Finding My Way

This book is a work of fiction.  Any references to
historical events, real people or real places are either products of the
author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.  Any resemblance to actual
persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

All songs titles and lyrics quoted herein remain the property
of the respective copyright holders.

No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any
form or by any means, without the written permission of the author, unless in
quote form.

This
book is dedicated to my brother who always stood outside the box.  Steven
you were taken too soon and never got the chance to find your way.  I am
forever grateful for all your encouragement to reach for the stars.  I
miss you xx

Finding My Way Playlist

I believe every story
deserves a soundtrack.
 
Movies just
wouldn’t be the same without music, right?
 
I think the same goes for books.
 
Lyrics to songs are also stories in their own right.
 
The beat to a song can add a physical
reaction.
 
Songs can set the tone for a
scene, tell a person’s innermost thoughts, and convey emotions.
 
Here is a list of songs that are either
mentioned in the book, were imagined by me to be playing in the background of a
particular scene, or just provided me with inspiration.
 
I hope you like this music as much as I
do.
 
(Listed in order
of appearance.)

1.
        
We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together – Taylor Swift

2.
        
Trembling Hands – The Temper Trap

3.
        
Lights – Editors

4.
        
An End Has A Start – Editors

5.
        
Shadowplay
– The
Killers

6.
        
All the Pretty Faces – The Killers

7.
        
Change Your Mind – The Killers

8.
        
New Slang – The Shins

9.
        
Sex On Fire – Kings Of Leon

10.
    
The Funeral
– Band Of Horses

11.
    
For Whom
The Bell Tolls - Metallica

12.
    
Get The
Party Started –
P!nk

13.
    
Sexy and I
Know It – LMFAO

14.
    
Keep Your
Head Up – Ben Howard

15.
    
Sometimes –
Miami Horror

16.
    
Feel So
Close – Calvin Harris

17.
    
The Island,
Pt. I (Dawn) – Pendulum

18.
    
Chasing The
Sun – The Wanted

19.
    
Spitting
Fire – The Boxer Rebellion

20.
    
Diamonds –
Ben Howard

21.
    
Only Love –
Ben Howard

22.
    
Little Lion
Man – Mumford & Sons

23.
    
Settle –
Two Door Cinema Club

Sex.
 
It’s all I can think about these days.  I don’t know what’s wrong with
me.  It’s like I am a horny teenaged boy!  But I am not a boy and I
don’t even have the excuse of being a teenager anymore.  I wish I could
get my mind off it.  I like sex, don’t get me wrong.  I just don’t
like
thinking
about it all the time.  And normally I don’t, I
barely think about it.  But the last couple of weeks it seems that’s all
that I
do
think about! 
All
of the time!

Maybe because it has
been a while since I have had any.  I don’t want you to get the wrong idea
about me.  I am not some sex-crazed woman.  I have only been with one
guy… ever.

You know the typical
story.  We were high school sweethearts. 
Inseparable.
 
Friends forever.
  Our futures planned
together.  His name was Josh.  I thought he was ‘The One’.  He
may well have been, if we didn’t change.  I didn’t change.  He didn’t
change.  Truth is I’m not sure what went wrong.  Josh and I just grew
apart I guess?  We were not happy anymore?

We met when we were
both 13.  He was in my history class.  He sat in the seat behind
me.  The first day I saw Josh I was instantly taken by him.  I
thought he was cute.  Then again, I was only 13; I thought most boys were
cute.  No, he was different.  It was his eyes, stunning blue eyes –

“Hey
Emma!
  How was your weekend?”  And there he is. 
Adding fuel to my fire.
  One of the reasons, I think, I
am so obsessed with thoughts of sex.  No not Josh.  It’s Seth. 
The I.T. guy at work.

“Seth,” I blush
looking up from my desk, I glare at his glorious physique.  “Sorry,” I
mumble, “I was daydreaming.”  My eyes finally make my way to his.

“You do that a lot,”
he says.  
Do I?  Oh no, am I that obvious?
  Surely
not!  He must have caught me staring at him more times than I am aware
of.  He smiles and it reaches his lovely brown eyes.  Could I get any
redder?  “So, how was it?”

How was what?
 
I’m so flustered it takes me a second to realise what he’s talking about. 
On Friday he came into the kitchen at work when I was having a conversation
with Sophie about Kat’s hens’ night.  Apart from that conversation, he and
I have barely said more than the occasional hello to one another, so that must
be what he’s referring to.

“Oh… it was a
blast!  Big night!  Kat had a great time… I think.  It’s all a
little blurry.”  I mumble that last bit.

