he was trying to find a way to close the distance between Queens and Savannah.”

I took a deep breath. Wouldn’t that be nice?

“Yeah, but unfortunately you can’t.” I shrugged and went back to my half-finished Jack and Coke. The warmth from the whiskey traveling down my chest relaxed me a bit, but my mind was still on Owen.

Seth nodded. “I hear you. My girlfriend goes to Stanford. At least you see Owen during school for now. I see Ana four times a year. It’s tough, that’s for sure.”

“How long have you been together?”

“Since senior year of high school. All the guys ride me about the ball and chain back home, but if you really care about someone, you won’t be tempted by cheap substitutes. We make our time together count the best way we can. That’s all you can really do.”

It was comforting to hear Seth and his girlfriend could survive the distance between them and were still going strong after three years. I always wanted a relationship like Mom and Lucas had. They were that special ideal couple that made everyone jealous. Thanks to the bomb Marc dropped into my lap about them, it hurt not to look at them in the same way anymore.

“Hey stranger!” I turned to see Laura and Kristy weaving their way through the crowd. “Between Owen and the Honor Society, I never get to see you anymore.” Laura pursed her lips at me.

“I’m sorry. I wish there were more hours in the day. Tonight I’m all yours! Laura, Kristy, this is Seth.”

Seth nodded in their direction, and Kristy’s eyes grew wide. She raised her eyebrows in question, and I sadly shook my head.

“Damn,” she mouthed at me. I chuckled as she scowled back.

“I better get back, Bella. You ladies have fun.” Seth offered Laura his seat and waved good-bye.

“He’s hot. Maybe I should get my finance grades up!” Kristy’s eyes danced as she plopped on the stool next to me.

I frowned and shook my head. “He’s the exception. Most of the guys in Honor Society are your typical math nerds.”

“I’m surprised you’re not at Owen’s tonight.” Kristy’s brow furrowed as she tried to call the bartender over.

I shrugged as I finished my drink. “He had a tough day. The team had a big loss with a scout in the stands.” I glanced at my phone. Still no response.

“Hey Bella!” Jaimee threw her arm around my shoulder as she leaned against the bar. “I’ve been dying for a girls’ night out. What’s that? Jack and Coke? Throw one of those my way!”

“That really sucks about Owen, Bella. I thought you said he didn’t want to go into the NHL.” Laura called the bartender over to take their order.

I shrugged. “He said he didn’t, but when he heard the scout was coming he admitted he considered it. He grew to really want it, but he doesn’t think the scout will come back after such a bad loss.”

“I could totally see Owen in the NHL. He has lots of experience dodging the puck bunnies up here. He’s ready to go national, I think.” Kristy smirked as the bartender set down their drinks.

“Way to make me feel better, thanks!” She snickered as I nudged her arm.

Our big night out lasted two hours. We were all exhausted, and my head was miles away.

“If Owen did get drafted into the NHL, what do you think you guys would do?” Laura asked as she settled in her bed.

“He said it didn’t matter. That time and distance didn’t mean a thing when it came to us.” I turned off the lamp on my nightstand and fell back on my pillow.

“I didn’t ask what Owen said. I asked what
you
thought you guys would do.”

“I’d like to think I agree with him. I know it seems quick, but I can’t picture my future without him in it. If he was drafted in the NHL, I’d be a little anxious, but I wouldn’t stop him. He deserves to have what he wants. We’d work it out.”

“I think you’re what he wants. So you have nothing to worry about.” Laura let out a long yawn. “Good night.”

I’d let Owen sulk for the night, but the second I got up, I’d be there for him—whether he liked it or not.

The apartment complex was eerily quiet. Cars I didn’t recognize lined their driveway, blocking the truck the guys shared. Maybe the team came here last night to wallow together. I rang the doorbell with an elbow and tried to balance two cups of coffee and a bag of bagels. Finally after three rings the lock clicked and the door creaked open.

“Richie? What are you doing here?” His eyes were half closed and his usually slicked back hair stuck up in every direction on his scalp.

“Hey, Bella. Nice of you to bring breakfast.” He grabbed the white paper bag from my hands and reached in for a bagel. Even with half closed lids, the suggestive sweep of Richie’s gaze down my body made me want to vomit. Owen hated the sight of him, so what the hell was he doing here?

“All the guys had a rough night. Especially Owen.” He snickered and opened the door wider for me to come inside.

I climbed the stairs and almost tripped over an empty beer bottle on the landing. It rolled and clanked with another one near the doorway of their tiny kitchen. I recognized a few of the guys on the hockey team passed out on the couch, a couple with girls draped over them. They had a party. Owen said he didn’t want me to come over because he wanted to drink with Andy and pass out, but they had a frigging party instead.

I stomped my way to Owen’s room. I’d give him time to explain before I wrung his neck. The door was slightly ajar, and Owen was still passed out, snoring softly on his side. I exhaled in relief until I noticed an arm draped around his waist. I moved closer and my gut twisted when I recognized Amber’s auburn hair fanned across his pillow. She cuddled more into his back, and my body froze. Amber was even on my usual side of his bed.

He told me he wanted nothing to do with her. He only wanted me.
Promised me
. Pain winced across my chest at the reason they were probably so exhausted they were still sleeping at ten o’clock. The pain turned to rage—white hot and blinding.
Again.
I let this happen to me again. How fucking stupid could I be? Not like my douche canoe ex, right. Staring at a picture on my phone was eons away from seeing the guy I loved in bed with someone else right in front of me. My chest heaved and my hands shook.

“I’m sorry, Bella. You deserved better than that.” Richie’s soft voice sounded almost sincere. “I can take you back to the dorms if you want.” He came up behind me and gave my shoulder a squeeze.

I flinched from his grasp and threw both coffee cups on the floor. All the rage inside me only made a soft thump on the carpet. I slammed Owen’s door behind me and didn’t meet Richie’s gaze as I stormed past him and down the stairs. I ran out the front door and slammed that one, too. I was sure my legs would give out as I rushed back to my dorm. I made it inside the empty room and slid down the door as I collapsed in sobs.

I’d learn to live without men. Between Christian, Owen, Marc, and even Lucas, I didn’t know one man I could trust. Words were petty, and actions said it all.

When you don’t let anyone in, no one can hurt you. Apparently, I needed to be taught that lesson twice for it to sink in. But breaking up with Christian didn’t feel remotely as awful as this did. He hurt me, but we had a puppy kind of love. The kind kids have for each other when they don’t know anything different. I knew different. I knew wonderful. But at the end of the day, being played like this proved I didn’t know a damn thing.