Finding My Way (34 page)

“Sure Nick. 
I’ll see you then.”

“’Night
Em
.”

I had a feeling that
she wouldn’t be home.  No lights on in her apartment were a dead giveaway
after all.  What was I thinking?  She was sitting in the dark? 
Or she had turned in that early?  I glance at my watch.  It’s only a
little after eight.  Even a good girl like
Em
wouldn’t go to bed
that
early.  So she’s out, with a friend and I’m
disappointed.  I haven’t seen her since I left her apartment on
Sunday.  Only two days and I can’t wait to see her again.  What has
gotten into me?

It must be
boredom.  I had an early dinner with the folks then headed to the gym for
an hour and on my way home I got bored.  I just happened to be passing
Em’s
place, as I’ve done a million times before I knew it
was hers, and thought she could ease my boredom.  That’s all it is. 
Dan has plans with Jo, of course, and I’m at a loose end.

Who am I
kidding?  That’s not it at all, that girl has totally gotten under my
skin.  I barely know her yet thoughts of
Em
have
plagued me since I last saw her and it’s not something I can ignore. 
Wanting a girl is nothing new, but knowing that I’m not going to hook up with
her any time soon is driving me crazy.

It’s not as if I’ve
never felt rejection before, if she rejected my advances I could handle
that.  I could be her friend, I guess.  But the thing is I don’t
think that
Em
would say no to me and she is not the
kind of girl that I could use for sex just the once and then walk away.  I
just know that I would want her again. 

The more I think
about it the more I am realising that I like this new friendship we have. 
As much as I want to sleep with her, I also want her around and I don’t want to
ruin it.  If only I could figure out how to get her to agree to some type
of casual arrangement.

Seeing Emma at work
today and not touching her was difficult, especially after the way we were last
night.  At work however, we kept our relationship a secret and carried on
as if it was just any other day and we were just any other work
colleagues.  It made the whole thing seem somewhat dangerous like if we
were caught, or something, we might get in trouble.  It was a little weird
to be honest, but I’m not sure how Emma feels about us yet and I haven’t been
able to bring it up.  I suppose we should just give it a little time to
see where things lead before we announce to everyone we work with that we are a
couple.  We are a couple, aren’t we?  Maybe it’s too soon to even call
us that.  All I know
is
I want to be by her side
all the time and I don’t want to hide that fact.

I spent the day
totally distracted but trying to look like I was actually working and hiding
the fact that I was really trying to catch glimpses of Emma every second. 
By the time five o’clock came around I was just so ready for the day to
end.  Ready to spend time with her, but when I asked Emma out for dinner I
was sorely disappointed to find out she had plans with her folks and Kat. 
Walking to the train station, holding her hand, all I could think about was the
fact that I was going to be getting off the train alone.

Once we made it to a
seat on the carriage, I pulled her into my arms and kissed her.  It was
supposed to be just a quick kiss but once I got a taste, I couldn’t bring
myself to stop.  As my hands roamed her face, her neck, back, waist, I was
so turned on I found it hard to keep them from slipping under her
clothes.  I was barely aware of the people surrounding us but somehow managed
to keep the show PG rated, until we said goodbye and I hopped off at the right
station this time.

I walked from the
station to the mechanic, picked up my car and headed home. 
Which is where I sit now, in my room, bored shitless.
 
Max is in the lounge as usual playing on computers, but thankfully he is
wearing the headphones I got him.  Kevin is out, as always.  So here
I sit, all alone again, thoughts of Emma flooding my mind.

Avoiding Mum’s
questions after hanging up from Nick was even more difficult than I could have
imagined.  Mum and I are close and I never keep things from her, but
telling her about Nick was impossible when I don’t even know how to explain it
to myself.  I couldn’t tell her that the phone call was the guy from the
train station wondering why he hadn’t seen me the last couple of
mornings, that
would just sound creepy and weird.  I
couldn’t tell her that he was a guy I was
dating,
we’d
only been on one
accidental
date.
 
I honestly don’t know if he will ask me out again, when he so obviously
thinks of me as a friend.

So I settled with
“just a friend,” when Mum asked who was calling and when she asked why they
thought I was avoiding them, I said they were only joking.  When I didn’t
elaborate I was met by a hurt look in her eyes, which made me wish I didn’t
answer the phone at all.

Kat walked me to my
car when we finally finished all the boxes for the wedding.  When I
replayed the phone conversation with Kat in the driveway, at her request of
course, she said that it was obvious that Nick was making a booty call. 
Which is ridiculous!
  He doesn’t see me that way. 
He is a friend that just happened to be in the area and thought to call in,
that’s all.

I’m
so
disappointed that I wasn’t home.

It is pouring with
rain, which makes most of the customers I’ve had to deal with all morning quite
crabby, which in turn makes me crabby too.

“Hey Nick,” I hear
Em’s
sweet voice which instantly lifts my mood.

“
Em
.”
  I look up to see her damp hair hanging over
her face slightly hiding her shining green eyes.  “How are you today?”

“
Wet
,” she
says all breathy.  It’s amazing how much damage one word can do to a man’s
body.  She smiles flirtatiously and bats her lashes at me.  She licks
her lips.  No shyness apparent in her at all.  It makes my dick wake
up instantly.  Where is little, sweet, innocent
Em
this morning?

“I can see
that.”  I manage to mumble in reply as I watch a droplet of water slowly
make its way down the side of her face and then continue down her neck where it
disappears past the collar of her shirt, across her heaving breasts and down,
down…
lucky drop
.  She looks like pure sex.  She is wearing a
grey trench coat that is open, revealing a tight little black skirt, and a
white shirt that is unbuttoned enough to show just a hint of the white lace of
her bra, and damp enough to expose even more.  Her hair is soaked and I
ache to grab hold of it.  I swallow hard.  It should be illegal to
look that good on such a crabby morning.

