Finding My Way (18 page)

Hailey leans over and
says something in my ear.

“I’m sorry, what did
you say?”

“Do you know that girl?” 
She says and discreetly points to a girl a couple of tables over.  It’s
the redhead.  “Coz she keeps giving us dirty looks.”

“Yeah,
kinda
.”
  I say with a gulp as the redhead
looks at me with daggers.  Then she turns to the guy beside her, grabs him
and shoves her tongue down his throat.

“Well whatever her
problem is, it looks like she’s over it!  She’s practically mauling that
poor guy to death.”  She laughs.  She turns her head to the side and
adds, “I actually
kinda
feel sorry for him.”

“Yeah
me too.”
  I laugh on the outside but inwardly I shudder to think
that I tapped that, the girl’s a freak.

I spend the next hour
chatting to Hailey.  She turns out to be a pretty nice chick.  She’s
studying to be a nurse and it’s the first time she’s actually been to this
club.  She came with a couple of friends that are also seated in our
group.  Dan buys us all a round of drinks which disappear quickly as we
chat.  I offer to buy Hailey another drink but she refuses and shouts me
one instead.  I like that.

We head to the dance
floor a few more times and continue to flirt.  Then one of her friends
comes over to speak to her.

“My friends are
leaving,” she says to me looking a little disappointed.

“Oh okay,” I reply
and grab her hand to walk back over to the rest of the group.  Dan and Jo
are standing up just as we get
there,
ready to call it
a night as well.  So we all head out of the club together.

When we get outside
Hailey and I exchange numbers.  She gives me a peck on the cheek, then
hops in a taxi with her friends and I get into a taxi with Dan and Jo.

“I’m surprised you
didn’t go home with her,” Dan says to me with a nudge as the taxi pulls away.

“What?”  I ask
distractedly.

“She looked a bit
disappointed that you didn’t offer to take her home,” he explains.

“Huh?  She did?”

“Yeah mate,” he
chuckles and grabs hold of Jo’s hand.  “Didn’t you notice the hints?”

“No… I didn’t
notice,” I mumble in reply.  But I don’t think either Jo or Dan hear me as
they get busy sucking face.  Dan seems to think I could have had that girl
and I didn’t even notice?  Man, I’m really off my game tonight. 
What’s with that?

The last time Josh
and I spoke to one another it was at the
Greenes
’
place.  They had decided one sunny Sunday afternoon in March to hold an
impromptu barbeque.  Kat and Luke had announced their engagement a couple
of weeks prior.  Their official engagement party was happening in a few
weeks’ time.  The barbeque became a
kinda
informal pre-engagement party celebration.  Erin and Chris, Kat’s parents,
went all out, supplying everything, as was normally the case with them. 
Everyone was there, my parents, Ethan, Kat and Luke, Jake… and Josh.

At first I was
shocked to see him, we had broken up the previous October and other than the
occasional trip that Josh had made to our apartment to collect his things, and
that one time he visited my parents and I happened to arrive as he was leaving,
we hadn’t seen each other at all.  We had previously both decided that it
would be easier that way, to keep our distance.

When Luke and Kat got
engaged, and Josh was asked to be best man, I had no choice but to accept that
it was inevitable that our paths were going to cross more often.  Even
though I knew he had as much right to be at Chris and Erin’s house as me: 
Luke was his best friend, Luke was Kat’s partner, and Josh was friends with
Jake and Ethan too.  Just because we broke up it didn’t mean that their
friendships all had to break up as well.  Even though I knew all of that,
when I arrived at Kat’s parents’ place that day I was livid with him for just
being there.

Josh was being as
charming as ever to everyone that was there, except me.  Other than the
initial hello we hadn’t spoken.  Everyone had finished eating and I had
helped Mum and Erin clear and wash all the dishes.  Then I joined everyone
outside to drink.

And boy did I
drink!  I made an absolute spectacle of myself.  Even Kat, who
normally is my drinking buddy, tried to reel me in.  But I was having none
of it!  Every time I heard Josh laugh I sneered at him, throwing daggers
with my eyes, and taking another gulp of alcohol.  While he just smiled
back through his long blond fringe.  His hair was just at the length I
loved most.  He looked
fantastic
and he was
happy
and
laughing
and having a
good time
.  While I was absolutely miserable, crying
myself to sleep most nights and barely holding it together.