“That good huh?” he
smiles. 
That
smile.  That one smile I keep seeing as I lie in
bed at night, as I try to sleep. 
That smile
. 
The one that randomly pops into my head, at the most inconvenient
times.
  Like this morning when I was buying my train ticket. 
The guy over the counter gave me a huge grin and I wondered why, until I
realised that I had a huge goofy grin plastered on my own face.  I was
thinking of Seth at the time, but the guy at the kiosk must have thought I was
flirting with him.  So he winked at me.  Well he was kind of cute… he
had these dimples… beautiful pale blue eyes… maybe I will see him again… 
Oh get your hormones in check!  He wasn’t the reason you were smiling in
the first place!  Seth was.  Seth is still standing in front of
me.  He is looking at me, probably wondering why I have lost my inability
to speak.  I blush again.  I’m even daydreaming about other guys in front
of him.  What
is
wrong with me?

“Well I’m glad that
it went well,” he says, still smiling, and then he is gone.

The phone rings.

“Good Morning, G
& C Printing, Emma speaking,” I say.

“I hate
Mondays.  How’d you pull up yesterday?” It’s my best friend
Kat,
it was her hens’ night on Saturday night.  Oh
wait, did I already say that?  I am still a little flustered.

“I was rat
shit.  I slept until about two. 
How about you?”

“Yeah I wasn’t much
better.  I had a lazy old day with Luke yesterday.  He wasn’t feeling
the best either.”

“I bet.  How did
his buck’s night go?”

“I don’t think it was
as good as our night.  Josh had to stop a fight between Jake and Marty
when Marty decided to shave Luke’s eyebrow off after he passed out-”

“He didn’t!” I
interrupt.

“No, the boys stopped
him just in time.  Marty is such an idiot!  I don’t know why Luke and
him
remain friends sometimes.  Lucky Jake and
Josh were there.  I would have been mortified if Luke had of come home
minus an eyebrow.  Marty should know better!”  She actually sounds
quite mad. 

“I don’t think that
guy will ever grow up!”  Marty was an idiot most of the time.  He was
Luke’s friend from high school.  Marty and Luke didn’t go to the same high
school as us, but I doubt that Marty has changed at all since he left school,
he is so immature.

“They went to a club
and sang karaoke!” Kat says.  “Can you believe it?  Of course I
thought they would have gone to a strip-joint or had a stripper at home at
least.  But Luke said he told them he wasn’t interested in that.  The
only girl he wants to see naked is me!  He is such a sweetie!”

“That he is.  Or
at least, you have him really whipped!”

“
Em
don’t
say that!” she giggles.  Because she knows
it’s true.  “I wouldn’t have minded if he had a stripper though. 
We
did.”

“I know, and he was
soooo
hot!”  I swoon.  He came dressed as a
cop.  I was the one that organised it for her.  In fact I organised
the whole party.  It was at my apartment.  Well I am the
maid-of-honour after all.  Other than seeing them in movies, I had never
seen a stripper before and was quite shocked at how far he took things. 
He actually rubbed himself on every girl in the room.  Not that I minded,
when it was my turn - like I said, the stripper was
hot!

“What about those
muscles?” Kat exhales loudly.

“He was so damn
ripped!” I blush.  I don’t know why I am blushing. Maybe it is because I
have fantasized about him too.  What
is
wrong with me?

“If I wasn’t already
taken… he was a
god
!
” 
Typical Kat, she thinks that she could get any guy to go for her.  
In fact, she probably could too.  She is gorgeous!  She has beautiful
blonde hair and an amazing figure.  But she only has eyes for Luke, ever
since they started dating about 5 years ago.

They started flirting
at my 18
^th
, no less.  I had met Luke at my
brother
Ethan’s footy game.  His little cousin played in the same team.  We
had spoken a few times at various games and he made friends with my then
boyfriend Josh.  I invited him to my 18
^th
and the moment Kat
and Luke met I could see that spark between them.  It wasn’t long before
they were joined at the hip.  They really are the cutest couple.  Too
cute sometimes, sickly cute, which was especially hard for me when Josh and I
broke up.  It was so hard to be around them when my heart was
breaking.  They tried to tone down their affection when they were around
me.  I wonder if they did that around Josh too.  After all Luke and
Josh are best friends now as well.  They have been ever since Kat and Luke
got together.

“You should have had
a crack,” Kat says, interrupting my thoughts.

“What? 
With the stripper?
  As if I would have a chance! 
He was a stripper for crying out loud, it’s his job to make girls drool. 
I am sure he has beautiful women falling all over him all the time.”

“Well it could have
been fun!  You need some fun!”  Kat says in a more serious tone.

“Oh
yeah.
  A hot night of passion with a god like that!
 
I wish!” 
Actually yes, I think that
is exactly what I need.

“
Em
,
I worry about you.  It has been a year since you and Josh broke up-”

“Eleven months,” I
interrupt to correct her.

“Long
enough!
  You need to get back out there.”

The phone
rings.  “Sorry Kat I
gotta
go.  I’ve got a
call coming in.”

“Ok.  I’ll see
you tonight, help you tidy up.”