Finding Solace (22 page)

 
"Let
him go? No. He didn't deserve that."

 
"Deserve
what?
For you to have a life?
Sadie, he fucks girls
for sport and you just sit back and take whatever he's willing to give you.
You're the one who doesn't deserve that."

 
I looked
around and all eyes were on me. One by one, when I looked at someone, they
dropped their eyes to the ground. Is that really how they see me? Like I am
some pathetic dog that is willing to beg until it is thrown a bone. What the
fuck? Now I am the one that wants to leave. What do I even say to that?

 
"I am a
grown woman, who is making choices for herself. I know what I am doing. Why do
you seem to have a problem with that?"

 
"Sadie,
he's just trying to protect you from..."

 
"Mike,
are you a part of this too? Please tell me then, what is Tony trying to protect
me from?" I snapped.

 
"
Yourself !"
Now Tony was getting heated. "You are
not protecting yourself. Do you think there is an ending to all of this where
you are not going to get hurt? If you really believe that then you need help
more than I thought."

 
"I'm
not a fucking charity case. I don't need anybody to help me. I am doing just
fine, thank you. Now if you guys are done, I would like to go to the bathroom.
Can I do that by myself or do I need help with that also?" I didn't wait
for a response. I walked away with my shoulders back and my head held high.
When I finally reached the bathroom and was inside, I rushed to a stall, locked
the door, sat down and started to cry, hard. Have I made so many wrong
decisions in my life that I can no longer tell a good one from bad? I loved
Colt. I love him so much it hurts. How can loving something ever be wrong? I
sobbed into my hands. Then I heard the door open from the alley. I started
wiping my face off with toilet paper. I blew my nose and then heard, "Sadie.”
It was a man's voice.
The same man that fills my dreams.
What was he doing here? I thought he left? Why was he in the girl’s bathroom?

 
"What
are you doing in here, Colt?"

 
"Sadie,
please open the door."

 
"No."

 
"Please
my beautiful, beautiful girl. Don't cry. What ever happened we can fix it,
together. You just have to open this door. It’s the only thing keeping me from
you."

 
I opened the
lock and threw myself in his arms. He grabbed on to me and held me so tight
while I cried harder than I can remember in a long time.

 
"Is
this about my reaction to that kiss?"

 
I tried to
sniffle the tears back, but they just kept falling as I pulled back to look at
him. He wiped them away one by one as they fell. Colt didn’t rush me to talk.
He just kept his eyes locked on mine and waited. Eventually I got myself under
control.

 
"How
did you know I was in here?"

 
"I came
back inside and you were missing. Heather was standing outside the bathroom
door, blocking anyone that wanted to get in and redirecting them to the men's
room. It was kind of a red flag."

 
"Remind
me to thank Heather, please."

 
"No
problem. Now do you want to tell me what really has you this upset? I hate
seeing you cry."

 
"It’s
nothing really. I am just emotional right now because I'm on my period."
Did I really just say that?

 
"That
was an interesting excuse, Sadie, but I've been around long enough to know that
you don't get this emotional ever. Period week included."

 
"Sure I
do. Why else would I over react like this?"

 
"That's
what I'm waiting to hear?"

 
"Colt, really.
I don't like lying to you. I even pulled
out the period card. How can I get you to stop asking?"

 
"Maybe
we could try it this way. I will go first. I over reacted. I wanted to punch
Tony. I wanted to pick you up and take you from here. I was wrong, Sadie. You
need to experience things. Tony is a good guy. It wouldn't hurt you to go out
with him."

 
What?

 
"Are
you kidding me right now? You’re
pimping
me out! You’re
high, aren’t you? That's where you went. You went outside to smoke. Well, guess
what? I can make my own mind up about what and who I want. None of you respect
me enough to let me decide how I want to live my life."

 
"I
respect you more than I respect my fucking self, Sadie. I just hate you sad. I
can't help but think, actually I
know,
that this is
all about me. Somehow it’s me that's hurting you and I fucking hate it. High or
not, the last thing I ever want to do is hurt you, but
I
can't seem to not do that
. What can I do to make you happy? I just love
to see your smile. That's all that belongs on that beautiful face of yours.
Please tell me. I will do anything."

 
A million
things went through my mind. The one thing I knew would fix it all were the
three words I would never hear from his mouth. He didn't love me. So why was I
waiting for him to say it? I was so tired and I just wanted to get out of the
damn bathroom. So I said, "Take me home, please."

 
"Anything for you, Sadie.”

