Finding My Way (48 page)

“Good to see you two
finally got your act together,” Sophie says surprising me.  She must see
my eyes bug because she also adds, “I had you two pegged from the start, don’t
blame Seth, he didn’t go blabbing, just confirmed what I thought.  I’ll
keep your secret.”  I take comfort in her words and I can tell that she is
genuine when she speaks.  For a moment, I wonder what exactly has been
said between the two of them.  But then I realise it doesn’t matter
anymore.

“It’s fine. 
Seth and I are together now, it’s no secret,” I say with a shrug trying to
sound unaffected by such a big declaration.

“Good,” she says as
she hands Seth her coffee mug.  He takes it without argument, his eyes
focused on the side of my face.  “See you tomorrow,” Sophie says to us
both before walking away.

“Bye Sophie,” I say
as I watch her leave the room.  I feel Seth’s penetrating gaze and slowly
turn to face him.  “What?”

“You have just made
me so happy.”  He beams at me before turning back to the sink to rinse
Sophie’s mug.  When he’s done, he grabs hold of me, a hand on each cheek
and pulls me in for a searing kiss.  And that makes
me
so
happy. 
“Come on let me drive you home.”

We grab our
belongings and walk hand in hand to Seth’s car.  We both agree on chicken,
chips and salad for dinner and head off to a charcoal chicken shop around the
corner from my place.  We are sitting inside the shop waiting for our
order when I receive a text.

Nick:  You
weren’t on the train.  Are you okay?

I should have known
that he would be waiting for me at the station.  I type out a quick
response to which he immediately replies. 
He texts as
fast as Kat.

Me:  Fine

Nick:  Where
r u?

Me:  Getting
dinner

Nick:  Can I
come over?

Me:  No.

I panic.  That
is the last thing I need - Seth and me coming home to dinner with Nick waiting
on my doorstep.  I know I need to give him more than just a “no” but I
just can’t think what to type.

Nick:  Please
don’t be mad at me.  I’m sorry x

My heartbeat kicks up
a notch at his words.  I can’t be mad at him when I am so happy sitting
beside Seth.  What Nick did hurt me but I don’t want to completely lose
him.  At the same time, I don’t want to encourage him, what if he comes
over anyway?

Me:  I just
need some space okay?

I glance up at Seth
and I can tell that he is trying not to look at my messages, but he is more
than intrigued.  I don’t say anything.  I don’t want him to know who
I’m texting.  But I won’t lie either, if he asks I will tell him. 
Luckily for me, he doesn’t ask.  Our number is called and Seth stands to
collect our dinner.  I’m about to put my phone back in my bag when another
text comes through.  It’s from Nick again.  It’s a picture, and at first
I’m not sure what it’s of.  When I figure it out, I crack up
laughing.
 
Seth looks at me curiously.

“My friend just sent
me a joke,” I explain with a shrug and hope he doesn’t ask to hear it because
it would be somewhat hard to explain.  I look back at my phone one last
time, a smile playing on my lips as I stare at the stars on my screen. 
It’s a picture of outer space, the Milky Way I think.  Nick is giving me
“space.”

“I am so full,” Emma
says as she lies back on the couch.  I reach down and grab her bare feet,
placing them on my lap and begin to rub them.  “
Mmm
that feels good,” she murmurs in a voice so sexy I have to rearrange her
feet so that they don’t touch my crotch.  I don’t need her to feel my
semi.  “Do you mind if we watch TV?”  She asks.

“Not at all,” I
respond, though I’d much rather do other things, I don’t want to rush
her.  I am happy to hang out together for now.  I just got her back.
 I don’t want to scare her off by pushing too hard again.

“Kat and I usually
watch this together,” she says as she finds the channel she wants.  I
look at the screen and recognise the Aussie drama that I have watched on
occasion.  “It’s our Monday night
thing,
usually
the two of us hang out and have pizza, girl’s night.”

“How long will she be
on her honeymoon?”