My sour mood and the
unfairness of it all got the better of me.  I started to laugh
sarcastically when he made a dumb joke, I don’t even remember what it was, or
even if I really heard it at all, all I knew was that he said something and
everyone was laughing.  I laughed louder and longer than everybody else
and then I realised I was the only one laughing and that all of their eyes were
on me.  I was laughing loudly and I was drunk.

“See I can have a
good time too!  You’re not the only one!” I screamed at Josh. 
Everyone was silent and watching us.  Josh came over to me, his eyes full
of anger and he grabbed my arm.  I started to flap my arms about and
pulled away from him.  I wriggled so much I almost fell off my chair.

“Josh!”  I heard
Mum gasp.

Then Jake and Ethan
intervened and pulled Josh away, back into the house.  Mum tried to stop
me as I followed them in.  We reached the lounge room and Josh swung
around glaring at me.  Jake and Ethan were on either side of him holding
him
back,
he was red with anger and all up in my face.

“I’ve had enough of
your dirty looks and comments today!  You think this is easy for me? 
Em
?
 
You think that I don’t miss you too?  You think I enjoy seeing you like
this?” he spat out, inches from my face.

“Looks like you are
enjoying yourself just fine!”  I yelled back.

“You look terrible, I
hate seeing you like this!”  He screamed.

“Gee thanks!  You
don’t look so good yourself!”  I lied.  He looked better than ever.

“Hey,
hey, hey!”
  Jake said, as he tried to calm us both down, putting
his arm on Josh’s chest.

“C’mon guys, calm
down!”  Ethan said at the same time.

Josh’s face softened
and he spoke softer, “
Em
, I’m sorry that we didn’t
work out.  I’m sorry.  I miss you and it hurts.  But I know that
it is for the best.”

“The
best for you maybe!”
  I yelled.

“C’mon
you
broke up with
me
!  You know that it wasn’t my idea.”  Josh’s
voice cracked as he said that.  I looked to Ethan and Jake and they both
let Josh go, we all knew that Josh wasn’t a violent person, he wasn’t going to
do anything,
he
would never hurt me in that way. 
Ethan put his hand on my shoulder and gave it a squeeze as he walked
past.  Jake looked at me for a moment with concern and then followed Ethan
back outside.

“
Em
,
we were miserable together.  It
is
for the best.”  He said
calmly.

“I know!”  I
yelled again.  “I know!” I said again softly.
 
Then the tears started once more.  I
bolted to the bathroom and threw up.  Then Kat was behind me rubbing my
back, while I cried and threw up some more.

Apparently Josh left
soon after that.  When I finally finished my bathroom meltdown, Mum and
Dad took me home.

Josh and I have only
seen each other once since then.  At Kat and Luke’s engagement party, we
didn’t exchange a single word.

I’m at a total loss
on where to take Emma on our ‘date’.  It’s been so long since I’ve been on
one, not that I’ve been on many.  I’m good at relationships but dates, not
so much.  My only serious relationships have started out as friendships
first.  So by the time it ever became ‘more’, we were already pretty
comfortable with each other.  My longest lasting relationship was with
Rebekah.  We met at
uni
, hung out with the same
crowd, and things progressed from there.  We lasted two years.  We
eventually called things off when we realised that we were more friends than
anything else.

I hate to admit it
but I’m kind of shy when it comes to girls.  I’m no good at the whole
‘first date’ impress them with romance or whatever.  I guess I play it
pretty safe, going after girls that I’m already friends with.

Which
brings me back to Emma.
  I barely know her, and up until a few days
ago, until that elevator ride, I hadn’t even given her a second thought. 
How weird is that?  I still don’t understand the way she makes me
feel.  I am so drawn to her, in a way that I have never ever felt before.

I’m dressed and
sitting in the kitchen drinking coffee, trying to figure out what the hell I’m
doing, when
Tahlia
finally makes her appearance.

“Morning princess,
you took you’re sweet time to get up!”

“Whatever.” 
Tahlia
replies grumpily getting a glass from the cupboard
and apple juice from the fridge.

“So
grumpy in the morning!
  If you hurry up and get dressed I’ll take
you out for pancakes. 
For a late breakfast.”

