Finding My Way (36 page)

He leans back down to
give me one more lingering kiss before stepping back and clearing his throat.

“I’ll uh, see you
tomorrow.”  Seth surprises me by putting an end to our date, making my
decision for me.  “Maybe we can do something tomorrow night?”

I almost say an
automatic yes, but this niggly feeling of other plans are at the back of my
mind.  It takes me a moment to realise that my other plans may, or may not
be, with another man, which instantly makes me flush with guilt again.  I’ve
never been in this situation before. 
How do I say no, sorry, can’t see
you then as I have tentative plans with another guy?  Shit!

He takes my silence
as a negative answer, allowing me to not give one at all, he answers for me
again.

“Raincheck?
 
Too much, too soon?” he says looking apologetic but then chuckles
uncomfortably. 
Now I really feel terrible!
  “Don’t
answer.  I will see you at work tomorrow,” he says as he gives my arm
a light squeeze.

“Thanks Seth, I’ve
had a wonderful night,” is all I can manage to squeak out.

“Me
too.
  Good night Emma.”  He smiles before placing a kiss on my
cheek and walking away.

When I get inside, I
go to the bathroom and strip off my wet clothes.  Even though I had a
shower before my date with Seth, I decide to take another one.  As I stand
under the soothing spray of hot water, I contemplate what I am feeling for
Seth.  He makes me feel so safe, happy and special.  I love spending
time with him.  He has made his feelings pretty clear that he wants a
relationship with me.  Things are happening so fast… but it does feel
good.  I can see myself falling for him so easily.

So why do I keep
thinking about Nick?

Em
rushes past my booth this morning, again.  This time she is not a sexy,
wet goddess, but rather a sweet and slightly flustered contradiction to the
girl I saw yesterday.  She purposely looks anywhere but at me.  What
is that about?

I give out a loud
wolf-whistle and she stops to shoot daggers in my direction.  Her face
reddens in the way that I love.

“Morning
Nick!
  Sorry I
gotta
run!”  She
breathes and then continues hastily towards the waiting train.

“No worries, I’ll see
you tonight!”

Her head flicks
quickly back in my direction and the look on her face is priceless.  She
looks so shy, so embarrassed, more than I have noticed before, she looks like
she is almost scared.  So different to the
Em
I
encountered yesterday.  What on earth is going on with her?

Ever since seeing her
dripping wet in front of me yesterday I have been wondering just that.  I
know I have only just met her, but I still thought that I was beginning to get
to know her, and then she showed a different side to herself and it completely
threw me for a loop.  Now today she is back to the easily embarrassed shy
girl I thought she was. 

It’s like I got a
glimpse of a sex kitten just scratching to get out. 
I would really
like to help her with that. 
She is normally so easily riled and I get
a perverse pleasure from watching her come undone right in front of me. 
But yesterday was something different, she oozed sex appeal and confidence and
it made her so much
more
attractive.  It made me want her so much
more
. 
It made her impossible to forget, impossible to put out of my mind.  It
made me jealous of any guy that has ever had a chance with her, and of every
guy that may have one in her future.

I have been itching
to see her all morning, why did she have to be running late? 
Again?

I purposely ran late
for work again this morning.  I just couldn’t bear the thought of facing
Nick. 
I know, I’m a coward!
  I
propositioned him and now I cannot even face him.  But now, sitting on the
train, I realise that I can’t avoid him forever.  I probably can’t even
avoid him for the rest of today.  I have to figure out what is going on
between us, if anything.  The more I think about it, the more I convince
myself that Nick is a player and if I make a play for him, of course, he’s
going to take me up on it.  Even if it doesn’t mean much to him, I expect
him to contact me at some point today.  Well I asked him to
didn’t
I?  He said he wanted friendship, but I don’t
think that he is the type of guy that would ever pass up sex, no matter which
female was offering.

And maybe that is all
it is between us. 
Sex.
  I have an
overwhelming sexual attraction to him, of that, I am certain.  Also, I
don’t think he will object to letting me be his next conquest, whether he is
that attracted to me or not.