“They’ll be back on
Friday.  Kat and Luke decided to cut it a little shy of two weeks so that
they could be here for Ethan’s 21
^st
.”  Ethan is her brother;
she’s told me a lot about him, the two of them seem close.  “Hey you
should come!”

“It’s this Saturday,
right?”  She nods but isn’t looking at me.  She seems a little
distracted.  I wonder what’s on her mind.  “I’d love to come, if
you’re sure.”

“Of course I’m
sure.”
 
She looks back at me and
smiles.  “I want you to meet my family.”

Those words send a
bolt of excitement through me. 
Is this really happening?
 
Only this time yesterday I thought I’d completely blown it when she still
hadn’t returned my call and now here we are relaxing after a meal together and
talking about meeting her family.  She is still looking at me and I have
an overwhelming desire to put my lips to hers.  I gently lift her feet
from my lap and lean forward, positioning myself on the couch, half beside,
half on top of her, so that I can do just that.  Our lips connect and I
feel the desire burning through my veins as she kisses me back.  We kiss
over and over, softly at first then a little more heated.  My hands begin
to wander down her neck towards her breasts, when she pulls her mouth away from
mine.

“Hey commercial
breaks over, my shows on.”  She laughs as she pushes me back.  I sit
up grabbing her feet and replacing them back on my lap, resuming my
massage.  I feel her eyes on me and turn to see her glorious smile. 
“I didn’t think you would be so easily deterred.  I was only half
serious.”

“I’m good.  You
watch your show.”  I sigh in mock exasperation looking back at the TV
screen.  “This only goes for an hour right?”  She laughs and I look
back at her.  The sound of her laughter and the look on her beautiful face
makes me feel so good it hurts my chest.

I’m so tempted to go
to her apartment.  She never responded to my text, my photo of
“space.”  I had hoped I would have got a phone call after that, one where
she laughed down the line.  Giggling at me because she liked my sense of
humour, I thought it was pretty funny.  But I got nothing, and now I’m
sitting in my room contemplating going to see her.  And I can’t.  She
wants “space.”  I never thought I would have a girl asking me for
that.  Especially not one I’m not in a relationship with… not that I’ve
ever been in a relationship… I don’t even know what I’m going on about.

Em
is doing my head in.

How did she go from
the shy attractive girl that I perved on at the station, to the centre of my
whole damn universe?  How did any girl get to me so much?  I have
never allowed that to happen before, and why
Em
? 
She’s too good for me.  I can’t give her want she deserves.  She
deserves a loving relationship.  She wants more than I have to offer her,
and she doesn’t want it with me anyway.  She wants to be my friend. 
Or she did, before she wanted
space
.  What does that even
mean?  How long do I have to stay away from her and give her that
space?  Not too long, I hope.

As soon as the show
finishes Seth pounces on me.  I don’t even get a chance to turn the TV off
before his hands are on my cheeks holding my head in place against the cushion
on my couch.  His tongue is moving around, dancing with mine and I feel
myself getting caught up in the moment.  I have one hand in his hair and
the other on his back.  I twist and tug at his locks as my other hand
moves further down pressing slightly on his lower back.  I am gently
urging him to move closer as I feel his erection between us, almost where I
need it to be.  I wish we weren’t both fully clothed.

“Seth,” I say wanting
him to move us to the bedroom but not being quite able to say it.  I moan
softly when his mouth leaves mine and resettles itself on my neck, his hot lips
and tongue moving around and driving me wild.  I grip him tighter and he
rocks slightly against me but it’s not enough.  One of his hands makes
their way to my breast and he fondles it gently, and it’s still not
enough.  There are too many clothes between us.  I thrust my hips up
to his.  I’m pinned between him and my comfy couch and I figure what the
hell, it’s more comfortable than my bed, so I start to untuck his shirt.

He kisses me on the
lips again before pulling away with a loud groan.  I stare at him
dumbfounded as he hovers over me, his arms straight, his hands on the couch
either side of my head.