CHAPTER
23

 
The
final weekend before everyone leaves to go home for the summer was here. We
were road tripping it to St. Louis, Missouri. They have a Six Flags theme park
and we were all down for one last hoorah. Jason, Heather, Mike and Bryan were
riding in one car. Shawn, Colt, Tony and I were in another. Geoff, Dave and
Angie were riding in the third. A caravan is what it turned out to be. We all
stopped to fill up the gas tanks and then we hit the road. How did I get stuck
in the car with Colt and Tony? Your guess is as good as mine. I never did
finish the conversation Tony started that night. I still don’t know how to
respond. Colt and I just dropped it and went back to what we do best, doing not
thinking. I managed to fall asleep to pass some time. Tony was on his Blackberry
dealing with work. Colt was texting nonstop, with whom, I don’t know. Shawn was
driving. He was great about stopping when I needed to pee or just needed to get
out and stretch. Hours later we were in Eureka, Missouri. They had a hotel
right next to the park that we checked into. Once our stuff was up in the
rooms, we all headed back down to the lobby to catch the shuttle over to the
park. It was hot as hell outside. Six Flags had a water park called Hurricane
Harbor. I couldn’t wait to get in the water. I also brought and was wearing my
new neon pink bikini under my tank and jean shorts. I was looking forward to
seeing Colt’s face when he saw it on me. This was going to be a blast. Forty
five minutes later we all entered to park. Half of us wanted to ride the rides
first, while the other half chose the water. I was all for the water. What I
didn't expect was Colt to go for the rides. Dave, Angie, Tony and I said our
goodbyes and went to the locker rooms to store our stuff. When Angie and I came
out to meet the boys, their eyes bugged out of their heads. Angie had me beat
with a turquoise string bikini that her fake boobs looked perfect in. I am not
jealous, more like envious. Dave immediately grabbed her up and spun her
around,
going crazy over the fact other guys were going to
see what was his. He was proud, not trying to hide her in any way. Tony walked
over to me and asked me what I wanted to do first. I didn't even care. We were
finally here and everything looked fun. I let him pick and we were on a water
slide in no time. There was so much to do but after a couple of hours we called
it a day as far as the water park went. Dave and Angie were not ready to leave
yet, so we told them we would meet up with them later. Now is when I cared
about what we did first. I wanted to ride Mr. Freeze so bad. It was a
rollercoaster I have wanted to ride forever. We waited in line for what seemed
like an eternity. Can I just tell you that after we got off, we said we would
wait in that line again and again, it was that much fun? Tony wanted to ride
the Batman which was another rollercoaster. It was awesome too. I finally got a
text back from Heather telling us that they all were going to get something to
eat. We joined them and noticed Dave and Angie were there also. The guys got
the biggest turkey legs I have ever seen. They looked like the characters from
the Flintstones carrying them around. Heather, Angie and I got colossal waffle
cone ice cream. It was every bit of one hundred degrees outside, so ice cream
was doing the trick for me. After we ate, we rode more coasters and saw a show
production that the park put on. Then Colt asked me if I would come with him
somewhere and I found myself in Looney Tunes Land. That little boy was peeking
out again. Making me ride the little kid rides was so embarrassing but I
haven't had that much fun in a long time. Seeing Colt’s big body all squished
up to fit was hilarious. We ended up in the gift shop and I had to buy Maddie a
Tweety
bird stuffed animal. He was so cute. It was
dark by the time he and I rode all the rides. He texted the group and we walked
to meet them hand in hand. As we waited for the shuttle to come pick us back
up, we all talked about what our favorite part was and how it sucked that we
had to leave in the morning to get back home. Nobody wanted to party that night.
Surprisingly everyone was exhausted and just ready for bed. I went up to my
room and grabbed my stuff for a long hot shower. Colt walked in as I was
closing the door to the bathroom. He grabbed the door before I could close it.

 
"Not so
fast, beautiful. I never got to see what's under those clothes. Whatever that
pink thing under there looks like, it has been teasing me all day peeking out
here and there. Now I want you to strip so I can see it." He grabbed my
shirt to take it off but I said, "You should have come with me to the swim
park. You lost your chance, mister. Now, hands off."

 
"Hell, no.
I need to see you in that. It’s been a
fantasy of mine."

 
"Since when?"

 
"Today.
Now strip, Sadie."

 
"You
have lost your mind, Colt." I couldn't help the laugh that came out with
that one.

 
"I lost
that a long time ago. Now do I have to force you?"

