Finding My Way (16 page)

The waitress brings
our drinks and I take a big gulp.  What am I doing here?  How did I
get here?  I had no intention of dating Nick or even going out tonight to
dinner with anyone.  It has been such a strange day.

Nick returns to the
booth but instead of sitting back beside me he chooses to sit opposite
me.  What does that mean?

“That’s better, now I
can see your face,” he says as he answers my unspoken question.  “Did you
miss me?”  He is such a flirt!

“No.”  I answer
and return his cheeky smile.

“You wound me
again!  I guess I wasn’t gone long enough.”

“No.” I kid.

“So we’re back to
monosyllables then?”  He says with a chuckle and a gloriously sexy smile,
revealing his adorable dimples to me again.

“Yes.” I smile back
at him, holding back a laugh.

He stares at me as he
takes a swig of his beer.  I take another gulp of mine too holding his
penetrating pale blue eyed gaze.  We sit silently for a few moments,
glancing at each other occasionally.  Surprisingly though it’s not too
awkward.  In fact it’s quite the opposite.

“So do you live
around here then?”  I ask, trying to make conversation.

“Yes.”

“Have you lived here
for long?”

“Yes,” he says
again.

“Are you only ever
going to speak in monosyllables?”  I ask through laughter.

“Yes.”  He lets
out a small chuckle.  He keeps eye contact as he takes another
drink.  But my eyes drift lower, watching his neck movement as he swallows
is so sexy.

Our food arrives then
and I realise that I am actually very hungry.  I remember how messy
Mexican food can be, so I remove my jacket and put it down on the bench seat
beside me.  The food is delicious and I’m grateful for my shortish sleeves
on my kaftan as I have taco sauce running down my forearms.

Nick notices the mess
I’m making and laughs at me.  For some reason I don’t feel embarrassed
this time.  I throw a piece of lettuce at him instead.  It hits him
in the cheek and tumbles down his arm, landing on the table, and that makes him
laugh even harder.  His laugh is infectious and soon I’m giggling
uncontrollably again.

Em
takes her jacket off when our tacos arrive and I can’t help but let my eyes
wander over her again.  Luckily I don’t think she notices when my eyes
linger on her low cut top revealing a delicious amount of cleavage.

We eat in
silence.  I love the way she tucks into her food with her hands.  One
thing I dislike about so many girls is the way they try to eat in a dainty
manner, not making a mess, never finishing what’s on their plate, or only
ordering a bloody salad, watching their weight. 
Em
doesn’t seem to be one of those girls.  Her hair is untidy from all the
testing of mattresses that we did earlier and the mess she is making with her
dinner makes her look wild and sexy.  Especially the way she keeps licking
the sauce off her lips.

I notice the taco
sauce dripping down her arms as she eats.  It’s a turn on, but it also
makes me laugh.  She throws some lettuce at me, hitting me in the
face.  It shocks
me,
she’s feisty, and maybe not
as shy as I first thought.  Before you know it we are both laughing, true
belly laughs and it occurs to me that she must be having a good time, which
makes my night.

When she laughs it
does things to me so bad, I’m glad that I am now sitting on the opposite side
of the booth.  It forces me to keep my hands off.  It’s true the view
of her face is better from this side but that was not the main reason I changed
positions.  I need to pace this, and sitting further away is a way to
remind me to keep my hands to myself.

When our laughter
subsides, I smile at her and am momentarily lost in her glorious green eyes yet
again. 

“I don’t think I have
ever seen you this relaxed.”  I say in between bites.  I meant it as
an observation more for myself than her.  I didn’t mean to say it out loud
at all actually.  But it is true.  I would love to see this
Em
more often, a relaxed and happy,
Em
. 
Not the sad girl, I see every morning at the train station.  This one’s so
much more beautiful.

“What do you
mean?  You’ve hardly seen me at all.”  I say still giggling.

“Ah… that’s what you
think,” he says mysteriously after he swallows the last of his food.

“What does that
mean?”  I ask suddenly a little worried.