“Not
tonight,” he says and I let out a groan even louder than his.  This
makes him chuckle.  “I don’t want to rush this.  I want to be with
you, I do.  But-”

“It’s okay.”  I
smile up at him.  I understand that he is not rejecting me, he is being a
gentleman and after all my speeches about being pressured or rushed into a
relationship, I can’t argue.  He doesn’t want to jeopardise this.  I
get it.  I can wait.  I
should
wait.  He pushes off the
couch and reaches for his jacket that he has slung across the armchair beside
it, before turning back to me with a half-hearted smile and leaning forward to
rest his elbows on his knees.

“I better head
home,” he says when I meet his eyes, those deep brown eyes that are
swarming with desire as I’m sure, are mine.

“Okay,” I say as I
lean over putting my hand on his shoulder and giving him a peck on his
cheek.  We stand and I follow him to the front door.  “I guess I will
see you at work tomorrow then.”

“Can I pick you up in
the morning?  Maybe we could grab breakfast together before work?”

“Sure.”  I open
the door and turn around to face him.  “That sounds great in fact.”

“How about eight
o’clock?”

“I’ll see you
then.”  I nod, stepping aside for him to leave my apartment.  But
instead of just walking past me, he grabs hold of my hand giving it a gentle
kiss on the palm before pulling me in for another searing kiss.  One
thing’s for sure he kisses extremely well.  I cannot wait to find out what
else he does well.

Then he leaves and I
am left wanting again.  What is it about me that
stops
guys from following through? 
First Nick and now Seth.
 
No, that’s not fair or true, what happened with Nick was nothing like what just
happened with Seth.  They don’t even compare.  I smile as I run my
fingers across my lips that Seth just kissed so passionately.  I feel
alive, I feel hope for a wonderful relationship with Seth, a future.  It’s
been so long since I have felt anything remotely like this.  It feels
wonderful.

***

It’s with a feeling
of relief that I open the door to find Seth standing on my doorstep so early on
a Tuesday morning.  Relief that I don’t have to catch the train and see
Nick and relief that I have Seth smiling at me so brightly when I was starting
to wonder if maybe he had forgotten me.

“So sorry I’m
late.  I hit the snooze button one too many times this morning,” he
explains looking a little flustered.

“You do that too
huh?”  I laugh as his arms encircle my waist.

“I was having this
really good dream that I didn’t want to end.  It was about you but
eventually I realised it wasn’t real and I was missing out on this…”  He
kisses me gently.  “So then I came running.”  Then his lips really
crush mine.  He tastes of minty toothpaste as his tongue caresses mine.

“Good morning,” I say
when he eventually pulls away.

“It sure is. 
I’ve been thinking about doing that ever since I left here last night.” 
He leans in for another kiss.  I put my fingers on his lips briefly to
stop him.

“No, come on we’re
going to be late.  I’m not skipping breakfast, I’m hungry.”

“Okay,” he says but
gives me another swift kiss anyway, before pulling me from my apartment.

I have kept my eyes
peeled for
Em
all week and I’ve not once seen her
catching the train.  I also know that she hasn’t been driving her car to
work because it hasn’t moved from her apartment car park, it’s seems to be
parked there all day long. 
Em
and I have joked
before about me being a stalker, that doesn’t seem so funny anymore because now
it’s actually true.  I have been giving her the space she requested but at
the same time, I have been watching her Facebook page like a hawk waiting for
any sign that she is unwell or unhappy because I’m starting to get
worried.  I need to know she is okay.
 
She hasn’t made any posts so I have no clue what is going on with
her.  I’m used to seeing her at the station every day, even before I knew
who she was and it seems strange she’s been missing all week.

“Earth to Nicky,”
Mums voice interrupts my thoughts and I look up to see her standing beside
me.  “What’s wrong with you?  You’ve barely touched your food.” 
I look around the table and see that my parents have both finished their dinner
and their plates have been cleared and yet mine still has half of its contents
on it.

“Sorry.”  She
puts her palm up to my forehead.  “Ma I don’t have a temperature, I’m not
sick, I’m just not that hungry.”  I say pushing my plate away.

“Hmm, is something
worrying you?” she asks picking up my dinner and looking at me with
concern.