 
"I
don't do well with force. So why don't you just go sit on the bed and let me
give you a show that will put your fantasy to shame."

 
He
practically ran to the bed. I had no idea he would get this excited over
something as small as me taking off my shorts and tank top. Well shit! Now the
pressure was on me to do this right and I had no idea what I was doing. I
walked to the center of the room slowly grabbing the bottom hem of my shirt. I
started to lift it as I began moving my hips back and forth in a slow swinging
motion. I was past the point of exposing my stomach when I switched to a
circular movement, mimicking sex. The shirt rose over my breasts and I let it
stay there for a brief pause allowing them to appear to be peeking out. Then
with one swift movement, the shirt was over my head and on the floor. I swear
to you I heard a low growl come from him. I still had yet to remove my shorts.
So this time I spun around giving him a view from the back. I unbuttoned and
unzipped them with patience allowing the sound of the zipper to be heard. When
that was done, I put my thumbs under the jean material and slowly pushed them
down in the back. As it moved over my butt, I started to lean forward. By the
time the shorts dropped, my hands were on the floor with my ass in the air. I
shook it back and forth and that’s when the game of strip your clothes ended.
Colt leaped up from the bed, grabbed me and spun me around so I was still in
the same position but holding on to the bed. He didn’t take his time at all. He
just grabbed my bikini bottoms, pushed them over to the side and entered me
with force. I had gotten so turned on myself from stripping; I didn’t notice he
had taken off his clothes. He must have done it when my back was to him. Colt
used one arm to go under my stomach and hold me in place while he took what he
obviously needed. When we finished he went to the bathroom to get me a
washcloth. By the time we were both cleaned up, I couldn’t help but say,
"All that work and you never bothered to even get to see me in my swim
suit."

 
"Sadie,
that suit was just another barrier between me and what I want most. I'm sure
you looked crazy sexy in it but never as sexy as you look out of it. Now come
here and cuddle with me."

 
I scooted up
and into his waiting arms. I laid there with my head on his chest feeling the
rhythm of his heartbeat. He combed his fingers through my hair and my fingers
drew circles around his nipple. We didn't talk for quite a while. Words were
not needed nearly enough as the solace we got from the quiet. Eventually we
both fell asleep. Just the way we have come to find our own perfection.

 
The next
morning after we woke, Colt and I took a shower together. He wanted to wash
every inch of me himself, including my hair. As his hands rubbed my scalp,
massaging the shampoo in, I started to feel a burning need for him all over
again. I rubbed my hands down his sleek chest and continued my venture lower until
I was holding exactly what I wanted. He pushed his hips forward indicating he
was on board with my idea. We rubbed on each other until the two of us could
not take the tease of it any more. He picked me up from behind my thighs while
I grabbed on around his neck and grabbed him with my legs around his waist. He
slowly pushed in. I rocked back and forth until both of us lost all that we had
built up for that moment. We hadn’t planned it, but there was no better place
to finish than the very place you get clean.

 
When we got
our stuff packed back up, Colt and I headed down to the lobby to find their
continental breakfast. Everyone was already there eating and laughing when we
walked up.

 
"Damn,
Sadie, you do have some lungs on you, girl. No wonder you can sing like you do.
You get your breathing exercises in other ways. I had the pleasure of not only
hearing you last night, but this morning as well." Tony looked mad as he
was saying it. What is his deal with me and Colt?

 
"Oh
Tony, I'm sorry. I will just let Colt gag me next time."

 
Everyone was
laughing except Tony. Jason even threw a piece of his toast at his brother and
said, "Lighten up, dude. I had to hear tons of girls in your room growing
up. You’re no stranger to it either. When you can make a girl sound like that,
it’s like the angels are singing from heaven right to your ears and you know
it."

 
Tony stood
up and walked over to me. He lowered himself to my ear and said, "Can I
talk to you for a minute?" I looked at him wondering what it was he possibly
needed me in private to say. Colt was standing next to me and must have heard
Tony because his body went stiff. I didn't know what to do. I turned to Tony
and said, "Sure." He walked away, so I guess that was my cue to
follow him. When we got to the elevator hallway he turned back to face me.

 
"Sadie,
I'm sorry. I know I am going about this all the wrong way. When you’re with
Colt, you beam a smile that could light up the world. It’s so natural. I can
see like everyone else that you love him. I know I never stood a chance. I'm
okay with that. But that doesn't mean I don't still care. So as your friend,
I'm asking you, please be careful. I know you believe yourself that you are in
control of the situation but I don’t think you are factoring in your heart. It
has its own mind. I just have one more thing to say, I promise. I then will
forever leave this topic alone. I will be here when you fall and when your
heart breaks. I will always be here for
ya
,
girl."

