Finding My Way (10 page)

I pull out, flush the
condom and do up my pants while she adjusts her clothes and leaves the
stall.  She’s standing at the mirror fixing her hair when I follow. 
I catch my reflection and see something I don’t recognise as ever being on my
face before… after a moment I realise what it is… shame.  It’s the look of
shame.  I blink and it’s gone, what do I have to be ashamed about? 
She attacked me.

“Thanks.”  She
smirks at me when she sees me in the reflection.

“You’re welcome,” I
say with nod and a wink.  I see that there are quite a few more girls in
the bathroom than I noticed on the way in.  A few of them eye me with
disgust, which I choose to ignore, instead I focus on the ones that bat their
eyes and smile, their looks seem to say ‘me next, please’.

I pick out a gorgeous
blonde, grab her hand and ask her if she wants to dance.  She just nods
enthusiastically, starry eyed and I have to wonder if she’s drunk.  I pull
her from the bathroom anyway and we head back to the dance floor.

As we pump and grind
to the music the blonde continues to give me flirtatious glances.  I just
know that I could take this girl back to the bathroom and do her too if I
wanted.  That power gives me a rush but it also makes me feel a little
ill.  Does this girl have absolutely no self-respect?  She is dressed
like a tart in her skimpy tank top and tiny shorts and she’s got her hands all
over me.  She knows exactly what I just did with the redhead, and yet she
seems more than willing to go there with me too.

She puts her arms
around my neck and pulls me down to her level.  We start making out on the
dance floor.  Tongues twisting together, but I’m just not feeling it so
pull away and I tell her I’ve got to go and then I leave the club.

I wake up feeling
well sore and oh so sick of my bed.  I eat a big breakfast of cereal,
toast and a banana, which is a good effort for me.  I go to the extra
trouble of curling my hair again and put on a white shirt, black jacket, and my
boots with a knee length blue denim skirt.  There is something empowering
about wearing a skirt.  I don’t know what it is, but since I decided to ‘
move
on’
I feel the need to empower myself in some way.  I better go
shopping for some more skirts then.

As I stand at the
platform waiting for my train, I have a big stretch.  I really need to get
a new mattress.  I have been waking up so stiff and sore lately. 
When Josh and I first moved into the apartment together we pooled all our funds
to pay for a fridge, microwave, and washing machine (that just fits into my
bathroom, I don’t have a laundry).  After paying for the bond and first
month’s rent as well, we didn’t have much money left over for a bed.  We
settled on a cheap black metal framed thing and a cheap mattress. It’s not a
bad looking bed but it has never been that comfortable.

A couple of months
after we moved in we managed to purchase two white bedside tables and a
matching chest of drawers.  That meant we no longer needed to keep our
clothes in suitcases and piles on the floor, so that was good.  We always
intended to upgrade the bed at some stage too but never got to it.

When Josh and I broke
up we split things pretty evenly.  He took the couches, I kept the bedroom
furniture, he took the fridge,
I
kept the microwave, and
so on.  He wanted out of the apartment so he signed the lease over to me
and found a place nearby.  He didn’t want the bed, he complained about the
hardness of it more than I did.  I didn’t particularly want it either, but
I needed somewhere to sleep.

I take another
stretch and feeling the stiffness in my lower back I wonder how much a whole
new bed would cost.  I must look into that.

“Having a good
stretch are we
Em
?”  Nick yells rather loudly
from his booth.  People stop to stare at him and then following his line
of sight, they stare at me.  It is totally embarrassing!  I think
rather than allow him to continue the embarrassment it would be better if I
just go talk to him, so I walk over to the kiosk.  “Good morning
sunshine!  How are we today?” he asks, light blue eyes sparkling.