“Just that… I’ve seen
you plenty of times in the past three or so months.”  He quickly adds,
“From the booth at the station, I mean…  I noticed you the first day I
worked there.”

How am I supposed to
respond to that?  He has been watching me for months?  Am I supposed
to be flattered or spooked?  I finish the last of my dinner and take
another swig of beer, avoiding his eyes.

“Freaked yet?” 
He says in a menacing tone causing me to jump.

Well when you say
it like that, I totally am.
  My heart races and my breath
quickens
.  It’s the way he said it.  I was
beginning to like this guy… but… has he really been watching me?  Has he
been stalking me? 
For real?
  Oh god, what
if he’s a rapist?  I look to the restaurant door, should I make my escape
now?

“Shit! 
Sorry.”
 
His facial expression changes
completely when he sees how worried I am.  He looks concerned and even a
little paler.  “You really are freaked?  Sorry!”

“I um…”  What
should I say now?

“I’m not some kind of
stalker. 
Promise.”
  He tries to reassure
me.  I can’t respond so I stand up.  “You’re leaving?”  He asks,
sounding slightly desperate.

“No… um…”

“I didn’t mean
anything by that, I was just mucking around.”  His eyes look at me
pleadingly and I feel a strange urge to comfort him.

“I just need to use
the bathroom,” I quickly say and leave the table.

I need a moment to
process this.  In the bathroom I wash my hands and clean my arms of the
residual taco sauce stickiness.  I wipe my wet hands along the back of my
neck trying to cool down.  Looking in the mirror, I see how red my cheeks
are and notice that my hair is a mess.  My ponytail is no longer neat,
strands of loose hair coming out every direction.  What did I expect with
all that bed-hopping?  I redden even more thinking about lying on beds
with Nick.  I pull out my hair tie and fix my hair, redoing my ponytail.

I am tempted to go
back to the table, grab my bag and leave.  What am I doing?  He said
he’s no stalker, but his behaviour is stalker-
ish
. 
Then I realise that I have actually enjoyed spending time with him, and the
look I saw in Nick’s eyes makes me think twice about leaving.  Suddenly
the fun we were having has become something else… something so much more…
intense.

When I get back to
the booth, Nick is no longer there.  Neither is my bag or jacket.  I
start to panic.

“Ready
to go?”
  Nick startles me as he appears by my side.  He smiles
at me and my uneasiness fades a little.  “I’ve already paid.”

“You didn’t have
to.  I was
gonna
-”

“Too late,” he
interrupts smiling as he passes me my bag and jacket.  All of my previous
concern whooshes away when I look at his glorious face.  His eyes seem so
sincere but with a hint of apprehension and maybe even an apology in
them.  I realise that I totally over-reacted and my heart rate finally
slows.  We leave the restaurant and I stop to put my jacket on.

“I’m sorry if I
freaked you out earlier.  I just meant to pay you a compliment.  You
looked relaxed and then I ruined it, by opening my big mouth.  You’ll
learn that as you get to know me, I have a tendency to let my mouth get away
from me.”  He grabs my hand and I relax even more.

We start to walk and
I blush again as I realise the meaning in his words.  He wants me to get
to know him.  Does he want me to get to know him right now?  Wait,
where are we going?  Should I go home?  Glancing at my watch, it
surprises me to see that it’s only seven-thirty.  It feels so much later,
it has been a long day.

“So
where to now?”
I say and immediately regret it.  Is it wrong of me
to presume that he wants to continue our impromptu date?  I don’t know,
but it feels way too forward a comment and not like me at all.  But then
again it’s not like me to let a stranger help me choose a bed, or have a bounce
around with me on a mattress for that matter!

“I thought maybe I
would walk you back to the station?”

“Why?”

“To
your car?”
  He looks at me bemused.  “Didn’t you park your car
there before you caught the train to work this morning?”

“No I walk to the
station.  I actually live a couple of blocks that way.”  I say
motioning with my hand.  He pulls me in the direction that I point. 