 
"Thank you, Tony, for being there and caring about me as much
as you do.
I can't promise you that I don't have feelings developing but
I can promise you that I believe I have them under control. He's not the jerk
that you're making him out to be. He truly isn't. I will be okay. I've never
felt so safe and cared for than when I'm with him."

 
"That's
what I worry the most about." He said those words and then walked away
from me. I wasn’t sure what he meant by that but I knew he understood where I
was coming from. I walked behind him back into the restaurant, only to find
everyone was done eating. Shit. I was hungry. I guess a bagel was going to have
to do. I grabbed one and slapped some raspberry cream cheese on it, then
followed the group out to the cars. Colt didn't look at me once while we were loading
the car. He even got in the front seat and I rode in the back with Tony. Maybe
he wanted it this way. I wasn’t any closer to figuring him out than I was when
we first met. Once again Shawn drove, Tony was on his Blackberry and Colt was
texting every other minute. I tried playing Candy Crush on my phone for a while
but even that got boring. Sleep was calling my name again, so I gave into the
temptation.

 
I woke up a
while later with someone's hand on my thigh rubbing it. Faintly I heard,
"Sadie, wake up. We are home." Holy crap, I must have been tired if I
slept the whole way back. I stirred trying to come out of the sleep trance I
was in and realized my head was in Tony’s lap. What I didn’t want to
acknowledge was the hard on under my face. I sat up immediately and looked at
him and he started laughing his ass off. I wasn’t sure what he found so funny
until he said, "Well that is a sure way to make it go back down." I
looked at him still squinting while my eyes adjusted to the light.

 
"What
are you talking about?"

 
"Ha
ha
, don't play dumb with me, Sadie. It isn't something a
man can control when he has a gorgeous girl with her face in his lap. What I
meant by you making it go down, was the drool resting on your chin and the
indentions on your face from my zipper. Don't get me wrong girl, you’re still
one fine female, but you kind of killed the mood."

 
"There
was a mood? Are you one of those creepy guys that
gets
off on being with a girl while she's sleeping?

 
"No, sweetheart.
I like mine awake and ready."

 
"Are
you two done back there yet? I have places to be after I drop you off,"
was heard from Shawn sitting up front. Speaking of up front, where was Colt?

 
"Yes, sir.
I'm getting out. But where is Colt?"

 
"I
dropped him off first. He was ready to get out of this car, if you know what I
mean."

 
Double shit!
I needed to call him. I was asleep for crying out loud. I grabbed the handle to
open the door when Tony sprinted from the car to help me with my bags. He got
his out as well.

 
"I told
Shawn you wouldn't mind taking me to my house since he has stuff he has to get
to. Should I not have done that? I'm sorry. Now that I think about it, it was
kind of presumptuous."

 
"No,
that’s fine. I can do it."