When my eyes finally
make their way back to her face I watch as hers glance towards the train that
has just pulled in, then flicker over my face as if she’s searching for
something.

“So… I just wanted to
say hi,” she says in possibly the
most sexy
voice
I have ever heard.

“Hi,” I reply
huskily, leaning forward over the counter to get a closer look at her. 
God,
hasn’t she heard of an umbrella?

“I’m busy tonight,
but if you’re available tomorrow night feel free to stop by my place
again,” she says with a confidence that I haven’t seen on her
before. 
Where did that come from?
 
God, now she’s biting
her bottom lip!  What the hell? 
 “Um so… text me,” she
adds with a bashful smile before it quickly falters and a hint of nervousness
touches her eyes, then she turns away towards the train.

“Sure. 
Ah… bye
Em
!”
 I call out to
her, astonished as to where this newfound confidence has come from.  And
wondering what it means exactly.

My heart is
practically jumping from my chest.  I flop down on the seat of the train
in my soaked clothes and let out a sigh.  I did it!  I’m shaking, but
I did it! 
I can’t believe I did that!
  I have never done
anything so bold in all my life!  I have no idea how I pulled that
off. 
If I even pulled it off
.

I quickly look out
the window towards Nick’s booth for reassurance that that just happened. 
He is staring at me with a ginormous smile plastered on his face, a smile that
I cannot help but return.  By the look on his face, I think maybe I
did
pull it off.  Then the train starts to move and I tear my eyes away from
him.

I spent all last
night and all of this morning going over my conversation with Kat about Nick’s
phone call.  He was at a loose end last night and called me. 
Me!
 
Could it possibly be a booty call?  It is Nick after
all,
it definitely seems like his MO.  From the little time we have spent
together I thought he just wanted to be friends, and maybe he does, but after
mulling it over some more I figured, what the hell.  I decided that I
wasn’t going to wait around for him to call or approach me again.  I
decided that I was going be the bravest I have ever been, put myself out there
and see what happens.  He asked me to
come
say hi
and so I did just that.

I purposely left my
umbrella at home and got considerably soaked hoping to incite a physical
reaction from him.  I just hope that I looked as sexy as I felt when his
eyes were devouring me from head to toe. 

I threw myself at
him. 
Oh god, I really did.
  He could still say no and we
could just be friends right?  Shit, he could say no.  What if he
doesn’t come over? 
Or call or text?

Or
worse…

What if he does?

***

By the time I reach
the office I’m starting to panic about what I have just done.  How could I
possibly be offering myself up to a guy that I barely know?  That’s just
not me.  When the elevator doors open, I see Seth leaning against my desk
and I feel completely guilty.  Since Nick’s phone call last night, I have
barely given Seth another thought.  He’s straightens up when he sees me, a
wide smile breaking across his handsome face.  As I approach him I watch
his beautiful brown eyes look me up and down and I feel even worse.

“Good morning
Emma.”  He chuckles and shakes his head.  “I think you better invest
in an umbrella.”

“Morning
Seth.”
  I swallow the huge lump of guilt that has formed in my
throat.  Yes, I’m still quite damp but nothing like I was when I tramped
it up for Nick.

“Good morning Emma.
 Get caught in the rain huh?”  Julia smiles as she enters the
reception area.

“Ah, yeah I forgot to
grab my umbrella when I left home.”  I smile uneasily through my lie,
looking back and forth between Julia and Seth as I approach them both.

“See you in my office
in ten?” she asks and I nod before she returns to her office.

I walk around Seth
and put my bag behind my desk.  I take my jacket off and hang it on the
back of my chair.  The whole time I’m conscious of Seth’s eyes on
me.  When I look up our eyes lock and I feel my face heat with
embarrassment before I look away.  I remind myself that he has no idea of
what a fool I am, no idea of what I just did at the train station and so I have
no reason to feel embarrassed. 
Ashamed… maybe.

“I’ll uh… just go
freshen up,” I say to him and make my way back around the desk, past him and
towards the toilets.  Sophie is the only person at work that knows Seth
and I have been seeing each other so we have been playing it low key at
work.  I’m aware of Seth following me at a short distance behind as I walk
down the corridor but I don’t acknowledge him.  I duck in to the bathroom,
grab some paper towel and start to dab the moisture from my neck.

When Emma gets off
the elevator I feel my heart soar.  When I notice that she is wet I feel…
other things.  I greet her with a gulp and cannot take my eyes off her as
she removes her jacket revealing a dampened white shirt giving me that déjà vu
feeling yet again.

“I’ll uh… just go
freshen up,” she says as she walks back around her desk.  I’m so
drawn to her that I silently follow.  I’m not sure if she wants me to or
not, but when she walks into the bathroom I do too.  I stand back watching
from the side as she
pats
down her chest with the
paper towel.  She turns her head slightly when she reaches her neckline
and that’s when she spots me.

“Seth!”  She
jumps.  “I didn’t realise you actually followed me
in
here! 
You can’t be in the ladies!”  She scolds me then quickly looks up and down
the room.  My eyes follow hers and I notice that luckily all the stalls
are empty.  I shrug and walk over to her, finding it impossible to keep my
hands off her when she looks so damp and delicious.

“I just wanted to
say…” I grab her around the waist and pull her against me.  “Good
morning.”  Then I kiss her, gentle at first but when she responds by
moving her arms around my neck our kisses get a little more urgent.  Our
arms encircle one another pulling us closer as our mouths work together
hurriedly.

We pull our mouths
apart when we hear footsteps near the bathroom door, obviously female high
heels clicking.  Frozen in each other’s arms we look at each other with
baited breath trying not to laugh.  We both let a sigh of relief out when
the footsteps move away.