“Even
better.”
  He says and my heart starts to palpitate.  I pause
for a moment, not sure if going to my apartment is such a good idea. 
Even better.
 What does that mean? 
What if he expects me to invite him in?  What will I say?  Oh no,
maybe he thinks I might sleep with him?  “C’mon I’ll walk you home.”

I look down at our
joined hands and notice that my hand almost seems child-like in size compared
to his.  Oddly I find it comforting.  I have an overwhelming feeling
that this guy wants to protect me.  Looking back into his eyes only
confirms it.

“Alright,” I say and
take another step.

We walk in a
comfortable silence for mere minutes before we meet my apartment complex and I
stop.

“You live
here?”  He asks as he ogles the building.

“Yep, you sound
surprised.”

“I am,” he says with
another flirtatious smile on his face.  He sure smiles a lot!  “I
only live around the corner.  How long have you lived here?”

“Um,
nearly three years.”

“Wow, all this time
and I had no idea you lived so close.”  He says slowly shaking his head,
his smile still on his face and his hand still holding mine.

“Well some stalker
you are!”  I giggle.

His smile falters
momentarily and I feel that I have overstepped some invisible line.  I am
relieved when it reappears.

“Well
Em
, it’s been a pleasant evening.”  He says facing
me.  “Thank you.”

He sounds like he’s
saying goodbye.  He really
is
just walking me home?  Why do I
suddenly feel short-changed somehow?

“Maybe we could do it
again sometime?”  He says as he grabs my free hand and his eyes again
penetrate mine.

“Sure,” I say,
as I can’t think of anything else.

He moves a little
closer and let’s
go
of both my hands.  For a
moment, I think he’s going to kiss me, but instead he encircles me in his arms
for a hug.  He’s about a head taller than me so my head fits perfectly
below his chin, against his chest.  My arms automatically move around to
his back and I hug him too.  I can’t help but notice how hard muscled his
back feels and how his body seems to completely engulf me.  I listen to
his heartbeat and it feels almost as fast as mine.  I breathe him in and
he smells so inviting.  A few seconds pass and we let each other go. 

“See
ya
!”  He looks at me for a moment as if he wants to
say something more.

“Bye Nick.” 
Although I didn’t think it was possible he gives me an even bigger smile when I
say his name.  Then he turns and walks away.

Em
seemed to be in the bathroom for an awfully long time and I started to wonder
if there was a back exit from the restaurant that I hadn’t noticed
before.  I was relieved when I realised that her bag and jacket were still
there.  I decided that I should probably just pay for the meal as I was
sure she would want to leave when she got back from the bathroom anyway. 
I collected her bag and jacket, noting her lovely floral perfume that lingered
on it, and headed to the counter to do just that.

Shit!  Me and my
big mouth!  I totally made myself look like I was a stalker.  Way to
get a girl’s trust, you dick!  I don’t know what has got into me.  I
am usually a bit more suave, than this, aren’t I?  Why did I just say that
to her?  As usual my tendency for truth has got me in trouble.  Well
it looks like that has brought about an early end to our date, and I was
enjoying myself too.

When she returns,
she’s fixed up her messy hair and she seems a little more relaxed.  I hold
a small hope that maybe I haven’t stuffed this completely.  When we get
outside she puts her jacket back on and I notice that she seems to be avoiding
my eye contact a little.  I do what I can to put her at ease, and when I
grab hold of her hand, she visibly relaxes.

When I offer to walk
her home she catches me off-guard when she points in the direction of my
house.
 
We head down my street and are
about six or so houses from my house, when she crosses the road and heads down
a different street.  I don’t say anything just enjoy the silence and
continue to hold her hand.  We walk about fifty metres or so before she
stops.  It turns out that she lives in a group of apartments literally two
minutes’ walk from my house.  I shake my head with the realisation that I
have walked past these apartments like a million times and not once seen her
there.  And she’s lived there for three years!

“Well some stalker
you are!”  She laughs at me catching me off-guard.  I like her sense
of humour.  It also feels like she’s forgiven me for freaking her out
before.