With that she perks
up, giving me a big smile, before she drains her glass and races from the
room.  Leaving me to put the juice back and rinse her glass as teenagers are
expected to do.

Unfortunately, when
we get to the car our plans change.  The bastard of a thing won’t
start.  After ten minutes of playing around under the hood, it becomes
apparent that I have no clue what I’m doing and
Tahlia
goes back inside for cereal instead.

As I watch the
mechanic tow away my car I realise that I have no choice but to cancel my date
with Emma.  I don’t expect that she would like to also add public
transport to the list of reasons as to why our date sucks.  It’s like
everything is working against me.  In a grump I head back into my room and
do something I haven’t done in years – slam my bedroom door.

Kat and Luke have
been living with each other for about two years now.  They both earn good
money, so their house is well furnished, and they have everything they
need.  So I decided a while ago that I would pay for the flowers for their
wedding.  What else can I give the couple that has everything?  I
have been saving a little bit each week.  I grab the envelope of money
from my bedside table and put it in my bag.  Kat has no idea of my
plans.  I’m glad that I have been so involved in all of her wedding
preparations.  I know that she’s due to take her payment down to the
florist on Monday and now I get to beat her to it.  I love that I get to
give her a nice pre-wedding surprise!

Just as I am getting
into my car, my phone rings.

“Hello.”

“Hey Emma,
it’s
Seth.  You’re not going to believe this but my car
is playing up.  I can’t get it to start.”

“Oh?”

“Um… I am so sorry,
but… I’m going to have to cancel our date… 
Again.”

“Right.”
 
I say sharply.

“I truly am sorry,”
he stammers out.

“Another time,
maybe,” I say rudely, because I honestly don’t know what else to say.  I
know that I sound upset, I can’t help it, I am upset and I
want
him to
know.

“Sorry… 
Bye.”  He hangs up.

My heart sinks. 
Well at least he called, I suppose.  His car won’t start?  What a
lame excuse!  Am I reading too much into it?  He’s cancelled twice
now, I think I should face it, he isn’t interested.  He can’t be too
interested if that is his excuse!

Well that’s fine
then.  I know someone who
may be
interested.  I wonder if Nick
is planning on asking me out again.  Maybe he will call.  Maybe he
would if he actually had my phone number!  I should have given him my
phone number! 
Idiot!

I start the
car.  I have to get on with my day.  Kat’s depending on me and I
cannot let her down.  This is her moment.  Yes, today is about
Kat!  I won’t even mention Seth or Nick and I will try,
try
, to put
all thoughts of both of them out of my head.

When I get to the
bridal shop I spot Josh’s
ute
in the car park straight
away.  This may get awkward.  I take a deep breath, plant a smile on
my face and enter the empty foyer.

The bridal shop is in
two sections, the door to the right leads to the largest section, being for
bridal gowns, bridesmaids’ dresses and all the necessary accessories.  The
door to the left of the foyer goes to the section where all the men get their
gear.  There is a large wall in between the two areas, I guess so that the
groom ‘can’t see the bride before the wedding’.  I take the door to the
right.

“Emma!  Come
quick!”  It’s April, Kat’s cousin.  She bounds over to me already in
her bridesmaid dress. 
“Kat’s about to make her debut!
 
You’re just in time!”

I feel sad that they
have already started without me.  Looking at my watch I realise that I am
ten minutes late.  Bugger!  I round the corner and there she
is!  My best friend, the bride!

“Oh
Kat!”
I gasp as tears form in my eyes.  She sees me and wipes her
cheeks.  She’s already crying
her
tears of joy.  I walk closer
and stand by her side as we both stare at her reflection in the mirror. 
The ‘old dragon lady’ that runs the store is running her hands over Kat’s sides
checking the fit to see if any adjustments need to be made.  She’s a funny
old bat, she doesn’t say much and constantly has a fake smile plastered on her
face, hence the nickname that Kat and I gave her.  But you can’t fault
that she knows what she’s doing and she is an absolute perfectionist. 
Kat’s dress is exquisite.  With a sweetheart neckline, it’s pure white, a
mixture of white chiffon and satin.  It has a long open back.  It has
delicate hand-stitched white flowers all over the fitted bust.  A larger
white silk flower sits just under her bust line to one side and the chiffon
flows lavishly to the ground from there.