I wake up feeling
like shit yet again.  But this time it’s not with a hangover, I didn’t
really drink that much.  It’s because I can’t stop thinking about the
redhead last night.  The more I think about it the more I am repulsed by
her.  Don’t get me wrong the sex was good, as random sex in the bathroom
normally is, but there was something about that girl that was just not
right.  When I got home last night I went straight for the shower. 
Then when I got up this morning I showered again, just trying to get her
essence off me.  Random images of her keep popping up in my head, they
make me shudder.  I’m not sure why.

Then I keep thinking
about the hot little blonde number that was just laying it all out for me on
the dance floor.  I turned her down, I never turn girls down, but I just
wasn’t feeling it with her.  And yet I get semi-hard when I think about
the dream I had last night.  It was about a particular brown-haired,
green-eyed girl with blushing red cheeks, my new friend,
Em
. 
In my dream she was not blushing with the embarrassment this time though, but
from exertion, if you catch my drift.

I spot her as soon as
she arrives at the station, though she doesn’t look in my direction once. 
I watch her as she pulls her arms above her head and stands on her toes as she
stretches her back out.  Then she moves her arms out sideways and arches
backwards.  Oh how I would like to assist her with that.  I wish she
would just turn and face me, but at the same time I am enjoying the show.

“Having a good
stretch are we
Em
?” I yell out when it becomes
apparent that she is never going to turn in my direction.  She looks at me
and blushes that lovely shade of pink again.  She self-consciously looks
around for a moment and then walks to the booth.  “Good morning
sunshine!  How are we today?” I ask when she reaches me.  She is even
more stunning than she was in my dreams last night.

“A bit stiff,” she
answers me and I almost have a heart attack right there on the spot. 
Choice words considering how stiff she makes me.

“Been a bit
boisterous in the bedroom have we?” I joke, when I recover myself from her
comment.  I sure hope that is not the reason.  Her pink cheeks grow
even darker, and even if I don’t get the answer I want, I know my comment was
worth it, just for that look.  “I see… lucky, lucky man.  I hope
he’s deserving
...”  I immediately want to meet this guy
and punch him in the face.

“No I haven’t- I’m
not seeing anyone!” she fumbles. 
Yes!

“Oh
really?
  So what’s got you so stiff and sore?”

“I need a new bed,”
she says innocently.  I take in a sharp breath of air. 
That
was not the answer I was expecting!  The thought of this girl and a bed…
whoa!  Not that I wasn’t already thinking along those lines anyway.

“Well I have some
free space in mine, anytime you want, baby.”  Her cheeks go even darker
still, which I did not think would be possible.  It is just the reaction I
wanted from her.  She looks smoking hot!  She tries unsuccessfully to
hide a smile and quickly turns away as the train pulls in.

“Have a great day
Em
!”  I shout to her, hoping to embarrass her even
further.

“Bye Nick!” she yells
back as she quickly looks over her shoulder.  She purposely sits with her
back to me on the train but I notice a red ear and can tell that she is still
blushing.

I can’t believe the
nerve of that guy!  When Nick yelled out to me just then I felt as if
everyone at the train station had their eyes on me.  Why does he make me
feel so flabbergasted?  His comment about sharing his bed made me so
embarrassed and I am disappointed in myself for not having some equally flirty
comeback.  I am no good at this stuff!  When I finally get on the
train I sit with my back to Nick and don’t look in his direction again.  I’m
too afraid that he will catch me looking and I don’t want him to have the
satisfaction.  As much as his comments embarrass me I can’t help but
smile.  The guy is hot and the fact that he even bothers flirting with me
is such a confidence boost.

Wednesdays are always
a busy day at work.  We have our weekly office staff meeting at
10am.  It’s my job to make sure that all the previous meeting notes are
copied, collated and ready to distribute.  As the receptionist I also have
the unlucky task of organising the tea and coffee for everyone.  Honestly,
I don’t know why we can’t just have the meeting in the
kitchen,
it’s big enough for everyone to fit in.  I have to make so many trips back
and forth, taking all the supplies to the board room.  Supplying morning tea
for everyone is quite the task.