 
I walked
back over to the driver’s side door and kissed and hugged Shawn goodbye. He
pulled out of the parking space and Tony grabbed our bags and started walking
to my front door. I guess he was coming in. I unlocked the door and he
continued with the bags until he set them down on the stairwell. I asked him if
he wanted a drink and his response was that a beer sounded good. I agreed. We
sat down on the couch and turned on the TV. Duck Dynasty was his choice and I
loved that he liked it. It was a secret obsession of mine. We were in luck. It
was marathon Sunday so we found ourselves watching episode after episode
laughing and consuming more beer. Time got away from us for sure. Soon enough I
was drunk, and Tony was no better. I stood up to go get another round when at
the same time Tony stood to go to the bathroom. Break time I guess. So I pushed
pause on the TV. I grabbed two more beers for us and as I closed the door to
the fridge and turned around Tony was right there. He scared the crap out of me
so I jumped letting go of the cans in the meantime. They hit the floor and one
of them exploded, shooting foam and beer everywhere. We were both laughing our
asses off to the point we were now sitting on the floor in the kitchen. I
reached for the towel hanging behind Tony to clean up the mess, when I found myself
in proximity I was unfamiliar with. I couldn’t help it. The feeling was pulling
me in. I had to kiss him. Just once, and then it would be out of my system. I
leaned in and let my lips brush his. He didn't react. It was as if he was
letting me take the lead. I wanted him to react though. So I did it again, but
this time I let my lips fall in between his. I kissed his upper lip and then
his lower one.
Still nothing from him.
I made one last
effort and used my tongue to lick the crease of his mouth. Bingo. He opened and
let me taste him. He came back at me and brushed his tongue against mine. We
remained on the floor in the kitchen consuming each other's mouths. I reached
for the bottom of his shirt and tried to pull it up. He raised his arms,
letting me know he was on board with what I was doing. When his shirt was off,
I got to take in the sculpture that made up his body, but only for a second
before we were back to kissing. I kept running my hands along his abs and
chest. It felt so good. He then grabbed my shirt and slowly pulled it off. We
sat there shirtless just staring at each other. Tony stood and held out his
hand to help me up. Once we were upright, he asked me where my bedroom was. I
took him by the hand and led him upstairs to my room. I lay down on the bed
facing him and removed my shorts while he stood at the foot of it taking in all
that was me. I was not sure what was going through his mind but I knew what I
wanted. I haven't been with anyone else since I met Colt. I needed this like I
needed my next breath. I needed to show myself I could do this, that I was not
dependent on Colt. Tony gave me one last head tilt and then I could see his
mind was made up. I was getting lucky tonight. He stripped off his shorts and
climbed on my bed. He gently came to lie on top of me. His hands reached under
me, behind my back and unclasped my bra. Then he slowly removed each strap from
my arms. It was like he was
unwrapping
a fragile
package. When my bra was finally out of the way, his mouth took over. He licked
and sucked and brought me to orgasm simply by his mouth on my breasts. I was
getting so excited. If he could do that, what else did I get to look forward to?
My panties were removed next. As he got them off my feet, he sat up between my
legs. Tony stared at my bare private for what felt like hours. I was getting so
worked up and he hadn't even touched me with his hands yet. Just as I finished
that thought, his hand came up and he let one finger drag up the length of me,
ending at my special place. My whole body jerked and then I was having an orgasm
again. Holy shit! Does this guy have Jedi powers or what? He knew at that point
I needed no more introductions. I was ready and willing to go wherever he
wanted to take me. He reached back down for his shorts and pulled a condom out
of his wallet. He put it on himself, placed his head at my entrance and then
stopped. He looked up at me and for the first time spoke since all this
started. "Sadie, are you sure you want to do this? I won't be mad if you don't.
We will still be friends and I won't let anything be awkward between us. I just
want you to be positive, being this is your body and I'm about ....."

 
I cut him
off by grabbing his ass and pulling him into me. I was sure, positive, whatever
word he needed to hear. I wanted what he was now giving me and it felt amazing.
He made sure he got me off three more times (Three more times, people!) before
he finished himself. We lay in bed for a long time panting and trying to catch
our breath. Tony got up at one point and went to the bathroom to throw away the
condom. He came back in the door threshold and rested his arms above it on the
frame. I was getting self-conscious. I started to pull the covers over me when
he leaped across the room and onto to the bed. "Oh no, you don't. Don't go
getting shy on me now. Sadie, you are unbelievable. I no longer feel the need
to worry about you. You will be just fine. If that mother fucker doesn't catch
on quick to what he's got in front of him, I will be right back here to swoop
you up."

 
"Really,
that's how you are going to spin this?"

 
"There's
no spin to it. You are not mine. Probably never will be if Colt is still
around. I am no fool. I would have to be one to think sex made your heart
change its feelings. But you did make me set my bar a hell of a lot higher when
it comes to women. I am not settling for anything less than what that just
was."

 
"Good
luck with that. I'm one of a kind, don't you know?"

 
"Oh, I
know. Are you going to think I'm the biggest prick on the planet if I still ask
you for that ride?"

 
"Not at all.
Let me find my clothes and then we can get
out of here."

 
After we got
dressed, I drove Tony home. No awkward kiss goodbye or anything
like
that, just like he promised. He got out and said, “I
will catch you later" then he shut the door and was gone. As I pulled out
on to the street I thought, I hope he didn't mean anything by "Catch me
later.”

CHAPTER
24

 
The
next time I talked to Colt was a week after the road trip. I had texted him,
but got no response. Finally he called me asking if I could pick him up from
the airport. I had just pulled up to the pickup area when he came walking out,
luggage in hand. I was not trying to be a bitch, but if he couldn’t respond to
my texts, I was not getting out of the car to welcome him. I popped the trunk
and waited for him to get in on the passenger side. He opened the door and
plopped in leaning over to give me a kiss.
Really?
Of
course I kissed him back. Did you forget who I am? Then he
said,"How
was your week?"