Taking a seat on the
train, I see Nick’s face in my mind.  The gleam in his gorgeous light blue
eyes, that don’t seem like they quite belong.  Those wrinkles he gets
beside them when he smiles. 
The dimples... oh god those dimples!
 
His messy curly hair that I am dying to run my hands through, it looks so
soft.  And his body, well, I can’t help but imagine all that muscle sans
clothing.  I feel myself getting excited just trying to picture him
shirtless.
 
The rocking movement of the
train doesn’t help to ease my needs in the slightest.

So tonight I’m going
to have a one-night-stand.  Something I have never done before and will
probably never do again.  It feels like a rite of passage or something,
you know?  An item to tick off a bucket list… and that just seems harsh,
thinking of Nick as an item to be ticked off.  Am I really going to use him
for sex?

Ah, who am I
kidding?  Nick does that sort of thing all the time, I’m sure.  He
won’t care if I use him; in fact, he would probably be relieved to finally get
it over with.  Then he wouldn’t have to hang around pretending to be my
friend, right?

By the time I’m
seated at my desk I almost have myself convinced that I am doing the right
thing. 
Almost.
  Nick and I will both be
getting what we want and then we can both move on.  It’s not like Seth and
I
are
actually a couple or anything so I don’t have to
feel guilty about giving into my desires with someone else… do I?

The office phone
rings interrupting my thoughts.  It’s an internal call and I see Seth’s
name on the screen.

“Hi
Seth.”

“Good Morning. 
I had a great time last night.”  His smooth voice slides down the phone.

“Me
too.”
  I blush.

“So when can I see
you again?”

“I um…”  Why do
I feel so damn guilty?  I haven’t done anything wrong… yet!

“Emma?  Am I
being too pushy?”

“No!  No, I’ve
just got a lot on at the moment… with the wedding and all.”  I close my
eyes hoping that he buys it.

“Of course, I
understand.”

“Maybe we can get
together next week sometime?”  I say squeezing my eyes shut tighter before
opening them again.

“Sure.”

Then there is an
awkward pause and for some reason I fill it with, “Do you want to grab a bite
for lunch today?”

“Yes.  That
would be gr-”

“Oh shit!”  I
interrupt.  “Sorry!  I forgot I have a lunch meeting with Julia and
some clients today.”

“Okay,” he
answers, sounding disappointed, and then he quickly recovers, “Would you like a
coffee?  I could bring one to your desk.”

“Really?
 
A cup of
tea
would be great, actually.”

“White,
one sugar?”

“Yes, thank
you.” 

“Coming right
up,” he answers swiftly then hangs up.

I try to concentrate
on my work while I impatiently wait for Seth to bring me a cuppa, and try to
push aside feelings of guilt and nervousness.

Again, I’m being too
pushy!  I need to pull my head in, I know.  But for some reason I
can’t help myself when it comes to Emma.  I’m worried that she is going to
push me away, decide that she’s not interested in a relationship…  And I’m
worried about myself, I honestly don’t know why I’m acting so clingy… well
other than the fact that I’m really interested in her.

I go to the kitchen
to make myself a coffee and Emma a tea and then walk to reception.  Emma’s
looking as lovely as ever as I place it in front of her.  I feel her eyes
on me but when mine make contact with hers she quickly glances away, looking
tense.  Why do I get the feeling that she is pulling away from me
already? 

“How did you know how
I take my tea?” she asks looking at me with an unreadable expression.

“I’m the I.T. guy I-”

“-
know everything
,” she
finishes for me with a glint in her eye and a gorgeous smile on her face as she
visibly relaxes. 
What is that about?  Why was she so tense in the
first place?

“That’s
right,” I say taking a sip of my coffee.  Her eyes still locked on
mine.  “No I’m just observant is all.  I have been in the kitchen
with you a few times now you know.”  She doesn’t say anything to that,
just nods.  I move around to the front of the high part of her desk and
put my coffee cup on top, cupping it with my hands.