Just as I finish
arranging the Tim Tams on a plate in the centre of the table Seth walks
in.  He’s the first to arrive.  He is
never
the first to
arrive.  I redden as I remember our encounter in the elevator yesterday morning,
and my face reddens even more when I remember how the elevator doors closed in
his face as I left work last night.  This is the first time I have seen
him since then.  Should I mention anything about the elevator doors? 
Apologise for not stopping the doors from closing on him?  Am I still
blowing the whole situation out of proportion?  I opt for not saying
anything at all, even though he is looking at me like he expects me to say
something. 
Surely not about that?

I’m glad today’s
Wednesday. 
It’s
staff meeting time, which means
that I can be in the same room as Emma for a while.  I’ve noticed her
clearing the morning tea away after previous meetings so I figure she might
also set it all up.  When it gets close to 10am I make my way to the
meeting room, hoping to catch her alone.

She looks stunning
again today.  She is wearing a long denim skirt and a white shirt,
transparent enough that I can just make out her bra line.  She has rosy
cheeks and her hair is hanging gloriously in all the right places, and by that
I mean curving along her breasts drawing my eyes in that direction.

“Good morning
Emma.  Did you get out of bed on the right side again this morning?” I ask
and smile when she blushes.

“
Mornin
’.
Yes thank you Seth.”  She seems to be
thinking of something else and I don’t know what else to say.  I want to
ask her out.  I don’t think I will go clubbing with Sophie and her
friends, it’s not really my thing, I would prefer to go out with just Emma on
Saturday night instead.  That’s if she’ll say yes.  I remember that
Emma’s friends’ wedding is on soon, maybe even this weekend.  I have to
pay her more attention, but I don’t want to appear too keen.

“So you and your
friend… Kat is it?  Are you all organised for the big day?” I ask.

“Yes.”  She
stutters, “Um, just a final dress fitting to go and that’s about it.”

“You’re the
bridesmaid, yeah?”

“Maid-of-honour
actually.”
  She says proudly.  I like that she is so precise.

“So you and Kat are
close?” 

“You could say
that.  We have been best friends since we were ten years old.”  She
smiles, with a fond look in her eyes.
 
She is obviously very loyal to her friend, which is a good quality to
possess.

“And the wedding is
it-”

“Good morning
Seth!”  Julia interrupts me as she walks in.

“Good morning Julia,”
I say through gritted teeth.  Talk about timing!

Julia sends Emma off
to run an errand a short time later.  I don’t get another chance to speak
to her as the meeting drones on and on.  I can’t help but watch as Emma
busily scribbles away on her note pad.  Occasionally looking up at whoever
is speaking and tucking her hair behind her ears, but it never seems to stay
there long as she bows her head again to write some more.  I admire the
way that she is so professional and
seems
so capable
as she answers the phone in-between note taking.

I would like to hang
back when the meeting ends but I don’t want to appear too obvious to everybody
so I head back to my office.  A few minutes later I come back out and as I
head down the corridor I spot Emma carrying a tray of cups from the meeting
room.  She looks like she’s struggling; she has stacked too much on there
so I decide to give her a hand.

The meeting goes for
over an hour.  The phones are not too busy, thankfully, and I manage to
take some notes in between phone calls, which I always divert to the boardroom
for the staff meeting.  Sophie is the main note taker, and does the
meeting minutes.  Even though I am only in charge of the distribution of
the minutes, I like to take my own notes for my records and as practise for
when I fill in for Sophie on occasion. 

When the meeting
ends, everyone filters out leaving me to make a start on clearing all the
dishes, which is probably the worst part of my job.  I am not a cleaner,
yet I have to wash everyone’s dishes!  I think I can cut the trips to the
kitchen down if I stack a few extra cups on the tray.  The first trip goes
well, so on the second trip I put even more on the tray.  Yes I think I
can get this done in just two trips today.  Just as I make my way through
the door the top cup starts to tip and to keep it balanced I overcompensate,
tilting the tray too far and everything topples to the ground.