“So,” she says with a
small smile playing on her lips.

“So,” I reply, loving
the way it makes me feel.  I watch as she takes a sip of her tea. 
“A client lunch today?
 
First one?”

“Yep.
 
I’m a little nervous actually.”

“Understandable.” 
Maybe that’s all that she was tense about.  “You’ll be fine, I’m sure
Julia wouldn’t throw you to the wolves.”

“True.  She’s a
good boss.”

“Well I’ll leave you
to it,” I say when the phone starts ringing.

“Thanks for the tea
Seth,” she says before she answers the call and I walk back to my office.

I don’t have a choice
but to concentrate as Julia replays her plan of attack for today’s lunch
meeting.  I welcome the distraction from thoughts of Seth and Nick. 
As Julia parks her car across the street from the offices of a small financial
consulting firm called O’Callaghan & Fitzgerald Financing, in Port Melbourne,
I recognise the business name from previous letters and filing back at the
office.  It’s somewhat surreal to now actually be in front of the client’s
building.

“So Emma, take a deep
breath and relax.  You don’t have to do or say anything today, just
watch.”  Julia says reassuringly.

“Okay.”  I nod
and smile a genuine smile as I take in her soothing words.  I hadn’t
realised that my nervousness was showing so freely.

We both get out of
the car and cross the street to the office.  I am introduced as Julia’s
assistant to the two men who are the partners that run the company, John
O’Callaghan and Tom Fitzgerald.  I shake hands with them both and then we
precede to the café a couple of doors down from their office.

While we are waiting
for our lunches to arrive, I listen attentively as Julia pitches her
advertising campaign to the men.  She shows them some mock up ads that she
had prepared and they seem impressed, and request that she goes ahead as soon
as possible.  I’m in awe of Julia and the way she so confidently talks to
them both.  I wish I had that confidence.

By the time the food
arrives, the business side of things has ended and Julia tucks all the
paperwork away into her briefcase.  The topic of conversation eases into
something a lot more casual and sociable.  Being new to this I don’t add
much but when the youngest of the two, Tom, turns from his seat beside me and
asks how long I have been at the company I have no choice but to give him my
attention.

“About two years
now,” I say as I push some more salad onto my fork and take another bite.

“You seem familiar,
but I don’t think we’ve met before, have we?”  I look him over then, and
no, I have never seen him before.  I would have remembered if I had. 
He is very attractive, sandy blond hair, maybe thirty years old.

“No I don’t think
so.  Unless you’ve been to the office, I’m usually on reception.”

“Aha!  You’re
the receptionist.  Right!” he says excitedly, causing my heart to
beat rapidly.  “No, I’ve never been into the office but we must have
spoken half a dozen times at least.  I knew you were familiar, it must be
your voice.”

“Right.
 
That must be it.”  I say as his eyes take on
a warmth
as he stares back at me, making me blush.
 
Then it hits me. 
“Oh Tom!
  Now I
remember!  Yes we have spoken before.”  In fact, he has always seemed
so friendly on the phone.  I don’t know why I hadn’t put it together
before now.

“You just had one of
those “Aha moments” too, didn’t you?”  He asks me with a charming smile on
his lips.

“Yes, yes I
did.”  I giggle around my mouthful of food.

From that moment on I
relax into an easy conversation with both Tom and his older business partner,
along with Julia.  By the end of the lunch, I can’t believe that I
actually just got paid to be there.

We say goodbye to the
two men in front of the café.  As Julia promises John that she will get
all the paperwork emailed over this afternoon, Tom shakes my hand a little
longer than necessary and then gives me his business card.

“Well, it was a
pleasure meeting you Emma.  It was good to put a face to that lovely
voice.  Please call me sometime.  We could do dinner.”  Before I
can say anything, he turns to walk back to his office with John, turning to
look at me with a slightly shy smile before entering the building.